Limerick Eyes (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman with beautiful eyes…*

or

A fellow was feasting his eyes…*

or

A woman with stars in her eyes…*

or

A gal was a sight for sore eyes…*

or

A fellow who dots all his i’s…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Eyes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow is feasting his eyes
On a gal in a sexy disguise.
Since her face is quite plain,
Plainly that ain’t the main
Feature giving the man quite a rise.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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100 Responses to “Limerick Eyes (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Bob Kennedy says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    Had a worldview, refreshingly wise.
    She said “Don’t climb aboard it
    If you can’t afford it.”
    That pretty much sums it up, guys!

  2. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes,
    Perky breasts, slender waist, and firm thighs,
    Is considered a winner.
    So men’ll buy dinner
    In hopes of a peek at her prize.

  3. Sue Dulley says:

    They sing of Sweet Judy Blue Eyes -
    CSN (you’ve all heard of those guys)
    On the label it’s “Suite”
    Since three movements complete
    This great song which they all harmonize.

    Van sang of a girl with brown eyes
    With whom he would once fraternize
    In the years of his youth
    And this may be the truth
    Whole or partial – don’t tell me it’s lies.

    One handsome young man with brown eyes
    Is getting some good exercise
    As in two songs of old
    He (or so we are told)
    Heads for home as round base three he flies.

  4. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young sheila with beautiful eyes
    Won the nudist colony prize
    For her arse so divine
    Great tits and waistline
    And vulva of just the right size.

  5. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A fellow was feasting his eyes
    On her breasts and those glorious thighs.
    “You can look but don’t touch,
    ‘Cause that drool’s a bit much!”
    Yet he tried it: a move quite unwise

    As he fell, body-slammed, to the floor
    And gazed up – ah, so much to adore;
    The view, tantalizing,
    Was sure not disguising
    The underwear – lack of! – she wore.

    He lay there in wretched confusion,
    Saw the look on her face: an illusion?
    …They went “home” after all.
    He woke up near the mall,
    Wallet gone and cock sore: disillusion :(

  6. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    The professor crossed T’s, dotted I’s
    On the thighs of young women of size.
    Sighed, “Your papers are wanting,
    Your grammar skills daunting-
    Ly poor. But I’m kind and, yes, wise

    So we’ll test you for poor punctuation.
    My lord, what a novel sensation
    I get when enscribing
    You, dear! Are you bribing
    Me further? A C! Next! Yep, we’re done.”

  7. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Oops! Minor thing, but forgot the ending quotation mark ~ thanks, Mad.

    Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it. :)

  8. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A fellow who dotted his i’s
    Also loved to cross-tease (gals and guys):
    He explained, “I inseminate,
    And refuse to discriminate!”
    …His use of a condom seems wise.

  9. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Mad crosses her t’s, dots her i’s:
    She manages smartly the rise
    In her websites’ activity
    And shows a proclivity
    For humor in many a guise :)

  10. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Politicians, we see in your eyes
    Dollar signs but no stars. You’d be wise
    To court public support.
    (That’s rhetorical: snort!)
    We’re so sick of your lies and your why’s.

  11. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Hillary, you’re so tired :( Your eyes
    Reflect all the mileage and size
    Of the tasks taken on.
    Please come back – though you’ve gone,
    We sure need you! ’16? Our hopes rise :)

    As US Secretary of State,
    It’s tough to dispute you were great.
    Though it’s taken a toll,
    We think you’re on a roll!
    Help your country – again; we can’t wait.

  12. A woman with beautiful eyes
    Enchanted the neighbourhood guys.
    But her angelic demeanour
    Covered a quite mean whore—
    A nasty old witch in disguise.

  13. Gary Hallock says:

    The vote from young men is all “ayes”
    When a pole dancer gyrates her thighs
    I also should mention
    They’ll stand at attention
    Although, from their seats, they don’t rise

  14. John Sardo says:

    A gal was a sight for sore eyes
    She promised a guy to surprise.
    She drank a quick fizzy.
    And got herself dizzy.
    To chug a fast triple proved sadly unwise.

  15. John Sardo says:

    A woman with stars in her eyes
    Had a plan she tried to disguise.
    She wanted to marry
    A guy she called Larry.
    But the plan she’d devise he’d quickly surmise.

