Limerick Rap (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal in an elegant wrap…*

or

An innocent man took the rap…*

or

A fellow was trying to wrap (or rap)…*

or

A woman was eating a wrap…*

or

The director announced “That’s a wrap…”*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Wrap
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal in an elegant wrap
Was dating a wealthy old sap.
She bed and misled him,
While scheming to wed him,
And dissolve her large bank account gap.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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64 Responses to “Limerick Rap (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. The director announced ‘That’s a wrap’
    The stage crew hurrahed with a clap
    a long night it was
    all was keen for a buzz
    they went off to the inn for a tap

  2. Jesse Levy says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    came over and sat on my lap
    She teased me all ride
    until I espied
    that “she” had a boner. Oh, crap.

  3. Dai says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    Gave my face one hell of a slap
    As my cheek flushed red
    I said “let’s go to bed”
    She responded with her left knee-cap

  4. Dai says:

    A woman was eating a wrap
    When some contents fell into her lap
    To avoid getting grubby
    She asked of her hubby
    “Please pass me a napkin dear chap”

  5. Dai says:

    An innocent man took the wrap
    For the despicable Walter Von-Trap
    Who stole lots of money
    And thought it was funny
    To pin his crime on a hapless sap

  6. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Fastidious, she tried to wrap
    Her dog’s pungent leavings – well, crap.
    But she slipped on the grass,
    Then fell flat on her ass
    Thus the crap ended up on her lap :(

  7. John Sardo says:

    An innocent man took a rap
    For a gal who was caught in a trap.
    She was speeding, you see
    At a hundred and three.
    And the judge with a fine he would slap.

  8. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was trying to wrap
    A wound he got in a scrap.
    The bandage went to and fro
    And covered him head to toe.
    He found he was wrapped in a mummy-like trap.

  9. John Sardo says:

    A woman was eating a wrap
    Along with a good looking chap.
    After bottles of wine
    She said “my place is fine.”
    There they both settled down for a nap.

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    The director announced ‘That’s a wrap!’
    He had finished without a mishap!
    The stunts were great fun,
    He was glad they were done,
    He hoped critics would find them madcap!

  11. kaykuala says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    Envisioned a rich guy to grab
    Made herself pretty
    A sultry of a lady
    But stalked instead by an old jab

    Hank

  12. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was trying to rap
    About a less than clever chap
    But he was sol
    It tended to suck
    The silly sap was crap

  13. Mark Kane says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap,
    Arrived at the ball with a map.
    Here was her thinking,
    She’d finish her drinking,
    Then aim for a wealthy chap’s lap.

  14. colonialist says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    With nothing beneath, laid a trap
    To get impregnated –
    Unwrapped when she dated,
    And bounced when she sat on his lap

  15. rbasler says:

    The director announced “That’s a wrap…
    “For our film on the Family von Trapp
    “We’re soon gonna see
    “Lots of green do-re-mi!
    “The world’s never seen this much crap!”

  16. Diane Groothuis says:

    An innocent man took the rap
    For a guy in a red base-ball cap
    It was worn back to front
    And to put it quite blunt
    If I see him I’ll fill it with crap.

  17. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    She lunged for his knuckles: rap, rap!
    “You know I won’t take any crap
    When I’m your mean teacher!
    You wanna play preacher?”
    They grinned, then she sat on his lap.

  18. Ailsa McKillop says:

    I tore off the sparkly gift wrap
    Preparing to cheer and to clap
    On disclosure of gift.
    Oh boy, was I miffed!
    He’d bought me a British roadmap.

  19. Craig says:

    My lim’rick was ready to wrap,
    The meter and rhymes were a snap,
    But my beat count was wrong,
    The last line is too long!
    Man I hate it whenever that hap—

  20. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An innocent man took the rap
    For a murder
    —I bought in a snap.
    But found the depiction
    Of crime strange for fiction
    Then realised: this was a real chap.

    [John Grisham, The Innocent Man, 2006. His first, I believe, work of non-fiction.]

  21. Ailsa McKillop says:

    In the old days of banjo (not rap!)
    Pete Seeger sang Cumberland Gap.
    On Appalachia ’twas written
    Not a dull road in Britain!
    I blush that I fell in that trap …

    [The "Cumberland Gap" in Britain was the name given to a 6-mile stretch of the A74 linking England and Scotland in the 1960s. There was a time when I genuinely, if bewilderedly, thought that Lonnie Donegan was singing about a section of road between Carlisle and Metal Bridge. (I was very young.) This link refers, but be warned, it will bore you to death.] Gap

  22. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Bottle green was the thick, cosy wrap
    That I bought for last year’s winter snap
    I shivered; I froze
    From my fingers to toes.
    (Snugly clad outside: one water tap.)

