Pining For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow would often opine…*

or

A woman would frequently pine…*

or

A woman had planted a pine…*

or

A craftsperson working with pine…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Pining For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A poet would frequently pine
For lost love, a dark topic he’d mine
In most of his verse,
Until sad went to worse –
She returned — now he can’t write a line.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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69 Responses to “Pining For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Very nice limerick Mad.

  2. Bob Kennedy says:

    The casket, all crafted in pine,
    Needs changes ‘fore I make it mine.
    Interred with my bones
    Must be working cell phones;
    If I’m buried alive, I’ll be fine!

    My dear Southern wife likes to pine
    For Johnny Cash, “I Walk the Line.”
    I will cut her some slack
    ‘Cause he IS “Man in Black”
    But I really prefer my John Prine.

  3. Sancho Panza says:

    A woman had fashioned from pine
    A dildo that managed to combine
    The width she desired
    With a length that inspired
    Pole-vaulters to steal the design.

  4. Granma swore by the cone from a pine
    To tell if ‘twould rain or ‘twould shine;
    If it stayed tightly shut
    Bloomers stayed on her butt,
    If open, they’d flap on the line!

  5. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Pining Squirrel 04.08.2013
    A squirrel supine chomping pine
    If the weather is fine he’ll incline
    To savour each seed
    What more does he need?
    A lady to share his sweet wine.

  6. Kirk Miller says:

    “I need money,” the stripper pined
    “For relief from financial bind.”
    As she gyrates and thrusts,
    Says, “The boredom disgusts,
    ‘Cause it’s always the same old grind.”

  7. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    The Territorial Dwarf 04.08.2013

    In the mine big George lay supine
    Them bottles of wine were divine
    A dwarf then appeared
    And shaved off his beard
    Above and bellow trouser line

  8. Mark Kane says:

    The aromas of ocean and pine,
    Waft over our naked recline,
    Alone on a beach,
    With clothes out of reach,
    After drinking too much of that wine.

  9. John Sardo says:

    A woman had planted a pine
    That grew in a very straight line.
    One day the wind blew.
    And down the pine flew.
    With the roof of her house did entwine.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would often opine
    Of days before twenty nine.
    The wealth it would flow
    Like a vine it would grow.
    Days of roses and fine sparkling wine.

  11. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would often opine
    Of days before twenty nine
    His stocks were a float
    Then sank like a boat.
    His wealth dried up on the vine.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would often opine
    Of matters devoutly divine.
    He was quite analytic
    Whined apocalyptic
    Doom for mankind in twenty nine.

  13. rbasler says:

    A fellow, a fan of John Prine
    Thought the folksinger’s singing was fine
    “I love his ‘Dear Abby,’
    “It isn’t too shabby!
    “But couldn’t he gargle sometime?”

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A craftsperson working with pine
    Really hoped to make something sublime.
    But she just couldn’t see
    Things well in 3-D.
    To painting she was more inclined.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman would frequently pine
    Over designer clothes she thought divine.
    But she couldn’t afford
    To go overboard;
    Had to settle for fashion less fine.

  16. Jim Delaney says:

    A fellow would often opine:
    “You should say what you think; show some spine,
    But I’ve frequently found
    An opinion’s unsound
    If it glaringly differs from mine.”

  17. Shirdog says:

    A fellow would often opine
    that any tree would be fine
    but he did have a preference
    and just for your reference
    the tree like most was the pine.

  18. Mark Kane says:

    Don’t sit by the phone and just pine.
    Encourage your courage with wine.
    Then wear something tight,
    To troll through the night,
    For your next, lusty hot intertwine.

  19. Craig says:

    Pinocchio’s penis was pine
    And sanded exceedingly fine.
    But for him, STDs
    Meant “Some Termite Disease”
    So I think I’m quite happy with mine.

  20. Brendan Beary says:

    A fellow would often opine
    On the evils of whiskey and wine,
    So we townsfolk were tickled
    On finding him pickled
    As though he’d been soaking in brine.

