Limerick Beau (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman broke up with her beau…*

or

A fellow who’d once been the beau…*

or

A gal tied her hair in a bow…*

or

A musician was buying a bow…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Beau
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A singer broke up with her beau
After learning he’d done something low:
He’d poked fun at her pitch,
Which compelled her to ditch
Him for somebody less in the know.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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62 Responses to “Limerick Beau (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Dave Aton says:

    A good limerick — a beauty, a beau —
    Relies upon this, don’t you know:
    Two lines that rhyme, first,
    Then two more, in a burst,
    And the last wraps it up with a bow.

  2. Bob Leggett says:

    A musician who was buying a bow
    Said oh dear I really don’t know
    I’m sorry to dither
    But I’m all of a quiver
    The don’t seem to go with my arrow

  3. rbasler says:

    If I lived in Paramaribo
    I’d have no idea where to go
    It’s not like I wanna
    Be in Dutch Guiana -
    The Suriname name from befoe’

  4. rbasler says:

    If I lived in Paramaribo
    I’d have no idea where to go
    It’s not like I wanna
    Be in Dutch Guiana -
    The Suriname name from befoe’

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    William Tell was re-stringing his bow;
    He had missed the damned apple, and so
    He now aimed for the head,
    Shot his little son dead,
    And won gold at the archery show.

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    His loose shoelace I tied in a bow.
    Passers-by raised their brows in a show
    Of contempt for this wife—
    Slave to hubby her life!
    But with slipped disc, he couldn’t bend low!

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman broke up with her beau
    Her soul quavered to mete out such woe!
    But his passion was fake
    His heart did not break
    He suffered not one single throe …

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    I undid the ribbon and bow
    Of the chess program gift from my bro.
    By computer outclassed
    I was checkmated fast!
    But I won the next match—taekwondo.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Wearing only a lavender bow,
    The hooker, just learning to blow,
    Couldn’t find his erection.
    He gave the direction:
    “Go Southward, and not Westward, Ho!”

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    “Oh, Lenore!” cried her heartbroken beau,
    “Shall I see you again?” Poor old Poe
    Heard a tap at the door,
    And a voice: “Nevermore!”
    Thus the raven continued to crow.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The cellist was waving her bow,
    But the music was failing to flow.
    Why this absence of sound?
    Eureka! She found
    There were no strings attached down below.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    The Marquis tied bow after bow
    Securing the girl head to toe
    On the four-poster bed,
    But she broke free and said
    “A nice try, but the answer’s still no.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    His tie was a polka-dot bow
    That emitted a sinister glow.
    He would sadly explain,
    “I am from the Ukraine -
    It’s my Chernobyl tie, don’t you know.”

  14. colonialist says:

    A woman broke up with her beau
    How low to go he didn’t know
    He’d too many doubts
    On the ins and the outs
    So making her come was no go.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    A belle from the parish of Bow
    Was in love with a baker called Joe.
    But a belle from Shoreditch,
    Such an envious bitch,
    Told him: “All that she wants is your dough.”

  16. John Sardo says:

    A gal tied her hair in a bow
    That would hurt making love to a beau
    One said “It’s annoying”
    When my toy I’m deploying.”
    “It’s better down there when you mow”

  17. John Sardo says:

    A gal tied her hair in a bow
    That covered her bod head to toe.
    It was really quite pleasing
    Except when she’s sneezing
    It reveals hers charms down below.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who’d once been the beau
    Of a princess was told to go blow.
    He went into a funk
    Till his head he would dunk
    In a barrel of Remy Cointreau.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the whale to her lusty young beau:
    “With me, you will reap as you sow;
    If you tickle the spot
    That makes lady-whales hot,
    Then maybe, just maybe, I’ll blow.”

  20. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman broke up with her beau:
    “I’m not well.” He replied, “Maybe so,
    “In your time of the menses,
    “Discomfort? Just senses,”
    “For now let’s just go with the flow…”

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman broke up with her beau-
    She saw he was weak and callow.
    “I want a worldly guy,
    On whom I can rely
    And for loving,I want a pro.

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman broke up with her beau
    A heartthrob on the piano,
    But with young female fans
    He was good with his hands.
    He had played her fortissimo.

  23. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman broke up with her beau,
    A chef in a fine bordello
    She saw his cock expand
    He was drinking wine and
    Eating more than the escargot.

