I just discovered a delicious factoid: what we now know as Scotch Tape was invented by a banjo player who worked for 3M. The inventor, Richard Gurley Drew, patented his adhesive tape on May 27, 1930.
I’m Attached To Tape (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Picture life without 3M Scotch Tape:
Stuff we need to affix would escape.
Paper’s bound to be freed
(Sticky wicket, indeed!)
While we’re stuck, all unglued and agape.
Happy Cellophane Tape Day!
Sunny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I confess that I’m really not one
To use sunscreen, but please don’t make fun.
My skin’s still protected;
The scheme I’ve selected
Is hide and stay out of the sun.
Happy Sun Screen Day! (May 27)
UPDATE: “Don’t Fry Day” falls on the Friday before Memorial Day.
A limerick about the ups and downs of going to sea, just in time for National Maritime Day:
A queasy man, drawn to the sea,
Being lured by its lore made a plea:
“I’ve an ocean trip notion,
But all of that motion!
Please doc, keep me mal de mer-free.”
Happy birthday to the nickel, born May 16, 1866
Limerick Ode To The Nickel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our nation first minted the nickel
On the 16th of May. Here’s our pickle:
That coin’s out of tricks–
Born in 1866,
Now its value is down to a trickle.
Limerick Ode To The Cocktail
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We celebrate cocktails in May:
May 13th is “World Cocktail Day.” Yay!
But I hope you won’t laugh
When I say on behalf
Of its worshippers: Why just one day?
(On May 13, 1806, The Balance and Columbian Repository, an upstate New York newspaper, published the first known definition of the word “cock-tail,” as “a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water and bitters.”)
Happy International Tuba Day! (first Friday of May)
Ode To International Tuba Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who played tuba was brassy,
Often horny and terribly sassy.
You might think that the guys
Would eye chassis and thighs.
But alas, she was also quite gassy.
May 1st is Law Day, which means I’m legally required to write a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Law Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A day meant to celebrate law
Sounds just lovely, except for this flaw:
Fair play takes some doing;
It’s tough as pursuing
A needle in large stacks of straw.
Limerick Ode To Roget’s Thesaurus
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Serenade, sing, belt out, croon in chorus:
Happy Birthday to Roget’s Thesaurus,
Sterling word-meister’s brew,
Published Eighteen-Five-Two
In late April. The tome is a Taurus!
(Dr. Peter Mark Roget released his ground-breaking English-language word reference book, Roget’s Thesaurus, to the public on April 29, 1852.)
Wavering Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shall I mention this day? Yea, or nay?
Can’t decide which opinion holds sway.
So I’m stuck on the brink.
Let me know what you think
About noting Ambivalence Day.
(Ambivalence Day is April 24.)
Happy “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day!” Yes there’s really such a day, though I’m pretty sure this isn’t what they’re talking about:
Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with a habit of peeping
Into homes while their owners are sleeping
Was arrested and tried.
His appeal’s been denied.
Now he’s jailed for his neighbors’ safekeeping.
NOTE: THIS IS A TWO-WEEK LIMERICK-OFF. LIMERICK SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS SATURDAY, APRIL 26, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
Please note that due to the holidays, this Limerick-Off will run for two weeks, instead of one. So I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner two weeks from today, on April 27, 2014, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full two weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 26, 2014 at 11 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
And since you’ll have two weeks, I’m offering you a topical alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to any April holiday, using any first line. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.
And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge, I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose budget was strained…*
or
A singer whose voice sounded strained…*
or
A fellow had struggled and strained…*
or
A woman whose mood was restrained…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Strained Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chef who had struggled and strained
To serve noteworthy food appeared drained:
“I’m losing my shirt,”
He said, scarfing dessert.
Seems his rep (and his shirt) had been stained.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: July 25th is National Culinarians’ Day.
Astrology Duet (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The sign Virgo is mine through and through,
And there’s nothing at all you can do
To convince me it’s crap
And frivolous pap.
I’ll critique you precisely on cue.
Now my spouse is a “home and hearth” guy.
When asked why, he’ll respond with a sigh:
“It’s a Cancer-type trait.
“Love my mate plus a plate
“Of home-cooking — stuff money can’t buy.”
Update: International Astrology Day is celebrated yearly on the first full day of Aries (on the Vernal Equinox.)
Limerick Ode To Tweed Day (April 3)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though it’s “Tweed Day,” don’t rush to conclude
It’s a fabric allusion — that’s skewed,
For I’ve just gotten word
That this day, April 3rd,
Is a birthday — Boss Tweed’s — sleazy dude!
A Fool’s Errand? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s alarmingly easy to lose
One’s sense of what’s true, so peruse
With great caution tales spun–
And not JUST April One.
There’s disinfo galore in the news.
Happy Poultry Day!
Limerick Ode To Poultry Day (March 19)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The chickens and turkeys squawk, “Beat it!”
But they’re looking a wee bit defeated.
Though it’s Poultry Day, true,
It’s a day those birds rue,
Cuz the way we rejoice … is to eat it.
Happy Pi Day! (The last time I wrote a limerick for Pi Day, I was one day late. But this time I decided to be as precise as Pi.)
Limerick Ode To Pi Day (March 14th)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The math’matical constant called “Pi”
Is Greek to your average guy.
“Transcendental,” some call it,
But most people maul it;
Comprehension is pie in the sky.
Happy National Handwriting Day! (January 23)
Limerick Ode To National Handwriting Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Happy Handwriting Day to you all.
Seems the point’s to get paper and scrawl.
Though my wrist won’t approve,
I shall get in the groove–
Taking pen up, I’ll go have a ball.
This limerick seems appropriate for International Hot & Spicy Food Day. (January 16)
Hot & Spicy Couple (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever we’re ordering food,
We’re likely to be in the mood
For dishes quite spicy.
We hate to hear, “Dicey!
Our chef is a trifle unglued.”
Note: Mark and I love hot and spicy food. And most chefs will accommodate us, once we convince them that we don’t mean merely “American spicy.” But sometimes we’re warned that the chef is a prima donna who takes “extra spicy” requests as a personal affront.
And while this is most likely to happen when the chef’s French, I still vividly recall this Manhattan Mexican restaurant incident: The waitress said, “Don’t ask for ‘extra spicy,’ or the chef will punish you.”
We ignored her and, alas, she was right.
UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.