  21. Andy Sewina says:

    Nicely Mad, there’s more than an element of truth in there.

  22. Andy Sewina says:

    A woman had planted a pine
    Instead of her usual vine
    It tasted like bleach
    She started to preach
    Then pulped it and drank it like wine

  23. Jon Gearhart says:

    What faux character was once said to pine
    For the fiords, in a now famous line?
    I am sure you don’t need
    More than this idle lead,
    And the answer you’ll quickly divine.

  24. Jon Gearhart says:

    As I’m sure that you know who did pine
    In this way in this riddle of mine
    Watch it Palin relation
    To last week’s creation
    Of Steve’s that was truly divine

  25. Jon Gearhart says:

    @Sancho:

    If a craftsperson working with pine
    Really made such a dildo design
    In this unlikely fashion
    Then in fits of passion
    I’m afraid it might splinter in time

    Use of wood that is so soft like pine
    Would most likely be just for design
    Then the engineer folk
    Would suggest using oak
    So the wood would be hard just like mine

  26. Sometimes (I admit it) I pine
    For the life, youth and health that were mine.
    I think with despair
    Of my full head of hair,
    And I pull up the covers and whine.

  27. yt cai says:

    Ex street walker went into a pine
    As sex stopped making her whine
    Positions don’t vary
    Now it’s missionary
    Since prude husband liked her supine

  28. yt cai says:

    Baseball player riding the pine
    While world series was on the line
    Feeling butt cheeks clench
    At far end of the bench
    The fool couldn’t get off asinine

  29. Jon Gearhart says:

    A craftsperson working in pine
    Made a coffin while drinking cheap wine
    The next day his sore head
    Made him wish he were dead
    In the grave in his latest design

  30. Jon Gearhart says:

    Correcting my meter:

    This one craftsperson working in pine
    Made a coffin while drinking cheap wine
    The next day his sore head
    Made him wish he were dead
    In the grave in his latest design

  31. Jon Gearhart says:

    A retired craftsman who worked in pine
    Came and cut down a tree that was mine
    I said to the swine,
    “It’s time to define
    Why your craft output soon will decline!”

  32. Fred Bortz says:

    On a lower bunk fashioned of pine,
    The trysting pair went to recline.
    They squealed and they wriggled
    At least ’til I giggled.
    Then they blushed, for the upper was mine.

  33. Fred Bortz says:

    The physicist liked to opine
    That’s Schroedinger’s cat was just fine.
    Then he opened the box
    And alas, shock of shocks,
    He discovered a half-dead feline.

  34. Fred Bortz says:

    Oops. Extra apostrophe-s

    The physicist liked to opine
    That Schroedinger’s cat was just fine.
    Then he opened the box
    And alas, shock of shocks,
    He discovered a half-dead feline.

  35. Randy Mazie says:

    Tarzan’s Old Travel Memories

    A fellow would often opine…
    when chimp and he took in sunshine,

    and dear sweet Jane
    would always complain:
    there was not enough room on the vine.

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    @Jon Gearhart

    A parrot was once said to pine
    For the fi-ords, a fav’rite of mine.
    This Norwegian Blue
    (Lovely plumage, it’s true)
    Was demised and not just in decline.

    The parrot did not really pine
    For the fi-ords while it did recline.
    Poor Polly’s decease
    Was complained of by Cleese -
    In that sketch, he and Palin both shine.

  37. Fred Bortz says:

    A sad story of quantitative love that was not to be:

    Said the mathematician, “I pine
    For a woman with this shape divine.”
    He displayed his equation
    On every occasion.
    It wasn’t a very good line.

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young girl who tried not to pine
    Met a guy on a quite steep incline
    But the dirty old devil
    Was not on the level
    To recline she just had to decline.

  39. scott says:

    Fred Phelps will often opine,
    we’re headed for Hell un-divine,
    but that highway is paved,
    for the cruel and depraved,
    and he is the first one in line.

  40. Jon Gearhart says:

    @Fred Bortz
    He has caught the short end of the pine
    If he thinks it’s a half-dead feline
    That’s a pessimist view
    When it’s logical to
    Assume any life means the cat’s doing fine

  41. Fred Bortz says:

    @Jon Gearhart

    For that semi-dead feline, we pine.
    It’s lost four-and-a-half lives of nine.
    But it isn’t bereft;
    Four point five lives are left.
    To an optimist, that’s a good sign.

    And if I may further opine,
    I’ll point out that this half-glass of mine
    Still cheers if half-empty
    And sorely will tempt me
    To top it off with some more wine.

    Too much of that sends me supine
    Though I feel as if I’m on Cloud Nine.
    So a pessimist’s view
    Is to stop at to few
    While an optimist cheers with L’Chaim.

    (Note 1: I hope that one semi-rhyme is acceptable in the quest for humor at the end.)

    (Note 2: For the origin of “Cloud Nine,” read my review of The Cloudspotter’s Guide at Cloudspotter’s Guide)

  42. She was gullible, pure as the pine
    When she pondered, “These panties aren’t mine”
    He said quite unabashed
    “They’re for when I feel rashed”
    Which she fell for, hook, sinker, and line

  43. Craig says:

    Mrs. Lovett was known for meat pie’n.
    Sweeney Todd brought her folks who were dyin’
    But chopped up with thyme
    Made a taste so sublime
    That they sold without her really try’n.

  44. Jon Gearhart says:

    This lady who used to opine
    On her theory of Moses’ time
    In the desert spent wandering
    She felt it proved one sure thing
    “Men won’t ask directions, the swine.”

    While we’re on the subject:

    “Who will go on a big, long hike? I am.”
    said Moses. “I will.” said Hiram.
    “40 years, day and night.
    Glad my pack Israelite.”
    (Author’s Note: He’s a smart ass L’chiam.)

  45. Loyd Dillon says:

    For the Post of the Grahams we pine.
    “Why did Bezos haveta buy it?” we whine.
    But Amazon’s boss,
    Ne’er at a loss,
    Wants to *Kindle* more reading on-line.

  46. Craig says:

    A good old boy lives on South Pine,
    Met a gal who was lookin’ so fine.
    He lined up his old trucks,
    Then said “Like ‘em? Aw, shucks.”
    And she fell for that old pickup line.

  47. @Jon & Sue

    Of course Palin’s parrot would “pine”
    For the fi-ords. The pun is a sign
    That the shop-keep, like me,
    Always wanted to be
    A LUMBERJACK!

    (bumm… bumm… bumm… bumm…)
    Leaping from tree to tree…
    (bumm… bumm… bumm… bumm…)
    … in the mighty forests of British Columbia…
    (bumm… bumm… bumm… bumm…)
    … with his best girl by his side…
    (bumm… bumm… bumm… bumm…)
    … and he’d sing… Sing… SING…

    (And if any of this makes sense to you, then you know how the rest of the post would go on from here)

  48. Mark Kane says:

    He fashioned a paddle from pine,
    Attempting to keep her in line.
    She followed his cue,
    And whittled one too.
    Now Ping Pong with them is just fine.

  49. Fred Bortz says:

    A sad tale of a physicist who tries to teach his child a lesson too soon.

    “It’s a pion,” I said, “not a pi-un.
    It’s two quarks joined by Nature’s design
    To cause nucleon changes
    In strong force exchanges.”
    At which point, my kid started cryin’.

    (I actually wrote a series of kids books on subatomic particle, including one called The Quark.)

  50. Sue Dulley says:

    @Will
    While the shopkeeper pines for the pine
    And the larch and the spruce (goes the line)
    I too yearn for BC
    Where there’s still the odd tree,
    Lots of vineyards and good local wine.

  51. Loyd Dillon says:

    A fellow would often opine
    That dating is best if supine.
    But his date who was loath
    To lie down and unclothe
    Said, “staying erect is just fine.”

