Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPACE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 25, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPACE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FISH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FISH-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 26, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 25, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SPACE-rhyme limerick:

My best friends love a catering space,
And they book it whenever they face
An important affair.
But not me, cuz I swear
That it sucks. I’m fed up with the place.

And here’s my FISH-themed limerick:

Female twins host a podcast that’s odd:
Ev’ry week they talk “veggies and scrod.”
And each meal that they eat
Features fish. Never meat!
They are just like two peas in a pod.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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245 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPACE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 25, 2021)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Small Talk”

    Oh, honey, you’ve answered my wish!
    Thanks so much for that beautiful dish!
    Well, I have to confess
    That I bought a new dress!
    By the way, I’m not cleanin’ that fish.

  2. Steve Frakt says:

    I took a trek to seek the words of Buddha
    What should I serve that goes with bread and Gouda ?
    And this was his advice
    Start with a layer of rice
    And lay on top a slice Barracuda

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    Slightly Different: John goes a- fishin’

    “I knew it was you, by that squish!
    Come on in! I have cooked a nice dish.
    John, I have to confess:
    I just bought a new dress.
    By the way, I’m not cleanin’ that fish.”

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mary Confesses

    My Mama’s cliches, (golly gee!)
    Are so old, yet I realize that she
    Wants to give me advice,
    But to be real concise:
    I have chased ev’ry fish in the sea.

  5. Ken Gosse says:

    Dropped From the Rolls ~
    They call it the “New Frontier,” Ace:
    “Giant Step for the New Human Race,”
    but if we send you there
    you’ll be wasting our air.
    Just like now, merely taking up space.

  6. Terry Marter says:

    My mind is just blank, – a disgrace.
    I once kept ideas in that place.
    When I paid a shrink geek
    To take a long peek
    He got lost in the infinite space.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was poor; it was such a disgrace.
    Now I’m rich, and I’ve got a nice place.
    Can’t have everything, though
    I do have the dough.
    But I really don’t have that much space.

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Tonight’s Specials Are”

    Our flounder is quite a nice dish.
    It will answer your “fine-dining” wish.
    The reason it’s pricey
    Is because it’s real spicy,
    So you won’t even know that it’s fish.

  9. Charles Simmons says:

    She said “Just give me some space
    and take that smirk off your face “.
    “Better get down the road,
    you despicable toad”
    or, find your butt sprayed with mace”.

  10. Rudy Landesman says:

    You accuse me of being quite oafish,
    Because I refuse to eat blowfish.
    From all that I hear
    Some are poisonous, dear.
    For my dish, I would wish to have no fish.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    This Bingo’s rigged, what a disgrace!
    Just gotta move out of this place!
    I’ve been betting for years.
    And I’m now in arrears.
    Cause Gert never called, “N-Free Space.”

  12. Paul Haebig says:

    I wanted to serve something light
    so I made some fish tacos last night.
    But it didn’t work out;
    those ungrateful trout
    swam off without even a bite!

  13. Terry Marter says:

    PSYCHOTHERAPIST! One Word! Upper case!
    As a sign-writer, You’re wasted space.
    “Here’s the site, do your best”
    Was the simple request.
    You wrote ‘Psycho The Rapist’ in place.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Earphones With Contrast”

    The MRI tube’s a cool place.
    You can ask for some piano with bass.
    I attempted to dance,
    But there just was no chance.
    It really had limited space.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR: “Those Groovy Earphones”

    The MRI tube’s a cool place.
    You can ask for some piano with bass.
    But don’t start to groove.
    Cuz they won’t let you move.
    It clearly has limited space.

  16. Mike Young says:

    We should all be giving a place
    To the politician who should be in space
    In a capsule let rip
    On a one way trip
    So we no longer look at that face!

  17. Mike Young says:

    FISH:
    To make our world piscatorial
    We avoid places that seem equatorial
    And look in cool sea
    For species that we
    Would hope can be left as memorial.

  18. Tim James says:

    As we humans move out into space,
    We may find it’s a wonderful place:
    Ev’ry world full of life,
    Free of hatred and strife.
    (We’ll set phasers on kill, just in case.)

  19. Steve Benko says:

    Once John Glenn went around us in space,
    JFK said, “With Russia let’s race.
    Is the moon made of cheese?
    Let’s find out. And now please,
    Miss Monroe, come and sit on my face.”

  20. Steve Benko says:

    Men desire to fill up the space
    Underneath all the satin and lace.
    But they can’t get away
    Without asking today,
    Or they might get a faceful of mace.

  21. Steve Benko says:

    Said Flotsam and Jetsam the eels,
    “To Ursula everyone kneels.
    To flounders and bass
    She is truly badass,
    And to mermaids no mercy she feels.”

  22. KIRK MILLER says:

    In a pond ’twas a goldfish named Roy
    Whom the females would always annoy.
    To be shy they’d pretend,
    But Roy knew in the end
    That alas, they were just being koi.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was yawning, (my bed so appealing)
    I got in, what a warm comfy feeling.
    Then stared up at space.
    What a magical place.
    But where were my roof and my ceiling?

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better Grammar Of Line 5 Of Above Limerick

    I was yawning, (my bed so appealing.)
    I got in, what a nice comfy feeling.
    Then stared up at space.
    What a magical place.
    But where was the roof and the ceiling?

  25. David Friedman says:

    When Superman boinked Lois Lane,
    What happened is hard to explain —
    She was launched into space
    With a smile on her face
    And never was heard from again.

  26. David Friedman says:

    There once was a young lad named Ace
    Whose visage was like outer space.
    His teacher would gripe,
    “Hey Ace, would you wipe
    That bad simile off your face?!”

  27. Bob Turvey says:

    When I worked for a while in Dakota,
    I was put in sole charge of the motor
    That guts fish and soaks ’em
    And salts ’em and smokes ’em
    And packs ’em and labels ’em BLOATER.

  28. David Friedman says:

    There once was an old fish named Sid
    Who loved the aquarium lid.
    When he was asked why,
    “I’ve just,” he would sigh
    “Loved tank tops since I was a kid.”

  29. David Friedman says:

    A lobster who loved, very well, fish
    Climbed out on a ledge so to smell fish,
    As he lay in wait,
    His friend said, “That’s great,
    But I think you appear rather shelf-ish.”

