Limerick Switch (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was fixing a switch…*


A gal who was wearing a switch…*


A woman was planning to switch…*


A fellow had pulled off a switch…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Switch
By Madeleine Begun Kane

As a miser was fixing a switch,
Standing high on a ladder, an itch
Made him twitch and then tumble,
His last words — a grumble:
“Oh no! Soon my sons will be rich.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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48 Responses to “Limerick Switch (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. gary hallock says:

    After mid-terms we maybe will switch
    From a Dem controlled Senate, but which
    Will be party to blame
    When they play the same game?
    “The fault’s still Obama’s,” they’ll bitch.

  2. CC says:

    Enjoyed this limerick of yours :-) Clever.

  3. Abhra says:

    You write really cool limericks – I wish I could do the same..

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    I indulged the temptation to switch
    From my wife to her friend, but the bitch
    Screws around unprotected,
    And I’ve been infected
    With some kind of seven-year itch.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The Governor pulled on the switch …
    Nothing happened, not even a twitch.
    The utility bill
    Was unpaid, and to kill
    Without juice in the chair is a bitch.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    The blonde bimbo decided to switch
    To brunette, but discovered a hitch:
    On the bottle, it said
    “Only use on the head.”
    In the toilet? That seemed a bit rich!

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    My computer? I off/on the switch
    Every time there’s a Microsoft glitch.
    Their software’s so poor
    That I’ve never been sure
    How Bill Gates got disgustingly rich.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The huntsman had pulled off a switch
    And he gave a wild boar to the witch,
    While the real Snow White
    Had a dwarf every night,
    Though she never could tell which was which.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    It was finished! He turned on the switch
    Saying “Let there be light!” Just one hitch:
    Creation was tiring,
    He’d screwed up the wiring –
    The Universe stayed black as pitch.

  10. Tom Hale says:

    A fellow tried fiercely to switch
    Hands and angles, but no matter which,
    The right spot was not reached,
    As he twisted and screeched,
    “An itch you can’t scritch is a bitch!”

  11. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was fixing a switch
    On a stripper who dressed as a witch
    The switch finally lit
    And the light showed a split
    That opened and closed when she’d twitch.
    A gal who was wearing a switch
    Was a stripper who dressed as a witch
    The switch turned a light
    That went dim and then bright
    And revealed she wore nary a stitch.
    The stripper who wore a light switch
    On a costume that mimicked a witch
    Turned it on just in time
    To show assets sublime
    And bulge eyes of the guys she’d bewitch.
    Now this gal with the magical switch
    On a costume that mimicked a witch.
    Did a mean bump and grind
    From her front to her hind.
    And found she was now growing rich.
    Lest you think this gal with the switch
    Was happy while getting rich
    Well then you’d be wrong
    For she sang a sad song.
    With the rich comes the hitch, an insatiable itch.

  12. brian miller says:

    a fellow was fixing a switch
    tho really was scratching an itch
    to fix up the place
    which was a disgrace—
    it’s funny how all used bitch

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was planning to switch
    From being a bad, lying bitch.
    I will be a saint
    But really, I ain’t!
    I’ll do what I must to bewitch.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was planning to switch
    From junk food to eating spinach
    It’s no fun to be sick
    Rather be a hot chick!
    And this is today’s health food pitch!

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was wielding a switch
    To train her guy, she’d be a bitch!
    But then he had told her,
    “A whip makes me colder..
    Just spread your legs- you will bewitch!”

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    Allison Holker is indeed rich
    Dance audiences she did bewitch
    SYTYCD star
    She certainly raised the bar..
    And she’s married to great dancer, tWitch.

  17. gary hallock says:

    If one wishes spouses, to switch.
    You might postpone scratching that itch.
    In springtime take note o’
    That wise old sage, Yoda
    Who said, “May divorces bewitch.”

  18. brian allgar says:

    The magician decided to switch
    His assistant, that ugly old bitch.
    So she went in the box
    Fully dressed to her socks,
    But the blonde who came out – not a stitch!

  19. Colonialist says:

    I have written entries for two previous ones but not got round to posting them in time – this time I am making sure. I think I’ll put the others on my blog later, just for fun. Anyway, the on-current-topic ones:

    A fellow was fixing a switch,
    But suddenly started to twitch:
    It seemed that the main
    ‘D been switched on again,
    Providing a re-volting hitch.

    A schoolteacher swishing a switch
    The school had decided to ditch:
    In this modern era
    You can’t rule by fear; a
    Real bit of a bitch for a witch.

  20. John Larkin says:

    A woman had pulled off a switch,
    transformed to an enchanted witch.
    When her boyfriend complained
    that nothing was gained,
    she said, “That’s too bad. Life’s a bitch.”

  21. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman, while planning to switch
    Her Halloween costume of kitsch
    To something divine,
    Was tippling wine,
    Hit a hitch and drove into a ditch

  22. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    At this point in my life, I should switch
    To a healthier diet (less rich).
    But to make a fresh start
    Would require more heart,
    So I shop Abercrombie and Fitch.

  23. Jon Gearhart says:

    Well, I finally let my wife switch
    My mind about “quelching my kitsch.”
    It seems like vast tech to me.
    This “simple vasectomy”.
    The vas deferens is just snip and stitch.

  24. A woman is planning to switch
    but this woman is truly no witch..
    she’s my grandmother silly but..
    not today.. back when i am a real..

