Fleeing Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was tempted to flee…*


A dog owner spotted a flea…*


A man who would not hurt a flea…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Fleeing Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was tempted to flee
While enjoying a sexual spree,
Cuz an absence of tact
Interfered with the “act”–
He distinctly heard someone’s “Tee-hee!”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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76 Responses to “Fleeing Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee
    This horny old gal named Marie,
    Till she showed him her spread:
    A fine crusty bread,
    Ripe brie, and a lovely Chablis.

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    I once had an acrobat flea
    Whose stunts were a pleasure to see,
    But he leapt through the air
    Ending up in my hair,
    And he’s still living somewhere on me.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    I heard of a literate flea
    Who could spell right from ‘A’ through to ‘Z’,
    Except for one gap:
    “I’m a Fla” wrote this chap,
    For he’d never quite mastered the ‘E’.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    Her brain was the size of a flea,
    And she couldn’t think how it could be
    That she needed to pay
    For the toilet that day,
    With the lock on the door showing FREE.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    I found that I just had to flee
    When the hooker went down on her knee,
    For the “her” was a “him”
    And had only one limb,
    So I legged it – I’ve two of them, me.

  6. Chris O'Carroll says:

    John Donne said, “Thou art bit by a flea,
    And the selfsame hath also bit me.
    This I read as a sign
    Thou art meant to be mine.
    Scratch my itch metaphorically.”

  7. Jon Gearhart says:

    If your feelings for men start to flee
    And you think, “maybe gay is for me,”
    Come to Vegas. Our service
    Can assist, if you’re nervous.
    Our whores work for bi-curious fee!

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee,
    Since he and his gal can’t agree
    On all things politic,
    Then he thought of his dick!
    So what! The hot sex is still free!

  9. John Sardo says:

    A man who would not hurt a flea
    Caught a fly that was stuck in his tea.
    He got it unstuck
    And lifted it up
    Then the fly took a leisurely pee.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee
    From a gal who sang in high C
    She sang in strange tongues
    At the top of her lungs
    And was heard to the river Yangtze.

  11. Byron Ives says:

    I never was tempted to flee
    When she laughed at my hat and goatee,
    Then spooned oats in my bowl
    And said, rather droll,
    “Nothing’s better for me than thee.”

  12. Jon Gearhart says:

    My girlfriend’s made all my cash flee
    From my wallet yet wants more from me.
    I said, “Since the first day,
    You’ve rubbed me the wrong way.”
    “Well, the right way’s a much higher feel!!”

  13. Mark Kane says:

    Now this circus is one you should flee.
    Sit with me and I’m sure you’ll agree
    That a flea with a ball
    Is no act at all,
    But the itching and scratching are free.

    Flea Circus

  14. Byron Ives says:

    My sweet wife would not hurt a flea
    And I tease her unmercifully
    When I think it will linger
    I pull my own finger
    Who knows how she tolerates me

  15. To El Norte you’re trying to flee?
    Find José. He will take you for free
    ‘Cross the river at night
    By the dawn’s early light
    In the famous José Canoe, ¡sí!

  16. Marty McCullen says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee,
    But suffered a break in his knee.
    He stumbled along,
    Just singing a song,
    And climbed up the nearest darn tree.

    A dog owner spotted a flea
    Just buzzing around the dog’s knee.
    He captured that pest
    And thought it was best
    To hold it in captivity.

  17. Kirk Miller says:

    U.S. settlers forced natives to flee
    And declared this the land of the free.
    Gave them parcels of land,
    Then revoked it as planned.
    We were Indian givers, you see.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    “How on earth could our dog have a flea?”
    Cried my wife. I was forced to agree,
    Though I knew that our itches
    Were both caught from bitches –
    The human one gave it to me.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    The Israelites wanted to flee
    Out of Egypt across the Red Sea,
    But the sea wouldn’t part
    Till a bearded old fart
    Waved his stick, and said “Leave it to me.”