  16. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who’d dot all his i’s
    Met a gal with stars in her eyes.
    In a jiffy they met
    Worked up a fast sweat.
    He couldn’t disguise his eager high rise.

  17. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who had a high rise
    Met a gal with stars in her eyes.
    This gal was sublime.
    So he wasted no time.
    “But, sweetie,” she said. “I want some french fries.”

  18. yt cai says:

    Up in Congress they are seeking ayes
    For a war vote based somewhat on lies
    Cons showed them some pics
    Assad must take his licks
    While Al Qaeda are now our allies?

    It’s much harder to know the bad guys
    Who’s asking the what’s where’s and why’s
    Of who gains the most
    When people are toast
    Despite rush to judgment outcries

    Before the first dirty bomb flies
    From depleted uranium skies
    Please listen to the sane
    No, that’s not John McCain
    Since Iraq proved that he is unwise

    It’s just not that war I despise
    It’s “just war” that will compromise
    Our poor country’s soul
    There in that black hole
    Let peace be our final reprise

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    A stray dog with beautiful eyes
    Was adopted! Indeed what a prize!
    But all the good he’s since done
    Is now lost to everyone
    FB closed doggies pages, how unwise!

  20. rbasler says:

    He said she had ‘Hemingway eyes,’
    A blue like the bluest of skies?
    But perhaps he meant red,
    Like a bull, when it’s dead?
    She hated ambiguous guys!

  21. Fred Bortz says:

    This week’s offering has a title:
    POLAR COORDINATES

    If you have mathematical eyes,
    You can tell us that e to i pi’s
    Just second to none.
    That’s right, minus one.
    And knowing that makes you feel wise.

  22. Fred Bortz says:

    The editor dotted the i’s
    And crossed t’s so it wasn’t unwise.
    But the author rebelled,
    Crossed his eyes, and he yelled,
    “Now it won’t win the Man Booker prize.”

    “For you see, having undotted i’s
    And t’s with no crossbars relies
    On the reader to find
    The author’s lost mind.
    That’s artful, which no one denies.”

    The editor rolled her sad eyes.
    “An ‘artiste’? No, just one of the guys!
    You’re a mid-lister, Fred.
    Get that through your hard head,
    Trim that manuscript to the right size.”

  23. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    was attractive to all the young guys
    But one day she flossed
    too hard and they crossed
    Now she sighs as the guys make “Goodbyes”

  24. Fred Bortz says:

    You can’t tell by the look of their eyes
    That what they are saying is lies.
    They’ll seduce you until
    Your deep secrets you spill,
    And you never find out they are spies.

  25. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was feasting his eyes
    On a woman’s sweet sensuous thighs,
    When her pimp happened by,
    And asked “Like to try
    My working girl here on for size?”

  26. Craig says:

    A nympho with beautiful eyes
    Treated men to a flash of her thighs.
    With a wink and a leer
    She’d say “What I’ve got here
    Is a thing you should try on for sighs.”

  27. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman with stars in her eyes
    Auditioned for Love Never Dies
    But she had dreadful luck
    With no script, she was stuck
    When they said to her “Now improvise.”

  28. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A young girl who dots all her i’s
    In a heart shape or similar guise
    Is betraying her youth
    One need be no sleuth!
    Immaturity’s what it implies.

  29. Craig says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes,
    Blessed with breasts of a very large size,
    Wore a shirt way too tight;
    It sprang open one night,
    Taking most of her guests by surprise.

    (I hereby freely acknowledge that this is a re-work of another of my limericks that was posted here months ago.)

  30. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    Some light-hearted flirting applies!
    A man’s heart to win
    She’ll look up, with lowered chin
    (This gesture, you know, wasn’t just Di’s.)

  31. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow would dot all the i’s
    And cross all the t’s the right size
    But rejected the notion
    Of seeking promotion
    By licking the r’s—very wise!

  32. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The editor dotted the i’s
    (so to speak) of the journalist’s tries.
    But it didn’t pass muster–
    To his staff he had just a
    Brief order: “Sensationalise!”

  33. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    Cosmetic aid did not despise.
    With the aid of soft kohl
    The casements to her soul
    Were enhanced by the products she buys.

