Posts Tagged ‘Konrad Schwoerke’
Saturday, February 7th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A race home between tortoise and hare
Is essentially not very fair.
Though the hare is quite quick,
It’s a shell game. That prick,
The tortoise, is already there!
Congratulations to JONATHAN JENSEN, on winning the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick:
When I look at the gray in my hair,
I never give way to despair.
Though I long for a ’do
With a more youthful hue,
I’m mostly just glad it’s still there.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Lisi Ardissone, Konrad Schwoerke, Byron Ives, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Val Fish, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
For the fancy-dress ride, what to wear?
Her husband said “Go as a bear.”
But Godiva misheard,
So she mounted and spurred
And rode forth wearing only her hair.
Colleen Murphy:
Said the hunter, “I won fair and square
And with no double-counting, I swear.
It is not a mistake.
When they tallied my take,
They told me I’d won by a hare.”
Lisi Ardissone:
I altered the shade of my hair
To give it a little more flair.
When my husband came home,
He said, “Oh, Marone!
Are you planning to have an affair?”
Konrad Schwoerke:
A new ’do? Why the hell would I care
What you do to your own freakin’ hair?
Though I do wish you’d learn
That my only concern
Is it’s not an obstruction down there.
Byron Ives:
She sported long, sexy, blonde hair
And worked at the fresh produce fair.
I reckoned her peaches
Were out of my reaches,
But jeepers, she had a nice pear!
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
With a toss of her silvery hair,
She said to him: “Now then, mon cher;
While we wait for your phallus
To go and Cialis,
There’s much you can do below there.”
Val Fish:
Last night, I shaved off all my hair.
No, not on my head, but ‘down there.’
When faced with the sight,
My hubby took flight.
My bald patch was too bare to bear.
Allen Wilcox:
The fruit vendor’s wife was a bear:
“Shape up and get out of my hair.”
He took it in stride,
Although, puzzled, he sighed,
“But why did she say ‘get a pear?’”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jon Gearhart, Jonathan Jensen, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Ardissone, Val Fish, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Saturday, January 24th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ALLEN WILCOX, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying to pass
A lass who was swinging her ass
Side to side (super-sized).
He was quite hipnotized,
And his privates went public en masse.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
For my birthday, my son bought a pass
To go fishing. They stock them en masse.
They’ll replaice what you like.
We caught walleye, carp, pike,
But they cut us off, right at the bass.
Colleen Murphy:
A student who struggled to pass
Had trouble with volume and mass.
“Fill it in, fill it up?
Is it pounds or a cup?
I’m too dense for this matter, alas.”
Scott Crowder:
A man made an unfruitful pass
At a gal in his calculus class.
And now he knows why
When you’re solving for pie,
You don’t want to mention her mass.
Jon Gearhart:
When a quarterback drops back to pass,
The refs need a spy on his ass
To make sure that his balls
Are the right size. If all’s
Not the same, they’ve been letting off gas!
Konrad Schwoerke:
A fellow who made a lewd pass
Has confirmed for his wife he’s an ass
And a two-timing prick,
So she severs his dick–
Now it lies, like a snake, in the grass.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, December 14th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brian Allgar, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The hooker was playing her grand
While caressing her customer’s gland.
When he asked “How d’you do it?”
She said “Nothing to it —
It’s a piece by Ravel for Left Hand.”
Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Ives, C. Adams, Fred Bortz, Robert Schechter, Richard Diakun, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, Ron B., and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Byron Ives:
He told her he’d charge just a grand
For a castle, built just as she planned.
She scowled, “You’re a leech,
Get off of this beach!
Take your bucket and cups and pound sand!”
C. Adams:
A woman had hopes that were grand.
Get rich, that is what she had planned.
She became a celeb,
From some pics on the web.
I must stop now. Can’t type with one hand.
Fred Bortz:
To Creationists, mankind is grand.
At life’s pinnacle, that’s where we stand.
But I say if it’s true
We’re the best God can do
Then the deity needs to re-brand.
Robert Schechter:
There’s just one piano, the grand,
Upon which I’d deign lay a hand.
Don’t think for a minute
I’d play a damn spinet.
Such keyboards are banned from my band.
