Limerick Pick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was trying to pick…*

or

A fellow was using a pick…*

or

A woman would frequently pick…*

or

A guitar player’s favorite pick…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Pick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A guitarist attempted to pick
A new image sufficiently slick
To aid in her rise
To pop music highs.
But for once, no one fell for her schtick.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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53 Responses to “Limerick Pick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Steve Whitred says:

    The Phantom’s a show I won’t pick
    Cuz he kidnaps a girl, (what a dick)
    Plus, he goes on to gloat
    The next day, in a note
    “Spent the night without making you … ” [sic]

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Trotsky, “What IS an ice-pick?
    Presumably some kind of stick …”
    He found it quite horrid
    When stuck in his forehead,
    A gift from Joe Stalin, the prick.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Casablanca: the girl had to pick
    Between Victor, her husband, and Rick.
    Though it’s corny – let’s say it! -
    Each time Rick says “Play it”,
    It still gives the viewers a kick.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    “Choose a card, any card, take your pick”
    Said the conjurer doing his trick.
    So I pilfered his Visa,
    The silly old geezer,
    And vanished from sight double-quick.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    Richard couldn’t decide which to pick:
    The guy, or the glamorous chick.
    He could swing either way,
    And his nickname, they say,
    Was “Ambidexterity Dick.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    What a terrible rhyme-word to pick!
    I’m too dumb for the new limerick,
    For I lithp when I thpeak,
    I can’t find what I theek,
    And the effort ith making me thick.

  7. John Sardo says:

    A woman would frequently pick
    Every Tom, Harry and Dick
    With the three in the car.
    She soon went too far
    Saying “this is what makes my life tick.

  8. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    Among Tom, Harry and Dick.
    She went of a tear
    And had an affair
    With all saying “this is my shtick.”

  9. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    Among guys with whom she could click
    She chose a big fellow
    Who made her life mellow
    But alas was a slippery Dick.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The lock was quite easy to pick;
    He twiddled, and soon heard the click.
    But on opening the door
    There were guards by the score,
    For he’d broken straight INTO the nick.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    INDECENCY WARNING

    The streetwalker said, “Take your pick;
    A handjob right now would be quick,
    But if you’re a big cummer,
    Then come back in Summer -
    One swallow in Spring makes me sick.”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    “I think that we now need to pick
    A descriptor”, said Watson to Crick.
    “How about DNA?”
    Replied Watson, “No way -
    It’s a name that’s too boring to stick.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    He had a split-second to pick
    When his car hit a massive oil-slick:
    Should he brake, should he steer?
    Now he’s dead, for I fear
    That he wasn’t sufficiently quick.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was trying to pick…
    A rose without thorns that she’d prick
    Her fingers on. OUCH!
    It hurt, she could vouch!
    She’d have to wear gloves that were thick.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman decided to pick
    A doctor who was holistic
    He healed her health woes.
    And now her skin glows.
    He put her on herbs and garlic.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    I really am trying to pick
    A subject not voyeuristic
    But try as I might
    I gave up the fight:
    It’s more fun if it is phallic.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    Art Post and Impressionistic.
    But she couldn’t pay
    She lacked the Monet
    And Toulouse them made her heartsick.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    The rooster had taken his pick
    Of the hens who admired his dick.
    But he felt quite betrayed
    When the chick that he’d laid
    Surprised him by laying a chick.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    He could never get people to pick
    What he thought was his best party-trick -
    Imitating a clock.
    He was good at the ‘tock’,
    But he’d never quite mastered the ‘tick.’

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    On Facebook, my wife saw the pic
    Of me bonking an under-age chick.
    That social network
    Has turned me to fretwork;
    My knacks are reduced to a knick.

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    One night, he took hammer and pick
    To demolish the wall made of brick
    Where his wife was immured.
    Of her presence assured,
    He plastered it up nice and slick.

  22. Val Fish says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    From a line up down at the nick
    It wasn’t his eyes
    That she recognised
    But the bulge in his pants,what a prick.

