Limerick Rite (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was trying to write…*

or

A woman, convinced she was right…*

or

We’re lost. You were s’posed to turn right…*

or

A man who believed might makes right…*

or

A gal was engaged in a rite…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Rite
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was trying to write,
But her right and left brains had a fight.
So her muse, unamused,
Feeling slighted, abused
And benighted took flight, just for spite.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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78 Responses to “Limerick Rite (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Kirk Miller says:

    An Amish gal, Julia Wright,
    Was a nympho. Her sexual plight:
    Yearning nightly for sex
    With her husband named Rex.
    The solution was two Mennonite.

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the foreman, “Now let’s get it right -
    We must measure this flagpole tonight.
    We could lay it down flat,
    But the trouble with that
    Is, ’twould give us the length, not the height.”

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Though our dog is unable to write,
    He can play the piano all night.
    He finds Chopin a breeze
    As he chews up the keys,
    But his Bach is far worse than his bite.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the woman, “There’s something not right,
    For my teeth are all healthy and white.
    Though my dentist agrees,
    He says “Open wide, please”,
    And he’s drilling my mouth every night.”

  5. A fellow was trying to write
    A poem, on a girl, at night.
    While his notepad was raw,
    He fell out with the law
    As his poem wasn’t polite.

  6. Sancho Panza says:

    A woman, convinced that she was right,
    (But admittedly wasn’t too bright)
    Ignored her man’s pleading
    That the term was misleading,
    And tried to blow, with all her might.

  7. CJ@ProArtz says:

    Christie was attempting to write
    A plot that was flawless. Airtight!
    But Poirot lost his gray cells
    And no longer excels,
    So the plot turned into a plight.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The witch was performing her rite
    In Macbeth, giving Gingrich a fright.
    When she reached “Eye of Newt”
    He jumped up, and said “Shoot!
    She ain’t gettin’ my eyeballs tonight!”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    William Shakespeare was trying to write
    A new play, but but was stuck for a tit-
    le. He laid down his pen
    And called Bacon again,
    Who complained “That’s the twelfth bloody night!”

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman, convinced she is right,
    Was at her reunion last night.
    She won’t tell what year,
    It’s her silly fear:
    A young guy she wants to excite.

  11. scott says:

    A woman was trying to write,
    a story but needed insight,
    so Maureen Dowd bought,
    a brownie of pot,
    but then took too big of a bite.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A gal was engaged in a rite
    Putting on jeans too tight
    She huffed and puffed
    And soon had enough.
    But was glad they came off last night.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was trying to write
    To a gal his heart she did smite.
    He copied a poem
    He found in a tome.
    John Donne never failed to delight.

  14. John Sardo says:

    “We’re lost. You were s’posed to turn right.”
    “It’s dark and we’re now out of sight.”
    “So let’s go to the lake
    Just for old times’ sake
    And make love like we did our first night.”

  15. Paul Dickey says:

    “We’re lost. You were s’posed to turn right…
    It’s not such a difficult rite.
    Your liberal views
    are always bad news,
    when our congressman looks for a fight.“

  16. Mark Kane says:

    Today as a matter of right,
    Most women seek pleasures at night.
    So they’ll find them a man,
    Who will come when he can,
    And delight till the dawn’s early light.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was trying to write
    A limerick to show her delight
    To have gone to a school
    Where talent is the rule.
    And everyone is very bright.

  18. Amrit Sinha says:

    A man, convinced he was right,
    Never hesitated to pick up a fight.
    Now when he got married,
    His wife was deeply harried,
    And she punished him with a long starving night.

  19. Chris Doyle says:

    “A split of your assets seems right,”
    Said the judge to the couple’s delight,
    “But I’m taking the collie
    Away ’cause, by golly,
    I won’t halve a dog in this fight.”

  20. Chris Doyle says:

    A sailing ship captain named Wright
    Studied binary digits at night.
    He was fooling around
    When his boat ran aground.
    Now his barque is much worse than his byte.

  21. Chris Doyle says:

    That assignment you gave us to write—
    The one on the Wright brothers’ flight?
    I’d be turning it in
    Like the others, Miss Flynn,
    But the dog ate my homework last night.

