Limerick Place (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was buying a place…*

or

A woman is trying to place…*

or

A fellow who tried to replace…*

or

Two women were sharing a place…*

or

A gal was awarded first place…*

or

A fellow had just lost his place…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Place
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gambler is trying to place
The face of a gal clad in lace.
He’s certain they’ve met,
But could not on a bet
Recall if he got to first base.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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55 Responses to “Limerick Place (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. A guy was awarded first place
    For a stunning three-legged race
    But the win was contested
    When the others protested
    That his partner couldn’t be traced.

  2. A woman was trying to place
    A flasher who’d been a disgrace.
    But the guy was acquitted
    When she finally admitted
    She had’t really noticed his face.

  3. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was planning a place
    Narcissistic, acclaiming his grace.
    But the size of his head
    Made it one giant spread,
    So he just did a quick about-face.

  4. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Dynamic Do-oh!

    Two women who shared a large place
    Bet how many sex partners would grace
    Each one’s bed, for two weeks.
    Passersby heard the squeaks
    Of their bedsprings – which one would lose face?

    Deb was fast: I just don’t let them speak;
    Angie cunning: Bring friends, it’s Geek Week!
    Time was up — a dead heat?
    Each declared she was beat,
    Yet had won. “Sixty-two?! You’re a freak!

    But the Connors are triplets, that counts,”
    Deb insisted, all ready to pounce.
    Ange retorted, “Nope, quads -
    Those are four sexy bods!
    That’s one extra,” she shrieked, with a bounce.

    They could come to no final conclusion
    But predicted a future profusion
    Of lovers. Each planned
    How to increase demand.
    Frazzled neighbors lack sleep ‘midst confusion.

  5. Chris Papa says:

    Obama’s speech flies in the face,
    Of America as a nice place,
    The race card he plays,
    And class war will raise,
    While “real cool” facade will embrace.

  6. Bob Kennedy says:

    A worker they tried to replace
    Would not leave the building with grace.
    So they said “You’re not fired,
    You’re simply retired!
    And disallowed at this workplace.”

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    A gerbil who had won third place
    In his class, it had been a tight race.
    My joy and my pride.
    He yesterday died,
    Each day of life we must embrace.

    RIP, dear Finnegan.
    You were deeply loved.

  8. madkane says:

    Judith, I was really sorry to hear about Finnegan! I know how much your gerbil Finnegan meant to you!

  9. rbasler says:

    A fellow was frying some plaice…..
    But the fish slapped him right in the face
    He said, “This-here flatfish
    “Is better than catfish,
    “But I’ll kill it again, just in case!”

  10. Fred Bortz says:

    As poets, we don’t know our place
    When we think it’s a Limerick race.
    If our scribbling is speedy,
    Our rhymes will be needy
    And our meters will bring us disgrace.

  11. Fred Bortz says:

    The astronauts’ favorite place
    For entwining in weightless embrace,
    In positions unique
    For an erotic peak,
    Is the X-rated Boudoir in Space.

  12. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    I always can hope for third place,
    Though Fred B. sets a furious pace ;^D
    Competition: Ah, yes!
    What’s Mad’s mood? I must guess:
    Put my lim’ricks in leather or lace?

  13. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Judith, condolences on your dear Finnegan, and blessings to you and to him in the afterlife…he will return eventually in another form, I believe, more advanced for having shared your love :)
    My husband and I have 5 cats now (down from 8: we lost 3 in 2010, a rough year for us) so I certainly empathize with your loss.
    Peace to us all…

  14. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Red Baron Limericks 28.09.2013

    A fellow had just lost his place
    while tailing “Red Baron” the ace
    who looped to his rear
    and shot him right there
    a big smile all over his face.

    A pilot had just lost his place
    while tailing “Red Baron” the ace
    for picking my nose…
    and having a doze…
    I tumble to earth in disgrace.

  15. Andy Sewina says:

    Good fun Mad, here’s mine :
    A fellow was buying a place
    Uptown for his girl to save face
    His wife didn’t know
    Why he put on a show
    He wanted somebody to chase

  16. Fred Bortz says:

    Mr. Speaker, it’s time to replace
    Your obstructionist stance with some grace.
    Obamacare’s law.
    Your bill sticks in my craw,
    And it’s time now to cut to the chase.

