Limerick Disguise (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was dating three guys…*

or

A fellow was out with the guys…*

or

A fellow who wore a disguise…*

or

A gal was just one of the guys…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Disguise
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A sales clerk who dates many guys
Keeps them coming with kudos and lies.
She’ll bellow in bed,
“What wonderful head!”
A whopper each buys — no surprise!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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62 Responses to “Limerick Disguise (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. billgncs says:

    A gal who was dating three guys
    Would pick one that she knew never lies.
    When she asked for the part
    That was dear to his heart
    He responded with thunderous thighs.

  2. Beth Winter says:

    I loved your limerick and your opening lines have caught my attention. Perhaps tomorrow, I will give it a try. :)

  3. A fellow who wore a disguise

    Developed a craving for pies

    When he got busted

    His face with sugar was dusted

    And the cops wouldn’t buy his sweet lies

  4. billgncs says:

    A gal who was dating three guys
    Wore panties of luminous plies.
    The colors were dandy
    When fellows got randy
    For reflecting light into their eyes.

  5. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A British lad, Jack, hunts for guys.
    When he’s queried on this he replies:
    “I don’t know what it means,
    I’m just drawn to their jeans.
    Now they’re calling me ‘Lord of the Flies’.”

  6. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A man who gets more than most guys
    Has a measure on which he relies:
    “It’s not breasts I revere
    Or the shape of her rear;
    What I want is to hear bedroom ayes.”

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    Henry Miller was wearing disguise
    For he hoped that the chance would arise
    To seduce (the old cheater)
    A young senorita,
    Then give her his Big Sur prize.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    He snuck in, wearing female disguise,
    To the dorm full of maidenly thighs,
    But they saw through his trick
    When they spotted his dick -
    He’d forgotten to button his flies.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Though Butch is the toughest of guys
    (for a fee, he’ll arrange the demise
    of your wife or your part-
    ner), he’s tender at heart —
    when he watches ‘Love Story’, he cries.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    A surfer went out with the guys,
    A decision that proved most unwise,
    For a shark bit him dead,
    Leaving half of his head.
    They identified him from his eyes.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    Titus A, quite a chef in his guise,
    Gave Tamora a tasty surprise.
    Under puff-pastry lids,
    He had cooked her own kids
    In one of his gourmet meat-pies.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Dubbya, “I’m one o’ them guys
    Whom jest cain’t help kinda despise
    Them folks who say ‘Geez,
    Ain’t no WMDs!
    Who’da thunk that a President lies?’ ”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Bill, “I am one of those guys
    For whom sex is an act between thighs.
    Since I stuck to her mouth
    Without going south,
    Then I didn’t have sex, tell no lies.”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    Bill Gates said: “Now listen up, guys.
    Each new version of Windows just dies.
    But our buyers are stupid,
    They love us like Cupid -
    We’re still selling Word to the ‘wise’.”

  15. Bjorn says:

    In Rome, wering woman’s disguise
    a hustler tried fooling the guys
    but he could’t behave
    forgetting to shave
    exposing his two shaggy thighs

  16. John Sardo says:

    A gal was just one of the guys
    With burger she had her french fries.
    She downed them with beer
    And said with a sneer
    Complain and you’ll meet your demise.

  17. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was out with the guys
    Chasing gals and the ultimate prize.
    He approached a fair maiden
    With hopes to get laid in
    An hour or two he’d surmise.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    She selected the one with blue eyes.
    He lived in Sumatra
    And just like Sinatra
    A wink always won him the prize.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was dating three guys,
    Each one was a gem! What a prize!
    One dazzled her mind,
    One musically shined,
    And one’s cock was a wondrous size.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal was just one of the guys,
    But each one she did fantasize
    With her having sex
    Deep kisses and pecks.
    Some nights she just stays home and cries.

  21. Kirk Miller says:

    Said a young buxom gal to some guys,
    “What I say should be no big surprise.
    Know what I’d like best
    To get off my chest?
    It is simple: your two staring eyes.”