  23. Val Fish says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    Should it be Tom Harry or Dick?
    She couldn’t decide
    So with legs open wide
    She performed a perfect hat trick

  24. Jon Gearhart says:

    Of rhymes for this week I’ve my pick
    Of many like brick, chick, trick, sick,
    Lick, Mick, frick, tick, Dick,
    Kick, Rick, prick, and Nick.
    With a click of my Bic comes quick schtick.

  25. Brian Allgar says:

    The dentist was using his pick
    On a rather delectable chick.
    When he said “Open wide,
    I’m injecting inside”,
    All she felt was the tiniest prick.

  26. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    If it’s sex you crave, Leila’s my pick,
    And the toys she employs are so slick.
    Though she’s often engaged,
    You can still have her paged.
    That’s cuz Leila does not miss a trick.

  27. Val Fish says:

    A fellow was using a pick
    To remove a thorn from his dick
    In bushes whilst wooing
    And merrily screwing
    He suddenly felt a right prick

  28. Chris O'Carroll says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    Which suitor to date. She mused, “Mick
    Is well hung; so is Nick;
    Whereas Brick’s smaller dick
    Is offset by a bankroll that’s thick.”

  29. Phyllis L says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    Her nose, but it made her too sick.
    So she got out a Luger
    And shot out the booger.
    Now didn’t this make you go, “Ick!”?

  30. Phyllis L says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    The winner for Best Limerick.
    Surprise! She picked mine
    For containing the line,
    “Hey Madeleine, you’re a great chick!”

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    Now, what is a good rhyme for ‘pick’
    Without being rude? “If you prick
    Us, do we not bleed?”
    That’s Shakespeare, indeed.
    Then there’s Dickens, and daft Mr Dick.

  32. Chris O'Carroll says:

    A fellow was trying to pick
    The perfect nickname for his dick.
    “Call it Timex,” he said,
    “For when I’m getting head,
    It keeps ticking — lick after lick.”

  33. Val Fish says:

    This week we are rhyming with ‘pick’
    Bawdy lines have come fast and thick
    Correct meter and stress
    Is the key to success
    Who will be the cleverest dick?

  34. @Val: challenge accepted.

    If Heaven allowed me to pick,
    I’d stick with my undersized dick.
    It readily fits
    Into anyone’s bits,
    Since it isn’t too long or too thick!

  35. Today’s GOP tends to pick
    Its facts from attacks that will stick.
    Now history shows
    They were picking their Knows
    While the planet grew terribly sick.

  36. Michael Sam was the NFL’s pick,
    And it made all the homophobes sick.
    Yet complaints had they none
    About Plaxico’s gun,
    Roethlisberger, or Favre, or Vick.

    Let’s face it: if you get a kick
    Out of burly men, sweaty and slick,
    As they grope for a ball
    In a free-for-all brawl…
    Then you need to get over it. Quick.

  37. Charley Simmons says:

    A JUDGE IN HIS COURTROOM WOULD PICK
    HIS NOSE AND THE BOOGERS HE’D FLICK.
    SOME WOULD LAND IN THE FOYER
    OR BOUNCE OFF A LAWYER
    AND THE JURIES VERDICT WAS “ICK”.

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    An Irishman given his pick
    Was noted for not being quick
    So they showed him 3 hoes|
    And said take one of those
    He replied “Ther’s no pick so you’re thick”

  39. Crickety-Crick In My Nickity-Nick

    Dickety sticked his frist ickety-pick
    ‘Fore the widgety-thing went xick-click!
    Irt the kickety-clock
    Chirped sum hickety-pock—
    Evermore it was slickety-slick.

  40. Allen Wilcox says:

    A fellow with six had to pick
    An implant to size up his dick.
    “Now eight” he said “might
    Be just about right,
    But not if it might tend to stick.”

  41. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A filcher of cookware did pick
    An attorney exceedingly slick.
    With no frippery, he’ll
    Do a slippery deal
    That will make all the charges non-stick.

  42. John Armstrong says:

    A 49er was swinging his pick
    At a vein that seemed pretty darn thick
    A splinter did glance
    Towards his rod of romance
    The family jewels are now literally eponymic

  43. