Cold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man with a terrible cold…*

or

A gal who was terribly cold…*

or

A woman left out in the cold…*

or

When the entrée arrived, it was cold…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Cold Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal with a terrible cold
Kept waiting for meds to take hold.
She’d been doled the wrong pills,
Which did NOT help her ills.
What that gal really needed was mold.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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55 Responses to “Cold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman who seemed really cold
    Was really a softy we’re told
    The boy’s luck was down
    He said with a frown
    She managed to pay it in gold

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    The looks that she gave me were cold
    Because of the stories I’d told.
    “Our life’s more than use
    For your limerick abuse!”
    “Oh, come on, your stupidity’s gold!”

  3. Jon Gearhart says:

    “He’s a cannibal, hopelessly cold.
    Let’s fry him.” the Judge said, quite bold.
    A jury of his peers
    Shouted out their hear hears,
    Then they fried him and ate him, I’m told.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The spy who came in from the cold
    Said “I’ve had it – I’m getting too old
    For continuous sex
    With those bouncing young Czechs,
    And my licence to kill has grown mould.”

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The night was exceedingly cold
    For those flock-watching shepherds of old,
    So they roasted a sheep,
    Since the farmer, asleep,
    Would never miss one from the fold.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Her eyes were mascara’d and kohl’d;
    Her lipstick was scarlet and bold;
    She was stylishly dressed
    As they laid her to rest,
    Still a stunner at ninety years old.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The engine was watered and coaled,
    Such nostalgia! A steam-train of old!
    “All aboard!” cried the guard,
    But it stuck in the yard,
    For the boiler was rusty and holed.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The call-girl was pretty but cold,
    And insisted she did it for gold.
    “If you enter my gate,
    You must pay”, she would state
    To the fellows for whom the belle tolled.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    We thought that the trail had grown cold
    Tracking varmints that stole all our gold.
    But the vultures had found ’em,
    The loot still around ’em -
    It sure was a sight to behold.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The girl had a terrible cold,
    And she sniffled and sneezed as we rolled
    In a marathon screw -
    But I’ve now got the ‘flu,
    Thinking “Sex isn’t worth it, all told.”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    Guessed my riddle? No, no, you’re still cold.
    “What is constantly bought and resold?”
    Here’s a clue: on the Hill
    When they’re passing a bill …
    Yes! A Senator’s vote! You win gold!

  12. Jon Gearhart says:

    Divorces have made the Judge cold
    And his marrying questions turn bold.
    “Do you take this jerk
    Till you see it won’t work?
    Cause, I’ll tell ya, two halves can’t be wholed!”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    My flow of ideas has run cold -
    These limericks take such a hold
    I can’t lay down my pen
    Till I’ve reached number ten …
    What the hell, it’s one way to grow old.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    Though the Ice Age was terribly cold
    (Or at least, that’s what I have been told),
    This midsummer, it snowed;
    “Global warming” be blowed!
    It’s a lie that the scientists sold.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    My girl-friend complained of the cold
    (“Solar heating” – that crap I’d been sold!)
    But although it was snowing,
    I soon got her glowing
    By time-honoured methods of old.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal who was terribly cold
    Decided she had to be bold.
    “I need a man’s arms;
    His love and his charms-
    I won’t be alone when I’m old.”

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A sweet gal who was sad and was cold
    Found a great guy to cherish and hold.
    She had to be amazing;
    In intellect, breathtaking-
    He’d still be a young stud when she’s old.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    When the entree arrived, it was cold.
    The customer’s rage was uncontrolled.
    The food was sent back and made hot,
    But, alas, the poor chef was shot!
    The scared waiter could not be consoled.

  19. Kathleen Cole says:

    A hot gal grew terribly cold,
    Believed herself getting old,
    It just wouldn’t do,
    Alone in her igloo,
    She ventured out on the ice;
    And the Inuit looked so nice.
    She was tough, but she made a great stew!

