The Butt Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was knocked on his butt…*


A woman was often the butt…*


A man was a pain in the butt…*


A gal was obsessed with her butt…*


A fellow who loved saying “but”…*


A fellow was holding the butt…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

The Butt Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A large woman said, “Doc, do my butt.
“It’s too small, and I’d like it to jut.”
“But your butt is too jutting,”
He answered, quite cutting.
“I find your case open and shut.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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53 Responses to “The Butt Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Jon Gearhart says:

    She was tired of being the butt
    Of their jokes as a cheerleading slut.
    The girls in her school
    Were exceedingly cruel
    But the boys were nice, I tell you what!

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    All the food I eat goes to my butt
    And my hips and my thighs and my gut
    And my calves and my shins
    And my man boobs and chins
    And my cheeks puff and swell my eyes shut.

  3. Jon Gearhart says:

    To her shoulder, she placed the gun’s butt,
    Squeezed the trigger and fired, “phutt phutt phutt.”
    She showed off her aim
    As three shots hit the same
    Target’s bullseye. All with both eyes shut!

  4. Jon Gearhart says:

    Please give L3 a sex changed!


  5. Fred Bortz says:

    The center stuck out his big butt,
    While the quarterback shouted, “Hut, hut.”
    But all that male action
    Disguised their attraction
    When at home in their frills they would strut.

  6. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow who liked a big butt
    Was a Kim Kardashian nut
    He loved that big bubble
    but a joke caused him trouble
    and Kanye punched him hard in the gut.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The Malmsey was kept in a butt,
    And the Duke was already half-cut.
    He got high as a kite
    While they drowned him that night,
    And was pickled before he went ‘phut’.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    He had a huge belly and butt
    From the junk food on which he would glut.
    As he groaned and he cried,
    You could see right inside,
    For the chap had a pane in his gut

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The fellows admired her butt
    In a skirt that was tight as a nut,
    But when one said “Her bum
    Is as tight as a drum”,
    He was scolded for talking such smut.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The student would try to rebut
    His professor, and told him “Tut, tut!
    One plus one equals ten?
    Sir, you’re wrong once again -”
    “It’s the binary system, you nut!”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    I had kept every cigarette butt,
    For my wife had got into a rut,
    Smoking ten on the trot.
    Now I fed her the lot –
    That’ll teach her to keep her mouth shut.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    From the way that she wiggled her butt
    It was clear that the girl was a slut,
    But that gorgeous young hooker
    Was such a good-looker
    The fellows were queueing to rut.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    Sarah Palin is often the butt
    Of deriders who think she’s a nut.
    Though she has, it is true,
    A one-figure IQ,
    Her mouth is quite cute – when it’s shut.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A man was a pain in the butt
    True, all things were great with him, but
    Was he attentive enough?
    Indeed he had the right stuff.
    She knew she should go with her gut.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was often the butt
    Of jokes: Was she a health food nut?
    She’d eat only organic,
    GMOs caused a panic.
    She’s the one with a healthy gut.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    Of world problems, there are a glut-
    Our leaders are all corporate sluts.
    But we are aware
    The masses don’t care:
    They talk about Kim’s tits and butt.

  17. John Sardo says:

    A woman was often the butt
    Of jokes about her tut tut
    She shaved it real clean
    Showed it off to extreme.
    Her Tut Tut wasn’t smut but a mutt.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A gal was obsessed with her butt
    Her honey said let’s see you strut
    She swished and she swayed
    Till she finally got laid
    And for now she’s out of her rut.

  19. John Sardo says:

    A man was a pain in the butt
    After all he’s a right wing nut.
    He’d cry to his momma
    He hated Obama
    Till she told him to keep his mouth shut.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    She knew that she liked him a lot,
    But had to get out of the rut.
    What does her gut say?
    Go with your heart, stay.
    And teach him how to care enough.

  21. Fred Bortz says:

    Why do dogs go around sniffing butt?
    The research is open and shut.
    Some hounds are elitist.
    They want just the sweetest
    Aroma of pure bred, not mutt.

  22. rbasler says:

    Honey, please look at my butt
    Does this dress make it bigger, or what?
    But before you reply
    I am armed, which is why
    You shouldn’t just go with your gut

  23. A woman used ifs ands and buts
    To excuse the fact that she’s a klutz
    She found her retorts
    Wouldn’t hold up in court
    She just made the judge think she was nuts

  24. A woman who lived in a hut
    Was skinny with quite a small butt
    With such a small figure
    She’d fall in the shitter
    And really be stuck in a rut

  25. Fred Bortz says:

    A billy goat shows he can butt,
    While a peacock will swagger and strut,
    But a macho man here
    Will just guzzle his beer
    And display his protuberant gut.

  26. Fred Bortz says:

    A Great Mystery Solved

    Why do hounds go around sniffing butt?
    The research is open and shut.
    Some dogs are elitist.
    They want just the sweetest
    Aroma of pure bred, not mutt.

    Title added and edited to add internal rhyme, reversing dogs and hounds.

  27. Jon Gearhart says:

    She warned him that being a butt
    Was the way to make her hate his gut.
    He then metatarsal
    When her foot hit his arsehole
    And she toed him, “Your hole rectum’s shut.”

  28. Jon Gearhart says:

    After Miley was shakin’ her butt
    On TV like some dumb little slut,
    They put up an orange placard
    On the road near her backyard
    That says, “Men at Twerk, Take Next Rut.”

  29. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A guy who was kissing some butt
    Had a nose with a prominent jut.
    When the boss squeezed his cheeks,
    The whole office heard shrieks,
    ‘Cause the guy is now stuck in a rut.

  30. Jon Gearhart says:

    Since her pants made her have a fat butt,
    She was sure she’d get out of that rut
    If she found the right pair,
    Something slimming to wear,
    So she bought assless chaps–what a nut!

  31. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow was knocked on his butt,
    By a lady he’d just called a slut.
    He jumped up and swore
    And called her a whore,
    So she gave him a knee in the gut.

  32. Charley Simmons says:

    A Rookie who had a big butt,
    Walked onto the field with a strut.
    He bent over the ball
    And the Coach made the call.
    “Son you have just made the cut.”

  33. Jon Gearhart says:

    If you feel you’ve been kicked in the butt
    By a life that’s been spent in a rut,
    And the hope in your chest
    Has gone south with the rest
    Of your dreams, my reaction’s, “So what?”

  34. Jon Gearhart says:

    Eye ear that there’s simply nose butt
    About tit and no arm comes from nut
    Doing twat you are toed.
    There’s no kneed to be showed.
    Folks cunt dick me ass if I’m some slut.

  35. Byron Ives says:

    Life is sometimes a kick in the butt,
    And for most, it’s just not that clear cut.
    Oh, sure, you can prove
    You’re in a great groove,
    And then wonder, is this groove a rut?

  36. Kurt Krueger says:

    I just fell on my butt
    I tripped on our Labrador mutt
    He sleeps on the floor
    Right in the door
    So now the door will be shut

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    In the Case of the Lady’s Big Butt
    Sherlock Holmes was asked “If pants aren’t what
    Makes my ass appear big,
    Then just what does, you prig?”
    “Elephantry, my dear. It’s your glut.”

  38. Jon Gearhart says:

    In D.C., talking heads always butt
    One another and posture and strut.
    Androgenic hormone
    Known as testosterone
    Makes ’em all think that they’re the King nut!

  39. Monica Shostack says:

    A fellow was knocked on his butt

    And fell on his suffering mutt.

    He arose, his head spinning,

    When he saw someone grinning

    And punched him smack-dab in the gut.

  40. John Armstrong says:

    Lord Nelson was shipped home in a butt
    Of brandy they thought tightly sealed shut
    All the way from Trafalgar
    To not appear vulgar
    The crew only tapped it somewhat

  41. Tim James says:

    A guy had a pain in the butt
    When, surprised in the midst of a rut
    By the gal’s jealous man,
    He got shot in the can
    Thus depriving this cock of his strut.

  42. John Armstrong says:

    Lord Nelson was shipped in a butt
    Of brandy, thought tightly sealed shut
    All the way from Trafalgar
    To not appear vulgar
    The crew only tapped it somewhat

    (Revised per suggestions from Jon Gearhart)

  43. Don Lee says:

    A fellow was knocked off his butt
    got up and said yeah, but
    if you only knew what she knew
    all this we wouldn’t go through
    and the b.s. we could cut.

  44. Don Lee says:

    The man was a pain in the butt
    because his life he felt in a rut
    so his wife said please honey
    there’s more to life than money
    as long as I get my cut.

  45. Don Lee says:

    The young attorney loved saying yes but
    and the judge said your b.s. you must cut
    then the bailiff chimed in
    with a devilish grin
    and the judge finally said enough is enough.

  46. Sheila Graziano says:

    Looked cloudy, was walking home but
    The park seemed a good quick shortcut
    Thought I felt a sprinkle
    ‘Twas really a tinkle
    From somebody’s off the leash mutt.

  47. Mark Kane says:

    Damn those gowns,, how they show off my butt.
    They’re designed to be open, not shut.
    Now I’m not sure what’s worse,
    To startle a nurse,
    Or smile as I jiggle and strut.

  48. Mark Kane says:

    If she’s serving you wine on her butt,
    While claiming it’s art and not smut,
    Then all I an say
    Is you’d best walk away
    From Kanye and his ‘fame hungry slut.’

  49. John Larkin says:

    A man was a pain in the butt
    as he walked with his foul-smelling mutt.
    He could avoid people’s wrath
    if his dog got a bath.
    But he wasn’t a cleanliness nut.

  50. Allen Wilcox says:

    A guy had attached to his butt
    A very determined old mutt.
    He screamed for a savior
    To stop this behavior –
    He had called the dog’s mistress a slut.

    It turned out that the fellow whose butt
    Was being chewed was a dealer in smut,
    As its owner made clear
    To the crowd standing near.
    They ruled it a case open and shut.

  51. Allen Wilcox says:

    A gal was obsessed with her butt.
    It exceeed the size of her gut,
    Which would not be so wild
    Except she was with child.
    It was scary to witness her strut.

  52. Allen Wilcox says:

    A ram gave his master a butt,
    To which he responded,”Now what?
    Is it once again true
    You’re in need of a ewe?
    I think that you’re just in a rut.”

  53. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 191.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Brains.