UPDATE – NEW DEADLINE: JUNE 25 Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOW at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 25, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOW at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TRICKS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TRICKS-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 26, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 25, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SHOW-rhyme limerick:

Though my recall is poor, I don’t mind,
Cuz forgetting can sometimes be kind:
It might “freshen” a show,
Whose plot I should know
From a book that my mem’ry can’t find.

And here’s my TRICKS-themed limerick:

A magician was stressed out and sick.
He needed a remedy — quick:
“I can’t cancel my show!
It’s sold out — ev’ry row.”
A massage and Bordeaux did the trick.

And here is my RANDOM WORDS GENERATOR Limerick:

A lawyer’s been working non-stop
To defend an old fellow — a cop.
But alas, he has failed,
And the cop is now jailed.
Worst of all, that old cop is his pop.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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190 Responses to “UPDATE – NEW DEADLINE: JUNE 25 Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOW at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 25, 2022)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Although he’s my number-one crony,
    My dog’s not a dog; he’s a phony.
    He knows how to sit.
    And that’s about it.
    He’s really a stealth one-trick pony.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Unhappy Prosecutor”

    After one single date, we are through!
    Though a lawyer, I don’t have a clue.
    Seems I just fail to get
    Why the girls get upset.
    Whenever I say, “Is it true?”

  3. Lisi Nortman says:


    Ms. Virgin, now I get on top.
    Don’t worry, you won’t be a flop.
    “V” laid on her back.
    She stayed right on track.
    In one minute, I heard a loud pop.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR: 3 Random Words (line 3)

    MS. Virgin, now I get on top.
    Don’t worry; you won’t be a flop.
    “V” got in the sack.
    She stayed right on track.
    In one minute, I heard a loud pop.

  5. Paul Haebig says:

    He has a set type, my friend Ben:
    he’s always preferred older men.
    A silver-haired guy
    puts a gleam in his eye;
    soon he’s up to his old tricks again!

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Though the conjurer’s tricks are so neat,
    His assistant just can’t make ends meet.
    But he’s taught her a lot,
    And she really is hot,
    So she’s out turning tricks on the strret.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Abbott, “We should be recruiting
    More cops – it’s a fact, no disputing.”
    They heard a loud pop.
    “What’s that?” asked the cop.
    Greg said “Oh, just another school shooting.”

  8. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a girl at the Chelsea Flower Show,
    “Let me tell you about my new beau.
    In that soft bed I’ve got,
    He goes rooting a lot,
    And my goodness, he’s got a big hoe.”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    (If only …)

    The lawyer was trying to show
    That his client had tried to say “No!”
    To the Capitol mob,
    But he failed at his job,
    So to prison the Donald must go.

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’ve just had the best time with my beau,
    And I’m still all aglow. Does it show?”
    “Well, the Cheshire Cat smile
    Kinda stands out a mile,
    And you’re singing. Apart from that, no.”

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    On Sundays, a long time ago
    The day would drag on very slow.
    Yet at night we would wait
    For the clock to strike eight.
    To watch the famed “really big show”

    (Eastern Standard Time :)

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    “When you’ve done what you know that you shouldn’t,
    Even though you had promised you wouldn’t,
    Guilt convinces it shows,
    And that everyone knows …
    “I did try to resist, but I couldn’t.”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    In twenty sixteen, I would go
    On dates with my “sweetie poo” Joe.
    Then come home at eight
    To watch the debate
    Which was after the Lord Mayor’s show.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    “This old dog is still learning new tricks
    And new ways of attracting old chicks.
    One arm handstands are out –
    Though impressive, no doubt –
    And Kung Fu and theatrical kicks.”

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    My love life sure fills me with woe.
    I’m nowhere near being a pro.
    It’s truly a sin
    That I never can win.
    I don’t even place, I just show.

  16. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Over entrance exams, Pete prevailed,
    But the “SAT” wasn’t all he had nailed.
    So among all the rest
    Was a DNA test —
    The pop quiz he prayed he had failed.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    I remember that night in New York.
    It was New Year’s, we jerks popped the cork.
    Then we all smoked some crack.
    I wound up in the sack.
    Nine months later, along came the stork.

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    Richard Nixon was known for his tricks.
    Along with his Cabinet picks
    He lied and brought hate
    About Watergate,
    And the name Tricky Dick now still sticks.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Johnny fails ev’ry test; it’s unreal.
    Guess for learnin’ he ain’t got much zeal.
    Though I have a smart clue
    That it may be due to
    Them Pop Tarts he eats for each meal.

  20. Dane Paulsen says:

    Horse races – where everyone hollers.
    Winning does not require scholars.
    To conserve all my dough
    I bet favorites to show.
    When I win, I get back my two dollars.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    I failed a sobriety test.
    I was rude and opposed an arrest.
    My lawyer, “The Beast”
    Asked, “Why’d ja go East
    In the lane where the drivers go West?

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    To Make It More Aggressive: (L4)

    I failed a sobriety test.
    I was rude and opposed an arrest.
    My lawyer, “The Beast”
    Said, “You jerk! you went East!
    In the lane where the drivers go West.