  24. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman broke up with her beau,
    Who loved good wine and escargot.
    But to all that said ciao-
    He read a health book and now
    He eats greens and garabanzo.

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman broke up with her beau,
    Who loved good wine and escargot.
    But to all that said ciao-
    He read a health book and now
    He eats greens and cooked garbanzo.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    The conductor was taking a bow
    When it seemed that he farted, and how!
    The second trombone
    Had unwittingly blown
    A bum note. He is unemployed now.

  27. Mark Kane says:

    A cellist is hoping to bow
    His gal several times in a row,
    But he has to maintain
    A pace to sustain
    Her O’s, as he strokes nice and slow.

  28. Phyllis L says:

    A woman broke up with her beau;
    He would never fight with a foe,
    This dapper Beau Brummel
    Did not want to pummel.
    His fine clothes stayed clean, head to toe.

  29. yt cai says:

    The hunter pulled back on his bow
    With sights fixed on bagging a doe
    His aim had bad luck
    Thus nicking a buck
    Who knew where those antlers could go

  30. yt cai says:

    The Eskimo took on a beau
    She met on an Arctic ice floe
    He pulled out his small dink
    Said cold air made it shrink
    Discovered he lies down below

  31. yt cai says:

    Mary said she’d make him her beau
    Tho there’s something he ought to know
    It would cost him a pound
    To cry out like a hound
    A small price for this quid pro quo

  32. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A woman was dumped by her beau,
    A real happy-go-lucky type joe.
    He was not at all staid,
    And was easily swayed.
    So she knew he would go with that Flo.

  33. Jon Gearhart says:

    A gal tied her hair in a bow
    With ribbon, determined to show
    The bow to the cuter
    Of two who pursued her,
    Thus hoisting her skirt up like so!!

  34. Charley Simmons says:

    The fiddler fell and broke his bow
    While going on stage for a show
    So, he picked his fiddle like a mando,
    Ending with a great crescendo
    The crowd went wild and tossed him their dough.

  35. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Sweet Tempered Dow

    A mistress who tripped on her beau
    Said:”you nit can’t you see where I go?
    ” If you go when I come
    I won’t fall on my bum!”
    And she dragged him downstairs to make dough.

  36. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    App Yours Mister

    A belle, no more bent on her beau
    Really sick of him dangling in tow
    Just downloaded an app
    That would tell him to flapp
    And get lost! Meaning – Yes! Time to go!

  37. Chris O'Carroll says:

    A woman broke up with her beau:
    He was all “Giddyup!” She was “Whoa!
    I don’t care for the speed
    With which you do the deed.
    If you come like that, you’ve gotta go.”

  38. Tom Hale says:

    The neophyte thought a new bow
    Would make her a virtuoso.
    Her tunes had no time,
    No rosin or rhyme;
    The less polite might say they blow.

  39. Val Fish says:

    A woman broke up with her beau
    Who had lost his get up and go
    She got up and went
    With a livelier gent
    Who gave her a rosier glow

  40. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I once knew a Sergeant LeBeau,
    An extremely gung-ho NCO.
    But when he lost an arm,
    He went back to the farm.
    Now he orders his ducks in a row.

  41. kaykuala says:

    A woman broke up with her beau…
    There was a fierce and heated do
    What was there to show?
    No one seemed to know
    Flared up and out the door she flew

    Hank

  42. A woman got dumped by her beau.
    “But… why?” she demanded to know.
    “To be honest,” he said,
    “You’ve no talent for head.”
    (Now they’ve BOTH had a terrible blow.)

  43. Val Fish says:

    A woman broke up with her beau
    Who’d dealt her the cruelest of blows
    He’d confessed to a fling
    But the most shocking thing?
    His ‘mistress’ was a guy called Joe

  44. Val Fish says:

    A woman broke up with her beau
    Whose assets were woefully low.
    She waved him goodbye
    For a far sweeter guy;
    Sugar daddy with truck-loads more dough.

  45. Phyllis S Smith says:

    A fellow who’d once been a beau,
    Beau Brummel, if you have to know,
    His only real passion
    Devoted to fashion.
    He said, “One must go with the flow.”

  46. Said the Smilodon queen to her beau,
    “This Neanderthal’s tasty.” “Oh, no,”
    Said her feline companion;
    “It’s fine Filet Magnon!”
    “My bad,” said the first. “I’ll eat Cro-.”

