Gored By Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman, bored out of her gourd,…*


A fellow was proud of his gourd…*


A fellow, alas, had been gored…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Gored By Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman, bored out of her gourd,
Stopped dating a guy she’d adored
Cuz she suddenly noticed
He’d not the remotest
Attraction … except for his sword.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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44 Responses to “Gored By Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Phyllis L says:

    A fellow, alas, had been gored
    In a bullfight, and couldn’t afford
    To lose so much blood.
    Now his name was mud
    As the crowd hissed and stamped feet and roared.

  2. A hooker drank wine from a gourd
    To forget all the nights she had whored
    She’d scraped up her knees
    Charging minimal fees
    Memories are all she can afford

  3. Jon Gearhart says:

    The King caught the Queen’s vassal, Gord,
    In the castle, with her on his sword.
    The King to him said,
    “I’ll soon have your head.”
    Gord said, “Nope.” but his asshole he bored…

  4. gary hallock says:

    A woman bored out of her gourd
    Exclaiming, “I’ll not be ignored!”
    Her poor husband “Peter”
    Said “Hell, I don’t beat ‘er
    And this is my lousy reward?”

  5. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman bored out of her gourd
    Went out searching to find her Lord
    A royal, fit gent
    A humorous bent
    And certainly not one to hoard.

  6. gary hallock says:

    A fellow was proud of his gourd
    But his Jekyll in turn was deplored
    His ‘pumpkin’ pumped kin
    But did most of them in
    On the hole it did not please the whored

  7. gary hallock says:

    A fencing instructor was gored
    By the thrust of a naked man’s sword
    He cried out, “Oh shit!
    You’ve a rapier wit
    And my penis no match for this word.”

  8. Linkmeister says:

    A woman, bored out of her gourd
    Threw a tantrum and bellowed and roared
    She grabbed her phone and played Candy Crush
    Until her brain dissolved into mush
    And she thought she was Ford Madox Ford.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The matador yelled – he’d been gored,
    And the bull now had part of his hoard!
    Addressing El Toro
    In pain and in sorrow,
    “Could I have my ball back?” he implored.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    No need, with a head like a gourd,
    For disguise that she couldn’t afford.
    Every Hallowe’en Night
    She gave children a fright,
    And she won the “Best Pumpkin” award.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    I couldn’t believe I’d been gored
    By a hooker who scratched me and clawed.
    When I called the insurers
    They said “Sorry, whorers,
    Like acts of God, can’t be insured.”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    The candidate ended “Al Gore’d”;
    In the popular vote, he’d outscored,
    But a few dimpled chads
    Fixed by Jeb and his lads
    Meant that Dubbya got the reward.

  13. Chris Papa says:

    Our climate, now thoroughly Gored,
    Would seem to be hurtling toward,
    An ice-melting end,
    Except that, dear friend,
    Current data just must be ignored.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    He burst like an over-ripe gourd
    When from ten thousand feet he had soared.
    Skydiving is rotten
    For one who’s forgotten
    To pull on the parachute cord.

  15. yt cai says:

    In deep space he’s known as Gord
    When confronting an alien warlord
    But back here on earth
    His hang time is dearth
    Then in a Flash, it’s over, she’s bored

  16. John Sardo says:

    A woman bored out of her gourd
    Was upset by being ignored
    When she was young
    Many flings she had flung
    Now at home she was seldom adored.
    This woman bored out of her gourd
    At last she found some accord
    She went to a store
    Bought jewels to adore
    At home her hubby was floored.
    Her hubby was proud of his gourd.
    Thought nil when his wife he ignored
    The gal charged his card
    And for life he was scarred
    His good credit he never restored.
    The lesson is clear when she’s bored.
    Get rid of the oversized gourd.
    Get the little blue pill
    And give her a thrill.
    Once restored she’ll be proud of your sword.
    When a sword replaces a gourd
    Happy times at once are restored.
    When in a bored mood
    No need to be prude
    Get her nude and hop right aboard

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A fellow was proud of his gourd,
    And women who saw it were floored!
    They tried to seduce
    They used every ruse
    And begged to be pierced with his sword.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman bored out of her gourd
    Had found a hot guy and implored
    Sweet music to make,
    Her whole being quake…
    He played her like a harpsichord.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman bored out of her gourd,
    Had flesh that could not be ignored.
    She’s the whole calabash,
    And played guys with panache
    And gave them the whole smorgasbord.

  20. Mark Kane says:

    Imagine a ‘Frankenstein Gourd.’
    The fame of this pumpkin has soared.
    It’s grown in a mold,
    Then stripped clean and sold
    As a Halloween gimmick it’s scored.

    Note: This is a new product which is coming on the market and you can check out this link for more details.
    Frankenstein Pumpkins.

  21. scott says:

    A woman, bored out of her gourd
    was anxiously looking toward
    a vodka martini
    a ten inch zucchini
    and the soon to be coming reward

  22. Tim James says:

    A woman went out of her gourd
    As her paramour noisily snored.
    After sex, though, she found
    That he made not a sound
    So each night ever after he scored.