  52. Craig says:

    Through my windshield, a post made of pine.
    The word STOP, an eight-sided design.
    It smashed up my old Ford
    “That ain’t what I meant, Lord,
    When I asked you to send me a sign”

  53. A pompous old snoot did opine,
    “You must match your meat with the wine.”
    A man, young and smirky
    Quizzed the snoot re: beef jerky.
    And the snoot, with the man, would not dine.

  54. In my school Latin class I would pine
    That our teacher, Miss Jones, would be mine!
    I’d dream of a date
    When we’d conjugate
    But I knew if I asked, she’d decline :(

  55. Olly and Stan’s “Lonesome Pine”
    Seems to age like a cask of fine wine
    Since first, as a lad,
    When I watched with Grandad
    Now my own grandkids’ joy echoes mine.

  56. Marty McCullen says:

    A German would frequently pine
    For those who would send him a line.
    He gathered them up
    Like some little pup
    And threw them into the Rhine.

  57. Neal Pattison says:

    A birdwatcher perched in a pine
    to finish his bottle of wine
    He giggled and squawked
    at eagles and hawks
    ’til loons thought him one of their kind

    A birdwatcher climbed up a pine
    past the ‘no trespassing’ sign
    His cackles and caws
    soon attracted the law
    and he paid the park ranger his fine

  58. Fred Bortz says:

    Inspired by my need to avoid one of my favorite online activities, except in this venue:

    On Facebook, we often opine
    With comments reserved and benign
    You won’t find us flaming
    Except when we’re blaming
    Those fools who won’t follow our line.

    They certainly have heads of pine
    With sawdust for brains by design.
    Their politics flawed,
    Which they claim come from God,
    But that deity sure isn’t mine.

    I’ve promised no more to opine
    On political topics on-line
    Except if they’re suited
    To be rhythmically tooted
    In limerical form, line by line.

  59. Bruce Niedt says:

    Almost forgot to submit on the blog!

    A fellow would frequently pine
    for a girl in Trig (period nine):
    “Can’t she secant she hear
    that I hold her most dear?
    If only she’d give me a sine!”

  60. Mark Kane says:

    A woman would wallow and pine
    Of assets in rapid decline!
    But trips to the gym,
    Could bring back that trim,
    Tight body and she would be fine.

  61. Ailsa McKillop says:

    My uncle loved cladding with pine.
    Take the bathroom — was this by design
    It resembled a sauna:
    Pine walls to each corner
    With its varnished and orangey shine?

  62. Ailsa McKillop says:

    For the days of my twenties I pine
    To old age myself I resign!
    My memory’s worse
    It’s hard to write verse
    Let alone an amusing punchline

  63. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Rog Whittaker sang: “I will pine
    When Durham I leave, and the Tyne.”
    The mistake here is clear
    Durham’s river’s the Wear
    Who neglected to proof-read that line?

    [Roger Whittaker: "Durham Town (The Leaving)" 1969.]

  64. Ailsa McKillop says:

    In its wisdom the Court did opine
    That the product of Jerez from vine
    Alone is termed “sherry”
    Which is logical — very.
    Made in Britain, it’s “fortified wine”.

    Vine Products Limited v MacKenzie & Co Limited [1969]; Commission v United Kingdom [1996]

  65. Ailsa McKillop says:

    For those tales of the Midwest I pine
    Brave men and companions equine
    Roy Rogers! George Custer!
    Embued with such lustre
    In childhood, these heroes of mine

  66. Ailsa McKillop says:

    On the ocean I floated, supine
    Admiring the blue sky divine
    I rolled over; now prone
    I could see every stone
    Every pebble and shell ‘neath the brine

  67. Diane Groothuis says:

    These limericks cause me to pine
    As my thought processes twist and then twine
    On the subject today
    What on earth can I say
    To get a pun in the last line?

  68. FOR (and against) KEN CUCCINELLI

    Ken’s sodomy laws make me pine
    For my writing: I now face a fine
    If I stick a big dick
    In my rude limerick
    And it doesn’t go in a vagin’.

  69. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 126.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Pair.