Limerick Drill (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was wielding his drill…*

or

A teacher was trying to drill…*

or

The experienced clerk knew the drill…*

or

A fellow had loaned out his drill…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Drill
By Madeleine Begun Kane

As the dentist was wielding his drill,
He yelled at his patient, “Sit still!”
Then he bellowed with gravity,
“God-awful cavity!
It’s nearly as large as my bill.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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77 Responses to “Limerick Drill (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. P Diane Schneider says:

    A fellow was wielding his drill
    His technique was run-of-the-mill
    But she let him go
    ‘Cause she was a pro
    Then said: “Will you now pay my bill?”

  2. Phyllis L says:

    A fellow was wielding his drill;
    The repair job was run-of-the-mill.
    He chomped at the bit
    And couldn’t fix it;
    For honey-do’s, he had no skill.

  3. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    The fellow who wielded the drill
    Was a workman of dubious skill,
    But the miller seemed thrilled
    With the holes that were drilled,
    ‘Cause he gave him the run of the mill.

  4. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    The sergeant was trying to drill
    All his troops in an infantry skill.
    “What the hell is this shit?
    Don’t you realize that it
    Ain’t enough that you’re dressed fit to kill?”

  5. Jon Gearhart says:

    Okay ladies, you know the drill
    No diaphragm, condom, or pill
    Will be bought by employers
    Who have the best lawyers
    Like Hobbyin’ Lobbyists will.

  6. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow was wielding his drill
    As he tried to give wifey a thrill,
    But she wasn’t fooled
    ‘Cause the way that he tooled
    Proved his drill bit was lacking in skill

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The dentist decided to drill;
    He explained, “There’s a tooth I must fill,
    But before I begin,
    I’m just slipping this in”
    As he entered her mouth with a will.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Shakespeare “Thou knowest the drill,
    ’Tis said every Jack shall have Jill.
    ’Twixt thy legs I shall lay me -
    Seek not to gainsay me,
    For where there’s a way, there’s a Will.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the man with the pneumatic drill:
    “Filling holes is a job that takes skill,
    But before I can fill ’em,
    I’ve first got to drill ’em,
    Or else there’d be no holes to fill.”

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Armed with hammer and chisel and drill,
    Noah worked at fulfilling God’s will,
    But his Ark remained beached,
    For the Flood never reached
    Quite as far as the top of the hill.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The new Senator’s learning the drill
    For succeeding on Capitol Hill:
    “Avoid truth if a lie
    Helps your campaign to fly;
    Be as straight as a three-dollar bill.”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    When Darwin first saw a mandrill,
    Its colouring gave him a thrill
    With its red and blue nose,
    Streaks of purple and rose,
    And a bottom that’s gaudier still.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    The soldiers were learning the drill;
    “At the double, men, run up the hill.”
    As they ran down again,
    One was heard to complain
    “Will we ever have time to kill?”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    The riggers had broken the drill
    And the oil was beginning to spill.
    A disconsolate whale,
    With a flick of its tail,
    Exclaimed “They’ve polluted my krill!”

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    She went through her usual drill
    With a guy who was over the hill.
    When he dropped off the trolley,
    The hooker said “Golly!
    Guess I’ll sue his estate for the bill.”

  16. Elmer Fudd says, “I have a new dwill.
    It’s a pwesent fwom Big Bwother Bill.
    It has pwenty of power and speed.
    It fills evewy hole-dwilling need.
    Dwilling holes can be quite a thwill.”

  17. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was trying to drill
    His lady, whose screams had turned shrill.
    The first time was fine,
    But after much wine,
    He chose to forgo a refill.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    A teacher was trying to drill
    Her students for State exam swill.
    Her students are bored,
    She feels herself whored.
    They all want arts and thinking skill.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    Rich companies just want to drill.
    But fracking turns water to swill.
    We must take a stand
    And protect our land!
    Or it will be one big dunghill.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    My dentist is wielding his drill,
    My tooth roots he’s going to kill.
    So glad there’s no pain
    Thanks to Novocaine.
    I’m counting on my dentist’s skill.

