Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.
Why’s there an “International Nagging Day?” Beats the heck out of me!
Limerick Ode To “International Nagging Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
International Nagging Day’s here,
Which is hardly a reason to cheer.
Why celebrate scolding?
This date ain’t worth holding—
Even naggers are likely to jeer.
Wiggle Your Toes Day (August 6th) isn’t quite as silly as it sounds:
Limerick Ode To Wiggle Your Toes Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Since I’d like both my feet to obey,
I must exercise each ev’ry day:
I wiggle my toes,
Rotate heels — heaven knows
It looks lame, but forestalls foot decay.
Are you planning to celebrate National Underwear Day on August 5th? Hint: It involves going out in public wearing just underwear.
Before you do anything rash, you should probably read this limerick:
Limerick Ode To The Thong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you think you look good in a thong,
Double-check — throngs are certain you’re wrong.
Take a look from all sides.
Please use mirrors as guides.
You still think so? That bong must be strong!
Happy “Tell An Old Joke Day!” (July 24)
Limerick Ode To “Tell An Old Joke Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow just loves telling jokes:
Ancient japes — yes, he’s one of those folks
Who is certain he’s witty.
Egged on — this ain’t pretty —
Bored listeners pelt him with yolks.
I’ve decided to post an extra challenge this week, just in case my Limerick-Offs aren’t keeping you busy enough. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write an ACROSTIC poem that has something to do with FOOD, in any form you choose, be it limerick, haiku, quatrain, tanka, etc.
What’s an acrostic poem?
In an acrostic poem, the first letter of each line should, taken together, spell out the topic of your poem. Please note that it’s NOT enough to spell out a word; Your limerick or other poem must describe or otherwise directly relate to that word.
I’ll illustrate with an acrostic limerick, bolding the first letter of each line, for emphasis:
Acrostic Spice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sometimes people like food that is bland.
Perhaps some enjoy cooking that’s canned.
I, in case I can’t savor
Cuisine that lacks flavor,
Embellish the dishes, by hand.
UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day and August 19 is Hot And Spicy Food Day.
I almost forgot to write a limerick about “I Forgot Day.” It’s celebrated, if I remember to, on July 2nd.
Limerick Ode To “I Forgot Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I nearly forgot “I Forgot Day.”
How ’bout naming it “Memory Rot Day?”
Since my brain is a sieve,
I find each day I live
A confounding “Forgetting A Lot Day.”
Happy birthday to the ZIP Code, born fifty years ago, on July 1, 1963.
Limerick Ode To The ZIP Code
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today is the birthday of ZIP Codes–
Those digital sort and then ship codes
That help us get mail,
Which they’re now calling “snail.”
With email, these aren’t such hip codes.
Happy Mourn For Your Money Day! (June 10th) Okay, perhaps happy isn’t quite the right word for it.
Limerick Ode To Mourn For Your Money Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh, woe to the poor middle class!
Our money has vanished, alas.
Its value each day
Seems to shrink, as we pay
For the sins of the greedy top brass.
Happy National Running Day, celebrated yearly on the first Wednesday in June.
Limerick Ode To National Running Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My joints tend to creak when I walk.
My knees will lock up and then squawk.
I’ll keep shunning my running,
But watching is stunning!
So I hope you won’t mind if I gawk.
Happy National Cheese Day! (June 4th)
Cheesy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with a weakness for cheese
Ate some brie and then started to wheeze.
He refused to admit
‘Twas an allergy fit.
His autopsy-doc disagrees.
Note: There’s also a National Cheese Lover’s Day, which is celebrated on January 20th.
Here’s a limerick to celebrate World No Tobacco Day. (May 31st)
Stop Smoking, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please stop smoking already. Don’t dicker.
Tobacco will end your life quicker.
Have a heart, as I air
This advice, cuz I care:
Be kind to your lungs and your ticker.
A limerick about going to sea, just in time for National Maritime Day:
A Seafarer Returns (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow returned from the sea
And was greeted by tears from mate Leigh.
“I missed you,” she moaned.
“I sure wish you had phoned,
Cuz your absence seemed fishy to me.”
UPDATE: June 25 is the Day of the Seafarer.
Today, May 12th, is Limerick Day, in honor of Edward Lear’s birthday. So it’s an especially good day for a Limerick-Off. And my own limerick seems particularly appropriate too.
As you all know by now, I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who’d swim in the buff…*
or
A fellow was trying to buff…*
or
A savvy astronomy buff… (or zoology or economy or gastronomy buff, etc.) *
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Buff (2-Verse)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a limerick buff
Who of rhyming could not get enough.
She would rhyme night and day
In a metrical way,
Writing verse that her spouse labeled fluff.
It was clearly a matter of time
Till their marriage erupted in crime.
Things came to a head;
Now her husband is dead.
Cause of death — spouse aversion to rhyme.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tomorrow is World Laughter Day, celebrated each year on the first Sunday in May.
Limerick Ode To World Laughter Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This Sunday’s World Laughter Day. Why?
Such occasion I simply can’t buy.
Who could possibly cheer
Laughing just once a year?
Laugh daily, else something’s awry.
Karaoke isn’t my thing because my singing voice is lousy. (Alas, there’s no connection between being able to play the oboe and having a dulcet singing voice.)
But since it’s National Karaoke Week (celebrated each year during the 4th week of April) I couldn’t resist posting this silly limerick:
Limerick Ode To Karaoke
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are people whose singing is croaky.
Some are pitchy — too high or too low-key.
But no matter your voice,
Almost all can rejoice
In this musical fun: Karaoke.
I’ll bet you didn’t know that April 18th is Idiom Idiocy Day. How do you celebrate it? By using idioms amusingly in verse, jokes, or short prose.
Limerick Ode To Idiom Idiocy Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was biding his time
And refusing to get off the dime.
He was dragging his feet
And could not take the heat.
His idiom use? It’s a crime!
Author’s Note: Idiom Idiocy Day is a brand new annual holiday established by none other than MOI. Why? Because it doesn’t exist, and it NEEDS to.
Happy anniversary to the corkscrew! On March 27, 1860, New Yorker M.L. Byrn patented a corkscrew design. “It was T-shaped, based on gadgets that had long been used to extract bullets stuck in the muzzles of guns. Corkscrews had been around before Byrn’s invention, but his design became the standard in America for decades.”
Limerick Ode To The Corkscrew
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Make a toast to a corking invention–
An aid in removing our tension.
Does your life feel screwed up?
Need some sips with your sup?
Then give praise for the corkscrew’s ascension.
Today, March 20th, is National Proposal Day. And so…
The Proposal (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was very concerned:
Would his marriage proposal be spurned?
He’d been turned down before:
Four gals slammed shut the door.
So no doorways for him — lesson learned.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.