Limerick Ado (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow whose mortgage was due…*


A woman asked, “What shall I do?…”*


A woman at last got her due…*


“Stop telling me what I should do!…”*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Ado
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Stop telling me what I should do!
You’re a shrew — I’m the glue of this crew.”
(Not a guy taking tough
To a friend — bad enough,
But a man to his boss. This he’ll rue!)

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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72 Responses to “Limerick Ado (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Chris Doyle says:

    The decline in my eyesight is due,
    Says my doc, to a lesion or two
    In my visual cortex,
    So please don’t get sore, Tex —
    I think I just peed on your shoe.

  2. Chris Doyle says:

    He’ll do what a ram likes to do
    If a ram meets a lamb turning two.
    We can only assume
    Ovine love is in bloom
    When a ram has a vroom with a ewe.

  3. Chris Doyle says:

    A wildebeest’s blue, and it’s due
    To the shortage of does in the zoo.
    He doesn’t know when
    He’ll be mating again,
    So he waits to go wooing a gnu.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    His wife asked him, “What shall I do?
    I’m pregnant – the father’s not you!”
    “Just make up some story
    Of wonder and glory –
    An angel stopped by for a screw.”

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    I only require my due –
    An honourable mention or two.
    But I’ve never yet scored
    At the Facebook award,
    For my “friends” are regrettably few.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    A fellow said “What should I do?
    I can’t get my girl to come through.”
    He consulted an owl;
    “What you need”, said the fowl,
    “Is to charm her – to wit, to woo.”

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    Moses complains of back problems:

    “Stop telling us what we should do!
    Commandments? OK, one or two,
    But on marble, all ten?
    Can’t You just use a pen
    On a substance that’s light, like bamboo?”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    My library book’s overdue,
    But what can you possibly do?
    Send me threatening mail
    With the menace of jail?
    Well, I’m already there, so screw you!

  9. Chris Doyle says:

    Says Daltrey to Townshend, “Let’s do
    Find a drummer to add to our crew.”
    “Roger that!” answers Pete,
    “I hear Moon has the beat.”
    So it’s Keith, then, who’s cast in The Who.

  10. Chris Doyle says:

    When a crone caused a London to-do
    Hiding blades in the heel of her shoe,
    And she carved up a dame
    In a lav, she became
    The old woman who shivved in a loo.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    “I’m bewildered – oh, what shall I do?”
    Cried the poor wildebeest in the zoo.
    “An antelope, yes,
    But I’m now in distress
    Because I never knew I’m a gnu.”

  12. Chris Doyle says:

    There’s one task that my boy wouldn’t do
    At our zoo: mucking wildebeest poo.
    When he thought that I’d skipped
    The poor creature, I quipped,
    “There is nothing, son, under the gnu.”

  13. Chris Doyle says:

    I had nightmares, when young, that were due
    To a ghost that was haunting our flue.
    Now I’m older—but could,
    When I’m adding some wood
    To the fire, get spooked. Déjà boo!

  14. Chris Doyle says:

    Marijuana’s a drug I won’t do;
    I don’t smoke it — and neither should you.
    I’m not putting on airs
    When I tell you that there’s
    Not a ghost of a chance I’d use boo.

  15. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young hen cried “What can I do?”
    “I’m hopeless when I’ve had a few
    I agree I’m not choosy
    And they call me a floosy
    Any cock round the yard’ll doodle doo

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    “\A woman asked, ‘What shall I
    I saw the most beautiful ewe.
    Should I photograph lambs,
    And perhaps study rams?
    Or stick to what I thought I gnu?

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    Stop telling me what I should do!
    This is about ME, and not you!
    You’ve ruined my life,
    Caused nothing but strife.
    About me, you haven’t a clue!

  18. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young man whose mortgage was due
    Was hoping the Bank would not sue.
    To the Banker irate
    He said “I m not late
    I’ll give you my assets in loo.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman at last got her due.
    She had, indeed, made quite a coup.
    Her intelligence won
    Her a place in the sun!
    And now, her dream job she’ll pursue.

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    A woman cried “What shall I do?
    I’m pregnant, but don’t know by who.
    On vacation in Mali,
    I had sex with Charlie,
    But later that day, Tim bucked too.”

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    (Another old chestnut …)

    Said Sartre, “To be is to do.”
    Said Hamlet, “I wish that I knew;
    That’s the problem for me –
    Not to be, or to be?”
    Said Sinatra “Doobee-doobee-doo.”

  22. John Sardo says:

    A woman at last got her due
    After lining up guys in a queue
    It was done on a dare
    But she got quite a scare
    Getting caught on a wooden church pew.

  23. John Sardo says:

    Stop telling me what I should do
    When really you don’t have a clue.
    Of the trouble I’m in
    ‘Cause there’s no way I win.
    Knocked up two with only one screw.