  23. Tony Holmes says:

    An old writer turned flasher explained,
    When the ladies he’d flashed had complained,
    “More effective to show
    Than to tell, don’t you know?”
    On the strength of which, he was arraigned.

  24. Steve Frakt says:

    The audience watched spellbound in awe
    As the magician wielded his giant saw
    Through the box he did slice
    Once, twice and thrice
    And the cabbage was transformed to coleslaw

  25. In summer during my morning go,
    windows are more open than no.
    If I’m not too careful,
    I’ll walk by more careful
    and give all the neighbors a show!

  26. Jean McEwen says:

    The basset hound won best in show.
    Although wanting in “get up and go,”
    Which had long gone and went,
    He got points for his scent.
    (Though he stinks, when he sniffs, he’s a pro.)

  27. Jean McEwen says:

    Candy’s known for one thing: Turning tricks.
    As a “pro,” she’s an expert in dicks.
    She’s now written a guide
    With some tips that provide
    Some instructions on squeezes and licks.

  28. Jean McEwen says:

    Virgie always had heard that young boys,
    When popping girls’ cherries, made noise.
    But now, flat on her back,
    With her first, in the sack,
    She was struck by Dov’s relative poise.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    I felt achy so I went to see
    My doctor Synovial Lee.
    So amazed and in awe
    From the X-Ray he saw
    A rabbit trapped in my trick knee.

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    The madam has one place to look
    And find each appointment she took.
    Her ledger has all
    Of the clients who call;
    She knows ev’ry trick in the book.

  31. Jackie Chou says:

    The cat thinks it’s chill
    It must give him a thrill
    To watch a steamy show
    Between the madam and her beau
    All from the window sill

  32. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A mime fails in his job should he blurt,
    An opinion, or ever assert,
    One word in oration,
    But on his vacation,
    He’s permitted to wear a loud shirt.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    1964: “Confusion”

    “Let’s go to a great Broadway show.
    It’s where all the rich people go”
    Though he wasn’t real smart,
    He did steal my heart.
    On the roof top I fiddled with Joe.

  34. Rudy Landesman says:

    He had always been good in the sack,
    But one night that was stormy and black
    His lovemaking failed.
    His date duly bailed.
    She lit out, and she never came back.

  35. A curious woman named Flo
    Tied a bell to the dick of her beau.
    Now she’s always knowing
    He’s coming or going
    Or if he’s enjoying the show.

  36. Tony Holmes says:

    A young woman, who chose to turn tricks,
    Was asked why, given most men are pricks.
    She replied, “What inspired,
    And the thing I admired,
    Was potential for growth in those dicks.”

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Pop’s sick in the sack, and I vowed
    To be quiet, but now I am cowed
    From the beating I got
    Cause I sneezed a whole lot.
    I’ve been grounded for cryin’ out loud.

    (3 Randoms)

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    While hauling a grocery sack,
    A loud pop had me taken aback.
    That plastic bag’s fail
    Made my blood pressure sail;
    A lawyer’s about to attack.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:


    Sexy Marilyn starred in “Bus Stop”
    We agreed it was truly a flop.
    It failed to delight.
    Just never took flight.
    Cuz the corn at the Strand didn’t pop.

  40. Dane Paulsen says:

    A draft horse is not very loud,
    But this animal is very proud.
    He is not there for show.
    His reward you may know.
    A feed sack, when field has been plowed.

  41. Dane Paulsen says:

    True story.

    I once owned a horse who did tricks.
    One came in a package of six.
    With hot weather – the worst.
    So to combat his thirst.
    He drank beer from a bottle – for kicks.

  42. Terry Marter says:

    On first date, at the movies (back row);
    He tried-on the ‘come-on’ with Flo.
    Half-undressed; became stressed
    when his ‘come’ missed and messed,
    as the house-lights came on. What a show!

  43. Dave Johnson says:

    He said at the amateur show:
    “Not sure about how this will go.
    Up next on the stand,
    Is a family band
    That likes to sing songs they don’t know.”

    Their set was a musical gaffe;
    Each warble received a big laugh.
    Believe it or not,
    The ovation they got
    Included the judges and staff.

  44. Terry Marter says:

    (Show and Tricks. 2 verses).

    I went to a weird winter show
    Where some artists all drew, in the snow.
    The point of their tricks
    Was they never used sticks,
    But would flop-out their dicks and just, – Go!

    Those tricks were not All, (it would seem),
    Cuz to top-off the milk, there’s the cream.
    Now it’s all ‘Milk & honey’:
    Trick-pricks pissing money,
    As Pay-TV queues to Live-Stream.

  45. Dane Paulsen says:

    I did many card tricks in my youth.
    Fooled people with cunning and sleuth.
    When young it was fun,
    But those days are done.
    Now I’m too long in the tooth.

  46. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    Mr. Nuts :

    Mr. Nuts had a queer cello.
    That looked like a big round jello.
    His show had a strange stalk.
    As if he had a sex walk
    Looking for a bed with a bedfellow .