  23. Mark Kane says:

    Two pianists, bored out of their gourd,
    Stopped bitching and jointly explored
    Which places to touch,
    And when was too much.
    Their crescendo together just soared.

  24. Byron Ives says:

    I wonder if we’ve been ‘Al Gore’d’?
    Are all scientists in accord?
    So I guess, due to farts,
    A polar bear departs?
    Alrighty! We’re all now onboard!

  25. Jon Gearhart says:

    Here’s a groaner, if you get it:

    You might think Adam West lost his gourd
    And should be locked away; rest assured
    He’s not riled with brains throbbin’.
    That’s the cross borne by Robin.
    It’s Burt who’s in this onery Ward!

  26. Sally Franz says:

    A woman, bored out of her gourd
    Bought a moutain bike, then she soared
    Over rock, rack, and ruined
    her parts were then strewn
    Now she drives slowly a Ford

  27. Jon Gearhart says:

    With a thick Brooklyn accent:

    She hollered at me, “Oh my gawd!
    With you I’m becoming quite bored.”
    I then answered back
    With my usual wise crack,
    “Shut your mouth and bend over, dumb broad!”

  28. John Tate says:

    My memory’s suffered a lapse
    From taking too many naps
    When I lie down to rest
    In my comfortable nest
    That gray matter tends to collapse.

  29. Byron Ives says:

    The hooker’s boat was a huge gourd,
    Hollowed out, with pedals on board
    She was fetchingly Norse,
    And used leg muscle force,
    To peddle her ass ’round the fiord

  30. Jon Gearhart says:

    There once was a dumbass named Gord.
    He’s a mohel with a long jagged sword.
    If he gets near your son,
    You should grab child and run:
    An alert Jew is its own reward!

  31. All Hallows Eve

    The Great Pumpkin, that kingliest gourd,
    Rises up! – becomes fully unmoored.
    Quickly floats yard-to-yard
    And attempts to retard
    The predations of over-age horde.

  32. Susan says:

    Pouring wine from a newly carved gourd
    Is a treat that I’ve to long ignored.
    There is something enchanting
    In the art of decanting;
    It’s a pleasure I’ve never explored.

  33. Susan says:

    A pumpkin is simply a gourd
    With a rep – it’s truly adored.
    Found in lattes and pies,
    Or a well carved surprise
    The pepo’s a gourd that has scored.

  34. Fred Bortz says:

    What Happened Before the Breakup

    No vasectomy! I won’t be gored.
    That procedure is most untoward.
    I fear next when you call me
    It will be to de-ball me.
    I refuse! No I’m not reassured.

  35. Rave At Stonehenge!…

    Hey there, baby, you got any glow-gourds?
    Bring ‘em out to tonight’s Stonehenge slow-chords.
    Plus, we’ll drop a few pills
    To dispense with our ills,
    Misbehavin’ out on the old mow-swards*.

    *the old Scots word “mow” refers to that most ancient human activity.

    Glow-Gourds at Stonehenge Raves All the Rage

  36. Fred Bortz says:

    Edited to fix a problem with rhythm.

    What Happened Before the Breakup

    No vasectomy! I won’t be gored.
    That procedure is most untoward.
    I fear next when you call me
    ‘Twill be to de-ball me.
    I refuse! No I’m not reassured.

  37. Allen Wilcox says:

    A Norwegian, quite out of his gourd,
    Fixated on land he explored.
    He so wanted to boast
    He owned part of the coast,
    But he could not afford a fjord.

  38. Allen Wilcox says:

    A guy a bit out of hiz gourd,
    Who truly believed he had scored,
    Was surprised when she hit
    Him a good one, so it
    Was clear he was floored and was floored.

  39. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    By a grizzled old pig, I was gored.
    As I waited for succor, I roared.
    It was not the damned pain,
    But emotional strain,
    ‘Cause I really do hate being bored.

  40. Jon Gearhart says:

    As I pierced my curved blade through his gourd
    And it oozed, he cried out, “Oh my lord!
    You’re a hideous bumpkin.
    For defiling my pumpkin,
    I shall see that you reap what you’ve sword.”

  41. Dr. Goose says:

    I carved in my big orange gourd
    A resemblance of President Ford
    But lost out to Martha,
    Whose Chester A. Arthur
    Took home the Best Pumpkin award.

  42. Allen Wilcox says:

    He hid deep inside of a gourd
    To escape from a ravenous horde.
    As for humorous verse,
    He was under a curse,
    So he laid down,, he slept, and he snored..

  43. John Armstrong says:

    A woman, bored out of her gourd
    Rented the room where her junk was stored
    Some steer horns on the walls
    Pinned her tenant’ s overalls
    And at meal time he was gored out of his board

  44. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 186.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Switch.