  30. David Friedman says:

    A fisherman once met his match
    When a mermaid reeled in as his catch.
    She said, “You can wish
    You were screwing this fish,
    But not with your your hook in my snatch!”

  31. Dane Paulsen says:

    To communicate would be fine.
    With a fish over some wine.
    If you should wish
    To talk to a fish.
    You can just drop it a line.

  32. Dane Paulsen says:

    The astronaut fell from grace.
    Claustrophobic was the case.
    Here is a scoop.
    He did recoup.
    He needed a little space.

  33. Dane Paulsen says:

    When a bagel has a fit.
    Leaves the table, tries to quit.
    So, here’s a cure
    Of which, I’m sure.
    You can just put lox on it.

  34. Mark Totterdell says:

    Although there were those who would knock it,
    And a few who would openly mock it,
    Jeff was shot into space
    With a smile on his face
    In his massive great cock of a rocket.

  35. Dane Paulsen says:

    UFOs went down in disgrace,
    For ridicule you would face.
    Though told to desist,
    Their viewings persist.
    UAPs, the new visitors from space.

  36. Terry Marter says:

    The “acres” of skin on a whale
    Could provide many ships with a sail.
    But the krills the whales eat
    Are real small and petite.
    Though neither are Fish, – This has Scale.

  37. Dane Paulsen says:

    More people are going to space.
    For some it seems like a race.
    Lots more on the way,
    But will be OK,
    Because space is a very big place.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was driving my bargain Tin Lizzy,
    Then abruptly went into a tizzy.
    I pulled into a space
    At Rickety Place.
    My tires informed me they’re dizzy.

  39. Dane Paulsen says:

    An error prone creature from space.
    Had a cock he did handle with grace.
    Although it’s quite blubbery,
    With tip red and rubbery.
    He often used it to erase.

  40. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ll be adding a room to my base
    Which I’ll call “Miscellaneous Space.”
    So, what will be in it?
    Just give me a minute…
    Ah, yes. All the things I misplace.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Same Restaurant; Another Special”

    “Our Special’s a wonderful dish.
    It will answer your fine-dining wish.
    The chef’s gone all out
    To spruce up the trout,
    So you won’t even know it’s a fish.”

  42. Kirk Miller says:

    When he sailed on his ship he lost face,
    ‘Cause he entered a nation’s water space.
    In the court he did plea,
    Since it turned out to be
    An invasion of private sea case.

  43. Paul Haebig says:

    I’m serving your favorite dish again
    for dinner; we’re going to have fish again.
    It’s really first-rate!
    It comes to your plate
    from the crystal clear rivers of Michigan.

  44. Mike Young says:

    In our small coastal town we like hake
    From the chippie. We know it’s not fake.
    We eat it on Fryday
    The day after Thirstday
    Then corrections to spellings we make!

  45. The story’s embellished, I’ve found.
    Dad says he, practically drowned.
    He “tackled” the fish,
    Was large ( I’ll say ) “ish.”
    Each telling, it grows by a pound.

  46. There once was a man out in space
    who thought it too quiet a place.
    Space Force was created,
    so he went up and waited
    for an alien to punch in the face.

  47. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Their swimming-up-stream-thing not brief,
    Once completed, Lox said with relief,
    “Smokie, this is a sign
    That our God is benign.”
    ‘Twas a billboard declaring, “Eat Beef!”

  48. Dane Paulsen says:

    They came to earth from outer space.
    Our lifestyle they did embrace.
    Their study complete.
    They didn’t retreat.
    Does not bode well for the human race.

  49. Dane Paulsen says:

    She decided to grant their wish.
    To serve up a special dish.
    Upset they became.
    Their words were profane.
    It turns out that dish was just fish.

  50. Dane Paulsen says:

    To divulge it she did resist.
    They pried until they got pissed.
    Her secret unknown,
    She threw them a bone.
    You can fish, all you wish, I insist.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    Minor Revision: “Tonight’s Special, Part Two” 12/12 8:14 PM

    “Our Special’s A wonderful dish.
    It will answer your fine-dining wish.
    The Chef’s gone all out
    To spruce up the trout,
    So you won’t know you’re eating a fish.”

  52. Dane Paulsen says:

    A flight into space you see.
    Will cost millions for you and me.
    For celebs not the case,
    Though their cash could fill space.
    That flight, you see, will be free.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Without question, dear, I always knew
    You could decorate, wow! it’s sure true!
    I adore your new place
    You’ve made good use of space.
    Love that Christmas tree set in the loo.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    Do not tell our friends, please don’t spoil it.
    And never tell someone who’ll soil it.
    I’ve bought a new place.
    Made good use of space.
    And have added a transparent toilet.

  55. Mark Totterdell says:

    A sad and dissatisfied flounder
    Thought life would be sweeter and sounder
    If he were a fat fish
    Instead of a flatfish,
    So constantly yearned to be rounder.

  56. Dave Johnson says:

    A porn actor using his mitts,
    Would playfully fondle her tits.
    Then bury his face
    In that valley of space;
    Disrupting the bit where it fits.

  57. Sally Rosoff says:

    Fish for dinner? Take care if its fugu;
    Be aware that it might be a clue to
    A poisonous plan,
    So get out while you can,
    And find the real friends that are due you.

  58. Sally Rosoff says:

    We need housing, affordable space;
    Help the homeless in finding a place
    To live comfortable lives,
    Not on streets or in dives.
    What’s happening now’s a disgrace.

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    When zillionaires blast into space.
    One question – so why the big chase?
    Does leaving this earth
    Help them showcase their worth
    To hustle some alien race?

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    (A period instead of a comma above forces this rewrite)

    When zillionaires blast into space,
    One question – so why the big chase?
    Does leaving this earth
    Help them showcase their worth
    To hustle some alien race?

  61. Roger Haugen says:

    He inhaled three platesful of fish,
    And belched ’til his friends muttered “Ish;”
    It went down just fine
    With two bottles of wine–
    “Now I just gotta take a good pish.”

  62. Roger Haugen says:

    It’s always my number-one wish–
    When fishing, to catch a big fish;
    I’m hooked in the weeds,
    While the osprey succeeds
    In grabbing a fresh tasty dish.

  63. Tanja Cilia says:

    My sister’s buffet’s based on fish;
    Serving all-you-can-eat from each dish
    No matter how healthy –
    My plate remains empty…
    I’d rather have portions of quiche.