    A blackmail approach has no place
    And your Tea Party wing’s a disgrace.
    Fund the government’s work,
    Pay our bills–we can’t shirk
    Or our country will lose more than face.

  17. yt cai says:

    A teen was trying to replace
    Dad’s vodka unlocked in a case
    She used baby oil
    His pants he did soil
    Tho behind was soft as new lace

  18. yt cai says:

    The sex worker had to replace
    Her butt plug put in a wrong place
    Although it was stinky
    Still looked like a binky
    Old habits made Baby lose face

  19. Rich D says:

    a fella was trying to place
    new flowers in mom’s tiny vase
    he looked at stems
    as he haws and he hems
    too much hydro I will displace

  20. Rich D says:

    Space Ghost had fashioned a place
    on his ship for both Jan and Jace
    He forgot about Blip
    ’til deep in the trip
    the monkey threw “it” in his face!

  21. Ira Bloom says:

    The woman awarded first place,
    In the contest to sit on Bob’s face,
    Was a hefty young lass,
    With a rather large ass,
    That’s why Bob has his neck in a brace.

  22. Craig says:

    The young private at “Mae’s Happy Place”
    Saw the pitying look on her face.
    “Well it’s clear,” said the whore,
    “You’ve not done this before,
    Because soldier, you’re way, way off base.”

  23. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was renting a place
    to restore his invisible face
    But shoe prints in the snow
    made the constables go,
    “He’s vanished, but look, there’s a trace!”

  24. Mark Kane says:

    I was told you are safe in this place.
    Fool around all you want with no trace.
    But my NSA wife,
    Tracking all of my life,
    Soon caught me in Krystal’s embrace.

  25. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girl being awarded first place
    Accepted with pleasure and grace
    While somebody’s Mother
    Who favoured another
    Said “You’ve got it all arse about face”.

  26. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was buying a place
    In a zone that was known to be base.
    Smart as a fox
    He changed all the locks
    Lost his keys when a thug gave him chase.

  27. John Sardo says:

    Two women were sharing a place
    So small they had no private space.
    They dated big guys
    So it was no surprise
    When Ted and Bob slept with Carol and Grace.

  28. John Sardo says:

    A gal was rewarded first place
    In a contest to see who could race
    To the finish line first
    While quenching their thirst
    With brandy all drank from a case.

  29. Maya T says:

    A fellow was buying a place
    His old pad was a disgrace
    He liked the new house
    Will suit me and my spouse
    But for the kitten, there is no space

  30. Maya T says:

    A fellow tried to replace
    An old gum tree and axed its base
    It fell on his head
    He lay there and bled
    And the possum lost its nesting place

  31. Diane Groothuis says:

    That fellow who tried to replace
    The lower part of his face
    Said “I have a big stash
    Of all my spare cash
    In a clever and quite cheeky place”

  32. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Our Congress has tried to replace
    “Do our job” with “Just get in his face!”
    Don’t they know we see through them?
    And loudly we boo ‘em!
    Barack’s not the one in disgrace.

    I’ll say it: he’s no saint, or Führer.
    But Congress? We must raise a furor!
    Hell, toss the bums out,
    Each clown, stooge, and lout;
    Replaced by you, me – public juror.

    We hardly can do worse than they!
    It’s time for political pay-
    Back. Ah, reelection?
    A piss-poor selection.
    I’ll take average folks any day…

  33. brian miller says:

    a fellow was buying a place
    really i was a disgrace
    trash in the yard
    the paint all marred
    but he saw a fairer face

  34. Marina Sofia says:

    A fellow had just lost his place
    To a girl with a beautiful face
    When she twiddled her thumb
    He went awful numb
    And that’s not all his disgrace…

  35. shanyn says:

    A fellow was buying a place.
    No neighbors prying to face.
    He considered it and felt at a loss
    When faced with the cost
    And left it all with nary a trace.

  36. Rachel says:

    A fellow was trying to place
    Himself in position for grace
    So he stood real tall,
    Became a brick wall,
    And blocked off the end of the race.