  34. colonialist says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    Was glad that her Muslim disguise
    At least kept those showing,
    And who would be knowing
    The rest of her they might despise!

  35. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    There once was a term: “making eyes”
    At the males from whom you’d welcome “tries”.
    But slang changes so fast,
    Meanings morph from their past;
    “Get a rise” now seems literal, guys!

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    In one entomologist’s eyes
    The days are too short – no surprise.
    With stopwatch in hand
    Near garbage he’ll stand
    And work on his project: Time flies.

  37. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    He could not believe his own eyes
    When he looked up and saw in the skies
    A UFO coloured red
    With signage that said
    “Four’n Twenty, have the juiciest Pies”

  38. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman with stars in her eyes,
    Said “My art I will not compromise.
    I can sing, dance and act,
    A young Garbo, in fact,
    By the way, would you like that with fries?”

  39. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Terrorist showed only his eyes
    Using Berka as a disguise
    But that all came undone
    When the bomb in his bum
    Went off early and caused his demise

  40. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old fellow feasting his eyes
    On a Porno got a surprise
    When his shrunken old warhead
    He’d long thought was dead
    Was slowly starting to rise.

  41. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young woman with stars in her eyes
    Went in search of a Beauty Queen prize
    Though her boobs were her pride
    She was disqualified
    Because of their unequal size.

  42. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Well, Radnoft, you certainly have a way of getting directly to the point :)

  43. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    The gal was a sight for sore eyes
    Which began to make him fantasize
    So imagining what
    They could do in the cot
    Made his blood pressure and old fellow rise

  44. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A young thing thought batting her eyes
    Would lead to a marital prize.
    She snagged “him”, it’s true,
    But as many things do
    Turn out, she’s now sad (but not wise).

  45. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Thanks for noticing Patrice of the ManyCats

  46. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    The captain thought “peeling his eyes”
    Would lead him, with crew, to large prize
    s. To grave dismay,
    They were capsized that day
    And now rest wit da fishes (*Wise “I’s”).

    *Wise-Guy “Eye”talian fishermen! I crack myself up :)

  47. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    They’re lustrous and huge: oh, those eyes!
    Her legs, long and elegant – sighs
    Were heard from the spider
    Who crept up beside her:
    Will she bite off his head, or part “thighs”?

  48. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow who dots all his i’s
    When he’s tightly between a girls thighs
    Must wonder about
    How he ever got out
    When born with regard to his size

  49. Angelika says:

    A fellow was feasting his eyes
    On a very delicious surprise
    A platter of bacon made into a pie
    So big he would surely die.

  50. Jeep Walters says:

    A gal was a sight for sore eyes,
    and thought by most men, such a prize!
    Indeed, quite the looker,
    she dressed like a hooker,
    and from her suitors, she got such a rise!

  51. Mark Kane says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    Is likely to offer surprise.
    After hard fought seduction,
    You’ll find an obstruction.
    You see she’s a man in disguise.

  52. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    When a missile caught a Serbian’s eye
    He knew nuclear attack was nigh
    So grabbed hold of his “eggs”"
    Put his head tween his legs
    And kissed his arsole goodbye.

    “eggs” Slang meaning balls.

  53. Laurie Macdonald Baker says:

    A woman with stunning blue eyes
    Was a hit with most of the guys
    Deep like the ocean
    They caused such commotion
    She oft had to wear a disguise.

  54. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow sustained a black eye
    And in no way did it gratify
    When her nicker elastic
    Broke and went spastic
    While kissing his sheila goodbye

  55. Kirk Miller says:

    A polling team uses their eyes
    To watch men very closely, and tries
    To find out what men do
    When they’re using the loo.
    Most males are, they conclude, stand-up guys.

  56. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Upon waking Eve opened her eyes
    Saw Adam and got a surprise
    She’d been dreaming of dick
    So she acted real quick
    And fed him some fresh apple pies.

  57. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Miss Muffet had wide open eyes
    Accompanied with ecstatic sighs
    Just after she’d come
    Per Jack Horner’s thumb
    Which he usually poked into pies

  58. Daisy Mae says:

    The glasses help two of his eyes
    Add his dapper black cap- what a guy!
    Poke in ears, hands and nose
    Big teeth, mustache, blue toes
    Mr. Potatohead? Uh oh. French fries.