  23. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The director announced ‘That’s a wrap’:
    The musical family von Trapp
    Fled pursuers with guns
    When the quick-thinking nuns
    Took the Nazis’ distributor cap.

  24. Diane Groothuis says:

    When the goy in the shul wore a wrap
    And a blue and white yarmulke (cap)
    Rabbi said in surprise
    “That is just a disguise
    Your book’s upside down my dear chap”.

  25. Bob Kennedy says:

    The waitress, she got a bad rap
    For calling a frappé a “frap”
    She said “Aw fer God’s sake
    Just call it a milkshake
    I’m not paid enough for this crap!”

  26. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An innocent man took the rap.
    “Ain’t no grass,” he said proudly (the sap!)
    From his plea he’d not budge
    Until the dread judge
    Draped over his wig the black cap.

  27. Mark Kane says:

    If you’ve ever been to Boston, then you know how challenging it can be driving anywhere in Beacon Hill, one of the oldest and most picturesque neighborhoods in the United States.

    Legend has it that roads were designed by cows. Perhaps, but what we have today is a maze of very narrow one way streets all over the place which makes it just about impossible to get from Point A to Point B, by car. So that’s what inspired this limerick:

    Beacon Hill has the suitable rap
    Of making no sense on a map.
    If you walk you’ll make time,
    But by car, it’s a crime.
    You’ll just circle blocks lap after lap.

  28. Craig says:

    The thief saw her fine ermine wrap
    And her neckline that plunged to her lap.
    Twixt her breasts was some bling
    But the thing was a sting
    He got caught in the ol’ booby-trap.

  29. Diane Groothuis says:

    On my front door I heard a loud rap
    And the bug zapper gave a sharp zap
    As it captured a fly
    I noticed that my
    Kitty had had a mis-hap.

  30. Fred Bortz says:

    I published a limerick rap
    With rhythm: Snap tap / clip-clap / slap.
    Its words: A libretto
    Drawn deep from the ghetto.
    But critics said: “Pap, clap-trap, crap.”

  31. Jim says:

    I’m back, Mad!
    mine:

    Wedding Bliss;
    Not for Long

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    She married a regular sap
    She couldn’t cook a bean
    He didn’t know to clean
    They fell apart, blew off the map

  32. Matt Monitto says:

    A fellow was trying to rap,
    And his lyrics were saccharine sap.
    He called it “unique,”
    “Individual,” “chic,”
    But his listeners christened it “crap.”

  33. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    As she gathered the sheets in a wrap
    A lover spoke true to her chap:
    “Your performance?—no cause
    For thund’rous applause.
    But it’s likely I gave you the clap.”

  34. Bjorn says:

    his mistress was kept under wraps
    she thought being a secret was crap
    she threatend to tell
    and constantly yelled
    so then he paid and fell for her trap

  35. brian miller says:

    silly rabbit cant rap
    gotta rhyme more than 2 syllables for that
    the tongue trips
    & spit drips,
    takes more than a kick left cap

  36. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    In the outhouse a farmhand would rap
    On the walls with an agonized yap.
    And the farmer would then
    Say, “So much for my zen—
    There’s the sound of my one hand with clap.”

  37. Bone says:

    An Innocent Man took the rap
    For another car-house mishap
    The homeowner was fine
    But maybe next time
    The Piano Man should take a map

  38. Tim James says:

    A guy used aluminum wrap
    Tightly set on his head as a cap.
    And just why’s that the case?
    It blocks mind beams from space.
    (His campaign to be Prez is on tap.)

  39. shanyn says:

    An innocent man too the rap
    For the girl in the elegant wrap.
    He knew he would face a fall
    but she was worth it after all
    they were in it together – a trap!

  40. We saw, when she took off her wrap,
    That she’s wearing a dress with a flap –
    And thus she is able
    To stay at the table
    And dine, while she’s taking a crap.

  41. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A lithesome gal, eating a wrap,
    Received on her shoulder a tap:
    “I admire your technique!
    May we set up this week
    A paid ‘session’ sans wrap, with a strap?”