  22. Chris O'Carroll says:

    Red exclaimed to the Wolf, “What big eyes!”
    He growled back, “Here’s a further surprise.”
    Then he threw off the sheet,
    Roaring, “Later, I’ll eat
    You, but right now, try THIS on for size!”

    (Does the end of my first line — g eyes — qualify as a “guys” homophone?)

  23. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman was dating three guys:
    A doc; a tycoon; but the prize
    Was a lama, undoing
    The fun in the screwing.
    But she’s healthier, wealthy, and wise.

  24. Chris O'Carroll says:

    Said a gal who was dating three guys,
    “In their own ways, they’re all sweetie-pies,
    But my days and my nights
    Need more spicy delights
    Than any one lover supplies.”

  25. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    And happily they were unwise
    That she’s splittin’ zippers
    Of three different dippers–
    Time’s fun when you’re out halving flies!!

  26. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman was dating three guys:
    A first baseman; a shortstop; but prize
    Was her fielder.
    Each time that he keeled her
    She remembered the fun shagging flies.

  27. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman is dating three guys
    And she has no tears in her eyes
    When she cannot see Fred
    She has Oscar in bed
    And for Johnny she’s”sparing” no lies

  28. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A guy who does porn in disguise:
    “No one looks at your face or your eyes.
    It’s about the erection
    And mine is perfection;
    It’s why I’m a star on the rise.”

  29. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A wolf who would hunt in disguise
    Was howling with laughter—then sighs,
    “Dem sheeps be some fools;
    Jus’ pull you some wools
    Down ober yer head and deir eyes.”

  30. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    wrote:
    Beelzebub came in disguise.
    He’s a snake and likes spreading his lies.
    He said, “God is now dead!”
    Then encircled my head.
    That’s how scales came to cover my eyes.

  31. John Peter Larkin says:

    A fellow who wore a disguise
    was given away by his size.
    And not only that,
    his feet were both flat
    and he couldn’t uncross his eyes.

  32. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Seems all of dear Mad’s many guys
    Like Burger King’s burgers and fries.
    She’s terribly sly
    When telling a lie,
    Because it’s a Whopper each buys.

  33. kaykuala says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    Was most adept at telling white lies
    Did it with finesse
    Made them look nice
    Was prompted by the will to survive

    Hank

  34. Val Fish says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    Measuring each one up for size
    It wasn’t the longest
    Who finished the strongest
    Little Rod romped home with first prize

  35. Tim James says:

    A gal was just one of the guys,
    Playing baseball beneath sunny skies.
    She spat dip and she scratched;
    At her privates she snatched.
    She showed major-league form, hygiene-wise.

  36. Kirk Miller says:

    If you’re one of those dinosaur guys
    Who likes skeletal fossils, be wise.
    In order to see ‘em,
    Go to a museum,
    ‘Cause it’s really a site for saur eyes.

  37. Val Fish says:

    He craftily wore a disguise
    He’d not see his kids otherwise
    Donning female attire
    Darling Mrs Doubtfire
    Made us laugh, brought tears to our eyes

  38. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    At NASA, it seems there are guys
    Who, no matter what anyone tries,
    Think that they have a place
    Out in outermost space;
    It just must be the stars in their eyes.

  39. Val Fish says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    With members of varying size
    ‘Twasn’t the largest measure
    That gave the greatest pleasure
    ‘Tiny Tim’ brought tears to her eyes!

  40. Val Fish says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    Feeding each a tissue of lies
    She promised to marry
    Tom Dick and Harry
    Then ‘turned’ and eloped with a ‘bi’

  41. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A gal was just one of the guys,
    And enjoyed things like fishing with flies.
    Then one day at some creek
    They’re all taking a leak—
    Yes, her penis was quite a surprise.

  42. colonialist says:

    A gal was just one of the guys,
    But suffered a sorry surprise:
    It turned out the lot
    Seemed what they were not,
    For all were just girls in disguise!