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    I’ve low blood pressure: I”m always cold
    In winter, I’m a sight to behold.
    Scarf, gloves and hat.
    The cold I combat!
    A warm coat is worth its weight in gold.

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    Her feet were so bitterly cold
    In midwinter; she found when she strolled
    That the snow hurt her toes.
    Well, no wonder they froze,
    For the shoes that she’d bought were unsoled.

    (Ooops! Madeleine, I’ve just spotted a grammatical hole in the previous version. Maybe that’s why it says “awaiting moderation?” Please search and destroy.}

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    The Sleeping Beauty

    Aurora was pallid and cold,
    Surrounded by cobwebs and mould.
    The Prince should have kissed her,
    But got lost and missed her -
    At least she will never grow old.

  23. John Sardo says:

    A gal who was terribly cold
    Displayed wealth her friends would behold.
    Being cold was a front
    For her wild treasure hunt.
    ‘Cause her charms she readily sold.
    .
    A gal who was terribly cold
    Dated men who mostly were old.
    They were rich don’t you know
    Overloaded with dough.
    She was lavished with riches untold.

  24. Jon Gearhart says:

    My wife can be wickedly cold,
    Domineering, and strikingly bold,
    But she doesn’t scare me
    Cause I’m totally free
    To do just whatever I’m told!

  25. Kirk Miller says:

    If it’s icy and bitterly cold
    Or it’s blazingly hot, I am sold
    Spending most of the day
    At a place where I’ll play.
    It’s a golf course, a site to be holed.

  26. Entrees, Like Revenge, May Be Served Cold

    When the entrée arrived, it was cold.
    I belittled the waiter, I’m told.
    My wife thought me mean
    Because I ordered terrine,
    not knowing that’s how it is sold.

    When the second entrée came out cold,
    I had the server in strangle-hold-mold.
    I screamed, “Are you crazy!”
    My wife screamed back, “Mazie,
    Your tantrums are getting quite old.”

    The last dish that came wasn’t cold.
    Served hot, like goulash, it was bowled.
    But no silverware,
    appeared anywhere,
    I sped well passed my patience threshold.

    Randy Mazie @ thewritersvillage

  27. Fred Bortz says:

    The trail of the crime had gone cold,
    But Sherlock’s proposal was bold:
    “To the silence, we hearken.
    That dog wasn’t barkin’,
    And that’s where the truth will be told.”

  28. Ira Bloom says:

    I rarely complain of the cold,
    Even though I grow old, I grow old:
    I peal off my tube socks,
    Like J. Alfred Prufrock’s,
    And won’t wear my pants unless told.

  29. Thomas Meine says:

    A woman left out in the cold
    in Alaska, not digging for Gold
    got lost when shooting elk and bore
    couldn’t find the helicopter anymore
    Sarah Palin, you are getting old!

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    When the starter arrived, he was cold,
    And his fingers too frozen to hold
    Or to fire his gun,
    So he started to run,
    Finished first, and was given the gold.

  31. Val Fish says:

    Whilst I’m suffering from a wee cold,
    Hubby’s got man flu, I’m told,
    I hear him crying
    ‘I think I’m dying!’
    He’s just got what I’ve got, tenfold.

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    Ira, I enjoyed your Prufrock, although it’s a pity you couldn’t fit in “I shall wear my trouser-bottoms rolled” – it’s perfect for the rhyme-word!

  33. rbasler says:

    As a kid, our furnace was coaled
    As a heat source, I just wasn’t sold
    We got truckloads voluminous
    Of boulders bituminous
    “Just shovel those ashes,” I was told….

  34. Byron Ives says:

    Her kisses, so pleasing, not cold
    Her softness, a blessing to hold
    My heart: I’ll unlock it
    Then the bitch picked my pocket…
    All that glitters, dumb ass, is not gold

  35. Byron Ives says:

    The stone knocked her senseless, out cold
    Propelled by a thug, her blood flowed
    Her life and world: shaken
    Her purse and rings taken
    She was rocked, and then she was rolled

  36. Val Fish says:

    Revenge is a dish best served cold
    (My fella’s been cheating, I’m told),
    He’ll get his just desserts,
    I’ll hit him where it hurts,
    He’ll suffer for his sins, tenfold.