Richard Diakun:
I owed my old bookie nine grand
The games didn’t go as I planned
Now, Tony wants bank
Or his boys break my crank–
It’s useless since they broke my hand!
Will T. Laughlin, for his acrostic limerick:
“We the Jury (not trial, but Grand)
Have decided to NOT reprimand.
In fact, you might say
That we functioned today
Exactly the way we were planned.”
Colleen Murphy:
He claimed the ring cost him a grand.
“The finest in all of the land.”
But I felt some distrust
When is started to rust
And it left a green mark on my hand.
Ron B., for his “No Grander Philanderer:”
A man whose delusions were grand
expected that just as he planned
his wife and his lover
would gladly discover
that neither could meet his demand.
Konrad Schwoerke:
“For your hit, I was paid fifty grand.
Do you want to know what I’ve got planned?”
“No, oblivion’s best;
I don’t want to be stressed.”
So I buried his head in the sand.
And congratulations to Jon Gearhart and Jonathan Jensen, who jointly win a special Political Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Jon Gearhart:
Aren’t those bendy contortionists grand?
I’ve seen one that for 6 years can stand
With one foot in his mouth,
His head stuffed up down south,
Still golfing and leading our land!
Jonathan Jensen:
Oh, political potshots are grand,
But your mindset I don’t understand.
It’s not “44”
Who took us to war
And laid waste to a far distant land.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, C. Adams, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Jonathan Jensen, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Richard Diakun, Robert Schechter, Ron B., Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, December 7th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
At work, I’m surrounded by brains.
With an ardor that none of them feigns,
They read Einstein and Bohr,
Stephen Hawking and more,
Whereas my speed is more Dick and Jane’s.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Sue Dulley, Craig Dykstra, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
A zombie who eats people’s brains
Makes sure they are not mixed with grains.
He may be undead,
But he still can’t eat bread,
So a gluten-free guy he remains.
Robert Schechter:
A fellow with plenty of brains,
Economist John Maynard Keynes,
Famously said
‘In the long run we’re dead,’
So be glad that the short run remains.
Brian Allgar:
Today, I am using my brains
Elsewhere than on rhymes and refrains,
For although it’s not funny,
The “day job” makes money,
Which cannot be said of Mad Kane’s.
Tim James:
A man who was more brawn than brains,
To “improve” his appearance took pains
To remove all his hair
As his weight he would pare.
To sum up, then: he waxes and wanes.
Sue Dulley:
If athletes donated their brains
Concussion research could make gains,
So when you depart
Please hand over your heart
And those other remaining remains.
Craig Dykstra:
I’ve been missin’ a gal who’s got brains
‘Cause her head’s filled with clever quatrains,
Also lovely haiku
Plus a lim’rick or two.
Whose brains you say? Madeleine Kane’s!
Konrad Schwoerke:
I get sick when I eat someone’s brains.
Though I puke, all their knowledge remains.
I make billions of dollars
From munching on scholars;
So what if they’re ill-gotten gains?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Craig Dykstra, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, November 22nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The Republicans now see the light!
Executive orders aren’t right!
Yet when I remind them
That Ron Reagan signed them,
They answer, “But Reagan was white!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Robert Basler, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, and Fred Bortz, for his four-verse science saga. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A criminal pun came to light
When a bedbug decided one night
To hold a church wedding
Right there in the bedding:
An example of mite making rite.
Colleen Murphy:
“The trouble with traveling light
Is I won’t know which outfit is right,”
Said my daughter while packing.
No clothes was she lacking,
As she filled up two bags for one night.
Brian Allgar:
Though his needs for nutrition were light,
The vampire felt peckish that night,
And invited a maid
Who had foolishly strayed:
“My dear, do you fancy a bite?”
Robert Schechter:
My girlfriend is so impolite!
In the course of one glorious night
Of unbridled ardor,
She said, “Were it harder,
Perhaps you’d be doing it right.”
Robert Basler:
A music motif that is leit
Is a common Wagnerian sight.
It’s a theme that’s recurring
In opera, all during–
If you miss it, you can’t be too bright.
Jon Gearhart:
A damp cellar can make the heart light
As an entymological site
For a group that elects
To study in sects
With their peers, a combined show of mite.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Our waitress is such a delight,
But the diners are sometimes a fright.
One tried copping a feel;
Now he’s wearing his meal,
So we think she has served the guy right.