  47. Phyllis S Smith says:

    A musician was buying a bow
    For which instrument he didn’t know.
    “If I’m feeling mellow
    It might be a cello
    But fiddling’s my failing. Let’s go!”

  48. Kirk Miller says:

    Origami purveyors won’t bow
    To demands that they change; won’t kowtow.
    In the office of theirs,
    They were caught unawares,
    And refused to go paperless now.

  49. A young girl always said to her beaux,
    “That’s the best I e’er had, Dick… although,
    To make sure, I’ll ask Dad.
    But that man, he gets mad—
    Clipped my past beaux, that old so-and-so.”

  50. Tim James says:

    A limerick homage to the movie “Se7en.”
    (Bet there aren’t too many of those.)
    Warning! Spoilers!

    “What’s in the Box?”

    The package, all tied with a bow,
    Was sent by the psycho John Doe.
    Now with six people dead
    It all came to a head:
    ‘Twas the noggin of Gwyneth Paltrow.

  51. Tim James says:

    A bald guy had once been a beau;
    From his gal, though, he got the heave-ho.
    They had had quite a scene
    When he grew his hair green
    By shampooing with Miracle-Gro.

  52. Ah, “bow”. Is it “bough”? Is it “beau”?
    There really is no way to know
    ‘Til you use it. And that
    Is like Schroedinger’s Cat –
    With less animal cruelty, though.

    (Off topic, but related:

    “What Else Is In The Box?”

    I asked Dr. S what he’s doing.
    “The cat in this box, before viewing,
    Is both living and dead!”
    Dr. Schroedinger said…
    But at that point, the box started mewing.)

  53. Allen Wilcox says:

    A musician was buying a bow
    In a big old box store, don’t you know.
    The clerk was a jerk,
    And asked with a smirk,
    “And how many arrows to go?”

  54. Allen Wilcox says:

    A fellow was gladly the beau
    Of a girl who was quite in the kneau.
    When he askied how she knew,
    She explsined “What I dew
    I learned from my years as a preau.”

  55. Allen Wilcox says:

    A girl was perplexed by her beau.
    As time passed, she observed “Now you know
    If you want us to last.
    You don’t need to fuck fast,
    But six days sure is God-awful slow.”

  56. Allen Wilcox says:

    A woman was shocked that her beau
    Had secretive sex with men. “Know
    I am quite surprised and
    I just don’t understand.
    I’d like the lowdown on down low.”

  57. Kirk Miller says:

    A young seamstress complained to her beau
    That her unseamly boss let her go.
    She put up a big fight;
    Didn’t think it was right.
    But it was, at least seamingly sew.

    The gal’s boss said her work was sew-sew;
    Kept the workers in stitches? A frayed sew.
    Held her job by a thread
    Till her firing. ‘Twas said
    It was quite a clothes call, even sew.

  58. Steve Whitred says:

    Lenore broke the heart of her beau
    “She will come nevermore” quoth the crow
    So to hear the man sob
    Is both sad and macabre
    Not surprisingly though, apropos

  59. P Diane Schneider says:

    A gal tied her hair in a bow
    And went to meet up with a foe
    To not come to harm
    She took not her arm
    But thinking to strike a low blow

    While walking she spied an old crow
    And began to muse about Poe
    His brooding, dark thought
    She mused on her lot
    Shought her meeting end up in woe

    But should she win, where would she stow
    The evidence locked down below
    Nefarious acts
    And reveAling facts
    She had to approach this thing slow

    Arriving, the gal missed the foe
    Where he got to, nobody know
    She audited facts
    Of nefarious acts
    Victory gained without need of a blow

  60. Johanna Richmond says:

    Round his member he fastened a bow,
    Then he buffed it to “make that shit glow”
    At least HE got a rise
    From June’s birthday surprise
    Before June told him where he could go.

  61. Johanna Richmond says:

    Mercutio warned: a man’s bow,
    When it’s blinded by love, may aim low.
    Medlar-me* thinks behind
    Shakespeare’s joke (once well mined)
    Is a pop-’er-in pear in the know.

    *”If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.
    Now will he sit under a medlar tree
    And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit
    As maids call medlars when they laugh alone.—
    O Romeo, that she were! Oh, that she were
    An open arse, and thou a poperin pear.”

  62. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 165.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Must.