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    Bud Weiser, toward me, has turned cold
    Because his ex, Ann, became bold.
    To make old Bud jealous,
    Ann gave all us fellas
    A turn in Ann Heiser’s bush fold!

  38. Brian Allgar says:

    As the gymnast warmed up from the cold,
    The photographer’s camera rolled.
    When she started to twiddle
    And bend in the middle,
    He said “What a neat centre-fold!”

  39. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman left out in the cold
    Said “This is SO getting old.”
    She sewed some warm pants
    They caught on by chance
    A zillion of those things she sold!

  40. Byron Ives says:

    He felt like thin leather, just cold
    He was greenish, and quite hard to hold
    He jumped down the aisle
    In a riveting style
    A great pet and hopper, all toad

  41. Tim James says:

    James Bond found his bride to be cold,
    An ice queen to have and to hold.
    She would hector and nag
    So he ditched her, the hag.
    He’s the spy who came in from the scold.

  42. John Peter Larkin says:

    When the entrée arrived, it was cold
    and covered with a layer of mold.
    It couldn’t be worse
    if it came with a curse
    and it cost what its weight was in gold.

  43. Byron Ives says:

    That night it was bitterly cold
    “The privy’s outside” I was told
    With this bladder to void
    I felt quite annoyed
    Ah, the sink….I sighed, uncontrolled

  44. yt cai says:

    A morning hard on that is rolled cold
    Accompanies blue ball it’s been told
    Tension that’s pent up
    Awaking in a tent pup
    While putting its support pole on hold

  45. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    The porridge for Goldi was cold.
    After breaching a house uncontrolled.
    Then a chair she did break
    And a nap she did take,
    A tale of misconduct extolled.

  46. Allen Wilcox says:

    A woman left out in the cold
    By her lover, who thought her too old,
    Found another and better.
    Said she, “i’m a go-getter.
    It’s not like I have mildew and mold.”

  47. Allen Wilcox says:

    Heating failure left him in the cold.
    Lack of wacking off really got old.
    “It’s much, much too frigid
    For me to get rigid.”
    Said he, “I’ve got nothing to hold.”

  48. Allen Wilcox says:

    A man, who’d been terribly cold
    At racking up strikes when he bowled,
    Came up with a twist
    On moving his wrist.
    Two words apply – “Lo” and “Behold”.

  49. Jon Gearhart says:

    Some will think that I’m being too cold,
    But that NASCAR’s “gone green”? I’m not sold.
    Some might think I’m obtuse,
    But their gas waste abuse
    Still runs circles around us, all told.

  50. Allen Wilcox says:

    A bitch who was terribly cold,
    Her husband confessed was a scold.
    “With no sex and being yelled
    At, I fin’ly rebelled.
    As an ex, now I can’t be controlled.”

  51. Allen Wilcox says:

    The exam they gave him was cold -
    To find something new in the olld
    Texts foun by the Sea
    Than was Dead as could be,
    So he scrolled, and he scdrolled, and he scrolled.

  52. Errol Nimbly says:

    A young Romeo’s lust had gone cold,
    For a woman of size he had poled.
    Toward ecstasy driven,
    All night he had striven,
    But never did find the right fold.

  53. Errol Nimbly says:

    There once was a kid with a cold,
    Who, with tissues he’d carefully rolled,
    Would lie back in repose
    And stuff ten up his nose
    Because that was the most it would hold.

  54. Errol Nimbly says:

    Up on deck it was windy and cold;
    Out there, daily, for salmon we trolled.
    But I’d rather the wet
    And the fresh air you get,
    Than the rank fishy smell in the hold.

  55. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 177.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Taste.