  64. Tanja Cilia says:

    An astronaut, waylaid in space;
    His nation, his country, lost face
    They blamed the Italians
    Those sour-faced aliens,
    Sparito – that’s “lost without trace”!

  65. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When my Rev gave me cod in a dish,
    He said, “Eat it all now, if you wish.”
    Then he showed me some gear —
    Rods and reels (and a spear!)
    And I prayed, “Please don’t teach me to fish!”

    (Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day.
    Teach a man to fish, and it eats at him forever.)

  66. Terry Marter says:

    Fish market.

    The fresh Plaice, placed on ice in a crate
    Were still jumping and hard to placate.
    I raced to that space,-
    Grabbed a Plaice (and a Dace)
    And an ace Hollandaise for my plate.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry Sunday, Joe carries a box.
    He sits by the stream near the rocks.
    He stays for a while.
    Always has a big smile.
    And he feeds all the fish belly lox.

  68. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    As a student, Josh seemed out of place.
    You could tell by the look on his face.
    But he’d read any comic
    with themes astronomic.
    He’s in college now, taking up space.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Billy, age 8 learns something new.

    I didn’t know they were alive.
    Amazed that they really could thrive.
    In the frig near the sink
    They gave me a wink.
    The lobsters were doing the jive.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the land of Antithesis Flats
    You might see many short-fingered bats.
    People walk upside down
    Forth and back over town.
    And all of the fish eat the cats.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    In Physics, I just hid my face.
    I sure couldn’t keep up the pace.
    Since I drank lots of wine,
    I thought Albert Feinstein
    Asked, “What time is it up there in space?”

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    Chicago has limited space.
    Downtown is a real hectic place.
    Ev’rybody is rushing.
    All shoulders are brushing.
    Even rats don’t have space for a race.

  73. Dave Johnson says:

    Some Mafia guys and their dishes
    Claimed enemies swam “with the fishes.”
    Such phrasing suggests
    That those goombahs, at best,
    Were thriving while sharks got their wishes.

  74. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Alfred E. Neuman’s great face,
    Between his front teeth there’s a space.
    Missing tooth number nine
    Makes his smile look divine.
    “What me worry?”, he says, “No disgrace.”

  75. At unveiling of “Birth Of A Nation.”
    The actress’s guest caused sensation.
    Miss Lillian Gish,
    Arrived with a fish.
    She’s hydrating date for duration.

    The film was 3 hrs. 7 min.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Double Bed Conundrum: John and Mary (Mary speaks first)

    “You’re taking up way too much space!
    Go home and please sleep in your place.”
    “Where are you my dear?
    Your voice isn’t clear.”
    “That’s because you are smoth’ring my face.”

  77. This youngster who loved a small space.
    Could contort her whole body with grace.
    The neighbors said, “Freak,
    Your future looks bleak.”
    Her parents add, “circus, embrace.”

  78. 3L Rhythm issue

    At unveiling of “Birth Of A Nation.”
    The actress’s guest caused sensation.
    Lillian, Miss Gish,
    Arrived with a fish.
    She’s hydrating date for duration.

  79. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a young angling girl to her mater,
    (Re: a young chap who wanted to date her),
    “With his worm on my hook
    Fish do more than look –
    Oh mama – he’s a true master-baiter!”

  80. Introductory book that’s divine.
    With the subject of fish, on the line.
    Is Seussian driven.
    A gift I have given.
    To children from newborn to nine.

    The classic, Dr Seuss book, “One Fish Two Fish
    Red Fish Blue Fish.” I still love it!

  81. Steve Benko says:

    “Though I’m named for a fish,” said Mike Trout,
    “I don’t swim; baseball’s what I’m about.
    You will have a fun day
    If you come watch me play
    And eat hot dogs with warm sauerkraut.”

  82. Steve Benko says:

    “The final frontier? Why, it’s space,”
    Said James Kirk, “so its charms I embrace.
    And its other appeal
    Is the scenes that I steal;
    For my acting, it’s quite a showcase.”

  83. The geometry teacher, the best.
    Was solving all proofs he would test.
    To escape from the sines,
    His leisure designs.
    A boat, as an angler to rest.

  84. The specialty lure in the brook.
    All it took, for the line to be shook.
    Then give it some slack.
    That fish on attack.
    What he found, was a shoe on the hook.

  85. A fisherman, truly an ace.
    His stomach has plenty of space.
    While starting to sal’vate.
    He’s becoming irate.
    The minuscule fish, in his face.

  86. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    There’s a podcast purporting to trace
    All the roots of the whole human race.
    But I stopped at Big Bang
    When I heard our whole gang
    Started out as small Adams in space.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    Old Fogeys Senior Condos “One At A Time, Please”

    At my condo, there isn’t much space.
    There are graybeards all over the place.
    I said, “Come and then go”
    But I’m just full of woe.
    They move at a very slow pace.

  88. David Friedman says:

    There once was a goldfish named Joe
    In his bowl, ’round he would go
    All day and all night
    With no goal in sight;
    Sort of like Congress, you know?

  89. David Friedman says:

    There once was a daft fish named Stevie
    Who lived deep down in Lake Genevy
    With his Trump-sized brain gifted,
    He’d think, as he drifted,
    “Person-woman-man-camera-tv.”

  90. Terry Marter says:

    Drunk one night, he had found a warm space
    For a nap (in a chook breeding place).
    Then up came the sun
    And in more ways than one
    He’d awoken with egg on his face.

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    ‘Bout fishing, there’s many a lure.
    Are all of them reel? I’m not shore.
    But I must bare my sole.
    I feel they’re not hole.
    Not one lure mentions fishing’s a boar.

  92. Rudy Landesman says:

    My computer’s my pet, I must say.
    I miss it when I am away
    And in need for some space.
    When I don’t have to face
    That mouse that compels me to play.

  93. Appealing to carp, you can dribble,
    Dry dog food in lake, do not quibble.
    What’s reported, are carp,
    Not terribly sharp.
    In summary, kibble for nibble.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    All sailors see many a place.
    The ocean’s a wide open space.
    And even when nauseous,
    Those crews aren’t cautious.
    They’ll go heave and still splice the main brace.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “boo” Joe has a real classy place.
    So roomy, and lots of bright space.
    And even upstairs,
    With those nice comfy chairs,
    He insists that I sit on his face.

  96. Bob Turvey says:

    When I went on a trip into space
    I thought the whole thing a disgrace.
    It’s full of debris
    (Mainly used rocketry)
    And there’s no atmosphere in the place.