  47. Tim James says:

    She seduced me (oh boy, what a show)
    By removing her clothes nice and slow.
    I believed she was drawn
    By my good looks and brawn;
    Later on I found out she’s a pro.

  48. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A magician revealed an old trick:
    “When you’re sawing up ladies, be quick!
    If you dawdle when you
    Cut assistants in two,
    Then one half will be calling in sick.”

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    1928: Like A Dream Come True!

    Once it made its debut, the world stopped!
    The housewives were thrilled while they shopped!
    Although very loud,
    Wow! it sure pleased the crowd.
    (So enthralled when it snapped, crackled, popped.)

  50. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When an angry boss gives me the sack,
    I won’t fail in my counter-attack.
    I don’t pop off out loud,
    ‘Cause for that I’m too proud,
    But “Old bag!” I’ll mouth, straight to his back.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “recovering lawyer” has vowed
    That she’ll be very fair to this crowd.
    If you’re eager to win,
    You should make Mad’leine grin.
    And hope she will then L-O-LOUD.

  52. Rudy Landesman says:

    How my love for her ever did grow!
    She agreed to a date, so you know.
    I got some great flowers
    And waited for hours,
    But sadly she never did show.

  53. Terry Marter says:

    A gal who did tricks, would affix
    Special labels to pic’s of Old Dicks.
    Wanting sex, coast-to-coast, –
    And her ‘Fave’ (she would boast)
    Was an Aussie named “Root, Sixty-Six”.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:


    If the “vanishing act” is done right,
    It’s really a spine-tingling fright.
    “The Great I’ve No Clue”
    Wow! he knew what to do.
    Cause the house always vanished from sight.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of limerick: June 1st. 1:39 PM “1928”

    Once it made its debut, the world stopped!
    All the housewives were thrilled while they shopped.
    Though it sounded real loud,
    Wow! did it please the crowd!
    When it snapped, and it crackled, then popped.

  56. Tim James says:

    Pro-gun wingnuts are pitching a fit:
    “Ban the doors, not the guns!” is their bit.
    How can people not know
    This is all a big show,
    Viz., a show made completely of shit?

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    You know that you’re old when you flop
    In a chair, then fall off and go “plop”
    Or when you’re RIGHT THERE,
    And your kids discuss, “Where
    Is the best nursing home for failed Pop?

  58. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I could hear a loud pop like the crack,
    of a gun, and not fear an attack.
    Such was “Old Radio,”
    When the prop for a show,
    Was hot air from a burst paper sack.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Who Said Seniors Can’t Dance?”

    Joe and I are still doin’ The Hop.
    And we both do a really mean bop.
    But Joe in the sack
    Doesn’t have a great knack.
    (Wish his weasel would finally pop.)

  60. Terry Marter says:

    (All randoms)
    Two Limerick-town friends, -Jill & Jack,
    Were loud all the time in the sack.
    With their rhythm, a Fail,
    Lawyers Popped them in jail
    For mis-timing their Limbs’ 6/8 knack.

  61. Rudy Landesman says:

    D’you remember that callow Tom Sawyer?
    Today he’s an infamous lawyer.
    What of Becky, his girl,
    Whom he once gave a whirl?
    She turns tricks every night in her foyer.

  62. Bob Turvey says:

    I’ve a transgender poodle called Trix;
    He’s afflicted with lice and with ticks.
    And since he was a pup
    He just can’t get it up
    Which is why he’s a flop with the chicks.

  63. Dane Paulsen says:

    A carnival is a big show.
    Where folks of all ages would go.
    With ring toss and ice-creams,
    Side shows and pipe dreams.
    They soon say goodby to their dough.

  64. Dane Paulsen says:

    Many years ago, pop was a cop.
    On to motorcycle he would hop.
    His engine (quite loud).
    Near stop sign – he vowed.
    To chase motorists who fail to stop.

  65. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Della Street and her genteel employer —
    A fifties-style pop hero lawyer —
    Never got to talk smack,
    Or be loud in the sack.
    (Surely, that never failed to annoy her).

  66. Dane Paulsen says:

    Tricks with some numbers deceivin’.
    This phrase reads the same (I’m believin’).
    When read (front to back),
    Or a (back to front) track.
    Behold the line “never odd or even”.

  67. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, please delete my previous (6.49pm).

    I have doubts… ‘think my writing style’s poor.
    Friends encourage, and say “…should write more”.
    I’ve not much to show
    (unlike Shakespeare, or Poe)
    All I know is, – I’m sure I’m not Shaw.

  68. Tim James says:

    Yelled the moochers demanding a sweet
    As I opened my door: “Trick or treat!”
    But my costume as Trump
    Scared the kids, made them jump —
    And they beat a retreat down the street.

  69. Dane Paulsen says:

    In golf you will often hear cries.
    Over errant golf shots and bad lies.
    The cries you should know
    Are often for show.
    For worst lies, the score card takes prize.

  70. Gail White says:

    Said a priest when the charges were laid
    that he sinned a deal more than he prayed,
    “I screw choirboys, yes,
    but each night I confess —
    It’s one of the tricks of my trade.”