  59. Marina Sofia says:

    A woman with stars in her eyes
    Thought her suitors were all terribly wise
    But she soon found out
    They’re just mucking about
    With thin varnish-of-culture disguise.

  60. brian miller says:

    a fellow who dots all his eyes
    gave a rather frightful surprise
    when brandishing a pen
    he did it again
    and slipped away free in disguise

  61. HisFireFly says:

    A fellow who dots all his i’s
    met a woman who loved making pies
    she baked his favourite letter
    and making it even better
    scooped an ice cream dot to surprise

  62. Jon Gearhart says:

    Cross your t’s and then dot all your i’s
    Cast your vote wise and don’t compromise
    Your last precious moral
    Or you’ll have a sore hole
    When your candidate screws you width wise

  63. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    When Adam looked into Eve’s eyes
    He recalled her ecstatic cries
    The first time he was in her
    After eating at dinner
    One of her great apple pies

  64. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Jacky Horner had lust in his eyes
    As Goldilocks unzipped his flies
    And as she sat on his member
    He was sure he’d remember
    This was better than poking those pies.

  65. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    He said suavely, “Let’s break the eyes…”
    She murmured, “I do sympathize.
    If your accent were smoother,
    I’d think you much couther!
    Entice, not the same as ‘end ties’.”

  66. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Her tee had been crossed by his eyes;
    He, blatantly one of those guys
    Who proclaimed, “I love chests!
    More specifically, breasts:
    They give more than my spirits a rise.”

    She approached, her eyes fixed ‘neath his waist.
    He leered, “Do you fancy a taste?”
    She smiled: “Something’s there,
    If exposed to cold air?
    I doubt it: crotch space gone to waste.”

  67. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Had she used both ears and eyes
    Bo Peep would have heard her sheep’s cries
    Coming out of the trees
    Where a band of Kiwi’s
    Were emitting their ecstatic sighs

  68. Mark Kane says:

    When casting she carefully eyes
    The features of willing young guys.
    Her task, to apprise:
    “Will each fellow give rise
    To a sudden and steady upsize?”

  69. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Today was the day we cast eyes
    Upwards to the shocking blue skies
    From which came pure hell.
    And for all those who fell,
    We miss and we thank you; just whys…

  70. Tim James says:

    The sun’s nothing like mistress eyes
    Says The Bard. I reply, cracking wise:
    Were her eyes yellow-sphered,
    Burning hot, ‘twould be weird.
    Far more meet if the heat’s ‘twixt her thighs.

  71. a juror was feasting his eyes
    on the witness telling her lies
    she hitched up her skirt
    demurely smiled with a flirt
    with pleasure he accept her guise

  72. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman with stars in her eyes
    A smile that can melt hearts of guys
    Bright and hot like the sun
    Burning, yearning for one
    Sweet kiss from soft lips, heaven’s prize

  73. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow who dots all his I’s
    And crosses his T’s may seem wise
    But if he uses FC
    Like you and like me
    He ends up just one of the guys

  74. John Armstrong says:

    The Stooges used to poke eyes
    Causing mayhem to no one’s surprise
    Larry, Curly, and Moe
    Sometimes Shemp and Curly Joe
    Could it be they are mankind in disguise?

  75. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Old Mother Hubbard’s keen eyes
    Saw her cupboard was full of blowflies
    And her poor doggies bone
    Was completely fly blown
    So she minced it and served it with fries

  76. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    At Mary he made sheep’s eyes
    With smooth talking soon mesmerised
    In 9 months to this ram
    Mary had a little lamb
    And weren’t all the doctors surprised

  77. Mark Kane says:

    A young wife with cool lyin’ eyes,
    Does little to try and disguise
    Her sexual needs,
    And so she proceeds,
    To cheat on her marriage with guys.

  78. Bruce Niedt says:

    An editor dots all the i’s
    for a big daily news enterprise,
    and he has eyes for Dot,
    whom he thinks is real hot,
    but to her, he’s no Pulitzer Prize.

  79. Bruce Niedt says:

    It’s important to keep both your eyes
    on a college degree as your prize.
    Put yourself to the task,
    or the question you’ll ask
    will be “do you want that with fries?”