  97. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I have frown lines too old to erase
    From that place where they’re taking up space.
    If I cut down on strife,
    And say “no” to the knife,
    I’ll save money. (Too late to save face).

  98. Mandy says:

    My garden grows all I could wish
    I can make just about any dish
    But there’s still something missin’
    For all that I’m wishin’
    I still cannot grow beef or fish

    All the wires are swinging in place
    Cuz the crows came and took up the space
    But it just became shocking
    And there’s no more crows rocking
    Only feathers, of crows there’s no trace

  99. Tim James says:

    Continuing David Friedman’s series on fish with names…

    A tuna whose name was Raúl
    Wouldn’t run with a crowd, as a rule.
    Off alone on a lark,
    He fell prey to a shark.
    Here’s the lesson: don’t drop out of school.

  100. David Friedman says:

    There once was a catfish named Tim
    Who one day contrived, on a whim,
    A limerick fine,
    Much better than mine
    (I wish I could write them like him).

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    He quickly pulled into a space.
    They shared a romantic embrace.
    Pinned her down, got on top.
    Then along came a cop.
    Joe got shot. Tumbled down. Fell from Grace.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Move the safe dear, it’s taking up space.
    Try putting it under the vase.
    It was heavy, he fell.
    Had to say my farewell.
    There are some things you just can’t replace.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s Black Friday, and what a fun race!
    Wake up early and rush to Court Place.
    The moon’s now in view.
    No shoppin’ for you.
    Oh look! Here’s a really good space!

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Black Friday: a minor revision. (better)

    It’s Black Friday, and what a fun race!
    Wake up early, and rush to Court Place!
    The moon’s now in view.
    No shoppin’ for you.
    Well, whaddya know! Here’s a space.

  105. Roger Haugen says:

    Each time the danseur leaped into space,
    He wowed the crowd with technique and grace;
    When his leotard split,
    They all gasped, “Oh shit!”
    As their idol fell flat on his face.

  106. Roger Haugen says:

    Japan shot a probe into space,
    That disappeared leaving no trace;
    When it became known
    That the mission was blown,
    The project director lost face.

  107. Roger Haugen says:

    He decided, for good, to erase
    The lines from his middle-aged face;
    Result? Not so grand,
    In fact, rather bland–
    An expanse of boring blank space.

  108. Fred Bortz says:

    Don’t you think it’s the slightest bit odd
    That E-pisca-pals worship a god
    That resembles some fishes
    And tastes so delicious?
    Yes it’s true. I am swearing to Cod!

  109. David Friedman says:

    The salmon, I read in the papers,
    Is subject to heat and to vapors,
    And once he is cured
    From what he’s endured,
    He’s served up with bagels and capers.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    “SHHH”

    Close the closet door; we’ve enough space.
    You know me! I’ve got all things in place:
    My vaginal ring
    With that spermicide thing.
    And some Pampers, (you know), just in case.

  111. Mike Moulton says:

    A glutton named Henry the first
    Found himself at a banquet immersed,
    In lampreys galore,
    He un-soberly swore
    “These eels are really the worst.”

  112. Sharon Neeman says:

    Triple-decker (figure it out) cat limerick:

    Said the boss to the fish-seller, “Todd,
    Your damn cat just scarfed up all the cod,
    Herring, whiting and plaice
    That we had in this space!
    Take her home or I’ll deck you, by God!”

  113. Rudy Landesman says:

    When fishing for honorable mentions
    In waters with bawdy dimensions,
    Just know from the start
    A poem’s a fart,
    Hot air with artistic pretensions.

  114. Terry Marter says:

    Not for Limerick-Off.
    (Hopefully not an Off-Limerick).

    Wishing you all a Happy…….

    Merry Christmas to All on Mad’s Blogs
    I am Not PC (don’t pop your clogs)
    And don’t be offended
    (This won’t be amended)
    Love and Peace whether Jews, Poms, or Wogs.

    (NB: WOG means Western Oriental Gentleman)

    Brits living in Australia are often referred to as Poms, either affectionately (G’day, – ya Pommy bastard).
    Or non-affectionately (Fuck off, – ya Pommy bastard).

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    My gold fish was truly sublime.
    Believe it or not, he could climb.
    All the way up the stairs.
    I’ve been sending him prayers.
    He only could do it one time.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’m Man Eating Shark, how de do?
    Calm down Sir, you’re turning all blue!
    I’m not all that needy,
    And nor am I greedy.
    I just want a petite bitey boo.”

  117. James Mac Hale says:

    So Pfizer had said they’d create a
    New vaccine for Covid mutata.
    I hope it will stick on
    The latest Omicron…….
    And not just the Alpha and Beta.

  118. Terry Marter says:

    The town clock was old; dowdy and brown
    Its quiet bell and the rig all fell down.
    Now they’ve filled up the space
    With a stunning clock face.
    Its loud Tick is the Tock of the Town.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    At First National, found a dark space.
    Had my gun, and my mask was in place.
    But I then changed my mind.
    It just seemed so unkind.
    Cuz I do all my banking at Chase.

  120. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The last wish of a fish known as Phil,
    In a brook with a hook in his gill?
    While making his peace,
    With catch-and-release,
    He said, “Eat me, man! Give me a thrill!”

    I’m enjoying the David-and-Tim Fish names Franchise. Funny-bone fish!

  121. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Thanks for the good wishes, Terry. Right back atcha! Or, if I may borrow the vernacular, Happy Holidays, ya pommy poet! (Thanks to you, I now know that a “pom” is much more than a pom-pom) :)

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Billy: Age 6

    Mommy told me to make lots of space
    To put all her new make up in place.
    She came home; put it on.
    Then came out of the john.
    And was wearing some other mom’s face.

  123. David Friedman says:

    There once was a starfish named Sjaan
    (Whose name had a certain elan)
    Her verse would inspire us
    While mine cause a virus,
    Though hopefully not Omicron.

    ************

    From Mad Kane: I changed your “His verse” to “Her verse,” because Sjaan is a female.

  124. James Mac Hale says:

    Now Covid-for-names is a thing.
    “Delta Airlines” and “Micron” you sing.
    Google chose “Alphabeta”;
    (I can’t wait for Meta!)
    But why leave out poor Xi (Jin Ping)?