  71. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    One magician, a consummate pro,
    Brought the house down. (But where did it go?).
    Both his top hat and hare,
    Vanished into thin air…
    And he ended up stealing the show.

  72. Terry Marter says:

    So a modern-day trait that we show,
    Is to start evry sentence with “So”.
    So I’m starting a trend
    To use “So!” at the END
    Of each phrase, kind of “Thus“, – but more “Yo!”

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband’s a lawyer, (so bright)
    And believe it or not, we don’t fight.
    If we did, I would fail,
    Cuz his view would prevail.
    Right or wrong, he’s been trained to be right.

  74. Rudy Landesman says:

    In baseball he always just bunts.
    In football he usually punts.
    There are no loud ovations
    From fans or relations.
    In the sack, though, this guy does great stunts.

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband’s a lawyer, a pro.
    He suspects I’ve been cheating and so
    He says, “Please confirm
    I sit down and squirm.
    Then his voice gets real loud: “Yes or No?”

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of above limerick

    My husband’s a lawyer, a pro.
    He suspects I’ve been cheating, and so
    He asked, “Is it true?
    That you sneaked out to screw?
    Then his voice got real loud, YES OR NO?”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Apartment Living”

    My neighbors say, “You’re too loud. Stop!”
    I don’t listen, it helps when I bop.
    Cause it’s real lonely here,
    Though my 2 friends live near:
    Dr. Pepper and Ms. Skinny Pop.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Pop hollers so loud that he wails.
    His hygiene law always prevails.
    When we moved to Capri,
    Something great came to be:
    All the children stopped biting their nails.

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ari Rover can sniff out a hack.
    He barks loud, and is always on track.
    Right after the Seder,
    He caught the invader:
    A non-kosher cat in the sack.

  80. Diane Groothuis says:

    His life was all on the wrong track
    Addicted to weed, wine and crack
    Arrested and gaoled
    His plea bargain failed
    So he just gave his lawyer the sack.

  81. Dane Paulsen says:

    The clam to perform (was their wish).
    Then he clamed up, that fickle ol shellfish.
    He refused as we know,
    To be in the show.
    This shellfish I think was quite selfish.

  82. Tim James says:

    A beat cop was given the sack
    ‘Cause he kept popping out for a snack,
    Scarfing doughnuts and pie.
    Then he failed to grasp why
    In a foot chase he couldn’t do jack.

  83. Terry Marter says:

    A tricky prick-of-a-hick we’ll call Nick
    Had a dick the same length as a brick.
    It matched Nick’s ugly head, –
    Being textured, and red
    And, (as it turns out) just as thick.

  84. Terry Marter says:

    After fun in the back seat with Flo
    He drives back to his flat all aglow.
    Then goes home on Sund’ys
    When Mum washes undies
    And prays that the stain doesn’t show.

  85. Dane Paulsen says:

    Movie theater experience we know.
    Is the best way to watch a new show?
    Sticky floors (often cold),
    Constant talkers you scold,
    And tickets and snacks (so much dough).

  86. Terry Marter says:

    (Randoms: Pop & Sack)

    My Pop met a great gal, – a Prima
    Ballerina, -she’s from Ipanema.
    When She’s on her toes
    He forgets all his woes.
    On (his) point in the sack she’s a screamer.

  87. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Walk-in Movie Night” meant time to go,
    With our Pop (biggest sad sack I know).
    On the ground, settled down,
    Near a billboard in town,
    He’d ask, “How you kids likin’ the show?”

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ordered in from The Sushi Zen Shack.
    Food arrived; I was taken aback.
    Boy! did I have the blues!
    Cuz they failed to send booze.
    (Or maybe I misspelled the Sack)

  89. Dane Paulsen says:

    My best trick when I leave, I take care.
    To keep track of near restrooms (their rare).
    But my dog, he just knows
    That wherever he goes.
    Well, he will just go anywhere.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Saw The Lady In Half

    T onight I’ll let you do my show.
    R ecall where the blade has to go.
    I f you don’t, she will die.
    C ause the frame must be high.
    K eep steady and look out below!

  91. Dane Paulsen says:

    Changed word in line 4

    My best trick when I leave, I take care.
    To keep track of near restrooms (their rare).
    But my dog, he just knows
    That anywhere he goes.
    Well, he will just go anywhere.

  92. Terry Marter says:

    My Life is one big sack of woe:
    No lover, no home and no dough.
    Others live loud and proud;
    I live under a cloud,
    Then it rains! No one cares, – Status Quo.

  93. Rudy Landesman says:

    It’s no secret, and I really know
    That yours is too little to show;
    But I’ll show you mine.
    You’ll find it divine,
    And your love for me surely will grow.

  94. Dane Paulsen says:

    A lawyer jumped out of the sack.
    Had heard a loud pop and a crack.
    He let out a wail,
    Afraid it would fail,
    But smiled when his dick was intact.

  95. Roger Haugen says:

    Asked Theo, “I just need to know,
    ‘The reason you’re painting so slow”;
    “You’ll have to come near
    ‘To where I can hear,”
    Replied one-eared Vincent van Gogh.