  22. Debbie says:

    A fellow was trying to write
    Kept hearing a dog in the night
    He then took a walk
    and did not even balk
    Before giving the owner a bite

  23. Jen Harris says:

    Limericking’s become a rite
    Of passage, I’ve found, every night
    Having earned my first mention
    It’s caught my attention;
    I’m in for one hell of a fight!

  24. Jen Harris says:

    A common theme’s come into sight
    While reviewing how others do write
    Not usually flirty,
    I’ve got to get dirty
    And go all the way, keeping tight.

  25. Debbie says:

    A woman convinced she was right
    Told the man to turn left at the light
    He went straight instead
    To the cliffs they did head
    So her seatbelt she pulled extra tight

  26. Chris Doyle says:

    A young lawyer who hated to write
    Legal documents gave up the fight
    When she noticed that meter
    And rhyme were much sweeter.
    For Mad, it was love at verse sight.

  27. Chris Doyle says:

    “Were it not for two brothers named Wright,
    I would never have known such delight!”
    Cried a chick on a plane
    Coming into Fort Wayne,
    Getting off on her very first flight.

  28. yt cai says:

    One day Wilbur and Orville Wright
    Woke up and said “let us take flight”
    Before long it was found
    To get off of the ground
    The secret was something called height

  29. Jon Gearhart says:

    My ex-wife was convinced she was right.
    Said, ‘These pants fit my tiny ass tight.”
    If I hadn’t corrected her,
    I might not have collected her
    Six-inch heel where no sun’s meant to light!

  30. yt cai says:

    A fellow was trying to write
    Some humor for a chicken site
    He scrambled his joke
    Because runny yolk
    Mixed up punch lines for the egg white

  31. yt cai says:

    A woman, convinced she was right
    That her beau, was not very bright
    Said his manners were crass
    Whenever he passed gas
    While asking if she had a light

  32. Jon Gearhart says:

    She: “My pants make my ass look fat, right?”
    He: “It’s not your new pants that I’d cite.
    You’re a gem weighed in troys.
    Switch to avoirdupois–
    Seventeen percent less the first night!”

  33. CJ@ProArtz says:

    Polly was convinced she was right,
    That Patrick had lost his insight.
    The girl Pat admired
    Was a guy who aspired
    To being a cute transvestite.

  34. CJ@ProArtz says:

    Joe believed might was perfectly right.
    Over faith, he was willing to fight.
    He spilled onto his back
    When he felt the strong whack
    From a brown-habited Carmelite.

  35. Diane Groothuis says:

    A harlot involved in a rite
    Would swing every night from the light
    But jealous Ma.am Lash
    Choked her with her sash
    And said “Dear you’e not very bright”

  36. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I look to my left and my right
    As I hurry through streets with no light,
    ‘Cause this neighborhood’s tough,
    And the thugs all play rough,
    Like two Crips whom I pass in the night.

  37. rbasler says:

    This family, name of Cartwright
    Hit the barroom each Saturday night
    Then, the theme song, “Bonanza”
    They would sing every stanza!
    And they’d bust up the joint in a fight

  38. Chris O'Carroll says:

    “We’re lost! You were s’posed to turn right!”
    Karl Rove raved. The same mantra all night
    As the vote counts rolled in
    And his guy didn’t win
    Despite being more rich and more white.

  39. Kirk Miller says:

    As part of the funeral rite,
    Dead Egyptians were wrapped in some white
    Linen strips, and were stressed
    When they laid them to rest.
    Their mummies were bound to be uptight

  40. Chris O'Carroll says:

    A sultan was trying to write
    A memoir titled Harem Delight
    About how a man thrives
    On a surfeit of wives
    Plus a new catamite every night.

  41. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    ONE WAY TO ARGUE A TICKET
    Officer Whit tried to write
    a ticket- I’d sped through the light
    “It was yellow,” I said
    “We both know it was red.
    And my radar gun proves that I’m right.”

    “When was it last calibrated?
    ‘Cause if not today, I’m elated.
    I’ll see you in court, Whit
    And when you report it
    This ticket? Invalidated!”

  42. Tom Harris says:

    The old coot who thought he could write
    Was really not terribly bright.
    The man couldn’t spell
    Or punctuate well,
    And he wasn’t a bit contrite.