  125. James Mac Hale says:

    The final frontier known as “Space”
    Is becoming a Star Wars arms race.
    Russian satellite pieces
    And cosmonaut feces
    Are flying all over the place!

  126. James Mac Hale says:

    The burlesque performer Patrish
    Invited me home for a dish.
    Instead of the supper
    I wanted to tup her.
    The meal? Not too bad, smelled like fish.

  127. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Way too many funnies to read
    Please make me a program to weed
    The best in this place
    And scrounge up my face
    The girls like a smooth silky steed.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    Happy Holidays!

    So glad we’ve got plenty of space.
    Can’t wait to see everyone’s face!
    The turkey’s all done.
    Oh, Honey, Go Run!
    Aunt Gertrude’s here! Get out the vase!

  129. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    It goes well with lemon and Dill
    For some it’s a poisonous pill
    If you’re very opposed
    And very hard nosed
    Let slip through the bars of the gril

  130. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Fishy Encounter

    “You’re a dish” she said to fish
    “I once caught a man very swish
    I got him to fall
    Hook sinker and all
    Seventh wife, no kidding. You wish!”

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Living”

    Please don’t think that we’re all out of space
    At Ancient Establishment Place.
    If you do care to move,
    You first have to prove
    There’s no chance you can tie your own lace.

  132. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Space Without Front tears
    What does it mean?
    When you hear a fish talk
    You’ll understand.

    A fish , now in deep outer space
    With Tesla AI. Made a face
    These bastards don’t trust me
    I bit one, he cussed me
    I didn’t like his mate’s fancy lace.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Have you heard that I’m known as “The King
    Of Musicians?” (I totally swing)
    You should always make space
    For a guy who plays bass.
    We sure know how to pop a G string.

  134. Tim James says:

    Two piranhas, named Kevin and Kate,
    Made their way down a stream, where they ate.
    Then they had a big row.
    Kate said, “Don’t have a cow!”
    Kevin grinned as he answered, “Too late!”

  135. A very short tale for one fish.
    His home in a bowl, was smallish.
    The bobtailed cat smiled,
    Her eyes were now wild.
    Soon licking her lips, said, “Delish.”

  136. David Friedman says:

    Remember the fish they called Wanda?
    Starring Curtis and Kline (but not Fonda).
    In the end, Kevin Kline
    On Wanda would dine,
    A truly unfortunate shanda.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dad said, “Let’s go fishin’ it’s great.
    Wake up early, it’s bad if we wait.”
    I’ll always regret it.
    I just didn’t get it.
    How could somebody victimize bait?

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Detective

    In the bedroom, I noticed a space
    With items a bit out of place:
    Someone’s bra and pink panties.
    I would NEVER wear scanties.
    Not to brag, but I sensed a small trace.

  139. Jackie Chou says:

    A Note to My Roommate

    You were only gone for a day
    Don’t overfeed the fish, you did say
    The white one ate until it blew up
    Now it’s in the tank belly-up
    Knowing you’d kill me, I ran away

  140. James Mac Hale says:

    In the masseuse’s curtained-off space
    I indulged in a naughty embrace.
    But, arrested for vice,
    The judge yelled at me twice
    “You’re a cheat! You’re a f*****g disgrace!

  141. James Mac Hale says:

    (Attribution to “Caviar comes from the Virgin Sturgeon”)

    A gynecological surgeon
    Brought young patients to dinner. The sturgeon
    And black caviar
    With a fresh oyster bar
    Yields success when you’re urgin’ a virgin.

  142. Terry Marter says:

    A fisherman writing some prose
    Fell off his boat. How? No one knows.
    He called “I’ll be fine, –
    Just drop me a line”
    His friend yelled “My dog’s got no nose!”

  143. James Mac Hale says:

    Writing “dick” and then “sperm” sends a thrill
    But you’re christened as Herman Melville.
    So instead it’s a whale,
    Name of Moby, large tail,
    Swims around Captain Ahab, eats krill.

  144. Jackie Chou says:

    To a Former Classmate

    I won’t chase you in cyberspace
    This thing called life I didn’t ace
    You were the target of bullies
    Now you’ve got two PhD’s
    I know you’re in a better place

  145. Rudy Landesman says:

    She says I’m a serious disgrace,
    And what’s more, that I’m way our of place.
    This may sound bizarre,
    But I did leave my car
    In her precious reserved parking space.

  146. James Mac Hale says:

    Writing “dick” and then “sperm” with your quill
    Was a habit of Herman Melville.
    But in fact it’s a whale,
    Name of Moby, large tail,
    Swims around Captain Ahab, eats krill.

  147. Mark Totterdell says:

    Though disasters and setbacks may pain us,
    Still our ultimate goal will sustain us
    On our mission to race
    Through the dark depths of space
    With our vision of probing Uranus.

  148. Mark Totterdell says:

    I served a meringue, deeply charred,
    With a purée of lamb’s heart and lard,
    A raspberry sherbet,
    And strips of raw turbot,
    And now I’m three-Michelin-starred.

  149. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    In a sequel called, “Nemo: True Story,”
    Is a scene that’s both spineless and gory.
    A jellyfish, “Squishy”
    (Whose motives are fishy),
    Eats a Blue Tang, then laughs, “Hunky Dory!”

    (Getting deep in the weeds with more fish tales)

  150. James Mac Hale says:

    Playing poker, my usual space.
    I am holding one card with a face.
    So 3 cards I gave back,
    Held my ten and my Jack,
    Drew a Queen and a King and an Ace!

  151. James Mac Hale says:

    Meditating to never grow fatter,
    Contemplating the fish on my platter.
    Ate the head of the hake
    But turned down the cake
    It’s a question of mind over batter

  152. James Mac Hale says:

    You’ll never get dogfish to bark
    Or ever to walk in the park
    But never forget
    It’s a much better pet
    Than a ravenous hammerhead shark.

  153. James Mac Hale says:

    I’m named Mars, I’m soliciting Venus.
    When gravity pulls on my penis
    I say “Let us embrace
    In our orbital space
    And have asteroids flying between us”.

  154. Fred Bortz says:

    MINOR REVISION

    Don’t you think it’s the slightest bit odd
    That E-pisca-pals worship a god
    That resembles some fish
    And tastes so delish?
    Yes it’s true. I am swearing to Cod!

  155. Fred Bortz says:

    When ordering dinner in space,
    Remember the rules of the place.
    “Stuffed cabbage is out,”
    Your crew mates will shout,
    “‘Cause flatulence here’s a disgrace.”

