Thanks to my friend Fred Bortz, who bugged inspired me to write a limerick celebrating National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day:
Something Wry For Pastrami Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Pastrami Day, so I’ve been told.
Hot on rye, spread with mustard it’s sold.
Though it’s seasoned and smoked,
I simply ain’t toked
By its flavor. It just leaves me cold.
Here’s my two-verse quatrain poem, in honor of Peculiar People Day. (January 10)
Ode To Peculiar People
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My peculiar predilection:
I like people who are odd.
I’ll applaud a little strangeness,
But find “normal” humans flawed.
That makes perfect sense: they tell me
I am rather “weird” myself.
I don’t mind critiques and putdowns—
Just don’t call me “off the shelf.”
Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I live in a town where it’s pleasant to stroll.
We do most of our errands on foot.
But it’s frightfully cold. “Let’s stay home,” I cajole.
Forget milk! Let’s be smart and stay put.
(January 11 is National Milk Day.)
I was disturbed to hear that today (December 21) is “Look On The Bright Side Day.”
Please don’t tell me to “look on the bright side.”
This merely exposes your trite side.
Neither wise, nor delightful,
It makes me feel spiteful.
Quote that maxim? I’ll max out my smite side.
Stiffed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A collector was conned by a scam;
His “antique” poker chips were a sham.
So he decked the old dealer
And called him a “stealer,”
Which is one way to get a grand slam.
UPDATE: April 9 is Cherish An Antique Day.
Happy National Absurdity Day! (November 20)
Limerick Ode To National Absurdity Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today you can get a free pass
To be zany — do things that lack class:
It’s Absurdity Day,
So go your own way—
Skip backwards, dance nude, kiss a bass.
Here’s an invention we could have done nicely without: On November 7, 1876, the cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by Albert H. Hook.
I’m Not Hooked On This Patent (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A patent that now seems obscene
For the cigarette making machine
Has a birthday today.
Albert Hook paved the way,
Hooking people on cigs to make green.
Happy “Use Your Common Sense Day.” (November 4)
Limerick Ode To “Use Your Common Sense Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are people with brilliance immense
Who lack, nonetheless, common sense.
Despite great comprehension,
You might have to mention:
“Wear clothing. This blizzard’s intense.”
Here’s a holiday I could definitely live without:
PRConsultants Group created “Snark-Free Day” to encourage people to take the high-road and go out of their way to be polite, kind and considerate on Tuesday, Oct. 22.
Limerick Ode To “Snark-Free Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today is a holiday. Hark!
Snark-FREE Day — no walk in the park.
‘Twas conjured by guys
Who think snark isn’t wise.
Are those fellows on crack? Call a narc!
My day would be dark without snark—
Those remarks that have bite, if not bark.
No I won’t be denied
The clever and snide.
This holiday misses the mark.
Happy Information Overload Day! (October 20, 2015)
Limerick Ode To Information Overload (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Too much data is haunting my dreams–
Excess info and too many memes.
Overloaded with news,
My brain has the blues:
“I’m cluttered with tidbits,” it screams.
So what’s the solution pray tell
That will free me from info-stress hell?
Turn off ev’ry machine
And device? That sounds mean
And quite limiting. Not a good sell!
Is there anything else I can do?
I suppose I could hide in the loo.
But alas and alack,
That room has a stack
Of old weeklies — a factoid fondue.
***
Update: The first Friday of March is the National Day of Unplugging.
Limerick Ode To Dictionary Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
At this moment, I’m feeling quite spurred
To just soak up a new-to-me word.
Lest you think I’m all wet,
I have reasons — don’t fret:
Webster’s birthday’s today, so I’m stirred.
Have you any new words to suggest?
One that’s odd or obscure would be best.
Something wickedly cool,
Like “facinorous.” Who’ll
Help ensure that my word need’s addressed?
****
American lexicographer Noah Webster, of dictionary compilation fame, was born October 16, 1758.
Happy National Grouch Day! (October 15)
Limerick Ode To National Grouch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cranky and grumbly old grouch
Would complain day and night from the couch
About money, TV
And his back, neck and knee.
That fellow’s divorced, I would vouch.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman encountered a snake…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here are my two limericks:
Snake Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman encountered a snake
And wondered just what it would take
To catch it and kill it,
Then drizzle and grill it,
Or maybe add pastry and bake.
and
A woman encountered a snake–
Not a reptile — a man on the make.
In response to his hype,
She said, “I know your type.
Your style is I give and you take.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: October 21 is Reptile Awareness Day.
A striking headline: Train Runs Over Couple Having Sex on Tracks.
When Sex Is A Train Wreck (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are folks who like sex when it’s risky.
Taking chances can make them quite frisky.
But sex on the tracks,
Is mad to the max.
Their coitus, I’d guess, involved whiskey.
Update: April 23 is “Take A Chance Day.”
Happy National Punctuation Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When you punctuate, please don’t be rash.
Over-use can turn prose into ash.
And a comma misplaced
Lays your writing to waste.
Mark my words … or your readers shall dash.
(National Punctuation Day is celebrated yearly on September 24th.)
Happy “Blame Someone Else Day.” (It falls on the first Friday the 13th of the year.)
Limerick Ode To “Blame Someone Else Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m searching for someone to blame
For my failure to loudly proclaim
That “Today can be used
To excuse the accused,”
Giving “Blame Someone Else Day” due fame.
Happy “Bald Is Beautiful Day.” (September 13)
Bald Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A hot woman was very enthralled
With a man who was totally bald.
It wasn’t his smarts
Or his charm or his parts,
But the central AC he’d installed.
Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.
Happy National Beer Lover’s Day! (September 7th)
Limerick Ode To National Beer Lover’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Beer Lover’s Day” is today.
Do I plan to imbibe some? No way.
Its bouquet makes me ail
And turn pale, and I fail
To favor its flavor. So nay!
When I was a child, I hated the words “just because,” a favorite parental “explanation.” And yet there’s a “Just Because Day,” celebrated on August 27th by people who look at those words rather differently.
I Wrote This Limerick “Just Because”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The parental retort,”Just because,”
Is a stale and inadequate clause.
Moms might just as well say
“It’s the law, so obey!”
Or, hemmed in, just try hemming and haws.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.