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    The burglar was trying to flee,
    But he felt a sharp pain in the knee.
    Looking down, he said “Shit!
    I’ve been horribly bit
    By a dog who’s more vicious than me!”

  21. Val Fish says:

    A woman was tempted to flee
    Whilst out on a shoplifting spree
    It gave her a buzz,
    Till caught by the fuzz
    She confessed and pled insanity

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    There’s no point in your trying to flee,
    And there’s no way of hiding from me.
    With your very last breath,
    You will recognize Death
    As a friend … though you may disagree.

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    What a din! I was longing to flee
    From the concert, but lingered to see
    Whether one of those turds,
    Those unmusical nerds,
    Would get fried by a surge of AC.

  24. Brian Allgar says:

    They thought he was beating a flea,
    And complained of his cruelty. He
    Told the crowd “It’s a tick,
    Not a flea, and the trick
    Is to kill it before it kills me.”

  25. Brian Allgar says:

    From the shipwreck, the crew tried to flee,
    But the cannibals caught them with glee.
    The ship’s boy was too small –
    Almost no meat at all –
    So they just threw him back in the sea.

  26. Randy Mazie says:

    A man who would not hurt a flea
    Seemed as peaceful as peaceful can be.
    Then deep in his heart,
    Evil did start,
    And he turned into Simon Legree

    A man who would not hurt a flea,
    Could feel in a mattress – a pea!
    But his heart did conceal,
    A deeply felt zeal
    For corruptness and debauchery.

    A man who would not hurt a flea
    Refused condoms when making whoopee.
    Though quite a nice man,
    His sexual plan
    Did nothing to stop STD

    A man who would not hurt a flea,
    One day showed intense cruelty.
    His sugar turned spicy,
    His spicy turned icy.
    Then we thought he had turned SOB

    Randy Mazie

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    Though a louse or a mite or a flea
    I admit you are likely to see
    On some bodily part,
    Yet I’m still pretty smart,
    For at least there are no flies on me.

  28. Brian Allgar says:

    “La puce a l’oreille” – that’s “A flea
    In the ear” in the tongue of Paris.
    For the tourist who seeks
    Rubbish sold as antiques,
    What you need is “Les Puces”,* Saint-Denis.

    * Flea-market

  29. Jon Gearhart says:

    His new bird has the brains of a flea
    And a body that won’t quit on ye.
    He’s the ugliest gander.
    How on Earth did he land ‘er?
    With what? Some bit o’ Lirdie’s Mulled Tea!!

  30. Jon Gearhart says:

    From this Knight, e’en the heartiest bent flee.
    He’s the strongest and noblest of Kent, fully,
    So if I were you,
    I’d beware of him, too,
    And to that good knight, do naught, cogent, fully.

  31. Byron Ives says:

    She has beaus, and none of them flees
    From this girl football player, a tease
    Her scoring, tremendous
    Her knockers, stupendous
    She lets them all view her TDs

  32. Byron Ives says:

    We neither one wanted to flee
    When I put my hand on her boobie
    She looked in my eyes
    And grabbed both my guys
    We’re coming to grips, I could see


    Cried Florizel, “Fly, Florence! Flee,
    Oh, flee from thy foes forty-three!”
    To and fro Florence fled
    Through the floes on her sled…
    Flo’s foes froze on the floes: she was free!

  34. “I spotted a dog with a flea,”
    Says I. And my friend says to me,
    “You spotted a dog?
    Man, your brain’s in a fog:
    He was born with them spots, don’t you see?”

  35. Chris Christie keeps trying to flee
    The scandal he caused in Fort Lee.
    Just as big of a boner’s
    His giving his donors
    Their own 9/11 debris.

  36. The audience threatened to flee
    When I broke into “Rose of Tralee”.
    “Well,” said I, with a sneer,
    “What would YOU like to hear?”
    Then they all shouted: 4’33”!