  80. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow was feasting his eyes
    On two breasts of considerable size
    The deli clerk barked,
    “You want white meat or dark?”
    So he ordered the pair, with some fries

  81. Bill Klein says:

    A woman with nearsighted eyes
    Felt the moisture that dampened her thighs
    Her man, with alarm,
    Said “You’re sucking my arm”
    Which cut her mood back down to size

  82. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A woman averted her eyes
    From a man of considerable size.
    He was quite large and pink -
    But it’s not what you think.
    She scooched over, enplaned: it seemed wise.

  83. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    The couple could not take their eyes
    From the sight of those long railroad ties.
    Tie him up, tie her down!
    Heard too late, whistlin’ soun’…
    Drunken lovers ev’where empathize.

  84. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Georgie Porgie had that look in his eyes
    And ignored the girls cajoling cries
    But when the boys came out to play
    He suddenly realised he was gay
    So farewell pudding and pies

  85. Diane Groothuis says:

    Three monkeys ( one hiding his eyes)
    Are noted for being quite wise
    But where Freud does prevail
    The sting lies in the tail
    And it largely depends on the size.

  86. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman with beautiful eyes
    Was considering my son’s size
    Saying “when I wear glasses
    I focus on asses
    And I do make the “subject” arise”.

  87. Dear Boss: as your ears and your eyes,
    I’m one of the best of your spies.
    Still… unless ficus trees
    Are expected to sneeze,
    They may have seen through my disguise.

  88. Was he guilty? The Court of Assize
    Soon rang with the jurymen’s cries.
    Though the eight who said “Nay”
    Finally carried the day,
    It was truly a fight for four “Aye”s.

  89. (That last one, I forgot to note, is out-of-competition: putting the rhyme word last.)

  90. THE THREE STOOGES IN EGYPT
    I just can’t believe my own eyes:
    Louie, Steve and Michele win the prize.
    To go on a junket
    And thoroughly flunk it
    Takes talent. So… good going, guys!

    If you’d, to the world’s startled eyes,
    Just lobbed some banana cream pies,
    The embarrassing mess
    Would have been a lot less
    (Though much funnier, I realize).

    Ms. Bachmann? Michele? “Crazy-Eyes”?
    Please try this new role on for size:
    Don this uniform. Stand,
    And then raise your right hand
    And repeat with me: “Would you like fries…?”

  91. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A fellow was prone to surm-eyes
    For all couples, love blooms but then dies.
    And so Certain Harry
    Declared he’d never marry;
    Solo headstone points out where he lies.

    It’s believed we each transit alone
    Leaving earthbound possessions (and phone).
    Harry wondered what’s next,
    But we’re all quite perplexed.
    Report back?! No: he’s shed “self” and flown :)

  92. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Born with dollar signs there in his eyes
    Spent his life getting rich with his lies
    Fame and fortune, the lot
    Big deal and So what!
    He just died like the rest of us guys.

  93. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    There’s a gleam in the cannibal’s eyes
    And ignoring the Missionaries cries
    Adds salt to the pot
    And when cooked serves the lot
    To the tribe together with fries

  94. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    How the woman with lackluster I’s
    Had just won a calligraphy prize:
    “After smoking a J—
    Cuz I’m nervous, OK?—
    There’s no worry concerning the Y’s.”

  95. Charley Simmons says:

    A gorgeous card dealer with beautiful eyes
    Would roll them and wink to attract all the guys.
    Bending over while dealing
    Caused many a hard feeling
    And the guys shot their wads most unwise.

  96. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Little children light up Santa’s eyes
    He has none of his own though he tries
    That’s because the old dear
    Only comes once a year
    As down a chimney he flies

  97. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Confucious with his slanty old eyes
    Has sayings both humorous and wise
    Such as “Wet kiss from Pleb
    Like black spiders web
    Soon lead to undoing of flies.”

  98. A fellow was feasting his eyes
    on a sleek pair of women’s thighs.
    The guy was blind when done
    and the girl went to run
    screaming “You’re too damn literal a guy!”

  99. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 131

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Fix

  100. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Just for fun:

    With Alzhiemers your mind goes astray
    But it’s not all as bad as they say
    So you cannot recall?
    But your having a ball
    Meeting lots of new folk every day.