  42. John Armstrong says:

    The spirits on the table did rap
    And ectoplasmic pulses did zap
    But Harry Houdini
    That sleight of hand meanie
    Showed it all to be crap

  43. Fred Bortz says:

    Mad Wants More

    I wrote one and said, “That’s a wrap!”
    But Mad asked for more in a snap.
    It’s late, but I’ll try,
    ‘Cause I’m such a nice guy.
    And now for my overnight nap.

  44. I watch a woman eating a wrap..
    Tis my wife at Mcdonalds nigh..
    Oh! what a thrill it is to eat healthy why..
    The balance comes earlier i…
    So we continue the McDonalds way…

  45. Diane Groothuis says:

    Humpty Dumpty felt a sharp rap
    As he fell off the wall with a clap
    And he uttered “Oh Hell
    I have busted my shell
    I must have I heard something snap”

  46. Be warned: if you’re trying to rap,
    And your limerick talents you tap,
    This anapest beat
    Doesn’t work on the street…
    So you’re better off shutting your yap.

    (If your rhythm and rhyme are precise,
    Then your rap may sound prissy and “nice”,
    And you probably will
    End up sounding like Gil-
    bert and SulliVanilla-y Ice.)

  47. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Why is it most nights I feel rap-
    Acious? Eating can be a big trap
    When I’m happily reading:
    Metab’lism speeding?
    Perhaps, because now I must (crap).

    {Mad, I think I like my prurient ones better than bathroom humor!}

  48. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    The doctor purred, “Dear, do unwrap
    Yourself – and I’ll fill in the gap.
    Your body is charming!
    Why, who are we harming?”
    The nurses all heard the loud slap.

  49. Diane Groothuis says:

    Miss Muffett was eating a wrap
    While sitting on Jack Horner’s lap
    She had finished two thirds
    And gave some to the birds
    But to Jack said “No whey you poor sap”

  50. Kirk Miller says:

    Manufacturers should take the rap
    ‘Cause the way things are packaged is crap.
    Goods blister pack sealed
    Aren’t easily peeled,
    So the merchandise gets a bum wrap.

  51. Kirk Miller says:

    The photographer got a bad rap
    At the wedding. He had a mishap
    And received a big thwack
    ‘Cause the pictures were black.
    He forgot to remove the lens cap.

  52. Kirk Miller says:

    Eminem (for his son) wrote a rap
    When the one year old sat on his lap.
    Lyrics said, “Life’s not fair
    For my boy sitting there
    ‘Cause he constantly gets a bum wrap.”

  53. Maya Tharion says:

    A girl in an elegant wrap
    Went for a walk with a skinny chap
    She tripped on a stone
    And went down with a groan
    Said she, this track is a death trap

  54. Diane Groothuis says:

    Said a Dutchman while giving a wrap
    On baggy pants, clogs and black cap
    “My pants are not daggy
    Just patched and quite baggy
    In fact they are ‘harstikke kenap’”

  55. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    Sat down with an elegant chap.
    In a manner refined,
    He asked: “Would you mind
    Removing yourself from my lap?”

  56. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    Had a man who she sought to entrap.
    When she told him she frowned
    On his dancing around,
    He replied: “Is that soft shoe, or tap?”

  57. Dr. Goose says:

    Said a dame in an elegant wrap:
    “What is this Obamacare flap?
    I cover my health
    From resources of wealth -
    Insurance is just a lagniappe.”

  58. Dr. Goose says:

    Said a gal, in an elegant rap:
    “Feel the beat and endeavor to clap!
    Raise your hands in the air,
    While your plump derrière
    May wiggle, and fingers may snap.”

  59. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    Woke up from a 20-year nap.
    She turned on the news
    And shouted out: “Who’s
    This White House mahogany chap?”

  60. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal in an elegant wrap
    Favored cutting the budget of SNAP:
    “It’s just to ensure
    That each of the poor
    May lift himself by his bootstrap.”

  61. Johanna Richmond says:

    The first time I listened to rap
    On a subway, revived from a nap,
    Shakespeare still in my head
    From the lines I’d just read,
    I’d have sworn I could hear the Bard clap.

  62. Johanna Richmond says:

    The nun gave his knuckles a rap,
    Chiding, “Button up! Zip up your trap!”
    Years later his shrink
    Neglected to think
    When he asked him, “So why did you snap?”

  63. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners!

    Limerick of the Week 133

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Place