  43. colonialist says:

    A woman was dating three guys,
    Which turned out to be most unwise -
    They came the same day
    For their roll in the hay,
    And that led to three quick goodbyes.

  44. Kirk Miller says:

    From sleeping around with some guys,
    Lucille got a nasty surprise.
    Now Lucille is quite miffed
    At a man’s lasting gift:
    A burning between her two thighs.

  45. Tim James says:

    Miss Uhura was dating three guys
    And, when asked if she thought that was wise,
    Said, “Why not? Kirk will bed
    Any chick who’s not dead.
    It’s the essence of free Enterprise!”

  46. Johanna Richmond says:

    A baker well-loved by the guys
    Was a little behind making pies.
    She peeled before sug’ring
    Her fruit which made boog’ring
    The best way to keep off the flies.

  47. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A woman was dating five guys,
    Which was hard on that spot ‘tween her thighs.
    But she’d never complain,
    ‘Cause her oft heard refrain
    Was: “I sooo love their burgers and fries.”

  48. John Armstrong says:

    Sherlock often wore a disguise
    But it appears Irene Adler grew wise
    A Scandal in Bohemia
    Grew a tad steamier
    When she wished him good night en prise

  49. Dr. Goose says:

    Said one of those literate guys:
    “I went off to school to get wise,
    And found my degree
    Would qualify me
    To order up burgers & fries.”

  50. Dr. Goose says:

    “I’ve had it with all of these guys,”
    Said a woman while rolling her eyes;
    “I’m not in the mood
    For a bro or a dude,
    But I may try a man on for size.”

  51. Dr. Goose says:

    Said Sterling: “Those nappy-haired guys
    Are acceptable, basketball-wise,
    But not at the game
    On the arm of my flame,
    Or as residents in my high-rise.”

  52. Dr. Goose says:

    Snow White could seduce seven guys,
    Though they were of diminutive size.
    She ordered: “Hi-ho!
    Two above, three below,
    And two more to tickle my thighs.”

  53. Allen Wilcox says:

    A gal was just one of the guys,
    Which was certainly quite a surprise.
    She pulled out her prick,
    And then gave it a flick,
    Which brought something like tears to their eyes.

  54. Allen Wilcox says:

    A lad who came out with his guys
    Had to tell them, “I have a surprise.
    Although you’re my pals,
    I much prefer gaks,
    So it’s time that I say my good-bys.”

  55. Allen Wilcox says:

    A gal was just one of the guys,
    But she said,”I have quite a surprise.”
    So she lifted her dress,
    And, as one might guess,
    One ball and two cocks met their eyes.

  56. Allen Wilcox says:

    A woman was dating three guys.
    They were Tom, Dick and Harry – surprise!
    When all three found out
    What their dates were about,
    She offered no words to the “Whys”.

  57. Allen Wilcox says:

    Part 2

    This response did not please our three guys.
    They were quite mad as hell – no surprise.
    They all threw her out
    And threw her about,
    And replied with no words to her “Whys”.

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    Part 3

    But this tale didn’t end for our guys,
    For imprisoned they were – no surprise
    And when they got out,
    They were queried about
    What they did – still no words for the “Whys”.

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    Part 4

    After years of deep thought, our three guys,
    An answer they had – a surprise.
    “Watch what you’re about
    When ;you ask a girl out”
    Was the best they could do for the “Whys”.

  60. Johanna Richmond says:

    Dear Author

    Your sex book says “Don a disguise…
    There’s eroticism in surprise…”
    But it fails to lay bare
    Changing organs down there
    Moves a man to crack up — please advise.

  61. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    On a whim this god Zeus takes the guise
    Of a swan to deceive Leda’s eyes.
    Then he does what gods do,
    And asks, “Good for you too?”
    “Are you daft? It was fowl!” she replies.

  62. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 162

    Bu you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Break