  156. Fred Bortz says:

    To enter that heavenly place,
    You no longer need as much grace.
    Thanks to souls Trump’s corrupted
    Downward flow has erupted,
    And Hades has run out of space.

  157. Rudy Landesman says:

    Another typo! (In line 2 –Dec 18, 10:26 pm — corrected)

    She says I’m a serious disgrace,
    And what’s more, that I’m way out of place.
    This may sound bizarre,
    But I did leave my car
    In her precious reserved parking space

  158. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ethnic food’s not for me, so you’ll know.
    Sukiyaki or sushi? No, no!
    And I don’t have the will tuh
    Eat fish called gefilte.
    Some pizza’s as far as I’ll go.

  159. Dane Paulsen says:

    My wife plays accordion it’s true,
    So, what the hell can I do!
    I give lots of space,
    But she plays in my face.
    Spanish eyes, a polka or two.

  160. James Mac Hale says:

    I drove up to Bodega Bay
    To sample the oysters and they
    Are the best that I’ve had!
    Are you noticing Mad
    There’s no smut in my limericks today?

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It’s Me Or The Fish”

    Can’t stand all his damn fishing trips.
    He comes home, walks right in and he drips.
    Bought a hook and a worm,
    And I watched “hubby” squirm,
    When I stuck it right into his lips.

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Trying to get home”

    New York City has plenty of space.
    But at five, there’s a slow-going pace.
    The horns keep on blaring.
    There’s a whole lot of swearing.
    And no one is winning this race.

  163. Lisi Nortman says:

    There MUST be a better way to transport them!

    The highway’s got plenty of space.
    Now and then you’ll confront a disgrace.
    In front of your car,
    You’ll notice there are
    Horses butts end to end in your face.

  164. Mark Totterdell says:

    There’s a long kind of eel called a conger,
    And it’s like a short eel only longer,
    So if you always thought
    That a conger was short,
    Then quite frankly you couldn’t be wronger.

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was Benjamin’s ultimate wish
    To serve his dear friends a nice dish.
    The funeral has ended.
    The widow’s extended
    Her manners, but what? No whitefish?

  166. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fishing Instructions With Consideration: Rules

    Wake up at the crack of the dawning.
    Put your gear on and stop all that yawning.
    Respect the girl fish.
    Let her have her sweet wish.
    Don’t bother her when she is spawning.

  167. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hungry Fish In Private Lakes: Lake Kachuma

    Lake Kachuma is very subdued.
    And when we are both in the mood,
    We watch hungry fish, (stocked)
    And still very shocked
    When they walk on land looking for food.

  168. Terry Marter says:

    To the West Side they said we should go.
    (We’ve been all over town, but no show).
    So we’ll look into this
    For our ‘dish’ of a fish.
    There’s a Plaice for us Somewhere, – I know.

  169. Dane Paulsen says:

    With less fear of travel to space,
    And restaurants now on moon base.
    Though the view is ideal,
    And the food is quite real.
    There’s no atmosphere in this place.

  170. Dave Johnson says:

    Now up to a furious pace,
    Unvaxxed are the heart of this chase.
    An absence of brains
    Hastens Omicron’s gains;
    It thrives in unoccupied space.

  171. Left career with the stressors and strains.
    His daughter is whiny, complains.
    A line and a hook,
    With a babbling brook.
    The forehead’s back bulging with veins.

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    Las Vegas: Fast Wedding Ad: Rules

    “Come to “Weddings Are Us” What a Place!
    We require just one small embrace.
    Then she says, “I Do”
    And you say “I Have To
    Cause I don’t really need too much space”

    (wonder if it’s a trick) :)

  173. Lisi Nortman says:

    Men lie when they see a cute face.
    Cause their goal is to get past “third base.”
    I was easily led.
    Ended up in his bed.
    Then found out that he wasn’t in space.

  174. David Friedman says:

    Scales, vacant eyes, and false lures,
    Lying about what is yours —
    Perhaps your suspicion
    Is this concerns fishin’,
    But I speak of lawyers, of course.

  175. Writers, put shoes on, and lace.
    Metaphor’cally speaking, a race.
    You fish for word play,
    If hooked, you can sway.
    Could end, with first place, in this space.

  176. Steve Benko says:

    Said the Lord one day high up in space,
    “Before eating, you’d better say grace.”
    Although many assert
    That it’s rubbish they blurt,
    They still do as He asks, just in case.

  177. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A young prawn was withdrawn from the sea
    By a net (couldn’t get himself free).
    Since it wasn’t his wish
    To be caught like a fish,
    He cried, “This scampi happ’ning to me!”

  178. Steve Benko says:

    “Meditation explores inner space;
    Towards nirvana my students all race,”
    Said the guru. “To soar,
    Leave your funds at the door;
    Your material wealth we’ll erase.”

  179. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Rod takes fish from my dish when we dine,
    But he pays for both meals, so it’s fine.
    I put up with this blunder,
    But doesn’t he wonder
    Why I never say, “Your plaice or mine?”

  180. Rudy Landesman says:

    Your gumbo just sticks in my craw.
    The crawfish you used is still raw.
    No andouille? No shrimp?
    And on okra you skimp?
    It’s against every known Creole law.

  181. Rudy Landesman says:

    There once was a chef on Nantucket
    Who boiled bouillabaisse by the bucket.
    But look here. Oh damn!
    There’s an unopened clam.
    You’ll first have to chuck it or shuck it.

  182. Rudy Landesman says:

    Note to Steve Benko,
    Very clever variation of Pascal’s Wager.

    Pascal’s Wager (or Pascal’s Gambit) is the name for an idea that Blaise Pascal had. He said that it is not possible to prove or disprove that God exists. Therefore, it is better to bet that God exists. … If God did not exist it would make no difference

  183. Lisi Nortman says:

    Go Cubbies! (You have to like them here even if you don’t care)

    Wrigley Field is that really cool place
    Where the Cubs take up most of the space.
    God Forbid, call it “Stadium!!”
    Fans will stuff you with radium.
    Then give you a smack in the face.

    (apologies to those who like the White Sox)

  184. Terry Marter says:

    Please delete previous (dec 21. 5.13pm).

    Who knew!?
    They met friends in a known public space
    (Cos they could!) with no mask on their face.
    Seemed surprised when they knew
    What they thought was The Flu
    Turned out to be Covid’s next case.