  96. Terry Marter says:

    (All randoms)
    A failed lawyer lived under a cloud
    With a noisy pop-art-loving crowd.
    He was caught with a sack,
    Stealing shirts (from a rack),
    All with colours excessively loud.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trick: Halloween

    I go “trick or treating” with Jack.
    I love him, but sometimes he’s slack.
    But on this special day
    I’ll get my own way.
    It’s a guaranteed treat in the sack.

  98. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    She dumped “lawyer” and “pop” in the hopper;
    Added “fail,” “sack,” and “loud” as a topper.
    This is cheating, I know,
    Does she think it won’t show?
    Meddling Muse! How I wish I could stop her.

  99. Dane Paulsen says:

    As a boy I had many a trick.
    I could tell you the card that you pick.
    Well I am no sage,
    But now wisdom with age.
    I can tell your a card or a dick.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    Court lawyers have one predilection
    Which echoes in ev’ry direction.
    It’s clear and it’s loud.
    Always startles the crowd.
    And leads to a widespread “Objection!”

  101. madkane says:


  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Calm down, do not cry, have no fears.
    Just because you’re in heavy arrears.
    Your failure to pay
    Will not cause dismay.
    When that mystical lawyer appears.

  103. Roger Haugen says:

    He watched weeds on his lawn grow and grow,
    The poet we all know as Poe;
    As the sight became worse
    He resorted to verse,
    Ravin’ in lines that quoth “Never mow!”

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Next Chapter

    Heard your brakes failed, my sweet darling Sue.
    Ignore all the pain; you’ll get through.
    You’ve endured quite a lot.
    But a lawyer you’ll spot
    Popping up from right out of the blue.

  105. Bob Turvey says:

    A miserly Texan called Hank
    Was so pleased when his water use shrank
    (On account of a trick –
    In the cistern – a brick)
    That he built a wall in his gas tank.

  106. Terry Marter says:

    Two dim tourists had chosen to park
    In Chernobyl’s old grounds for a lark.
    Now their new party trick
    Is Lights Out with a flick
    Cuz their dangly bits glow in the dark.

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama goes like, “You really should go.
    To see like a really good show”
    She goes,” How ’bout this week?
    It’s like called “How To Speak”
    I go, “Mama, the answer’s like no”

  108. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I may sack my Zen diet. It’s crummy.
    Plus the mantra I’ve chosen is “yummy.”
    So now I’m inclined,
    To empty my mind,
    Without failing to fill up my tummy.

  109. Al Hood says:

    Poor Tom got suddenly sacked
    They said it was smarts that he lacked
    But Tom proved them wrong
    With a lawsuit so strong
    That a tidy sum he’d extract.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    My director, the “Arrogant Russ”
    Said, “MS. Vain you must not make a fuss.
    You must bake for this show”
    But the one way I know
    Is to cook while the kids miss the bus.

  111. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Trump popped out of the sack with great glee.
    He had trademarked the whole GOP!
    With so much more to own,
    He made notes on his phone:
    “Person, man, woman, camera, TV.”

  112. Rudy Landesman says:

    In heaven, as all of us know,
    The pace is both tranquil and slow.
    But I find that boring.
    For a good time that’s roaring —
    Down below, it’s a hell of a show.

  113. Terry Marter says:

    “Earns his pay on the stage, -don’t you know,
    Though to stay on the page is his woe.”
    Said his good friend, Will Spooner,
    (A secretive mooner)
    His advice: “You should go, – a good show”

  114. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Cut-rate plumbers dubbed Dumber and Dumb,
    Popped on over to my place to plumb
    Leaky pipes. Since they failed
    To bring tools, I surveilled,
    And was happy to see they chewed gum.

  115. Terry Marter says:

    After many loud protests from jail,
    The lawyer’s escape was a fail.
    He popped into a sack
    In a truck, out the back
    Which (it turned out) was incoming mail.

  116. Dave Johnson says:

    A band that we all used to know
    Arrived for their very last show.
    The calendar’s mark
    On the moment was stark;
    Those walkers were rollin’ real slow.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    We hugged and we kissed at the show.
    Then he asked, “Will you marry me, Flo?”
    I said, “yes”, but things changed
    He became so deranged
    When he found out my Internet’s slow.

  118. Dave Johnson says:

    He told her “I have a new trick
    Involving a Popsicle stick.
    I’ll give you a hint:
    It is used as a splint.”
    She thought “this is gonna be sick.”

    “Ta-Da!” then he started to sing;
    Unveiling his taut ding-a-ling.
    Her response, with a smirk:
    “Hey you know, that might work;
    If gals with a valve are your thing.”

  119. Rudy Landesman says:

    A two-week extension decreed!
    I guess that’s what all of us need.
    So now we can show
    That we really know
    How to write a good lim’rick indeed.

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    I hate Carol; she’s mean as can be.
    She calls me “the freak from the sea”
    On trick or treat night
    I flipped out with fright.
    She said she came dressed up as me.