  37. the dog was awarded first place
    a hound with a poodle’s face
    was the price for the pet
    no one ‘ere would forget
    saved the poor mutt from disgrace

  38. Craig says:

    From the bar, we went back to my place
    Where a secretive look crossed her face.
    Well it turned out that “she”
    Was more well hung than me.
    That’s an image I’d like to erase.

  39. John Peter Larkin says:

    A gal was awarded first place,
    which brought a sad look to her face.
    She isn’t to blame
    for rejecting her fame.
    The prize was for a disgrace.

  40. Tim James says:

    He’s in an uncomfortable place
    As his wife grows suspicious apace.
    And most damning by far,
    On the floor in his car:
    Pretty panties of satin and lace.

  41. Craig says:

    Down the road a ways, there is a place
    Teaches rabbits to learn how to race.
    Them bunnies is smart,
    You can tell from the start
    There ain’t never a hare out of pace.

  42. Jon Gearhart says:

    Two women were sharing a place
    Together in “Leather & Lace”,
    A hotel & dine
    Going down 69,
    Getting off just before “Rag & Race”…

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    On the Web, there is many a place
    You can look for a gal’s pretty face.
    An eHarmony date
    May help find you a mate
    From the women in their date-a-base.

  44. Kirk Miller says:

    “They have tres leche cake at this place.”
    Thought she’d buy some. That wasn’t the case.
    When ’twas time to move on,
    Turned around; she was gone.
    Disappeared, and without any tres.

  45. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    She seemed confident and complace-
    nt, giggling in their first embrace.
    Her bra size’d misled
    But went straight to his head,
    And soon they were nearing third base

    When both heard the key in the door.
    He, nervous; she smiled – “Less ain’t more!
    Hey Sandra, come in!
    Bobby, San: three-way win” :)
    They progressed from her chaise to the floor.

  46. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Jiving and Conniving, But Hey, I’m Striving

    First number-one mission: replace
    “Old” wife, 50, with young ass and face.
    The decision? Just rational,
    Before he goes national –
    After all, politics means embrace

    What you “hate” for the good of the nation.
    He crowed, I’m the latest sensation!
    To his trophy [sans brains];
    Ever after, at pains
    To explain his first union’s duration.

    His “old” wife remarried, in Maine,
    But doesn’t speak fondly of Blaine
    And their long years together.
    She shrugs: “He’s like the weather —
    Blowing hot and then cold, always vain.”

    Seems the lot of political wives
    Is to lead stress-filled, traveling lives
    And then one day discover
    Their “dear” man has a lover
    Or five. Time to get out the knives?

  47. colonialist says:

    A fellow had just lost his plaice:
    It gave him a slap in the face
    When taken off hook,
    Now he gets a look
    That shows he’s a fishing disgrace.

    A woman, when told that her place
    Was barefoot and pregnant disgrace,
    Said, ‘Say that again,
    And that will be when
    I lace you with Mace in your face!’

  48. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lady who felt out of place
    Said “Really I’m not in the race
    My breath is not sweet
    And I have 3 left feet
    And everyone gets on my case”

  49. John Armstrong says:

    The horse I bet on to place
    Stopped to eat a posie during the race
    I’d hit a door with my fist
    Or even slit my wrist
    But while running he has a good pace

  50. Kirk Miller says:

    With the way he can put balls in place,
    It is hard for some folks to keep pace.
    He’s a great tennis pro,
    So I think you should know
    He provides a-one service, an ace.

  51. Kirk Miller says:

    With pimples all over the place,
    The teenager slumped in disgrace.
    Zits were very widespread.
    Dermatologist said
    That acne’s a problem to face.

  52. Tim James says:

    A drive-in’s a marvelous place:
    Lots of privacy, plenty of space.
    Just forget what’s on-screen
    And create your own scene.
    If you’re lucky, you’ll touch every base.

  53. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Our Speaker, it’s time to replace
    You with someone not a disgrace.
    High time you were leaving!
    Do you see us grieving?!
    Get OUT! Let us sniff not a trace…

  54. A fellow who tried to replace
    his girlfriend’s tree that was displaced
    now holds leaves and twigs lurched
    shades her lover’s back porch
    while squirrels run up-down his face.

    A fellow had just lost his place
    in line to a man with no face
    who with no eyes and ears
    immune to stares and jeers
    refusing to pick up the pace.

  55. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 134.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Snake.