Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 18, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WRITER’S BLOCK, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WRITER’S BLOCK-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 19, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 18, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Hail/Hale-rhyme limerick:

“Are you ailing? You look very pale;
Not your usual hardy and hale.”
“No, I think I’ll be fine,
Once I’ve guzzled some wine.
Seems I’ve just had my first taste of kale.”

And here’s my Writer’s Block-themed limerick:

My muse has, alas, gone on strike;
At best, it has taken a hike.
And I won’t say this twice —
I don’t want your advice:
Writing AIN’T just like riding a bike!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

145 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 18, 2020)”

  1. Charles Simmons says:

    Joe Biden is hardy and hale
    The Donald looks farty and pail
    Four more years of lies
    Or perhaps bluer skies
    Come November may our hopes rise

  2. Charles Simmons says:

    Writing limericks used to be old hat
    I thought I had my style down pat
    Out the window I stare
    Seems the cupboard is bare
    In my head there is nothing but fat

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    I once was a whole lot more hale
    But my health is now starting to fail
    I’m really a schnook
    Who does not like to cook
    But I hear that they feed you in jail

    So I must figure out a good crime
    If I do it, I’ll get the most time
    Let’s see. Arson or killing?
    But I’m not really willing
    To give up my Amazon Prime.

  4. Sharon Neeman says:

    There once was a soldier named Hale,
    A teacher who’d studied at Yale.
    Being caught as a spy,
    He was sentenced to die;
    On the gallows, his words did not fail —

    His last speech moved each bystander’s heart,
    A supreme blend of courage and art…
    Had he lived, would he be
    (In his sixties) like me,
    Just a writer’s-blocked, wordless old fart?

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    Writers’ block hits me time after time;
    My opening lines are sublime,
    And the words simply soar
    Till the end of line four ….
    But I can never get line five to scan properly and to end with a word that has the same sound.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    “My rallies are right off the scale;
    With supporters like that, I can’t fail!
    They give straight-arm salutes
    And wear goose-stepping boots,
    But who’s this guy “Sieg” that they hail?”

  7. Sharon Neeman says:

    Every good writing venue’s gone stale:
    Staying home feels like being in jail;
    They’ve closed down the café;
    Renting space doesn’t pay;
    In the garden today, there was hail.

    Now my laptop has gone and dropped dead!
    So I’m counting my woes from my bed:
    I have nowhere to write
    And a jinx I can’t fight…
    And this “block” they all cite? That’s my head.

  8. Sharon Neeman says:

    How Herr Twitler in secret must rail,
    Now that COVID has made his hopes stale!
    Though he’s yearned for a while
    To be cheered with “Sieg Heil!”,
    All he’s getting right now is “Sick Hail!”

  9. Tim James says:

    Wear a mask in a crowd? Epic fail!
    Against loss of my freedoms I rail.
    I can say without doubt
    That it’s safe to go out.
    (Just whatever you do, don’t inhale.)

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    (Joking aside …)

    Tomorrow, they’re placing a stent,
    An intrusion I deeply resent.
    But although I feel hale,
    Should the artery fail,
    I suppose I’ll be glad that I went.

    ******
    From Mad:

    Brian, sending lots of “Speedy Recovery!” thoughts your way!

    (My younger brother got a couple of stents a couple of years ago and he’s VERY glad he did!)

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m abandoned by she who inspired!
    Fickle Miss! So, her term has expired.
    Not one thought – not one word;
    Damn and blast! It’s absurd …
    I’m a log without flame till I’m fired.”

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry about this.

    “I’m abandoned by she who inpired!
    Fickle Miss! Seems her term has expired.
    Not one thought – not one word …
    Damn and blast! It’s absurd!
    I’m a log without flames till I’m fired.”

  13. Dave Johnson says:

    In this moment of anger and fear,
    I’m writing a limerick to cheer.
    The subject I’ll choose…
    Let me turn on the news;
    Aw screw it- let’s end with a sneer.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    “Moby Dick!” cried the lookout. “All hail!”
    Captain Ahab, “Lad’s, catch me a whale!”
    I must say, Mum and Dad,
    From that point things went bad.
    I, for one, wish I’d never set sale.

  15. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m abandoned by she who inspired!
    Fickle Miss! Seems her term has expired.
    Not one thought – not one word …
    Damn and blast! It’s absurd!
    I’m a log without flame – till I’m fired.”