  185. Lisi Nortman says:

    Old School

    Blackboard dust: it’s all over the place.
    And 35 desks, (not much space.)
    I loved those old days
    And the old-fashioned ways.
    Learning script. A to Z. Then erase.

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now you have to PAY for it!

    Hearts and flowers to days of “slow pace.”
    Black and white in a real tiny space.
    So silly and funny.
    Didn’t need any money.
    To giggle at “Georgie and Grace.”

  187. Lisi Nortman says:

    She said, “I have made you a dish
    Which will answer a gourmet’s first wish.”
    But I wasn’t real glad.
    Thought the fish had gone bad.
    And if so, it will taste just like fish.

  188. As to Bezos and Branson (the race
    To see which might first frolic in space):
    You may think me cynic
    But I think this gimmick
    Exudes the term “vanity case.”

  189. This fish, though he swims in a school,
    Has not learned how to win in a duel.
    Though with anglers he’ll wrangle,
    He’s drawn to the dangle:
    And then falls for the bait. What a fool!

  190. Doug Scheidt says:

    I took of my helmet in space
    Lost my nose and lips in that place
    Now when I see old friends
    Recognition depends
    If they know me by voice, not face

  191. James Mac Hale says:

    A “Cougar” from near Menlo Park
    Was pursuing her prey after dark.
    While attracting a youth
    Her sharpened eye tooth
    Had him worried she might be a shark.

  192. Jacques Lecoq says:

    I hear that the whole human race
    Is planning to move into space
    But that don’t bother me
    If all of them flee
    I cannot be arsed to give chase

  193. Rudy Landesman says:

    Between your two ears there’s a space.
    Its contents could cause some disgrace.
    But in your case it’s bare,
    With nothing in there.
    And that we can see in your face.

  194. James Mac Hale says:

    Defensive end rushing with pace;
    Then Good Morning America’s face.
    Replace New York Giants
    With Bezos’ alliance…….
    Michael Strahan has gone into space!

  195. Tim James says:

    The first draft of a classic by Poe
    Has been found, as I’m sure you don’t know.*
    It’s an interesting case:
    Seems he ran out of space.
    So the last line concludes “nevermo”

    * Mainly because I just made it up.

  196. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Lesbos womenfolk up in her face,
    Sappho bolted. She needed some space;
    Then in Sicily met
    Men who didn’t know yet
    That she came from a whole different place.

  197. Lisi Nortman says:

    I ran in the Marathon Race.
    At the start, there is one inch of space.
    And then went the gun.
    So ECSTATIC! I WON!
    The “Razzie” for “Very Last Place”.

  198. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sometimes The Magic Doesn’t Work” (Bob and Ted)

    What allured me was how he was swishin’
    We’d spend hours just waggin’ and dishin’
    When I couldn’t get hard,
    I would then disregard.
    A limp rod is still good for fishin’

  199. Mike Sullivan says:

    When billionaires fly into space,
    A mass general strike they should face.
    My plan for our picket?
    A free one-way ticket
    To Mars or another such place.

  200. Terry Marter says:

    A Big Bang! A Black Hole, and much Hissing
    (Understand it’s not Einstein I’m diss’ing),
    But you cannot see space
    (Though it’s right in your face),
    So how can you tell if it’s missing?

  201. Lisi Nortman says:

    Teaching My Son To Fish

    “Though there’s plenty of action below,
    Just relax, son and take it real slow.
    But if you feel sunk,
    Don’t go into a funk.
    The dead fish all go with the flow.”

  202. Rudy Landesman says:

    To fish, Captain Ahab set sail,
    But he saw Moby Dick, the white whale.
    Was he ever obsessed,
    By the devil possessed!
    His undoing. He just wouldn’t bail.

  203. Mike Sullivan says:

    On the trawlers, it is sooner than later
    You learn fishing can require something greater
    Than a mere rod and reel
    And that tingle you feel
    Is what makes you a skilled master baiter.

  204. Terry Marter says:

    Please delete Dec. 18 at 6.46pm.

    I’ve done it again!: Knows and nose. (When is a rhyme Not a rhyme?). I hate it when that happens. Only just noticed it, – luckily.

    A fisherman writing some prose
    Fell off his boat (Hounded by crows).
    He called “I’ll be fine, –
    Just drop me a line”
    His friend yelled “My dog’s got no nose!”

  205. Terry Marter says:

    Thanks Sjaan!
    FYI: There seems to be no prove-able origin of the term Pom, though there are several popular theories. The most likely one (apparently) is that it’s an abbreviation of Pomegranite, because the English immigrants had the same rosy/ruddy complexion. Have a Cool Yule!

  206. Mark Totterdell says:

    When chilling with Steve, my pet stickleback,
    I’d tickle his fins, he would tickle back,
    Then he’d wiggle each spine,
    Of which he had nine,
    to the post-grungey music of Nickelback.

  207. James Mac Hale says:

    Blitzen’s teaching the reindeer to brace
    When they’re landing in limited space.
    “To alight on the roof
    You must dig in your hoof,
    Or expect Rudolf’s butt in your face!”

  208. James Mac Hale says:

    Selling old fish online which I pass off
    As fresh; I don’t care if I brass off
    The fishmongers store.
    So I’m ROF
    LOL, in fact, LMAO.

  209. Steve Benko says:

    Said Jonah inside of the whale,
    “If I live, this will be quite a tale!
    When you’re stuck in a fish,
    You can’t find a knish;
    There’s no bagels and lox in this jail!”

  210. Lisi Nortman says:

    I feel that my brain is now shrinking.
    Or maybe my wit is just sinking.
    Cuz right in that place
    There is just no more space.
    Decision? I’m done with all thinking.

  211. Lisi Nortman says:

    In my mailbox, there’s just no more space.
    Those “amount dues” sure keep up the pace.
    The “Bill and Check Meet”
    Is stirring up heat.
    (Without fail, all those bills win the race.)

  212. Lisi Nortman says:

    Love this pub with a real cozy space.
    It’s called Deja Vu, what a place!
    Ev’ry time that you go
    They’ve a feeling they know
    Your name, by the smile on your face.

  213. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just thought of another punch line!

    Love this pub with a real cozy space.
    It’s called Deja Vu, what a place!
    Ev’ry time that you go,
    They’ve a feeling they know
    That your credit card’s issued by Chase.

