Limerick Snake (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman encountered a snake…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here are my two limericks:
Snake Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman encountered a snake
And wondered just what it would take
To catch it and kill it,
Then drizzle and grill it,
Or perhaps add some pastry and bake.
and
A woman encountered a snake–
Not a reptile — a man on the make.
In response to his hype,
She said, “I know your type.
Your style is I give and you take.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: October 21 is Reptile Awareness Day.
Tags: Animals Poetry, Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Poetry, Reptile Awareness Day, Snake Limericks, Writing Prompts
On a hill he encountered a snake.
So his brother a photo could take
He then held it aloft!
Were both in the head soft?
They soon knew his big, big mistake …
A woman encountered a snake
Whose drinks would make her head ache.
She downed them with glee
And then went to pee.
In the restroom she took a long break.
A woman encountered a snake
In a bar where thirst she would slake
The snake then said “hi”
Some drinks I will buy.
If to bed you allow me to take.
A woman encountered a snake
She told him his drink she would take.
She downed it with zest
And then told the pest
“Why don’t you go jump in a lake.”
A woman encountered a snake
Who showed her a fruit to betake.
She gobbled it up
Then took some to sup.
Where Adam would also partake.
His organ she thought as of snake,
To charm it, would flautist work make,
And play skillful tune,
To get it up soon,
For rock and roll that made bed quake.
A woman encountered a snake
And got an idea for a fake!
I’ll dress as Medusa,
My costume will woo ya!
In each contest, first prize I will take!
A woman in need of a snake
To unclog her pipes, laid awake.
She pictured a plumber,
With skills of a drummer,
Removing her ache with each quake.
A woman encountered a snake:
A slithery man on the make.
He’d promise the moon,
To get you to swoon.
So easy to tell he’s a fake.
My Durbaner friend found a snake
On a bookshelf all cosy, land’s sake!
The door it was shown!
Never more will I moan
About house spiders making me quake …
A woman encountered a snake
As she was swimming by the lake
It was rather small
Attached to only one ball
After she beat it back with a rake
The guest had a very large snake
And was feeding it pieces of cake.
But the host said, “Ya know
It seems in-apropos
To be bringing your pet to a wake.”
A woman encountered a snake
In some batter she started to bake
She gasped, and said, “Whoa!
“I’m baking a boa!
“Prepare to be hugged by a cake!”
The writer’s as dumb as a snake,
He’s unclear what a good lim will take.
Her rhymes gives me terrors
Plus grammatical errors
And more than one speling misteak.
A man in the House is a snake
Who revels in others’ heartache.
Why do any work?
Just hold forth! You big jerk;
You’ve no concept of true give and take.
A woman encountered a snake
who kept saying what fruit to take.
And then with a bite
she set legacies alight
for artists like Milton and Blake.
A woman encountered a snake
which she took home their dinner to make
But when hubby espied
he so rightly cried,
“That’s not what goes in Shake and Bake!”
A woman encountered a snake
she quickly concluded was fake
“Who heard of a bone
made of silicone?
It’s perky, but squishy to shake!”
A plumber was using his snake
a seriously fatal mistake
while drilling her pipes
he shouted out “yipes!
your chomping just caused it to break!”
That Ted’s such an unabashed snake
who leaves shaking heads in his wake
he thinks he’s a teacher
but acts like the preacher
from tv we all know is fake
A woman encountered a snake
And cooed to it, offering cake:
Your pattern is stunning,
I find you quite cunning!
…Six people attended her wake.
A woman encountered a snake
In tight jeans with slick hair, on the make.
She sneered, slid on by
But he gave her the eye:
“Hey, mama, you got a nice shake
To that ass — wanna gimme a try?”
She retorted, “No way, and here’s why:
There’s clean sheets on my bed,
Where I don’t want that head —
Neither one. So just zip up that fly.”
A woman encountered a snake
Which offered her some chocolate cake
“Forbidden! My diet!”
She said, “Or I’d try it.”
Eve’s making no Eden mistake.
At Craig’s home there once was a snake
who asked, “Have you got a corn flake?”
At first, he was balking
at serpentine talking
but not once did he double-take
So, “Frankly,” he said to sir snake
“I sure as hell hope you’re not fake.
Let’s go take a walk
and have us a talk
and freak out a neighbor’s clam bake!”
(revision – dropping the word “some”)
A woman encountered a snake
Which offered her chocolate cake
“Forbidden! My diet!”
She said, “Or I’d try it.”
Eve’s making no Eden mistake.
A woman encountered a “snake”…
Oh, let’s not be coy, fer cripes sake!
Speaking plainly, she had
Quite a well-endowed lad,
Torrid sexual cravings to slake.
IN OLD DODGE CITY
In the Gunsmoke Saloon sat a snake
Hooting, “Gals, give those bustles a shake.”
Marshall Dillon (Arness)
Put him under duress,
Pleasing Miss Kitty (A. Blake).
“Yer a varmint,” she said to the snake,
“But I reckon I’ll give ya a break
If you buy us a round
And the sizzling two-pound
Extra rare juicy Porterhouse steak.”
“You mistake me, Fair Lady,” said Snake.
“I’ve arrived after my darling’s wake.
I need female charms
For she died in my arms,
When I shot her for being a fake.”
“I found in her panties a snake,
But I do I not regret my mistake.
She hid it so well
So I never could tell
When she offered to play pat-a-cake.”
After Eden, the slithery snake
Admitted to God his mistake.
But as much as he begged
To be once again legged
The Divine wouldn’t give him a break.
St. Paddy, he espied a snake
at Seamus McFinnegan’s wake
“You filthy old lout!
I once drove you out!
Returning’s a fatal mistake!”
There once was a venomous snake
Who had him a nasty toothache
“Frick, frack, and dang!
I’m down to one fang!
They’ll laugh at me down at the lake!”
Matilda injected a snake
Down under twas all she could take
Squeezed hard on the head
Til she thought is was dead
Tried once more upon its next wake
A woman encountered a snake
in the woods on a brief potty break.
When her friends heard her screams,
they said, “it’s not what it seems.”
Turns out that the snake was a fake.
One day I encountered a snake
And the sight of it caused me to quake
It was long, thin and brown
And showing a frown,
It said “If there’s no bread give me cake”
Very much feared is the snake
In Australia we call them “Joe Blake”
It’s the way that we’re made
Not to call spade a spade
But we make up what rhyme we can make.
A woman encountered a snake
While sunning herself at the lake
He asked her to dine
And told her a line
The snake, named Jake, was a rake.
A woman encountered a snake,
Then shook her poor husband awake.
She asked, “Were you kiddin?
Is this fruit forbidden?”
“Eve! Put that thing down, for God’s sake!”
The Dems encountered a snake
Promoting for Tea Party’s sake
To cut medical care
And even he’d dare
From mouths of babes would he take
A woman encountered a snake
So a soup she decided to make
Met a croc, made a stew
Now her boyfriend’s untrue
And she’s thinking a brisket she’ll bake
“We all hate the Gov” hissed the snake
Vote for me, and it back, I will take
But the snake, who was sly
Had in fact, told a lie
His intent was, this country, to break!
Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, the snake
Said “Your freedom’s the thing that’s at stake”
While his plan, which is real
Is your freedom, to steal
Tread upon in his Tea Party’s wake
So, beware the forked tongue of the snake
Randall Paul and Ted Cruz for him spake
They grandstand, filibust,
Neither man should you trust
To be gullible is our mistake
David Koch is the name of the snake
There’s a hunger he never will slake
And he’ll make us all bleed
For his corporate greed.
Head him not, or your future forsake!
A woman encountered a snake
“Adam, I think it’s a fake
She went on to snare
An apple to share
And went to the oven to bake snake.
An old lady swallowed a snake.
Down her gullet it slithered to take
The mouse she’d ingested,
Which in hindsight suggested
Her luncheon choice was a mistake.
She claimed she had swallowed the snake
To cure an intestinal ache
Caused by cheese, oh so potent,
That she swallowed a rodent
When her bowel had started to quake.
Alas, t’was the end of the snake,
Which was stuck in the old lady’s trache.
Yes the poor woman died
With the snake still inside.
Both were mourned at the very same wake.
A woman encountered a snake
While in the process of making a cake
The bowl dropped with a clatter
Spilling all of the batter
Of which the snake did gladly partake
A woman encountered a snake-
Like organ of boyfriend named Jake.