  121. Tony Holmes says:

    “I have been indiscreet, as you know,
    And am tensed now, awaiting the blow.
    And I done for, d’you?
    Will there be a big stink?”
    “Only time and the tabloids will show.”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Change of line 4 , 1:11 PM today (clarifies it better)

    I hate Carol; she’s mean as can be.
    She calls me “the freak from the sea”
    On “trick or treat” night
    EEK! She gave me a fright.
    Then told me she’s dressed up as me.

  123. Dave Johnson says:

    Not wanting a fail in the sack,
    She popped a blue pill from the pack.
    Then reading out loud
    The disclaimers, she vowed:
    No lawyer’s disbarring my Jack.

  124. Tony Holmes says:

    Elision has its place, but I think it’s better with. (Thanks, Rudy!)

    “I have been indiscreet, as you know,
    And am tensed now, awaiting the blow.
    And I done for, d’you think?
    Will there be a big stink?”
    “Only time and the tabloids will show.”

  125. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For a poker-faced pro like old Flo,
    Five-card stud is a game that’s too slow.
    The minute she antes.
    She strips off her panties.
    It’s a “tell” that means, “On with the show!”

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Day Before The Hearing”

    My defense lawyer blew a big fuse.
    He said, “Timmy! you jerk, you might lose
    Your case, land in jail.
    Wear long sleeves or you’ll fail
    To hide all those Nazi tattoos.”

  127. Terry Marter says:

    The illusionist’s aide, in collusion
    With the artist, created confusion
    In the mind of the viewer
    Who, completely unsure,
    Found it hard to believe the conclusion.

  128. Dane Paulsen says:

    An escalator’s trick (just theirs).
    Is not that they don’t need repairs.
    But here is the key,
    When broken you see.
    It will transform into stairs.

  129. Dane Paulsen says:

    My cat likes to put on a show.
    Will chase feathers on string, every throw.
    As I dangle the cord,
    He soon will get bored.
    The problem it seems…I’m too slow.

  130. Dave Johnson says:

    For outdoor encounters, they’d go
    To somewhere nobody would know.
    Their love hideaway?
    Here’s the site – just hit ‘play’;
    ‘Cuz smart phones are running the show.

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    On your mark! Now get set! Ladies go!
    It’s now intermission, Oh No!
    That queue makes you sick.
    So try this cool trick:
    Yell, “Pregnant!” (you won’t miss the show)

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    And if that doesn’t work, try this one:

    On your mark! Now get set! Ladies, go!
    It’s now intermission, but OH!
    That queue makes you sick!
    So try this cool trick:
    Yell, “My water broke!” Watch out below!”

  133. Mike Young says:

    My grandfather asked me to show
    The right way to use his new hoe
    So for what it was worth
    I made it push earth
    When I’d finished he still didn’t know.

    So I then changed the hoe for a pick
    And this seemed an appropriate trick
    I dug deep in the soil
    And found lots of oil
    From an an uderground pipe with a snick.

    The pipe had gone pop then it failed
    Made my neighbor so cross that he railed
    The lawyer he called
    Was completely appalled
    So I was lucky I just wasn’t nailed!

  134. Terry Marter says:

    My dog has a real way with words
    His eloquence now rivals the birds.
    He’s as smart as they come,
    But pretends that he’s dumb, –
    Indiscriminately laying his turds.

  135. Terry Marter says:

    I taught some new tricks to my dog
    It took ages, in fact, a real slog.
    First, I taught him to read
    Then to rhyme. Yes indeed!
    Now his lim’ricks he sends to Mad’s blog.

  136. Terry Marter says:

    Guess you’ve heard that my dog’s got no nose, –
    He can’t smell, so in circles he goes.
    Doesn’t know any tricks;
    Can’t even fetch sticks,
    But he does write great lim’ricks and prose.

  137. Trevor Alexander says:

    There’s a programme for those in the know
    Supervised by some towheaded schmoe
    Some say it’s encrypted
    Or just badly scripted
    But sit back and decipher the show

  138. Daisy ward says:

    The clown poured out his bag of tricks
    Also, his large pickup sticks
    They were broken in half
    The people started to laugh
    Then calls him a no talent prick

  139. Daisy ward says:

    He tried to put on a show
    Failed, he wasn’t paid his doe
    He stomped the ground hard
    Even lost his leg part
    He looked like an angry crow

  140. Dave Johnson says:

    The Donald is up to old tricks;
    There’s nothing that lying can’t fix.
    So nobody’s stunned
    His “election fraud” fund
    Is fake; he just does it for kicks.

  141. Terry Marter says:

    My Canine plays baseball, – it’s true!
    His catching’s impressive (who knew?)
    But batting? No show, –
    Strikes out at each go,
    So I think I’ll rename him K2.

    * A strikeout in Australia is scored as a K2 (not K).

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    Upstairs, they’re so loud in the sack.
    We needed a way to get back.
    We bought us some stilts.
    Put our heads on the quilts.
    Danced the Stomp, (a cool ceiling attack.)

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    “What A Bitch”

    I used all my super-brain powers:
    Presented my lawyer with flowers.
    She had a great rack,
    So we got in the sack.
    (All counted as billable hours.)