    “In her clutches, I’m putty: abused.
    And, a coward, I’ve never refused.
    Let her toy, she must play;
    I’ll endure, it’s her way;
    The alternative’s being a-mused.”

  16. Tony Holmes says:

    I submit this as a twofer.

  17. Tony Holmes says:

    Or, rather this:

    Dah de dah, dah de dah, dah de hail!
    Dah de dah, dah de dah, dah de snail.
    Tum te tum, tum te tum,
    Tum te tum, tum te tum,
    Dah de dah, dah de dah, dah de grail!

  18. Tony Holmes says:

    At the very least, it should win the ‘Barefaced Cheek’ award.

  19. Larz says:

    Wishing you a speedy recovery Brian Allgar and keep those limericks coming!

    My brother was not feeling hale,
    His manhood was starting to fail.
    When in went a stent
    He woke up unbent
    And found a keen nurse to impale.

  20. Richard Campbell says:

    Not sure which contest. Both?

    The storm was a monster — a gale.
    The thunder and lightning! I’d quail.
    (Damn! Now what is that rhyme?
    My mind blanks all the time.
    Those little ice balls are called…)

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    Writer’s Block: A Lamentation

    “I’m abandoned by she who inspired!
    Fickle Miss! Seems my lease has expired.
    Not one thought – not one word …
    Damn and blast! It’s absurd!
    I’m a log without flame – till I’m fired.”

    “In her clutches, I’m putty: abused.
    And, a coward, I’ve never refused.
    Let her toy, she must play;
    I’ll endure, it’s her way;
    The alternative’s being a-mused.”

    “Knocked off course; scuppered, wrecked, and assailed;
    On the ocean, adrift, till I’m hailed.
    Time will pass, oh, so slow.
    Just how long? I don’t know;
    But until she returns, I’m curtailed.”

    Oh, the drama!

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    With lightening, thunder and hail,
    The storm left a damaging trail.
    And right at its peak,
    Our old roof sprung a leak;
    There’s champagne on ice in a pail.

    Best wishes Brian!

  23. Tony Holmes says:

    Sale?? How embarrassing!

    “Moby Dick!” cried the lookout. “All hail!”
    Captain Ahab: “Lad’s, catch me a whale!”
    I must say, Mum and Dad,
    From that point things went bad.
    I, for one, wish we’d never set sail.

  24. Tony Holmes says:

    And all the very best, Brian. I understand it’s a relatively simple op’ these days and that the benefits of having it done are very soon felt. I hope that’s your experience. TH

  25. Tony Holmes says:

    “Moby dick, did you say? Bet that hurts?”
    Poor old Gramps, never thinks now, just blurts.
    Body? Hearty and hale,
    But his mind? Nudging fail.
    But he still has the urges and flirts.

  26. Dave Johnson says:

    Words always keep coming to mind,
    Regardless the topic assigned.
    Inspiring phrasing,
    That’s truly amazing;
    Except for the ones I can’t find…

  27. Kirk Miller says:

    An author, a priest, set his sights
    On writing a novel, but fights
    Writer’s block that’s so dread,
    Inspiration is dead.
    So the padre performs his last writes.

  28. Zelick M says:

    So many write up a gale
    But, their humour is awkward and stale
    If it was like mine
    It would be divine
    Reward though, would be freezing hale.

  29. Zelick M says:

    Stents or Real Food

    ‘Plant Paradox’ is not old wives tale
    Arteries not feeble and frail
    Those that are clude
    Avoid factory food
    Dr. Grundy’s a hero to Hale.

  30. We’ve seen summer weather just flail
    with heat waves, rainstorms, even hail!
    Now we’re overcast
    with fireworks blasts
    which they all must get free in the mail.

  31. Patrice Stewart says:

    She gave him the eye: he seemed hale
    As he leered, I’m just after some tail –
    My Viagra is workin’,
    My pecker is jerkin’!
    So hon, pony up for my bail

    And I’ll take you out big, on the town!
    She glared, looked him up and then down.
    What an offer, I’ll pass:
    I’m your lawyer, you ass!
    Pecker drooped as he winced at her frown.
    (Bail was not met that day for Wes Brown.)

  32. Dave Johnson says:

    “I think this one’s gonna be fun;
    It might have a pretty good run.
    The challenging part
    Is just where do I start?”
    – When Tolstoy imagined Page One…

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    Despicable Donald – hey look;
    Your favorite niece wrote a book!
    The writer you’d block
    Is about to unlock.
    Your world as a petulant crook.