  214. While variant omicron carries on,
    Amassing addiction with Amazon.
    Should slow down my pace,
    Don’t really have space.
    Soon primary residence woe-be-gone.

  215. Lisi Nortman says:

    Absolutely True! It happened in 1983, while getting ready for a space trip with Sally Ride, first woman in space.
    “NASA’S Rocket Scientists” (As confirmed by Ms. Ride)

    Must have had a strange look on her face.
    And probably one of disgrace.
    NASA guy, kinda’ gruff,
    Asked, “One hundred enough?
    Of them tampons for one week in space?”

  216. Rajiv Kumar says:

    You try spicy fish curry,
    Be easy why such hurry.
    All about your taste,
    You finished in haste.
    Empty plates left after my worry.

  217. Ed Clements says:

    With astronaut sex in space
    Success is not always the case.
    High class depravity
    Is better with gravity,
    So your junk is not all over the place.

  218. Dane Paulsen says:

    I prepared a meal of flounder.
    My advice couldn’t be sounder.
    For she would wish,
    She had eaten her fish.
    Then I wouldn’t need to ground her.

  219. Dane Paulsen says:

    To Rudy, Steve and Pascal: (not necessarily my belief)

    To believe in God is divine,
    But which God you must define.
    There’s so many in space,
    For the whole human race.
    If only she’d give me a sign.

  220. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Over Bought” For Quarantine

    Toilet paper all over the place.
    It seems we have run out of space.
    We bought five hundred two
    Rolls, what we do
    Is eat it for roughage. First we say grace.

  221. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  222. Dane Paulsen says:

    The cat, fluffy white with large paws.
    Did not obey nature’s laws.
    With red hat he did race.
    In his sleigh all through space.
    For his name was Santa Claws.

  223. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m A Genius

    I’m singing a real pompous tune.
    Ev’ry expert I know is a goon.
    I now state my case:
    The very first one in space
    Was the cow who jumped over the moon.

  224. Rajiv Kumar says:

    Astronaut was in the outer space,
    His Cord connected to the base,
    Spined in the zero gravity ,
    Helicopter named ingunity ,
    Clumsy suit hafty walk he face.

  225. David Friedman says:

    A tortoise was sent into space;
    A witness said, seeing its face,
    “I’m shocked that Elon’ll
    Send up Mitch McConnell,
    Wearing a damn carapace.”

  226. Rudy Landesman says:

    Last minute alteration of my posting of
    December 21, 2021 at 2:58 pm (in line 5)

    There once was a chef on Nantucket
    Who boiled bouillabaisse by the bucket.
    But look here. Oh damn!
    There’s an unopened clam.
    You’ll first have to shuck it or chuck it.

  227. Rudy Landesman says:

    Dane Paulsen, some facts you must face.
    No Gods can be found out in space.
    On Olympus they dwell
    And they keep, sure as hell,
    All their women-folk mute in their place.

  228. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s so cramped here, with minimum space.
    Want to move to a much bigger place.
    I can feel when she’s walking.
    And hear when she’s talking.
    But I still want to check out her face.

  229. Tony Holmes says:

    Modern misses defending their space
    Should give thanks to the makers of mace.
    Nothing says, “I said no
    And I meant it. Please go!”
    Like a pepper-spray jet in the face.

  230. Mark Totterdell says:

    When you look at the length of the oarfish,
    You see ten feet of fish and then more fish,
    And then more feet and more,
    Twenty-three, twenty-four,
    So you’re wrong if you think it is dwarfish.

  231. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    The moray woke up feeling ich
    and swam to the vet. “Am I sick?”
    The vet shook her head.
    “You are just eel instead.
    And that’s why you’re shaped like a dick.”

  232. Tony Holmes says:

    What’s the best part of fishing? The tale
    Of that time when you reeled in a whale.
    You begin, “Thar she blows!”
    With each telling, it grows,
    So the story will never go stale.

  233. Ed Clements says:

    He eagerly unpeeled the wrapper
    Expecting to find some red snapper.
    Instead he found cod,
    Which was frustratingly odd,
    Because his dinner plans went right down the crapper.

  234. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    We know that the almighty graces
    us with children to fill our embraces.
    But would it be so bad
    if we paused, for a tad?
    Less traffic and more parking spaces!

  235. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    There once was a cat with a wish-
    to learn how to swim with the fish.
    He fervidly swore
    it was just to explore
    while gently caressing his dish.

  236. Dane Paulsen says:

    A swordfish that’s up to his gills,
    With small fish, he’s had his fills.
    He’s had it with fish,
    It’s been his main dish.
    He’s ready for something that thrills.

  237. Terry Marter says:

    Proudly caught my first fish at last minute.
    Now I’m home and attempting to skin it.
    But it’s not working out:
    I’ve fucked up my Trout, –
    So I’ll swallow my pride and just bin it!

  238. Dane Paulsen says:

    A sailfish feeling quite light.
    Jumped high and actually took flight.
    With wind in his sail
    (He was in a gale).
    He very soon flew out of sight.

  239. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    Some folks are innately genteel
    and I do understand how they feel.
    How can I expect
    to command their respect
    when in lim I have sex with an eel?

    The eel was certainly willing
    and I found his long body fulfilling.
    There was not much romance
    but our sexual dance
    made me happy, though the water was chilling.

  240. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    There are some things it’s better to hide.
    I should not rush right out and confide.
    Cuz the eel, you see,
    wasn’t happy with me.
    His adult’ry was too hard to hide.

    The eel was terribly naughty.
    He was much more fun than Gennadiy.
    Our sex life was inventive
    and it gave me incentive
    to take good care of my body.

  241. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    I hope you’re not feeling eel
    to learn of my sexual thrill.
    It does sound perverse
    but in service of verse,
    I’ll toss dignity right off the hill.

  242. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    My eel friend isn’t that dumb.
    He keeps it down to a dull hum.
    When our parts start to mingle,
    I feel a faint tingle.
    It’s a warning that he’s going to come.

  243. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    I hope you don’t have an aversion
    to learn of my piscine perversion.
    He’s of age and said yes,
    makes a belt for my dress
    and was caught on my fishing excursion.

  244. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    My sex with the eel has passed.
    I just fished him out of my ass.
    I’m ashamed I’m a sinner
    but he’s now Christmas dinner….
    and topped with a dome made of glass.

  245. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 485. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Right.