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better Limerick: “What A Bitch”

    I used my great super brain powers.
    Presented my lawyer with flowers.
    Since she has a nice rack,
    We hopped in the sack.
    (All counted as billable hours.)

  145. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Since the walls were so thin in our shack,
    I could hear Mom and Pop in the sack.
    She’s say loudly, “Go slow!”
    Or, “Not there — that’s too low!”
    (He must have been scratching her back).

  146. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ops! Typo: Line 2 above: “She’d” (not She’s).

    And Mad thinks she has trouble with HER muse. Mine tells me to
    proofread AFTER I submit.

  147. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Did you ever go dancin’, Pop Pop?”
    “Sure, Billy, we loved to Bop Bop.
    When the music was loud,
    We’d call up the crowd.
    And all do the “Bunny Hop Hop”

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    You’ll never know how I miss Pop.
    I would sit on his lap, and go “plop”
    Till his pacemaker failed,
    With his last breath he wailed:
    “You’re 30 yrs. old, dammit, Stop!”

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    “After 50 Years Of Marriage”

    Pop told me he can’t live without her.
    And he’s certain he never should doubt her.
    He told me sweet tales.
    Yet he said he still fails
    To understand one thing about her.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Don’t Try This If You’re Over Sixty” (You may have drippy results)

    “The Bunny Hop’s easy, ” said Pop.
    “Left foot out, then back in, (twice) and stop!
    Do the same with the right;
    Then shout loud with delight:
    “Get ready. Get set. Hop Hop Hop”

  151. Rudy Landesman says:

    Young Oedipus, once out to shop,
    Had a mishap. He knocked off his pop.
    Then without any qualm
    He knocked up his mom.
    That sad sack’s whole day was a flop.

  152. Dave Johnson says:

    A revision to my 6/13 7:51pm post:

    Not wanting to fail in the sack,
    He popped a blue pill from his pack.
    While reading out loud
    The disclaimers she vowed:
    “Those lawyers can’t screw with us, Jack!”

  153. Dane Paulsen says:

    Viking exchanges were bold,
    Over long distance I’m told.
    Their profile was low.
    Didn’t want a big show.
    So they often would use a Norse code.

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Show And Tell”

    In preschool, I stood up to show
    Mommy’s rocket, she calls “Mr. Whoa”
    She said that her ship
    “Takes a heavenly trip.
    And then after, a “real starry glow.”

  155. Rudy Landesman says:

    Better line 3

    Young Oedipus, once out to shop,
    Had a mishap. He knocked off his pop.
    Then with nary a qualm
    He knocked up his mom.
    That sad sack’s whole day was a flop

  156. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “The Cheat On Your Husband Kitsch Show,”
    He said, “Try me out. I’m a pro!”
    Though he did go to Yale,
    He had a red tail.
    (Hmm, better the devil I know.)

  157. Dane Paulsen says:

    A tortoise was tricked in the past.
    Jumped by four snails, then asked.
    If he would confide,
    Their description (replied).
    “I don’t know it all happened so fast”.

  158. Lisi Nortman says:

    Although she’s the star of “La Show”
    And paid countless oodles of dough,
    I still hope that she
    Will come work for me.
    I must give her a golden hello.

  159. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On Rudy’s “Young Oedipus”: I was lollong; now I’m LOL-ing.

    A guy in the sack with his Momma,
    After killing his Pop may be drama;
    But the tale of Oed Rex
    Wasn’t all that complex,
    Until Freud turned it into a trauma.

  160. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “lollong” defined: Lolling for long periods of time before LOL-ing.
    It’s related to “typong”: making a typo while singing a song. I’ll go away now.

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: LOL!! Now for my limerick.


    We’d sit in his car and we’d spoon.
    Till it hit me! He’s married to June!
    I heard a loud sound.
    And SURE ENOUGH found
    My shriveled and popped out balloon.

  162. Terry Marter says:

    We are constantly in quite a fix
    When attempting our linguistic tricks.
    (And it’s not just the rhymes
    That frustrate us at times),
    We stress out when we write limer-Ricks.

  163. Dave Johnson says:

    Some people are willing to show
    As much as the world needs to know.
    Seattle is where
    Summer Solstice will share
    Those bikers all painted aglow.

    (Yep, in Fremont there’s always a blue moon in June)

  164. Dave Johnson says:

    Slight change to the above:

    Some people are willing to show
    Way more than the world needs to know.
    Seattle is where
    Summer Solstice will share
    Those bikers all painted aglow.

    (Yep, in Fremont there’s always a blue moon in June)

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    Have you heard that “The Donald” is back
    On T.V. with a whole different tack?
    To thrill a big crowd,
    He will now yell out loud:
    “You’re not fired; You’re gettin’ the sack.”

  166. Terry Marter says:

    A scientist with magnetic balls,
    Wears a dress when he stalks in the malls.
    He lifts it to show
    What he has down below,
    But he doesn’t attract, he appalls.

  167. Lisi Nortman says:

    The hard hats make loud noise at dawn.
    It sounds like they’re right on your lawn.
    They’ve an uncanny knack:
    When you rouse from your sack.
    Their work is all done and they’re gone.