  34. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad – could you please change line 4 in my posting above to read:
    “Is about to unlock”

    Thanks, Dave

    *****

    Done.

  35. Charles Simmons says:

    Resubmit Had the last line wrong

    Joe Biden is hardy and hale
    The Donald looks farty and pale
    Four more years of. lies
    Or perhaps bluer skies
    And the Donald in jail without bail

  36. Roger Haugen says:

    “Through rain storms and snow storms and hail,
    Count on us to deliver the mail.”
    A laudable creed,
    But often its speed
    Is close to the pace of a snail.

  37. Roger Haugen says:

    He was muscular, handsome and hale,
    The ideally classical male;
    A favorite toy
    Of every old boy
    Serving time in the Cook County jail.

  38. Roger Haugen says:

    Cried the knight, “Gather round and all hail,
    And behold the true Holy Grail!”
    The priest took a look
    And said, “You’re a crook”–
    You brought us an old water pail.”

  39. Roger Haugen says:

    He claimed he was healthy and hale
    When he stepped on the hospital scale;
    “My body is nice,
    Don’t need no advice–
    So what if I’m fat, I’m not frail.”

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    My limerick started to gel;
    Both clever and witty as well.
    Assured it would keep
    As I fell back asleep;
    This morning – no dice – what the hell!

  41. Brian Allgar says:

    Thanks to everyone for the good wishes.

    Unfortunately, they found that the artery was too blocked to insert the stent, so I have to go back in August for a different procedure. But they assure me that I’m not in any immediate danger, since the two unblocked arteries are doing a fine job!

    I’ll let you know how it goes in August – thanks again! In the meantime, perhaps I could write a limerick on “Writer’s (arterial) block” …

    Larz, your brother’s experience sounds encouraging. I shall tell the nurse that my name is Vlad …

    *****
    From Mad Kane:

    So sorry to hear your disappointing news! Fingers (and toes) crossed for a good result in August!

    Thanks for your update, and please keep your updates (and LIMERICKS!) coming.

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    Poor Donald, you snivel and wail:
    “Masks ain’t right for a red-blooded male!”
    Well, there’s no need to whine;
    Going maskless is fine –
    Provided you cease to inhale.

  43. Sharon Neeman says:

    When Doc said “You look hearty and hale!”
    His patient (age 92, male)
    First got mad — then blushed “Heck,
    Guess my ears need a check…
    You did NOT say ‘Go fart in a gale!'”

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Caesar came, saw and conquered. “All hail!”
    “I can’t take all the credit, MacNail.
    If the ref’, on the chime,
    Hadn’t called extra time …
    We were feted to win here, not fail.”

  45. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To my teacher I said, “I’m a wreck —
    writer’s block is a pain in the neck!”
    “From what you have written,”
    said she, “you’ve been smitten
    perhaps less with ‘block’ than with ‘blech.'”

  46. Wayne Feder says:

    “Today we shipped Grandpa away.”
    “The old man had Covid you say?”
    “No, he’s hardy and hale
    but he drools without fail
    And smells by the end of the day.”

    Jill followed Jack up the trail,
    To flee Covid germs was their tale.
    But their plan was laid bare
    By the grass in their hair
    And that neither came down with a pail.

    Here’s to King Donald: All hail!
    He leads and protects without fail.
    But when things go south,
    He shoots off his mouth
    And throws up his hands and turns tail.

    Says Donald, “I’m hardy and hale,
    Quite ready for any travail.
    Soon my spurs will be fine
    And I’ll grow a new spine.”
    (Don’t you love a good Trump fairy-tale?)

    Writers block! Are you out of your gourd?
    Let’s get your commitment restored.
    All you’ll need for a muse
    Is one page of the news,
    To find grist for a Nobel Award.

  47. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Through rain, sleet, and snow — even hail —
    a manly man stays on the trail
    till he finds the right slot
    to insert what he’s got.
    I’m referring (of course) to the mail.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, where have you been Billy boy?
    Writing lim’riks was such a sheer joy!
    For you were my muse
    Have you taken to booze?
    Do I need someone else to employ?

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    ” Dreaming About You”

    Oh, where have you been Billy boy?
    Writing lim’riks was such a sheer joy!
    For you were my muse
    Have you taken to booze?
    Do I need someone else to employ?

  50. Wayne Feder says:

    Ms. Mad, Of course, my fourth limerick should read: hale.

    ***
    From Mad:

    fixed.