  37. Val Fish says:

    A woman was tempted to flee,
    Lazing naked under a tree,
    She heard a loud buzz,
    Too late, for her fuzz,
    Felt the sting of an angry bee

  38. scott says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee,
    this thing we call reality,
    yet he couldn’t cope,
    with whiskey or dope,
    and wouldn’t join the GOP.

  39. Mark Kane says:

    If the GOP wins should we flee?
    This is no idle question or plea.
    The Senate may fall.
    (Then G-d help us all.)
    A nation for sale for a fee.

  40. Jon Gearhart says:

    @Mark Kane:
    I think you should probably flee
    Regardless of who wins; you see
    There’s no shortage of folks
    Who aren’t sell-outs or jokes
    On either side, if you ask me…

  41. Byron Ives says:

    I gazed, then I wanted to flee
    Her puppies were barking, you see
    She busted me leering
    My retort: (so endearing)
    “Your boobs should stop staring at me”

  42. Beat the ravage of Time? All men flee!
    But from life’s ups-and-downs we’re not free;
    On this most human topic
    We obey laws entropic—
    When we hit fifty years, we can’t pee.

  43. ‘Ere the famous Victorian flea
    Wrote his Autobiography, he
    Proved his morals were scant
    When he tempted his Ant
    To commit Formication with glee.

    (A bit of dyslexia
    Makes it still sexier:
    They’d commit Insect, you see…)

  44. That famous Victorian flea
    Once pondered a party of three
    By jumping the bones
    Of a young pair of drones…
    “Two bee,” he mused, “or not two bee?”

  45. Charley Simmons says:

    The Scotsman discovered a flea
    Swimming ’round in his whiskey
    Spit it out he did shout
    As he shook it about
    While the drunken flea giggled with glee.

  46. Kiran Parekh says:

    Almost every man always wants to flee
    When a demand is made by his sweetie
    To go down on her
    He prefers to demur
    Because cunnilingus is hard on the knee

  47. Jon Gearhart says:

    Your son Walter has brains like a flea,
    So your reading plan’s likely to be
    One on which you will falter.
    You can read lores to Walter,
    But you can’t make him think, don’t you see?

    Please delete the other version.

    (Note from Mad Kane: Done.)

  48. Allen Wilcox says:

    Variation on a classic

    In a flue were a fly and a flea.
    And they wondered just why this should be.
    Said the flea, “Let us fly.”
    Said the fly, “To the sky
    Through a flaw in the flue that I see.”

  49. Jon Gearhart says:

    Sometimes we must from the rules flee
    In the name of some humorous glee
    Some folks I would guess
    Don’t like words with false stress
    But someTIMES i like ABsurdiTY

  50. Val Fish says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee..
    He was getting the third degree
    He’d proposed, she’d said yes
    Now he had to impress
    His dear mother in law to be

  51. Byron Ives says:

    Here’s when he decided to flee:
    He’d slipped his hand up past her knee
    He intended to nail her,
    Then found her impaler
    Good God! she was longer than he!

  52. Kirk Miller says:

    At the cheese plant, we all had to flee
    From explosions they didn’t foresee.
    At the end of the day,
    Heard a newscaster say
    That the only thing left was de Brie.

  53. Tim James says:

    A bawdy house kept a trained flea
    Which the clients could view, for a fee.
    When the coppers descended
    This bug’s life was ended.
    It died in the Raid, don’t you see.

  54. Val Fish says:

    A fellow was tempted to flee,
    At the altar, on bended knee,
    He needed the loo,
    Instead of ‘I do’
    He exclaimed ‘I must have a pee’.

  55. Jon Gearhart says:

    All my dogs have had many a flea.
    If I bug fleas or dogs, they’ll bite me
    I have learned that it’s best
    To let sleeping dogs rest
    And to also let leaping bugs be.

  56. Byron Ives says:

    A giant was bit by a flea
    Resulting in toxicity
    He went apoplectic
    Then later, dyslexic
    And thenceforth yelled FI FUM FO FEE!