Fred Bortz:
Though Planck’s math used quanta of light,
He still did not think that was right.
Young showed light behaves
Exactly like waves.
Then Maxwell’s math made that case tight.
Herr Einstein, of course, saw the light:
In photoelectrics, you might
Need only one quantum
(Or more if you want ’em)
To eject an electron. That’s right!
Then deBroglie declared that if light
Is both wavelike and grainy, you might
Find electrons the same,
And when Schrödinger came,
We saw Quantum Mechanics take flight.
Though limericks make this tale light,
The science behind it is quite
A profound undertaking
And foundation-shaking.
That’s why we call physicists bright.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, November 8th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
I hear that this tavern serves grub,
So I’d rather go find a new pub.
Though I’m thoroughly drunk,
And I’m not a damned punk,
Eating larvae is something I snub.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mary JeTrois, Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Tim James, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mary JeTrois:
At midday I stopped for some grub
At my neighborhood griller and pub.
I said, “How is your meat,
So spicy and sweet?”
He responded, “Therein lies the rub.”
Colleen Murphy:
My father tried making some grub
After spending all night in the pub,
And it’s true that some Comet
Will cause you to vomit,
As he used it as cheese on his sub.
Brian Allgar:
I was feeling in need of some grub,
So I strolled to my neighboring pub.
But the food was no good,
I was chewing on wood;
The “club sandwich” was made from a club.
Tim James:
A guy, sitting down for some grub,
Said, “Is this thing a hero, or sub?
Or a po’ boy? I’ve heard
It’s a ‘hoagie.’ Strange word.”
It’s a *sandwich*. Just eat it, you schlub.
Robert Schechter:
To wash down my dinnertime grub
I stopped in at a fine Irish pub
Where the Guinness I downed
Made a sizzling sound
As I sprayed it out back in the shrub.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mary JeTrois, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, November 1st, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON IVES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
At the clinic there’s been a big switch,
Cuz the doc’s sense of humor is rich:
A sign on a shelf
Boldly reads: SUTURE SELF,
And patients go home in a stitch.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
Some nights when I turn on the switch
To lighten a room dark as pitch,
I see a bulb die
Although “long life” I buy–
A premature seven-year glitch.
Brian Allgar:
My computer? I off/on the switch
Every time there’s a Microsoft glitch.
Their software’s so poor
That I’ve never been sure
How Bill Gates got disgustingly rich.
Colleen Murphy:
The surgeon decided to switch
To coffee a little less rich.
The upside was there
As it kept him aware.
The downside: it caused him to twitch.
Konrad Schwoerke wrote:
At this point in my life, I should switch
To a healthier diet (less rich).
But to make a fresh start
Would require more heart,
So I shop Abercrombie and Fitch.
Allen Wilcox:
A warlock was planning to switch
To a gal who seemed nice, from a bitch–
But identical twins!
Well, on needles and pins,
He couldn’t tell which witch was which.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, October 25th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
By a grizzled old pig, I was gored.
As I waited for succor, I roared.
It was not the damned pain,
But emotional strain,
‘Cause I really do hate being bored.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Tim James, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, and Kevin Ahern. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
The gambler went out of his gourd
When the guy from the other team scored.
He had wagered his spouse,
Plus his truck and his house.
What on earth would he do with no Ford?
Tim James:
A woman went out of her gourd
As her paramour noisily snored.
After sex, though, she found
That he made not a sound,
So each night ever after he scored.
Christopher Finch Reynolds:
A versatile fruit is the gourd:
It’s a pot in which liquid is stored,
While in China the sages
Kept crickets in cages,
As gourd music, when stringed, struck a chord.
Brian Allgar:
The candidate ended “Al Gore’d”;
In the popular vote, he’d outscored,
But a few dimpled chads
Fixed by Jeb and his lads
Meant that Dubbya got the reward.
Robert Schechter:
I went to Pamplona, was gored,
Then trampled beneath a great horde,
But no, I’m not whining.
There’s this silver lining:
For once I can’t say I was bored.
Byron Miller:
On our quest for the ultimate gourd,
We went driving upstate in our Ford;
Where we wandered like bumpkins
Through fields of ripe pumpkins;
Our children’s delight, the reward.