  51. Richard Campbell says:

    Plots and players like rivers cascade
    In my thoughts, then somehow I’m betrayed.
    They no longer abide,
    And my brain’s frankly fried.
    And I fear that Nobel’s been delayed.

  52. Richard Campbell says:

    “Hip-hoorah! Here’s the Emperor! Hail!”
    “But those clothes seem all wrinkled and pale.”
    “I don’t think those are clothes.
    That’s just skin, top to toes.
    A GoFundMe he’ll need for his bail.”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re stumped and have no more to say
    Then your novel is jammed on “delay”
    But it’s not writer’s block
    That’s a whole bunch ‘a crock
    It’s the golf game you must sport today

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    Me: Decades Ago

    To work in New York’s a travail
    At the end of the day, you’re just pale
    It’s your first day of work
    So you’re still quite the jerk
    If you think there’s a cab you can hail

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    When young, I was not a nice male
    I was known as the “mean tattle-tale”
    Had to sleep in a pew
    Cuz the priest said that “You
    Have a whole lot of Marys to Hail”

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    Ye Fickle Muse. A Twofer?

    “Not again! Oh, my mistress, don’t stray!
    I had thought we’d get started today.
    While you’re here, I am hale;
    Take your leave, I go stale;
    It’s but six hundred pages – please stay!”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you want to be slim and real hale
    Here’s a game plan that surely won’t fail:
    The strategy is
    Stay away from the fridge
    If impossible, throw out the scale

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    You feel you’re a talented chap
    And writing will be “just a snap”
    But soon you are blocked
    And totally shocked
    When you notice each word is pure crap

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    My book is a wonderful tale
    It’s called “Donald Must Be Sent To Jail”
    It’s a lovely account
    Which recalls the amount
    Of mistakes that are thicker than hail

  60. Tony Holmes says:

    Ye Fickle Muse

    “Not again! Oh, my mistress, don’t stray!
    It may be we’ll get started today.
    While you’re here, I am hale;
    Take your leave, I go stale;
    ‘Tis but six hundred pages – please stay!”

    Minor improvements.

  61. Tony Holmes says:

    “’Write a line – at least one – every day.’
    Isn’t that what the Romans relay?
    Well and good, if inspired,
    But despond, if you’re mired.
    We can do without Romans, I’d say!”

    For the classically trained among us, I acknowledge that the advice, given by Pliny The Elder, was intended for artists, but it has since been adopted for writers. (Please imagine saucy, tongue in cheek emoji.)

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: (sorry)
    I messed up the above limerick, big time.
    Could you please delete it?
    Thank you,
    Lisi

    *****
    Done.

  63. Roger Haugen says:

    The old boxer’s brain was so scrambled,
    He confused the opponents he’d handled;
    I couldn’t take stock
    Of the old fighter’s talk,
    But I did lend an ear while he rambled.

  64. Tim James says:

    Said a law student, fresh out of Yale:
    “Hey, big business! You want me? No sale!
    Hell will freeze ‘fore I go!”
    Then they showed him the dough —
    And in Hades it started to hail.

    I’m late to the party, Brian, but I’ll add my best wishes to everybody else’s. Hang in there!

  65. Tim Gray says:

    A State’s decision we must hail
    Is to allow voting by mail.
    Though Trump would complain,
    He must not remain,
    To oust him just mustn’t fail.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a “senior” I’m no longer hale
    I can spot someone’s face, but I fail
    To remember their name
    And what a darn shame
    That the train of my thoughts now derail

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    minor change

    As a “senior” I’m no longer hale
    I can spot someone’s face, but I fail
    To remember their name
    And I feel such deep shame
    When my train of thoughts start to derail

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    Ye Fickle Muse

    “Not again! Oh, my mistress, don’t stray!
    It may be we’ll get started today.
    While you’re present, I’m hale;
    Take your leave, I go stale;
    ‘Tis but six hundred pages – please stay!”

    “Go, then, Mistress! Good riddance! Be free!
    What dost think? That I’m lost without thee?
    True, thou ‘spires the odd thought –
    But, then, spurns when besought,
    And makes naught but a plaything of me.”

    “Get thee gone, then! Thy nature is frail!
    Truly, didst I say this? Epic fail!
    I am ground to a halt:
    ‘Tis mine own silly fault!
    Oh, that folly should so well prevail!”

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    “Let me put it this way,” said the doc’,
    “From now on, keep one eye on the clock.
    You’re just barely, not hale;
    Any minute, you’ll fail.”
    Has this guy never heard about shock?”