  57. Byron Ives says:

    In his scalp there lived a lone flea
    Who longed for some bug company
    But the crabs in the hairs
    All lived too far downstairs
    And would never itch hike there for tea

  58. Byron Ives says:

    A gorgeous babe picked up a flea
    Who made his way up past her knee
    Not fearing rejection
    He sprang an erection
    An ambitious lil’ bugger was he

  59. Byron Ives says:

    The octopus wanted to flee
    When his girlfriend became suction free
    Her hugs left him lacking
    He thought of self -whacking
    Then realized he had no weenie

  60. Byron Ives says:

    A butterfly asked of a flea,
    “I love you, will you marry me?”
    She said, “First, perchance,
    Shall we go to the dance?”
    “We cannot, it’s a moth ball.” said he

  61. Jon Gearhart says:

    Sam Lett mused that to flee or not flee
    Is the question. His heart longs to see
    If it’s nobler to suffer
    Then to never once stuff ‘er
    And doth she like it rougher than he??

  62. Jon Gearhart says:

    Since, dear wife, you have chosen to flee
    From the team, you have no say, you see?
    You can’t question our goals
    Or mock which belle now bowls
    When I tell you Estelle bowls for thee.

  63. Allen Wilcox says:

    A princess knew that she must flee
    From a prince who insisted that she
    Be his bride, thus she cried,
    “I’d not have to hide
    If I’d not had to sleep on that pea.”

  64. Byron Ives says:

    To the market flew one naive flea
    Licking chops for the scalps he would see
    Instead of such splendor
    He was caught by a vendor
    Oh duh!, it’s a flea market, gee!

  65. P Diane Schneider says:

    The lady would not hurt a flea
    But when she confronted a bee
    She was so nonplussed
    She wriggled and fussed
    T’was truly a great sight to see

  66. Val Fish says:

    Panic stricken, tempted to flee
    I just think, deep breathing’s the key
    Keep calm, relax
    Damn these attacks
    They’ll not get the better of me

  67. Byron Ives says:

    The princess did not want to flee
    When a frog said, “You have to kiss me.”
    This time she denied him
    Then breaded and fried him
    “I don’t frikkin think so,” said she

  68. Byron Ives says:

    In the spider’s clutch struggled a flea
    Who asked, “What’ll happen to me?”
    Said the spider, “Don’t fret.”
    “I’m going to get
    On the web for a good recipe.”

  69. Jon Gearhart says:

    Flo fearfully faced the foe flea
    That flipped forth from Fido, fell free
    And flopped on Flo flat,
    Flashing fangs, feasting fat
    From the fleshy front folds of Flo’s wee

  70. Allen Wilcox says:

    A most curious bug is the flea.
    It can jump high and long, don’t you see?
    And since we are its food,
    I just have to be rude –
    It’s better on thee than on me.

  71. Allen Wilcox says:

    When he knew from the Pan he must flee,
    He planned to escape by the sea.
    But his boat wouldn’t float.
    “Who’s to blame?” – then the gloat,
    “I confess, Captain Hook, that it’s Smee”

  72. Dr. Goose says:

    There once was a Francophone flea
    Who perched on a pooch in Paris.
    Not a bit would he shrink
    From what others may think:
    “Une petite parasite? Oui, je suis!”

  73. Val Fish says:

    Her brain was the size of a flea
    Her cup size, a huge Double ‘D’
    She wasn’t that dumb,
    Success was to come
    Flaunting her assets on page three.
    2 mins · Lik

  74. Dean Deters says:

    A fellow was temped to flee,
    While committing a mini crime spree.
    But he took too long,
    In doing his wrong.
    And the judge is ignoring his plea.

  75. ‘Cross the river Eliza did flee
    While escaping from Simon Legree*;
    On the opposite bank
    She got squashed by a tank
    From the St. Louis County PD.

    * I think I’m eliding a few chapters for the sake of the rhyme. Sorry.

  76. madkane says:

    And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 180.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Laps.