Kevin Ahern:
Norwegians bored out of their gourd
Seek vacations to provide them reward,
So everyone chooses
To go out on cruises.
It’s something they all can a fjord.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Colleen Murphy, Kevin Ahern, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, September 6th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The fellow was robbing their nest
Of their eggs, and the hens were distressed.
They were out of their wits,
So they pecked him to bits–
He’d forgotten his pullet-proof vest.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Holiday-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Mad gave us a seven-day stay,
A Labor Day verse to assay.
I may sound like a jerk,
But that’s way too much work!
I’ll bear down when they pass Goof-Off Day.
Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
With my daughters now out of the nest,
There’s an issue that need be addressed:
Before it’s too late
I must work with my mate
To rekindle the zest we’ve repressed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Ives, Bill Klein, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Randy Mazie, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Byron Ives:
The triplets got kicked from their nest,
Two boys and a girl, dispossessed.
They walked, but she faltered,
Her huge boobs, un-haltered.
The brothers then each walked abreast.
Bill Klein:
A woman who’d seen that a nest
Had been built ‘twixt her left and right breast,
Cried “Alas and alack!
There are birds on my rack!”
And with zest swept the pests from her chest.
Jon Gearhart:
I invited her back to my nest
For Monopoly, purely in jest.
But she jumped at the Chance,
Thrust her hand down my pants,
So I grabbed her Community Chest.
Kathy El-Assal:
An eagle took flight from his nest.
“Catch a fish” was his hunger’s request.
Averting bird famine,
He snatched up a salmon
And ere long that fish he fin-essed.
Randy Mazie @ thewritersvillage:
Our children have all flown the nest.
Now my wife and I walk ’round undressed,
Which may sound quite benign,
But it isn’t so fine
When a kid is an unannounced guest.
Konrad Schwoerke:
What’s that syndrome when kids leave the nest,
And your wife will not give you a rest?
I’m no specialist, though
From what little I know
Nymphomania seems to fit best.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Randy Mazie, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 9th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A psychic impaled on a post,
Who was weary of being a host,
Said: “I’m not at all mad;
It’s a boon to me, Vlad,
Cuz I’m ready to give up the ghost.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Allen Wilcox, Byron Ives, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
The bugler had played the Last Post,
And they’d drunk a memorial toast.
But they heard a faint shout
From the grave: “Lemme out!”
For the Colonel was far from a ghost.
Fred Bortz:
The priest was removed from his post
For creating a fraudulent host.
The substitute cracker
With nary a backer
Was leftover stale garlic toast.
Allen Wilcox:
A woman decided to post
Facebook pictures revealing the most
Private parts of her bod
With no text – why, how odd?
She was way, way too bashful to boast.
Byron Ives:
With zits like a knotty pine post,
She repulsed all her peers, at least most.
But brainy Jerome
Held her hand, walked her home.
She had netted much more than she grossed
Jon Gearhart:
My wife may be dumb as a post,
But that’s not what matters the most.
Her heart’s golden pure,
She’s loyal for sure,
And spreads quicker than butter on toast!
Brian Allgar:
“You’ll find I’m as stiff as a post,”
Was the hopeful Lothario’s boast.
But the girl, unimpressed,
Said “You’re just like the rest,
Except that you’re shorter than most.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 2nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Fred Bortz:
A competitor of the first rank
Took his speed-eating prize to the bank.
He never got flustered.
With relish, he mustered
The courage to swallow each frank.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Diane Groothuis, Brian Allgar, Konrad Schwoerke, and Sancho Panza. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Diane Groothuis:
A lady of very high rank
Gave her butler a check that was blank,
Saying “Spend what you will.
The sex was a thrill,
And remember to re-fill my tank.”
Brian Allgar:
The General tried to pull rank
On a female cadet in his tank.
She was eager to please
And went down on her knees,
But the charge in his cannon was blank.
Konrad Schwoerke:
An artist, whose sketches would rank
With the best, was forthcoming and frank:
“It would seem that my muse
Is providing no cues,
So right now, I am drawing a blank.”
Sancho Panza:
A woman was trying to rank
The men who would lay by her flank,
But she couldn’t decide
If the time of the ride
Trumped the length and the width of their shank.