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    Ye Fickle Muse

    “Not again! Oh, my mistress, don’t stray!
    It may be we’ll get started today.
    While you’re present, I’m hale;
    Take your leave, I go stale;
    ‘Tis but six hundred pages – please stay!”

    “Go, then, Mistress! Good riddance! Be free!
    What dost think? That I’m lost without thee?
    True, thou ‘spires the odd thought –
    But, then, spurns when besought,
    And makes naught but a plaything of me.”

    “Get thee gone, then! Thy nature is frail!
    Truly, didst I say this? Epic fail!
    I am ground to a halt:
    ‘Tis mine own silly fault!
    Oh, that folly should so well prevail!”

    “Oh, my love! You’ve returned! I repent!
    You are timely and, yes, heaven sent.
    I no longer repine …
    But I gush. Please, take wine,
    Then, let’s to it, my love! Pray invent!”

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    “Beer and burgers AND fries? Inhumane!
    I’d be losing far more than I’d gain
    Yes, yes, yes, I’d be hale,
    But the cost – eating kale?
    You’re a good fella, doc, but insane.”

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    “From my bed, I was forcibly haled,
    Then stripped naked and wantonly gaoled.
    ‘There’s a flaw in the plan,
    Sir. We’ve got the wrong man.’
    “’No apology needed,’ I wailed.”

  73. Tim James says:

    Here’s my limerick on writer’s block:

    (Sorry, I couldn’t think of anything.)

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    “My Viagra?” “It’s here – today’s mail.”
    “Send my thanks to Geoff Bezos. All hail!
    No more, ‘Stalled at half-mast?’
    That’s a thing of the past.
    I’ll stand upright and proud when I nail!”

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    “Let me put it this way,” said the doc’,
    “From now on, keep both eyes on the clock.
    Neither hearty nor hale,
    One false step and you’ll fail.”
    Did this guy never hear the word, ‘shock’?

    A little better, I hope.

  76. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Brave and steadfast was young Nathan Hale,
    so I’m hoping his statues prevail.
    Now that “topp’ling” has trended,
    will Nate get upended
    (in error!) then dumped in a pail?

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    I remember my wild days at Yale
    When I followed the “pot smoking trail”
    I smoked it in heat;
    Also rain, snow and sleet
    But I just didn’t want to in hail

  78. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I may have certain Muses to thank
    (or than bottle of wine that I drank),
    but of this much I know,
    when my words will not flow,
    what I’m thinking is blankety-blank.

  79. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Writer’s block”….well, one thing to defend:
    there aren’t typos you wish to amend!
    You don’t write “hot” for “hat” —
    nor, let’s say, “than” for “that” —
    so there’s no futile wish for “unsend.”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Guess Who? (In memory of Cokie Roberts:1943-2019)

    Well, Cokie became very frail
    Her face, just so pallid and pale
    His plane disappeared
    Never found, (very weird)
    And his first name, none other than Hale

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    “If ye want to be hearty and hale,
    You’d be wise to take tips from this Gael.
    Oatmeal! Three times a day.”
    ‘Neaps and tatties?’ “Och, aye!
    And you’ll go twice a day without fail.”

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writer’s Block

    I went to the shrink, and he said,
    “I know you’ve a feeling of dread
    The words will come back
    You’ve a fabulous knack
    But you have to stop punching your head”

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    Writer’s Block – Ask The Analyst

    “As though stranded in fog – I despair!”
    ‘Apathetic?’ “Perhaps – I don’t care!
    All I know is, I’m numb,
    Unattractive and dumb.”
    ‘Seems you’ve more than one issue to share?’

  84. Steve Benko says:

    The first draft of this limerick stank,
    Then for hours the page sat there blank.
    Not even a word
    Could I write, but was cured
    By an hour in bed with a skank.

  85. Steve Benko says:

    Bob Denver, Dawn Wells, Alan Hale;
    Their humor will never go stale.
    The comic effect
    Of them being shipwrecked
    When I’m down makes me laugh without fail.

  86. Jean McEwen says:

    Among limerick wordsmiths, my rank
    Is as low as can be, to be frank.
    Once Mad Kane gives the prompt
    You would think I’d be swamped
    With eurekas – and yet, my mind’s blank.

  87. Jean McEwen says:

    Each time now, when I hear the song “Hail
    To the Chief,” I preemptively bale.
    Trump’s approach makes me nauseous;
    That tune thus makes me cautious.
    (Can’t puke when I’m lacking a pail!)