  43. Chris Doyle says:

    “Charged with speeding? That just can’t be right!”
    Werner Heisenberg said with delight.
    “The police cannot prove
    Where I was on the move
    If they’re sure of the speed that they cite.”

  44. Chris O'Carroll says:

    This gal is engaged in a rite
    Her skill at which can’t be called slight.
    She knows how to kneel
    And make customers feel
    Every prayer her sweet tongue can recite.

  45. Val Fish says:

    A woman, convinced she was right
    Said to hubby, in bed one night
    The truth’s hard to take
    But make no mistake
    Your sexual performance is shite

  46. Chris Doyle says:

    Since with Santa the sex isn’t right,
    Mrs. Claus slips from bed every night.
    To his workshop she goes,
    Nimbly doffs all her clothes,
    And gets elf-satisfaction ’til light.

  47. John Peter Larkin says:

    A woman, convinced she was right,
    turned out to not be too bright.
    Her opinions were bold,
    but when others were polled,
    they said she was high as a kite.

  48. Debbie says:

    A gal was engaged in a rite
    she squat with a lighter so bright
    then she broke wind
    and everyone grinned
    this drunk gal won’t remember this night

  49. Jon Gearhart says:

    A lady whose husband was right
    Accused her of cheating. “Why fight?
    The baby you bore
    Just proves you’re a whore
    Because two Wongs don’t make a white!”

  50. Jon Gearhart says:

    Please delete that first one, Mad. I have a terrible time trying to post from my Kindle. Can you put a quote at the end of that second one, or do you need to delete them both and have me repost?

    Note from Mad Kane: Done … and … done. :)

  51. CJ@ProArtz says:

    “We’re lost. Let’s try turning right,”
    Said Herb at a lengthly stop light.
    He would not ask (the fool!)
    How to reach his son’s school.
    They arrived just after midnight.

  52. CJ@ProArtz says:

    Samantha engaged in a rite,
    Backing up to her dear husband Dwight.
    Her pink butt, it was nude.
    He was not in the mood —
    A mistake, he resolved, with “hindsight.”

  53. Jon Gearhart says:

    There are liberals that lean so far right
    That they’ve no sense of balance in sight.
    Then there’s those that lean left
    So damn far they’ve a cleft
    In their cheeks ’cause their ass is too tight!

  54. Val Fish says:

    We’re lost you were s’posed to turn right
    You shouldn’t have jumped that red light
    We’ve the cops up our arse
    This whole trip’s a farce
    You’ll not be getting any tonight.

  55. Jon Gearhart says:

    Actually, Mad, this one’s the keeper:

    The Tea Party leans so far right
    No hint of a balance sees light
    They’re so far extremist
    They’re making it seem as
    Though Boehner’s left of Barry White!!

  56. Jon Gearhart says:

    Pat and Steve’s matrimonial rite
    Was a sight: Pat in red, Steve in white.
    He thinks Pat’ s virgin pure.
    She’s a two-dollar whore–
    That’ll be quite a Honeymoon night!!

  57. Kirk Miller says:

    Here’s a saying I’ve heard; is it right?
    “A dog’s bark is much worse than its bite.”
    I do think you’ll agree,
    When the limb of a tree
    Hits the roof, then its bark takes a bite.

  58. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    You twit, you were s’posed to turn right
    At that Shaftesbury Avenue light.
    It appears, you big lout,
    That the theater’s out,
    Since we’re now on the Isle of Wight.

  59. Phyllis L says:

    A woman was trying to write
    A limerick that would be bright.
    And to her surprise
    She won the first prize!
    Now she and Mad Kane are real tight.

  60. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was trying to write
    A limerick funny and trite.
    But he harbored a hunch
    That his lines held no punch,
    So he drank some and slept through the night.

  61. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman, a liberal playwright,
    Was tired of politicos, way right.
    Her new plays to expose
    Are so biased, it shows
    That she’s just as bad as are they, right?

  62. Phyllis S Smith says:

    A gal was engaged in a rite
    That’s often performed in the night.
    Do I have to tell it?
    To out-and-out spell it?
    If so then you’re not very bright.

  63. Daisy Mae says:

    I lean to the left ‘cause it’s right
    Today’s GOP is a fright
    Tea and Koch party rules
    Favor greed, guns and fools
    who see only in Caucasian white

  64. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    They all laughed, but I’ll show ‘em who’s right
    When I mutate this pest with my sleight.
    My wee pet won’t cause scabies;
    It will now transmit rabies.
    They’ll all tremble and cringe at my mite!