  24. John Sardo says:

    Stop telling me what I should do
    To get rid of this horrible flu
    I tried some cheap scotch
    Got a blotch on my crotch
    And my head feels like slumgullion stew.

  25. John Sardo says:

    A woman asked, “What shall I do?…
    I’ve just drunk my thirty first brew.
    I’m feeling quite drawn
    But the ship sails at dawn
    And I promised I’d screw half the crew.

  26. John Sardo says:

    A woman asked, “What shall I do?”…
    Had a night I’m starting to rue.
    The guys were just fine
    I do mean all nine
    But for long I can’t bid them adieu.”

  27. Chris Doyle says:

    On the day that a bride says “I do,”
    By tradition she wears something new,
    Something borrowed, I’m told,
    And of course something old,
    While that night there’ll be something she blew.

  28. Chris Doyle says:

    There are things I’m forbidden to do
    On Shabbat (I’m an Orthodox Jew):
    Plow, sow, reap, weave, sew, dye,
    Spin, warp, grind, cook, bake, fry,
    Or write “Oy, is it kosher to boo?”

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the Devil, “Your soul is now due,
    And our contract’s not one I’ll renew.”
    But God had to chortle:
    “Tough luck, I’m immortal.
    Besides, don’t you know I am you?”

  30. Sallie McKenna says:

    Omigosh, we’ve got men (more than two),
    in a pun-off quite clever all through,
    if competing, be wary,
    they’re so spot on its scary,
    if for fun, just throw yours in BEAUCOUP!

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    On Sunday, you know what I do?
    Write limericks, more than a few.
    Yes, Sunday’s my verse-day,
    But I’m growing thirsty –
    It’s whisky time, so toodle-oo!

  32. Sallie McKenna says:

    A woman tried everything new,
    so she switched to Bing from Yahoo,
    but then Google was piqued,
    plucked her IP and tweaked
    it to endlessly lengthen her queue.

  33. Sallie McKenna says:

    A waked maiden was covered with dew,
    having slept in her garden, askew;
    said, “This damp condensation
    does bear some relation
    to my gardener’s deflowering how-to”!

  34. Sallie McKenna says:

    A fellow whose mortgage was due,
    speculated on worth to accrue;
    his house deal was a rotter,
    so he’s deep underwater,
    now the note’s up the banker’s wazoo.

  35. The boss wrote some lewd billets-doux
    To a colleague he wanted to scroux
    Using prose so inept
    That they laughed ’til they wept
    When she read them aloud to the croux.

  36. It’s Springtime, and taxes are due.
    But not for the wealthiest few:
    They’re up to their poop-holes
    In tax breaks and loopholes…
    And who gets to pay for it? YOU.

  37. Cried Mrs. Claus, “What can I do
    To save Christmas? I haven’t a clue…
    For a chimney stack crumbled
    And Santa Claus tumbled,
    And now he’s come down with the flue!”

  38. Tom Harris says:

    No matter what you say or do
    There’s always someone flinging poo.
    But ignore the twit,
    He will never quit.
    Just please direct him to the loo.

  39. His weakness is Tullamore Dew.
    If they give him a tumbler or two,
    Then his lips will unseal,
    And it’s probable he’ll
    Tullamore than he knows that he knew.

  40. It’s all Humphrey Bogart can do
    Not to give all the actors his flu.
    As he tries not to sneeze,
    With a slight gesture he’s
    Telling Ingrid: “Here’s lurking achoo!”


  41. Val Fish says:

    Stop telling me what I should do!
    I promised to obey, that’s true
    I’m your wife, not your slave
    And if you can’t behave
    Stuff those vows, I’m divorcing you!

  42. yt cai says:

    French president Georges Pompidou
    Asked wife Claude to try something new
    Off they went to a spa
    She had menage a trois
    He left with a new point of view

    The snapshots raised quite the to do
    Caused Georges to scream sacrebleu
    When it came out at trial
    That Claude cracked smile
    Just before lovers bid her adieu

  43. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow whose mortgage was due
    (Who recently got laid off, too)
    Was pondering facets
    Of life while his ass sets
    Awaiting for closure’s adieu

  44. Tim James says:

    A fellow asked, “What shall I do
    With my brother, who drives me cuckoo?
    He bought nasty fake scat,
    Which he placed in my hat.
    Now my hair is bedecked with sham poo.”

  45. Val Fish says:

    A woman asked ‘What shall I do?
    Up the duff, but I don’t know who
    Has dipped his wick
    (Hubby’s had the snip)
    I’m sorry I haven’t a clue’.

  46. Jon Gearhart says:

    There is really not much we can do
    To have hopes of a win in this crew
    It seems pointless to toil
    When the likes of Chris Doyle
    Keep on cranking out winners, a slew… :-)

  47. Ira Bloom says:

    This month, when the mortgage is due,
    We’ll be moving to South Timbuktu.
    We’ve lined up a buyer;
    Then we can retire,
    If we don’t live past sixty-two.