  88. Tony Holmes says:

    “What’s it like? Let me think … I’m in jail.
    Or, it’s like there’s no wind in my sail.
    Writing fills me with dread –
    From the neck up, I’m dead …
    I would gladly explain, but words fail.”

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    Angus Pringle was Scots, thus a Gael,
    And in every respect, he was hale,
    Save in one; he was weak,
    Which for Scotsmen means, “Freak!
    Mon can nae toss the caber, sae frail.”

  90. Steve Benko says:

    “I’m leaving you, Steve,” said my muse,
    “If MadKane is the forum you choose.
    I inspired the Greeks
    But you limerick geeks
    Make my sisters and me hit the booze.”

  91. Steve Benko says:

    Said Arthur, “Hey Lance, you look hale,
    But how come you’re not hunting the Grail?”
    Said the knight, “I caught cold,”
    But with Gwen he had rolled
    At a sleazy motel for some tail.

  92. Tim James says:

    As I’ve aged, it has come as a shock:
    When I write, my brain goes into lock.
    There are others like me;
    We’ve united, you see.
    Come and join us: The Old Writers’ Bloc.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writer’s Block? Not Me!

    To write is a barrel of fun!
    Don’t know why people say, “It’s a ton
    Of hard work” (It’s mere play)
    Think I’ll “call it a day”
    I’ve got all of my page numbers done!

  94. Kirk Miller says:

    He embarked on a dieting craze.
    The results never ceased to amaze.
    When he stepped on the scale,
    Loss of weight he would hail.
    It was clear he was changing his weighs.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    Verse 2 Limerick Writer’s Block: AKA “Denial”

    Writing lim’riks is just so much fun
    Don’t know why people say, “It’s a ton
    Of hard work” (It’s mere play)
    Think I’ll call it a day
    I’ve got all of my synonyms done

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tried writing, I felt, “what the heck?”
    The endeavor sure made me a wreck!
    My mind was so blurred
    Couldn’t think of a word
    Seems that all I can write is a check

  97. Daisy Ward says:

    The writer had writer’s block
    It seems her mind had been flock
    To many thoughts at one time
    Caused her to lose her chime
    So, she locked her head in a dunce box

  98. Daisy Ward says:

    His body was beaten by hail
    He tried to cover with a veil
    Hail drops were so hard
    Left his body well scarred
    Body looked like a crushed fingernail

  99. Tony Holmes says:

    Writer’s Block – Ask The Analyst

    “As though stranded in fog – I despair!”
    ‘Apathetic?’ “Perhaps – I don’t care!
    All I know is, I’m numb,
    Unattractive and dumb.”
    ‘Seems you’ve more than one heartache to bare?’

    This is better.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sour Grapes

    Do not write a novel, it sucks
    It’s really so easy, (but shucks)
    Hey! Why waste your time?
    Go to Amazon Prime
    And buy one for $25 bucks

  101. Roger Haugen says:

    In the midst of his mid-morning walk,
    He halted in wonder to gawk;
    A beautiful sight,
    A raptor in flight–
    Mesmerized by his first Krider’s Hawk.

    (Krider’s Hawk: a light-colored version of the red-tailed hawk, found mostly in the Kansas/Nebraska territory.)

  102. B A Dragon says:

    An old southern busker named Dale
    Sang out in the sun, rain, or hail
    Every song that emerged
    Was as slow as a dirge
    ‘Til an iceball struck hard on his tail

  103. B A Dragon says:

    I’ve been quarantined for so long
    My scansion and verse is just gone
    I might write it right
    If I put up a fight
    But the rest of the world is still wrong.

  104. B A Dragon says:

    Alternate version … poor Dale

    An old Southern busker named Dale
    Said quarantine felt just like jail
    He went to the fair
    There was nobody there
    And he wandered home swearing “oh hail.”

  105. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said the hammerhead shark to the whale,
    “Just be thankful you’re hearty and hale.
    How’d you like to be me
    with no head for the sea,
    always hunting around for a nail?”

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    A Writer’s Lament

    “Life’s ambition? Be more than a hack.
    Write the novel that shouts, ‘And he’s back!’
    So, I glare at the screen,
    But for weeks all I’ve seen,
    Is that sneering blank page staring back.”

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, have pity! One word, I beseech!
    Nothing flow’ry, just ordinary speech.
    Of course, one … but who knows?
    It’s a start, I suppose –
    If you don’t keep the rest out of reach.”

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    “This bloke, Jonah, dad?” ‘Yes, he set sail,
    But his mates tossed him over the rail.
    He’d got stroppy with God,
    Who did not spare the rod,
    And had large, hungry fishes on hail.’

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    “This bloke, Jonah, dad?” “Yes, he set sail,
    But the crew tossed him over the rail.
    He’d got stroppy with God,
    Who did not spare the rod,
    And had large, hungry fishes on hail.”

    “Three long days in the belly he spent,
    After which he resolved to repent.
    So, the fish got the nod,
    And spewed out the poor sod
    Who, though chastened, still harboured dissent.”

    I feel a saga coming on.

  110. On Jack’s hill, Jill started to frown
    For it rained; she thought they would drown.
    And then came the hail.
    She found that her pail
    was to heavy to carry back down!

  111. Steve Benko says:

    Each morning I wake feeling hale,
    Till the moment I step on the scale.
    I run and I diet;
    New gimmick? I’ll try it!
    For skinny’s the lost Holy Grail.

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    “With one bound … Yes! Our hero is free.”
    “Oh, well done! And from there?” “Don’t ask me.”
    “That’s the best you can do?”
    “Till the Greek bint comes through.
    Until then, I’m no smarter than thee.”

  113. Tony Holmes says:

    “With one bound … Yes! Our hero is free.”
    “Oh, well done! And from there?” “Don’t ask me.”
    “That’s the best you can do?”
    “Till the Greek bint comes through.
    Until then, I’m no smarter than thee.”

    “Take more money!” “Okay – if I must.
    Though it won’t make a difference.” “I trust
    Money’s power to inspire.
    If it doesn’t, I fire.”
    “Well I’m blessed! See how quick I adjust?”

  114. Steve Benko says:

    Next year there’s a judge who I’ll hail
    For refusing to grant someone bail.
    Donald’s big fat caboose
    Shouldn’t be on the loose,
    For to Moscow he’d surely turn tail.

  115. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Hey, traveler, from where do you hail?”
    asked a shrewd homing pigeon of Snail.
    Snail (slowly grown wise)
    said, “I won’t fraternize,
    so don’t ask me to carry your mail!”

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    When the sky’s black as night, dropping hail,
    It’s no joke to be out, for a snail.
    Quite apart from the din,
    Direct hits wound the skin,
    And leave visible dents in the tail.

    Snails appear to be in season.

  117. Tony Holmes says:

    When the sky’s black as night, dropping hail,
    It’s no joke to be out, for a snail.
    Quite apart from the din,
    Direct hits bruise the skin.
    On the plus side, it wipes out our trail.

  118. Tony Holmes says:

    The first last line was lame.

  119. Tony Holmes says:

    “All hail. ‘Sthat the collective for hail?”
    “No. There is no collective. You fail.”
    “Come again! That’s not fair!”
    “Go away! I don’t care.
    I’m just here to deliver the mail.”

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    Negotiating Writer’s Block

    “With one bound … Yes! Our hero is free.”
    “Oh, well done! And from there?” “Don’t ask me.”
    “That’s the best you can do?”
    “Till the Greek bint comes through.
    Until then, I’m no smarter than thee.”

    “Take more money!” “Okay – if I must.
    Though it won’t make a difference.” “I trust
    Money’s power to inspire.
    If it doesn’t, I fire.”
    “Well I’m blessed! See how quick I adjust?”

    “We’re all done and it’s all down to you –
    No, give credit where credit is due.
    When you said the word, ‘Fired,’
    I saw all I desired,
    Being flushed down the Swanee Kazoo.”

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    acrostic: Writer’s Block

    W hy try to pen novels? It’s hard
    R emember it may leave you scarred
    I know for a fact
    T hat it might get you wracked
    E v’ry person is not The Great Bard

  122. Steve Whitred says:

    My muse is a bit of a jerk
    Cuz she says, with a cynical smirk
    ”You’re retirement’s a bore
    You write worse than before
    I suggest that you go back to work”

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    “This bloke, Jonah, dad?” “Yes, he set sail,
    But the crew tossed him over the rail.
    He’d got stroppy with God,
    Who did not spare the rod,
    Summoned large, hungry fish up by hail.”

    “Three long days in the belly he spent,
    After which he resolved to repent.
    So, the fish got the nod,
    And spewed out the poor sod
    Who, though chastened, still harboured dissent.”

    “But, the point had been made: he relayed
    What The Lord had commanded be sayed.
    “Ninevites! You are lost,
    You now learn to your cost!
    Your destruction’s no longer delayed.”

    “Well, the Ninevites took this to heart
    And as one set about a new start.
    So, The Lord changed His mind –
    No surprise, He’s so kind –
    Making Jonah most miffed on his part.

    “What’s the point of the story, then, dad?”
    “Well, I think that no matter they’re bad,
    When a kind act is done,
    To a hated someone,
    We should try to rejoice and be glad.”

  124. Tony Holmes says:

    “My muse, who I know, has her views,
    Will rejoice when I tell her the news.
    Only three days to go –
    Maybe next we’ll have snow?
    No, of course, we’ve had that. P’raps tattoos?”

    This is not a suggestion.

  125. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Once deciding to let my pen talk,
    I can scribble all night ’round the clock.
    And I produce oodles!
    So what if they’re doodles?
    I fill every page chockablock.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Couldn’t finish “The Chirp of a Bird”
    Till something inside of me stirred
    In the dead of the night
    I tackled my plight
    And remembered that one lousy word

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    A substantial improvement of a previous limerick

    “Guess Who?”

    Poor Cokie became very frail
    Her face just so pallid and pale
    The plane disappeared
    Never found, (very weird)
    And the first name none other than Hale

  128. Janice Power says:

    I simply can’t think of a plot;
    It seems that my mind’s in a knot.
    Perhaps I’ll embark
    On a wee Cutty Sark,
    And keep going until my brains rot.

  129. Steve Benko says:

    A double-header (for both prompts):

    At God and my muses I rail
    Till the end of my novel I hail.
    Now I’ll sit back and wait,
    Perhaps go on a date
    Till rejection slips come in the mail.

  130. Tim James says:

    A writer who’d taken a crack
    At a JFK book said, “Alack!
    When I tried to compose,
    My whole brain up and froze.
    Simply stated, I couldn’t write jack.”

  131. Suzanne Heymann says:

    That Tim James never gets writer’s block.
    Im so jealous his limericks rock!
    Seems his every pun
    Is so clever, so fun
    I could never be one of his flock!

  132. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Say, whom DO we refer to as hale?
    Just the elderly? (strong ones, not frail)
    I’m strung up by the truth
    That young pups, so uncouth,
    Are hung up on their youth, without fail.

  133. Suzanne Heymann says:

    He thought poetry might win her heart
    As he wrote, he soon reached the best part
    Till both ends had passed gas
    Such distractions! Such class!
    The finale – a massive brain fart.

  134. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Trump’s speech writer had writer’s block
    That’s okay – we’ll be saved by Trump’s schlock
    “As my jaws know the clause
    To increase the applause
    I do ad lib, ad nauseum, ad hoc.”

  135. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There’s a drink that is better than ale
    It has vodka, tomato juice, kale
    Salt-rimmed glass for the ride
    Open wide, let it slide
    That’s one Caesar that I’d like to hail!

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Please don’t have an uncontrolled fit
    Your book will be one super hit
    All your words may not flow
    So be sure that you know
    That the first draft of anything’s shit

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    When writers “block out” they get pissed
    But still they hold on and persist
    They seem to be followed
    And totally swallowed
    By demons they just can’t resist

  138. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Hearing Trump talk with throat streptococcic
    Makes the whole thing appear paradoxic.
    Laughs would pound him like hail
    As he utters, words fail
    To appear; hope it ails him. He’s toxic!

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    Relax, I can’t stand all your squawking
    You writers should never start balking
    So please comprehend
    That your “block” will soon end
    And your fictional friends will be talking

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    switching of words

    Relax, I can’t stand all your squawking
    All writers should never be balking
    So please comprehend
    That your “block” will soon end
    And your fictional friends will start talking

  141. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  142. Steve Benko says:

    My limerick cupboard is bare;
    At the keyboard for hours I stare.
    But today is the end;
    Guess this last one I’ll send,
    Then relax and go schtupp the au pair.

  143. Dave Johnson says:

    In Oregon, folks tend to hail
    That justice and truth will prevail.
    But lately they’ve found
    If they gather around,
    Trump’s henchmen will throw them in jail.

  144. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    What to write? What to write? What to write?
    What to write? What to write? What a plight!
    What to… wait, here’s a thought!
    No, it’s gone—I’m distraught.
    What to write? What to… fuck it, good night.

  145. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 448. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Mall.

Leave a Reply