  25. and i forget the fifth line ditched here….

  26. John Armstrong says:

    I was groping on the wall for a switch
    When I felt something cold on a witch
    It was not what you think
    All rounded and pink
    But a medal for winning Quidditch

  27. John Armstrong says:

    I had groped on the wall for a switch
    When I felt something cold on a witch
    It was not what you think
    All rounded and pink
    But a medal for winning at Quidditch

  28. John Armstrong says:

    Please ignore the previous two versions:

    I had groped on the wall for a switch
    When I felt something cold on a witch
    It was not what you think
    All rounded and pink
    But a medal for winning Quidditch

  29. yt cai says:

    A hitter who’s looking to switch
    Just couldn’t relate to the pitch
    His instructor said left
    He was rightly bereft
    When his swing developed a hitch

    To correct this he hired a witch
    Who cast a spell which was her niche
    Mixing the eye of newt
    With ground up bamboo chute
    Made his vision suddenly twitch

    His average is now in the ditch
    Gone is dream of becoming rich
    There’ll be no hall of fame
    For the guy with this name
    On back of uniform it said Glitch

  30. A woman had pulled a man’s switch

    A woman had pulled a man’s switch.
    I bet you were thinking I’d rhyme it with bitch.
    I would if she hadn’t arranged
    a sexual exchange
    to help this poor fellow who had developed a twitch

    But then this fellow began fixing a switch.
    As he liked his sex with an S&M niche.
    The woman complied
    after he qualified
    that he’d make her swiftly and switch-edly rich.

    Now here’s where it all takes a switch.
    He calls out his wife’s name to the (I tried not to use the word) bitch,
    But while he is astride,
    she cries out wide-eyed,
    This will cost you even more or I’ll snitch!


  31. Byron Ives says:

    At the clinic there’s been a big switch,
    ‘Cause the doc’s sense of humor is rich
    A sign on a shelf
    Now reads: SUTURE SELF
    And patients go home in a stitch

  32. Jon Gearhart says:

    She silently flipped the on switch
    And started to fidget and twitch
    After five minutes groanin’
    And shakin’ and moanin’
    The park ride was over. Whatdja think was going on?

  33. Jon Gearhart says:

    Seems your brain is in need of a switch
    And it’s caught in a seven-year glitch
    I could hear grinding gears
    As smoke puffed from your ears
    When you learned cliche ain’t pronounced clitch!

  34. Jon Gearhart says:

    Last night, we decided to switch
    Out partners with neighbors. That bitch
    Was a great piece of ass,
    But I’d go back and pass
    Cause it burns now to pee. My nuts itch.

  35. Jon Gearhart says:

    I decided it’s time that I switch
    Into boxers from briefs cause they itch
    And they pinch on my manberries
    Till they’re red just like cranberries
    And they leave me with no woo to pitch.

  36. My Lawyer’s Bigger Than Yours

    While his ex- was asleep at her switch,
    He filed motions designed to unhitch
    His affairs from her grasp…
    Awful, burbling gasp!
    Eyebrows jumped! and she started to twitch!

    “I don’t care for ideas that you pitch,
    For they’ll all come to naught! Oh, and which
    Of your balls will you lose
    On this round, dear? You choose…
    Or, I leave you with nothing to itch!”

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    Last night she drank scotch for a switch
    And she woke up today in a ditch
    With her panties half on,
    But her bra was now gone
    And her bagpipes in hands of young Mitch.

  38. Dr. Goose says:

    America pulled off a switch
    Where elections are bought by the rich.
    It takes lots of moolah
    To pick a new rulah
    For parties, regardless of which.

  39. Dr. Goose says:

    A couple agreed they would switch
    Who did what and to whom and with which,
    To find a new mission
    For plain old coition
    (At any rate, that was the pitch).

  40. Dr. Goose says:

    In Silicon Valley they switch
    The traditional way to get rich:
    Instead of a trap,
    Your mouse builds an app,
    Provided it ain’t got a glitch.

  41. Allen Wilcox says:

    A warlock was planning to switch,
    To a gal who seemed nice, from a bitch –
    But identical twins!
    Well, on needles and pins,
    He couldn”t tell which witch was which.

  42. Allen Wilcox says:

    A sstand-up had decided to switch
    His routine to another one, which
    Would get more applause,
    And not giggles – guffaws,
    But the patrons were only in stitch

  43. Allen Wilcox says:

    He knew it was time he should switch,
    From calling his bride and old witch,
    To being “gracious groom”,
    ‘Cause she took out her broom –
    It was stitch after stitch after stitch

  44. Byron Ives says:

    She bore him a son, what a switch!
    But the doc was a smart-ass sumbitch,
    “Well, we had to incise,
    But for you, thought it wise,
    “To take it up one extra stitch.”

  45. Tim James says:

    A woman completed a switch:
    For the “other team” now she will pitch.
    It’s a major surprise
    That she gave up on guys;
    Now she’s found her own personal niche.

  46. On the mantel he mounted the switch
    Bric-a-brac quintessentially kitsch
    He said “When I was bad
    As a one legged lad
    Mother used it for tanning my britch”

  47. Byron Ives says:

    She wanted a girl for a switch
    She thought that might just scratch her itch
    Then she went out with Kat,
    Whom she heard was a rat,
    But nevertheless kissed her snitch

  48. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 187.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Grub.