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    It was Jeremy Bentham’s ample skill,
    Utilitarianism distill:
    Greatest number, greatest joy,
    And cruelty to destroy.
    And thank you,also to John Stuart Mill.

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    Deep inside me my guy loves to drill,
    Just the thought of it gives me a thrill!
    His foreplay is hot-
    Oh, please, PLEASE don’t stop!
    And I’m laughing, “Oh faint heart, be still!

  23. A fellow who loaned out his drill
    Discovered it there at Good Will
    Right from the rack
    He bought it back
    And sent his neighbor the bill

  24. Brian Allgar says:

    He attacked with his chainsaw and drill,
    Then, snarling, moved in for the kill
    With his trusty six-shooter,
    Shot dead his computer,
    And screamed “That’s the gates closed to Bill.”

  25. scott says:

    A fellow was wielding his drill,
    but she wasn’t getting a thrill,
    and told him, “your pecker,
    I’ll call Black and Decker,
    it certainly isn’t a Skil.”

  26. Sally Franz says:

    A gal was wielding her drill
    But her aim was all willy and nil
    She needed new glasses
    And a few more classes
    To finish her house on the hill

  27. Randy Mazie says:

    Fulfillment

    A fellow was wielding his drill
    To a lass up on top of a hill
    Now down in the grass
    Was the lass on her ass
    Fulfilled by the thrill of his skill

    Randy Mazie

  28. Said the dentist, revving his drill,
    To the patient, writing his will;
    “Don’t be such a martyr,
    It’s just a de-tartar,
    NEXT week’s your root canal fill!”

  29. Tim James says:

    My hillbilly gal knew the drill;
    She would make the best moonshine until
    Federal agents one day
    Came and took her away.
    Now she’s gone, and I yearn for her still.

  30. Val Fish says:

    Throbbing like a pneumatic drill
    He worked on me with all his will
    Pumped and pulsated
    Ejaculated
    Giving me the ultimate thrill

  31. Byron Ives says:

    My neighbor borrowed my drill
    Then went to live in Brazil
    It’s hard to ignore it
    I paid big bucks for it
    Oh well, I’ve still got his grill

  32. Mark Kane says:

    McCain ran on “Drill Baby Drill,”
    And those oil guys got such a thrill.
    But the voters thought twice,
    Valdez memories — Not nice!
    ‘Twas the chill of the kill from that spill.

  33. rbasler says:

    A guy joined a French escadrille
    Flying Sopwiths, well, you know the drill
    He shot down a Fokker,
    Became quite the talker,
    And got laid by three chicks for the kill

  34. Val Fish says:

    Said the dentist, clutching his drill,
    ‘Now just open wide and sit still,
    First a tiny prick,
    That should do the trick,
    You won’t feel a thing – but I will!’

  35. Jon Gearhart says:

    He went about wielding his drill
    Just sowing his oats for the thrill
    Not knowing wife, Sue,
    Was out doing this, too,
    With a band on- Mike, Steve, Frank, and Bill!

  36. Jon Gearhart says:

    You’re married, out wielding your drill
    As if you’re a single man still.
    You’re trying to deceive
    And make them believe,
    But a band on your plans- They are nil.

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    So, is anyone else getting pop-up ads from Mad’s blog? I only got one- the first time I visited this morning. Just wondering if it is the site or if it was something on my pc.

  38. madkane says:

    Jon, it must be your computer, because my site has no pop-up ads.

  39. Byron Ives says:

    A zealot wielding a drill
    Was ranting upon a hill
    “ALL THOSE WHO USE PRAYER”
    “STEP CLOSE NOW, I SWEAR”
    “I’LL MAKE YOU MUCH HOLIER STILL”

  40. Fred Bortz says:

    Our marchers were sharp in their drill
    The fanfare of horns gave a thrill
    But our band came in second
    Because judges reckoned
    Our drummers were run-of-the-mill.