  65. Kirk Miller says:

    ‘Til the stewardess meets “Mr. Right”
    Her first day on the job; she’s uptight.
    You might ask how’d she know
    That the man was her beau.
    It was easy. ‘Twas love at first flight.

  66. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    As he soars, banking left and then right,
    He’s exalted by effortless flight.
    He considers a joint,
    But there’s really no point;
    He’s already as high as a kite.

  67. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    With a tip of the hat to Kirk Miller.

    She just knew the location was right
    When the sun gently banished the night.
    Now her edifice grows
    As her countenance glows;
    Without doubt, it was love at first site.

  68. Val Fish says:

    The wife always thinks she is right
    I just nod my head and sit tight
    My spirit is sagging
    Enough of the nagging
    I’m leaving the old hag tonight.

  69. Tim James says:

    A fellow, while trying to write,
    Kept profanity clear out of sight.
    He used “gosh darn” and “frak”;
    That stuff doesn’t mean jack!
    That’s to say it’s a huge crock of shite.

  70. Kirk Miller says:

    Colonoscopy didn’t go right.
    Doc got drunk on some beer; was quite tight.
    He berated a nurse
    In a voice that was terse,
    And complained, “What I want’s a Butt Light.”

  71. A priest tried rewriting his rite
    Into limericks, all day and night.
    But the gods of old Sumer
    Had no sense of humor,
    And smote him a terrible smite.
    ——-

    The crazy American Right
    Lamented the prisoner’s plight…
    ‘Til we got the man back.
    Then they chose to attack.
    Is there nothing they won’t do for spite?
    ——-

    Congressional folk on the Right
    Resemble a 20-Watt light:
    They’re easy to buy;
    Don’t get changed ’til they die;
    And — of course — they’re not terribly bright.
    ——-

    (Apologies to Chris Doyle:)

    The Cap’n is trying to right
    His capsizing ship in the night.
    Though the Bay is all placid,
    His ship’s built half-assèd…
    His barque is much worse than his bight.
    ——-

    Two wrongs don’t result in a right.
    But what of two rights? Though you might
    Say “a left”, which is funny,
    Two (W)rights, for my money,
    Gave us the invention of flight.
    ——-

    Ugh. Not my best work, by a long way.

    For days I’ve been trying to write
    Something decent to post on this site.
    But this week, I’m at odds
    With the limerick gods,
    So I quit. Thank you, all, and good night!

  72. ytcai says:

    In Iraq things ain’t going quite right
    The Sunnis are now itching to fight
    They walked into the shit
    Way up north in Tikrit
    To reclaim Saddam’s stinkin’ birthright

    With all that surge cash arms were in sight
    McCain is proving to be insanely trite
    He wants more of the same
    And Obama’s to blame
    For the neocons it’s all a delight

    The future for Baghdad’s not bright
    And history again we’ll rewrite
    They’ll sum up in words
    To chagrin of the Kurds
    That self rule is not meant as their plight

    They’ve heard one too many a sound bite
    As innocents continue to take flight
    At home it’s golly gee
    What’s one more refugee
    All because they were born as Shiite

  73. P Diane Schneider says:

    A fellow was trying to write
    A poem about flying a kite
    But try as he would
    It wasn’t that good
    He couldn’t get up to that height

  74. Allen Wilcox says:

    A gal was engaged in a rite
    That began with some drinks at first light.
    Then she went for a glide.
    As she sailed with pride,
    She indeed was as high as a kite.

  75. Allen Wilcox says:

    A woman, convinced she was right,
    Went out with a vampire one night,
    And when he drew first blood
    (A stream, not a flood),
    It indeed was true love at first bite.

  76. Allen Wilcox says:

    A man – he believed might makes right.
    Then he beat someone up in a fight.
    But this seemed so wrong
    As a way to be strong
    That now he believed right makes might.

  77. Allen Wilcox says:

    “We don’t see why you can’t write Wright right,”
    Said Orville and Wilbur with bite.
    The reporter, who had
    Never seen them so mad,
    Thought it best that he too take up flight.

  78. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 168.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Okays.