Brian Allgar:
The Captain, abusing his rank,
Exclaimed as the ship hit a bank,
“Forget children and women.
They’ll have to try swimmin’,”
Then jumped in the lifeboat … which sank.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sancho Panza, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, July 26th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In building, like love, don’t be rash
By beginning to screw in a flash.
First, be gentle and drill
Tender holes with your Skil,
So you won’t split that nice piece of ash.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Christopher Finch Reynolds, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Konrad Schwoerke, Scott Crowder, and Shannon Tucker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
Dear Jilted, do not act too rash
By tossing his goods in the trash.
Though your heart may be hurting,
It’s eased by converting
His better belongings to cash.
Brian Allgar:
His back had developed a rash
Where his mistress had wielded the lash.
“Killer bees!” he tried lying –
His wife wasn’t buying,
And bundled him out with the trash.
Christopher Finch Reynolds:
Our approach to the climate is rash:
As rain forests burn in a flash,
Our future ambition,
“Less carbon emission,”
Is forgotten when we want more cash.
David McCormick:
“Dear Sirs, Your new ointment ‘STOP RASH!’
Removed all my pubes! It’s just trash!” …
“Dear Madam, Our pills
‘GET PUBES!’ fix such ills” …
“Dear Sirs, Now I’ve grown a moustache!”
Konrad Schwoerke:
There are some who will think that it’s rash
Saying super type heroes are trash
In the sack, but it’s true.
They’re not better than you,
If they’re coming as quick as the Flash.
Scott Crowder:
A gal was upset by a rash
That was six inches south of her sash,
But happened to learn
it was just whisker burn,
So she made her man shave his mustache.
Shannon Tucker:
A beech and a birch were quite rash,
And the beech said, “I’ll bet you some cash
“That sapling is mine.”
Said the birch, “I decline.”
Said the woodpecker, “Nice piece of ash!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Colleen Murphy, David McCormick, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Shannon Tucker, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Saturday, July 19th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was perched on the floor.
She threw down her sponge and she swore
And yelled at her gent:
“That is not what I meant
When I told you to use the back door!”
Congratulations to KEVIN AHERN, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A lady was pacing the floor
Of my favorite gardening store.
She wanted a chance
To talk about plants,
But I’d never seen herbivore.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Konrad Schwoerke, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, CJ@ProArtz, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David McCormick:
The boxer lies flat on the floor.
The referee’s count reaches “FOUR!”
Pirouetting, he then
Begins counting again…
(He once ran a ballet dance corps.)
Konrad Schwoerke:
I was showing my moves on the floor.
This chick cheered, so I knew I could score.
Then we walked to the car
Where I said, “Here we are.”
But my mom wouldn’t open the door.
Byron Miller:
I’ve got babies all over the floor.
They turn up at my door more and more.
I may soon blow a gasket —
Each day brings a basket
That’s tagged “Made in El Salvador”.
CJ@ProArtz:
Dora screwed the old salts on the floor.
Scrubbing up wasn’t much of a chore.
When they rolled from on top
She retrieved a wet mop
To push seamen right out the back door.
Allen Wilcox:
The Speaker demanded the floor,
Grabbed the mike and then let out a roar:
“The POTUS is lazy.
He’s driving me crazy.
Now back to my nap – let me snore.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Byron Miller, CJ@ProArtz, David McCormick, Kevin Ahern, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, July 13th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The barkeep’s wife, Tilley, I’d drill
Ev’ry chance I could get — what a thrill!
But I took it too far
Having sex in the bar;
I got caught with my hand in his Till.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Okay ladies, you know the drill:
No diaphragm, condom, or pill
Will be bought by employers
Who have the best lawyers
Like Hobbyin’ Lobbyists will.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Allen Wilcox, Kathy El-Assal, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
My hillbilly gal knew the drill;
She would make the best moonshine until
Fed’ral agents one day
Came and took her away.
Now she’s gone, and I yearn for her still.
Allen Wilcox:
The delegates – they knew the drill.
As they lined up to sign, they were still.
To declare they were free,
Which soon they would be,
They stood tall and were all dressed to quill.
Kathy El-Assal:
In cat houses, girls know the drill:
It’s giving their clients a thrill.
With mirrors revealing
What clothes were concealing,
The need for blue pills will be nil.