  41. Fred Bortz says:

    In Praise of the Complainers that Mad Complains About

    My limerick bit like a drill
    A sure winner, I thought, for its skill.
    Then I squawked in dissension,
    “Just hon’rable mention?”
    Mad’s choice was but run-of-the-mill.

  42. Fred Bortz says:

    Please change honorable to hon’rable.

    Note from Mad Kane: Done. :)

  43. Fred Bortz says:

    A Trip to the Dark Side

    The surgeon perfected the drill.
    He made each incision with skill.
    He created a hole
    Where there once was a pole,
    And Ms. Willa was no longer Bill.

  44. Brian Allgar says:

    She was wearing just one espadrille
    On the nudist beach. Oh, what a thrill
    To imagine her toes,
    So deliciously rose -
    She was certainly undressed to kill.

  45. Andrew Ryan says:

    My neighbour has leant me his drill
    And I’ve googled “dentistry skill”
    So I’m sure without doubt
    I could soon have it out
    If the child would only sit still.

  46. Byron Ives says:

    C’mon Jon, you know the drill
    You visit those smut sites, they will
    Infect your machine with
    Bad bugs you must clean with
    Kaspersky’s TDSS KILL
    (jus’ kidding)

  47. Byron Ives says:

    My bone surgeon has a big drill,
    And chisel, and saw made by Stihl,
    My knee needs replacing
    I know what I’m facing
    Screw that. I’ll keep taking this pill

  48. Fred Bortz says:

    Some Sad Recent History

    On a platform intended to drill
    Deep beneath the Gulf’s Waters at will,
    A blast wreaked great damage
    Now BP must manage
    A huge liability bill.

    If only they’d had greater skill
    With blowout protectors, the spill
    Would not have occurred,
    And the toll–Oh, my word!
    Those roughnecks would be with us still.

  49. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Drill Does Not Thrill” 
    A teacher was trying to drill 
    That life was a humorous thrill
     The good and the bad
     Were happy and sad
     And good deeds would count at the till. 

    But his student’s short hair and small brain 
    Meant his efforts all went down the drain 
    Cause Minecraft was cool 
    And the only life tool 
    Percieved to be worth any strain.

  50. Byron Ives says:

    The gay recruit marching in drill
    Was swishing, and sarge had his fill:
    “You’ll face a discharge!”
    Then the boot replied, “Sarge,”
    “Can I handle your privates, until?”

  51. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    The barkeep’s wife, Tilley, I’d drill
    Every chance I could get—what a thrill!
    But I took it too far
    Having sex in the bar;
    I got caught with my hand in his Till.

  52. Bruce Niedt says:

    That horndog Jack thought he could drill
    a girl with a bucket named Jill.
    But she pushed him back, cursing,
    so now he is nursing
    his head at the foot of the hill.

  53. Bruce Niedt says:

    With limericks, I know the drill:
    five lines (A-A-B-B-A) will
    indeed pass the test
    if you use anapest,
    but that last line must go for the kill!

  54. Bruce Niedt says:

    Can you tell me why my dentist’s drill
    must always be high-pitched and shrill?
    It’s enough to put dread
    in this patient’s head -
    as for cavities, I’ve had my fill.

  55. Jon Gearhart says:

    I don’t care– it is NOT es-ca-DRILLE.
    It’s ES-ca-drille, you stupid dill.
    Your pronunciation,
    Like a squadron invasion,
    Bombs more than George Bush on the hill!

  56. CJ@ProArtz says:

    A woman expected a drill
    From a hunk of a man named Will.
    But Will was so loony
    And his manhood was puny.
    The bonk slumped headlong downhill.

  57. CJ@ProArtz says:

    A fellow glued blades to his drill
    It ran with a high-pitched shrill.
    Then, to his surprise,
    When he ran it clockwise,
    He created a cooling windchill.

  58. John Sardo says:

    A teacher was trying to drill
    Her students on San Juan Hill
    She said Teddy the bear
    Ran up on a tear
    Won the war then sent us the bill.

  59. John Sardo says:

    A teacher was trying to drill
    A lesson in voice too shrill
    She quit in despair
    And pulled out her hair
    Went home and uncorked the swill.