She slipped it inside;
In-out it did glide
While making the gal shake and quake.
The Woman’s Snake;
Two Limericks
A woman encountered a snake
Then it was Hubby, get the rake
Dad got his rake and spade
He raked the snake and prayed
And flayed the snake now in the lake
– – –
A woman encountered a snake
who said, “Of the apple please take”
and promised her the world
Shared with Adam, they whirled,
were gone. God did evacuate
a woman encountered a snake
as a cake she was trying to bake
she took out a knife
and ended its life
a eunuch her husband she did make
Here’s a lim’rick I wrote ’bout a snake.
It’s what Madeleine asked us to make.
But the keyword this time
Was a bugger to rhyme –
Maybe next week she’ll cut us a break.
A woman encountered a snake
She asked Adam what it might take
To fulfill her urge
To create a merge
For his steak and her bellyache
at my front door there happened a snake
tried to chase it off with a rake
he spurt and he hissed
which got me real pissed
got my pistol, he left in a quake
a woman encountered a snake
a real one with poison, not fake
and as she lay dying
we heard her soft crying
Oh Lord, my soul now please take
Eve thought she’d encountered a snake
But soon found she’d made a mistake
For twas Adam the masher
The original flasher
Out and about on the make
A woman encountered a snake
While taking a swim in the lake
You could tell it had caught her
Sexual quarter
By the ecstatic squeals she did make.
Hey Madeleine! I was just visiting for the fun, but let me see if I can come up with something quickly–
A country encountered a snake
of countenance patently fake–
as he Cruzed for more power
he spoke hour on hour
pretending he was not a flake.
k
A woman encountered a snake
She was confused on what to make
He was decent
Looked innocent
A dark secret hidden, what a fake!
Hank
A woman encountered a snake
And her maidenhead he yearned to take
With urgent quick patter
He quickly did spatter
Not recognising a fake.
A woman encountered a snake;
She found it was rubber and fake.
She switched in a real one,
Then sat back to see fun
When the prankster retrieved his mistake.
A charmer was coaxing a snake
With the sounds that his pungi could make
The music was mellow
But this crafty fellow
Knew the snake has no ears so its fake.
Fall roads are deadly to the snake.
The truck tires pound, a flat snake to make.
I stop for them all you know.
Moving them gently, go! Go!
They need protection, the garter snake.
Young Eve was enticed by a snake,
The one they call Satan, the rake.
He led her astray
One chilly fall day
And then she donned clothes, for God’s sake.
We’ve found a new use for a snake
As our plumbing is clogged up with cake
A spring down the pipe
To remove all the gripe
And soap scum and toothpaste and slake
A woman encountered a snake
In the grass by the edge of the lake.
He suggested they sin
She said, “I’m all in.”
They frolicked and caused an earthquake.
A woman encountered a snake
While neat’ning her yard with a rake.
“Not usually, heres,
Do I find you, my dears.
Finish wat’ring; can’t wait for our break!”
A woman encountered a snake —
Rolled her eyes, sighed, “Oh, give me a break.
You, again, in our Garden!”
“Eve, I beg your pardon:
For years, you’ve been wanting to take
Me up on my red-apple offer,”
He hissed. “But your Adam’s a scoffer.
You’ll have all-knowing wisdom!
Let your man just stay fat, dumb.”
[Some say the snake wanted to boff her.]
A Ranee rode a big trouser snake
In the darkness down by the lake
It was considerably larger
Than her husbands, The Rajah
So made the most of all she could take
A couple had fun with their snake
In the bedroom: they’d give it a shake
And exclaim at its length.
She’d coo, “Feel Snakey’s strength!
And the puddle you’ve managed to make.”
A woman once had a pet snake
Which to all the big parties she’d take.
Both a glitter, they dined
Round her limbs snake entwined,
While she’d eye every guy she would make.
A woman once worked for a snake
In the grass, just an ass on the take:
Totally superficial,
An elected official.
She soon quit for her sanity’s sake.
A pert Asian woman met Snake,
She, new here; he, lustful and fake.
“Prease, you give directions
To Office of Erections?”
He leered, “You, I’ll pers’nally take.”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 135.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Peek.