  168. Rudy Landesman says:

    Sjaan, Sjaan, come back, Sjaan.

    King Oedipus thought it was best
    To give all that incest a rest,
    So his mother cum wife,
    The love of his life,
    Jocasta got kinda depressed.

  169. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Mad,
    What is in need of moderation? Incest is a bad word?

    Your limerick is now visible.

  170. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ah. I see big brother doesn’t speak Latin.

    combined with; also used as (used to describe things with a dual nature or function)

  171. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    My dear Rudy, I fear if I go,
    Deeper into these subjects, I’ll show,
    Now that Latin is “dead,”
    And incest lacks cred,
    There is nothing of either I know.

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    I failed that goddamn driving test!
    It was fixed, cuz I sure did my best!
    But I’ve evened the score.
    If you choose to know more,
    Ask my lawyer; he’ll tell you the rest!

  173. Tim James says:

    The “bed trick” is a traditional literary plot device wherein one partner in a sexual liaison is secretly swapped out for another person. Or, to state it in limerick form:

    What’s a bed trick? You hop into bed
    For a roll with your squeeze. But instead,
    Someone’s pulled off a switch.
    You can’t tell (that’s the hitch).
    You’ve been badly mislaid and misled.

  174. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who Is This Guessing Game! “Tricks”

    He was young, but he learned his lines quick.
    Had to practice a real yucky trick:
    To suture a chicken
    Not real finger lickin’
    Yet it didn’t make Dr. H. sick.

    (hint: Rock On!)

  175. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tricks: Another Guessing Game Who Is This?

    The blue birds wake up very early.
    They’re sought by this cute little girlie.
    No one knew of the trick
    Bout’ the hair that was slick.
    Which ev’ry one thought was real curly.

    (The hint is in line one)

  176. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oh Sjaan, I am willing to show
    You some things that you don’t seem to know.
    We’ll do French. We’ll do Greek
    Latin too, cheek to cheek.
    I’ll explain it to you blow by blow.

  177. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s hard to climb up ev’ry cloud.
    But the cops popped right up and were proud.
    They passed on a complaint.
    With impressive restraint.
    Bout’ “The Joyful Noise” being too loud.

  178. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Above Limerick

    It’s hard to climb up ev’ry cloud.
    But the cops popped right up and were proud.
    With impressive restraint,
    They passed on a complaint
    ‘Bout “The Joyful Noise” being too loud.

  179. Terry Marter says:

    Young Norm’ found a ‘thing’ all aglow
    By mum’s bed; “What a buzz!” (She won’t know).
    It was charged; in its socket,
    And stood like a rocket,
    So he took it to school Tell & Show.

  180. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends Saturday, June 25, at 4 pm (Eastern time.)

  181. Terry Marter says:

    Two verses (tricks)
    A blind prude in the crowd, was confused.
    Shouts of “banging” and “balls” (not amused).
    This utter depravity
    En masse, of such gravity
    The cops (he called), came (sirens used).

    They found, at this scene at “The Malls”,
    A magician inciting those calls.
    He had rummaged about
    In his pants, and pulled out
    Newton’s cradle with five shiny balls.

  182. Rudy Landesman says:

    He discredited all former theses
    That dealt with the birth of our species.
    Darwin managed to show
    Evolution was slow.
    Other stories are simply bull feces.

  183. Rudy Landesman says:

    “Hey Pop”, said Laertes to me,
    “I won’t fail to remember, you’ll see.
    I will always endeavor
    To never, not ever,
    A lender nor borrower be.”

  184. Terry Marter says:

    Nature tricks you in Iceland’s cold heart.
    It’ll quickly freeze solid, a fart.
    And it’s still just as loud
    When it thaws to a cloud
    While you wait, with your cheeks wedged apart.

  185. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    I sent this yesterday , but I didn’t see it here, so I’m sending it again:


    In this big world they have different joys,
    In their need of happiness they use toys:
    With a different show,
    There is no need to know;
    While some use life buoys, some use Rolls Royce.

  186. Terry Marter says:

    Some folk are like Slinkies: No cares;
    Pretty useless, and dumb, – unawares.
    But there’s one thing I know:
    They still make your smile show
    When you give them a push down the stairs.

  187. Mark Totterdell says:

    Now the deadline’s approaching! Oh no!
    I so wanted to give it a go,
    But my time’s running out
    And I really do doubt
    If I’ll have something decent to show.

  188. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Tell me all about Donald Trump, Pop.
    Was it really great being on top?”

    “Don’t know much bout the sack.
    Though I heard he was slack.
    But as Pres., not the cream of the crop.”

  189. Lisi Nortman says:

    Timmy: 2nd. Grade

    Dear Teacher, I’m writing to you
    Cuz I heard you were sick and real blue.
    I know a great trick
    That will cure you real quick:
    Always works for me, go make a poo.

  190. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limerick entries. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 497. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Plate.

    (Please note that (throughout the summer, at least) I’ll be posting new Limerick-Offs EVERY FOUR WEEKS. I may possibly revert to posting every two weeks in the fall, depending on the number of entrants and entries.)