  60. Mark Kane says:

    If you’re married, then you know the drill.
    Make her fantasies ones you’ll fulfill,
    While providing the kisses
    for your lovely missus,
    And enjoying the thrill of her skill.

  61. Byron Ives says:

    In boot camp, Will knew the drill
    To shoot on the range was a thrill
    He’d never get shot,
    But it made his sack taut
    When the sergeant yelled, “FIRE AT WILL!”

  62. Jim Delaney says:

    The attempt to perform a quadrille
    Can make lobsters incredibly ill.
    Their convulsions attest
    To the need for a vest
    That resists all the butter they spill.

  63. John Armstrong says:

    Joe Friday was starting to drill
    A gun toting moll named Lil
    He frisked her by hand
    While searching her, and
    Thrilled her while under her frill

  64. John Armstrong says:

    There once was a lobster quadrille
    With many a secretive thrill
    While snapping their claws
    To the ohs and the ahs
    They waggled their tails with skill

  65. Tim James says:

    The Prez and the intern would drill
    On the ways his desires to fulfill.
    He would offer to guide her:
    “Open up your mouth wider!”
    And that’s how the gal fit the Bill.

  66. Allen Wilcox says:

    The platoon got prepared for their drill.
    Then they marched in great form up the hill.
    But they sputtered as they
    Looked around in dismay,
    For they found there was no one to kill.

    So they went to continue their drill,
    And to march in great form down the hill.
    They all, once they peed,
    Uniformly agreed
    You don’t have to kill to show skill.

  67. Allen Wilcox says:

    The apple-on-head was the drill.
    He instructed his son to hold still.
    He’d forgotten his bow,
    So a rock and a throw
    Did it. If there’s a way, there’s our Will.

  68. Allen Wilcox says:

    A dentist, who sat on his drill,
    Screamed high, loud and long, sharp and shrill
    Yelled his nurse, “Stand and cough,
    And your drill will fall off,
    But your cavity’s large – you must fill”

  69. Byron Ives says:

    A writer best known as Khalil
    Penned wise quotes with love, heart, and skill
    So greatly admired
    By those he inspired,
    His readers are Propheting still

  70. Byron Ives says:

    The hen the cock wanted to drill,
    Had breasts like a great-beaked hornbill
    He knew just the ticket
    He’d snag her a cricket,
    Then show her his new coop de ville

  71. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    My husband just bought a new drill,
    So we’ve holes in all walls—what a thrill.
    Now he’s drilling the doors,
    And the ceilings, and floors;
    I sure hope that he soon gets his fill.

  72. Allen Wilcox says:

    The delegates – they knew the drill.
    As they lined up to sign, they were still.
    To declare they were free,
    Which soon they would be,
    They stood tall and were all dressed to quill.

  73. Allen Wilcox says:

    The executor started his drill
    As the children all dreamed of the till.
    “Now you all get some money
    Except you, Black Sheep Sonny.
    You’ve been put in his won’t, not his will.”

  74. Errol Nimbly says:

    Come here son said Father Vodrille
    And please kneel at my feet if you will
    What you see — mustn’t waste it
    God wants you to taste it
    Pretend it’s a pickle — a dill

  75. Byron Ives says:

    Said the doc, “We’re done with this drill.”
    “Your blood pressure’s way too high, still.”
    “With follicles dying,
    And blood pressure flying,
    You’re off of minoxidil!”

  76. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 172.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Floor.

  77. Jon Gearhart says:

    How long have I tarried and toiled
    Week by week to only be foiled?
    I’m usually wafflin’
    Behind Will T. Laughlin
    Or get Allgared, Dvoraked, or Doyled!

    And to everyone else that I missed
    Who has bested me here on this list,
    To them, here’s a toast
    For each line that they post.
    Let’s drink till we’re totally pissed!

    Thanks for making good on your “promise”, Mad, but I didn’t expect it quite so quick! I know I still didn’t win “limerick of the week” because I was drilled by Konrad’s hilarious limerick, but a win is a win! Congrats everybody and thanks for liking my post!