  48. Ira Bloom says:

    The son asked, “Dad, what should I do?
    I can’t have my Kate, and Edith too.”
    His dad, who was smart,
    Said, “Just look to your heart,
    And then get off the pot, son, or poo.”

  49. Johanna Richmond says:

    Dan’s wife kept her Dippity Do
    In a jar on the dresser…Woohoo…
    If it stiffens her hair,
    Wondered Dan, do I dare?
    Now Dan’s dippity ding-dong is blue.

  50. Brian Allgar says:

    The Captain had tried to subdue
    His lust for a sailor or two.
    But those months on the lugger
    Induced the old bugger
    To sample the stern of the crew.

  51. Brian Allgar says:

    I really don’t know what to do.
    I dated a lawyer, who knew
    How to trap me with come-ons;
    I’ve just got a summons.
    You guessed it – the lawyer’s called Sue.

  52. Brian Allgar says:

    We got drenched by the cold morning dew
    While attempting an open-air screw.
    My girl, giving head,
    Had to sneeze, so instead
    All she gave me that day was a chew!

  53. Brian Allgar says:

    The next morning, we set out to do
    It again, but the weather, on cue,
    Started snowing – we froze,
    And her dear little nose
    Was the only appendage she blew.

  54. Brian Allgar says:

    On the third day – I felt it her due –
    I fed her some nourishing stew.
    When she’d finished, I tried
    For dessert, but she cried
    “I’m too full now to swallow more goo!”

  55. Val Fish says:

    A young lass cried what can I do
    He‘s shown me his didgeridoo
    He wants me to play
    What can I say?
    My lips on his tip, no can do

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    So now we have learned what to do:
    Stay home where it’s warm, and dry too.
    Indoors, life is grand
    With a bird in the hand,
    But a bird in the bush gives you flu.

  57. Brian Allgar says:

    [Ooops! First word of last line above should be ‘But’.]

    Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it.

  58. A groovy dog named Scooby-Doo
    Has a nose for the odd, spooky clue;
    He rolls in a van,
    Catching snacks where he can;
    Bet he knows and he rolls doobie too.

  59. Poor Kanga cried, “What shall I do?
    My joey’s been lost at the zoo.
    He’s gone out of pocket;
    I fear that the croc et
    My boy, whom I loved, now I rue.”

  60. A woman who stepped in some doo,
    Alas was bereft of a clue.
    Of course she could tell
    That a horrible smell
    Came from somewhere–just not from her shoe.

  61. A man who’d grown tired of his ‘do
    Shaved his head like a ball (as in cue).
    “I love my bald head,”
    He joyfully said,
    “So much that I wish I had two.”

  62. Johanna Richmond says:

    They made love in the meadowy dew;
    All around them, dawn’s heavenly hue;
    Yet such bliss failed to bed
    This refrain in her head:
    “What a wee little pecker! Who knew?”

  63. yt cai says:

    No sooner than saying “I do”
    The groom began feeling quite blue
    She lost the belt’s key
    Preserving chastity
    From this his condition since grew

  64. Tom Hale says:

    Stop telling me what I should do!
    Or voodoo revenge will ensue.
    Hey, we’ll see who wins
    When I stick these pins
    In this homemade image of you!

  65. Tim James says:

    A fellow whose fate had come due,
    When captured by cannibals who
    Dunked him deep in a pot,
    Said, “This water’s quite hot.
    I’ll escape, or my name isn’t Stu!”

  66. Brian Allgar says:

    Dr Spooner said: “Give me my due –
    What they claim about me is untrue.
    I can only surmise
    That a great lack of pies
    Turned my own wasteful turds into stew.”

  67. John Armstrong says:

    Scooby dooby dooby doo
    Brings back memories to me and you
    Whether it’s a scary doggie bit
    Or Sinatra’s crooney hit
    The Mystery Machine by moonlight lit

  68. Johanna Richmond says:

    Christie’s lawyer’s had plenty to do
    To find out what went wrong and who knew.
    Fin’lly, here is his pitch:
    Bridget Kelly’s a bitch;
    Mayor Zimmer’s a backbiting shrew.

  69. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who paid what was due
    Had bought billiard balls but no cue
    So her hubby said “Quick
    Can you get me a stick?”
    And the Schtick that she got Schtuck like glue.

    Do they have Schtickies in America?

  70. Diane Groothuis says:

    Plain Jane had some bills overdue
    And interest about to accrue
    For the cost of her Botox
    And a slice off her buttocks
    But she didn’t get a frick-frou.

  71. Johanna Richmond says:

    Christie’s lawyer’s had plenty to do
    But his hard work has yielded a clue:
    He’s uncovered a yawn.
    The conclusion he’s drawn?
    Mayor Z’s a duplicitous shrew.

  72. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 158.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Ware.