Brian Allgar:
Said Shakespeare “Thou knowest the drill.
’Tis said every Jack shall have Jill.
’Twixt thy legs I shall lay me —
Seek not to gainsay me,
For where there’s a way, there’s a Will.”
Colleen Murphy:
The young man repeated the drill
He did with incredible skill.
(He perfected this knowledge
By going to college.)
Pour the beer, chug it down, then refill.
Fred Bortz:
The surgeon perfected the drill.
He made each incision with skill.
He created a hole
Where there once was a pole,
And Ms. Willa was no longer Bill.
Byron Ives:
In boot camp, Will sure knew the drill.
To shoot on the range was a thrill.
He’d never been shot,
But it made his sack taut
When the sergeant yelled, “FIRE AT WILL!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Saturday, June 28th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse, which he calls “HEIDI-HO.”
Attracted by Hollywood vice,
Men swarmed to her brothel like mice.
So, what kept them staying?
You know the old saying:
“Time’s fun when we’re all having Fleiss.”
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The Captain gave friendly advice:
“Drink up, folks, it’s all in the price!”
The party was manic
Aboard the “Titanic”;
The guests were all breaking the ice.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, KONRAD SCWOERKE, BRIAN ALLGAR, and WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Chris Doyle:
“Writing lim’ricks, my love, is a vice,”
Says my wife, “And you’ll pay a stiff price.
Spending all of your time
Crafting meter and rhyme
Means that I’m growing colder than ice.”
Konrad Schwoerke:
Writing lim’ricks just might be a vice,
And will seldom add amorous spice,
But my wife is sure glad
I’m not out being bad
Like the past, where I had (once or twice).
Brian Allgar:
Just tell her that you’d never cheat her,
But honestly, nothing is sweeter
For limerick-writers
Than spending all-nighters
With girls who admire your meter.
Will T. Laughlin:
Gee, Brian: it could be my age,
But I seem to have bypassed that stage.
If I’m hoping for action,
I don’t get much traction
From words that I put on a page.
I’ll ask my wife, “What do you think
Of this verse I just wrote?” First she’ll blink;
Then she’ll hand me some cash
From her personal stash,
And say, “Find some loose women. Or drink.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Kevin Ahern, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, and Paula R. Moore. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Konrad Schwoerke:
Truth be told, I have only one vice,
A small quirk that, for me, adds some spice.
It’s not thousand foot drops,
Or a fistfight with cops;
What I love is to skate on thin ice.
Kevin Ahern:
The dog pound gives out this advice
In a clever attempt to entice:
“Leasing dogs is a way
To test out a stray.
You should check out our low cur rent price.”
Brian Allgar:
Miranda knew nothing of vice,
And her swimsuit was modestly nice.
But the guys queued for fucks:
“Special offer, five bucks!”
She’d forgotten to take off the price.
Fred Bortz:
My inner boss has this advice.
You may limerick-off once or twice.
Any more and he curses:
“I’ll choke your vice, verses!”
I can’t let my book pay the price.
Jon Gearhart:
Politicos share the same vice.
It’s power, whatever the price.
They’ll cater their views
Depending on who’s
In the crews they must schmooze and entice.
Paula R. Moore:
A fellow had bought a device
Which was sold to make gold out of rice.
He cooked it and milled it
And blanched it and grilled it.
No gold, but it did entice mice.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kevin Ahern, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Paula R. Moore, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, June 22nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Our lab rat, for cheese, ran 10Ks,
But of late appears lost in a daze.
He has yet to complete
This new task, and won’t eat
If he doesn’t start wending his maze.
And congratulations once again to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
“This plant deserves more than okays,”
Rev’rend Spooner said, sparing no praise.
“See its mesh of racemes?
That is part of God’s schemes,
For He works in wisteria’s maze.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Brian Allgar, Konrad Schwoerke, Val Fish, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ira Bloom:
The evangelists shouted okays,
To the plot to bring on End of Days,
By converting the Jews.
(When my tribe got the news,
We responded with countless oy veys).
Brian Allgar:
Pascal wouldn’t wait for okays;
His ideas never ceased to amaze.
He would tell the discerning:
“My mind is just burning
With notions – in fact, I’m a Blaise.”
Konrad Schwoerke:
Instead of some paltry okays,
My invention will garner high praise.
It’s a fission pipe lighter;
A real hot igniter,
So surely in glory I’ll blaze.
Val Fish:
A fellow was dating two Kays
And saw them on alternate days.
Double-booked them one night.
An ensuing cat fight
Saw the end of his two-timing ways.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow is dating two Kays
But they differ in notable ways.
One has him dance nude
To build up the mood.
The other one lies there and bays.
Brian Allgar:
The artist pronounced his okays
As he finished the painting with glaze.
But it aged where it hung
While the subject stayed young,
For the portrait was Dorian Gray’s.
Will T. Laughlin:
We applaud when the Head Chef okays
His filets in a veal demi-glaze.
As he sends out the plate,
Cries the maître d’: “Wait!
Mr. Trump says it needs mayonnaise!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Val Fish, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Saturday, June 14th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
“A split of your assets seems right,”
Said the judge to the couple’s delight,
“But I’m taking the collie
Away ’cause, by golly,
I won’t halve a dog in this fight.”
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Though our dog is unable to write,
He can play the piano all night.
He finds Chopin a breeze
As he chews up the keys,
But his Bach is far worse than his bite.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Bob Dvorak, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, and Chris Doyle. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Konrad Schwoerke:
As he soars, banking left and then right,
He’s exalted by effortless flight.
He considers a joint,
But there’s really no point;
He’s already as high as a kite.
Colleen Murphy:
The one time my husband was right
He squealed like a pig with delight,
But I took it in stride
As I knew deep inside
His chance of recurrence was slight.
Brian Allgar:
The witch was performing her rite
In Macbeth, giving Gingrich a fright.
When she reached “Eye of Newt”
He jumped up, and said “Shoot!
She ain’t gettin’ my eyeballs tonight!”
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow was trying to write
A limerick funny and trite.
But he harbored a hunch
That his lines held no punch,
So he drank some and slept through the night.
Will T. Laughlin:
Congressional folk on the Right
Resemble a 20-Watt light:
They’re easy to buy;
Don’t get changed ’til they die;
And — of course — they’re not terribly bright.
Allen Wilcox:
“We don’t see why you can’t write Wright right,”
Said Orville and Wilbur with bite.
The reporter, who had
Never seen them so mad,
Thought it best that he too take up flight.
Chris Doyle:
A young lawyer who hated to write
Legal documents gave up the fight
When she noticed that meter
And rhyme were much sweeter.
For Mad, it was love at verse sight.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Bob Dvorak, Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Saturday, June 7th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Her eyes were the color of slate.
And her oral endurance? First-rate.
Half a dozen and two
Guys collapsed while she blew.
It all proved that she sure could fell eight.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Her eyes were the color of slate.
Her breasts would increase my heart’s rate.
And now that I think
Of the part that was pink,
This last line will just have to wait.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Chris Doyle, Jen Harris, Brian Allgar, CJ@ProArtz, Sue Dulley, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Konrad Schwoerke:
The sea was the color of slate
When we spied her afloat on a crate.
Once aboard our small ship
She began a slow strip,
So we drew to see who she’d first mate.
Chris Doyle:
With an Aussie tour topping his slate,
William tended to matters of state.
He could not have foretold
What the world would behold
On his trip — the “down under” of Kate.
Jen Harris:
I’m forgetful — my mind’s a blank slate.
But poetry can carry weight.
Now – what was I writing?
For what am I fighting?
Please apprize me, before it’s too late.
Brian Allgar:
His teeth are the colour of slate;
He walks with a simian gait;
He has a huge belly
That shakes like a jelly —
Which is why he prefers a blind date.
CJ@ProArtz:
I’m aging — my mind’s a blank slate.
My hair loss reveals a bald pate.
I’m so ready to squeal
Over lost sex appeal.
My only gain, lately, is weight.
Sue Dulley:
The menu, scrawled out on a slate
In the pub, let us choose what we ate.
The food was not ‘light’
And the staff took all night,
But the dinner was well worth the weight.
Fred Bortz:
With Agnew on Tricky Dick’s slate,
The country would first have to wait
For Crook 2 to resign.
Then the boss was in line
To receive his appropriate fate.
But Gerry Ford then cleared the slate,
Leaving us in a dubious state.
But there’s one thing for sure,
When a pol is impure,
The scandal will end with a “gate.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, CJ@ProArtz, Fred Bortz, Jen Harris, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Saturday, May 31st, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman whose hair is all mussed
Avows that the wind is robust,
Though everyone sees
By the dirt on her knees,
It was caused by a blow, not a gust.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for two limericks, each of which received the most Facebook “likes.”
In school, the three R’s were a must,
But at ‘rithmetic I was a bust.
My subtracting is fine,
But when adding, like 9
And 16, I get somehow nonplussed.
and
The Tin Man, like everyone, must
Meet his Maker and wind up as dust,
But unlike you and me,
On his stone “R.I.P.”
Will denote it’s in peace that he’ll rust.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Johanna Richmond, Kirk Miller, Konrad Schwoerke, and Shannon Tucker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Fred Bortz:
The couple emerged very mussed
From a tryst that had sated their lust.
They enjoyed S and M,
He informed us: “Ahem,
Yes she is the one that I trussed.”
Sue Dulley:
Some weeks I decide that I must
Stop yielding to limerick lust.
Then a quick look, and — yikes —
So many rate “Likes.”
My resolve soon dissolves into dust.
Brian Allgar:
Inga’s clothes were disheveled and mussed;
The wife found her husband and cussed:
“I have told you before,
The au pair’s not a whore,
So you’ve not paid her this time, I trust!”
Robert Basler:
A vat of stomped grapes is called must.
Without it, your wine would go bust.
So squish all that pinot
And make us some vino.
Who knows? It could lead to some lust!
Robert Schechter:
On every piano there must
Be a dignified Beethoven bust
To look down its nose
At the tunes you compose
And to shoot you a look of disgust.
Johanna Richmond:
On my birthday it’s hard but I must
Wear a grin and disguise my disgust.
Though I’m glad to get older,
The ache in my shoulder
Is putting a crimp in my lust.
Kirk Miller:
The man’s horny and knows that he must
Tell his wife that he’s feeling much lust.
If his wife’s in the mood,
He’ll suggest something lewd
And then hope that his wife gets his thrust.
Konrad Schwoerke:
There once was a camel in must
Who could not quench the heat of his lust.
In that hot desert setting,
With limited sweating,
The beastie was quick to combust.
Shannon Tucker:
“Good grades are an absolute must!”
They say throughout school, but I just
Don’t think that mere grades
Will reward you in spades:
Better, grades and a double D bust.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Before there is wine there is must.
Before there is love there is lust.
This linear flow
Is everywhere, so
Before there are bunnies there’s dust.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Johanna Richmond, Kirk Miller, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Shannon Tucker, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Saturday, May 17th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A filcher of cookware did pick
An attorney exceedingly slick.
With no frippery, he’ll
Do a slippery deal
That will make all the charges non-stick.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Brian Allgar:
“Choose a card, any card, take your pick,”
Said the conjurer doing his trick.
So I pilfered his Visa,
The silly old geezer,
And vanished from sight double-quick.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Steve Whitred, Chris O’Carroll, Will T. Laughlin, Tim James, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
“It’s Robin,” said Miley, “I’ll pick
To perform with on stage in a shtick
Where I’m bending and twerking,
Symbolically jerking
Him off.” Yes, she laid it on Thicke.
Steve Whitred:
George Carlin performed and said pick
The appropriate place to say “prick.”
Go ahead, prick your finger,
But if you malinger
And finger your prick, you’re a hick.
Chris O’Carroll:
A woman was trying to pick
Which suitor to date. She mused, “Mick
Is well hung; so is Nick;
Whereas Brick’s smaller dick
Is offset by a bankroll that’s thick.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Today’s GOP tends to pick
Its facts from attacks that will stick.
Now history shows
They were picking their Knows
While the planet grew terribly sick.
Tim James:
It wasn’t too prudent to pick
Up a six-pack and knock it back quick.
But there’s no need to fear;
I don’t bet gunk from dreer.
So I’m sone stober, Ocifer (*hic*).
Konrad Schwoerke:
If it’s sex you crave, Leila’s my pick,
And the toys she employs are so slick.
Though she’s often engaged,
You can still have her paged.
That’s cuz Leila does not miss a trick.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Chris O'Carroll, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
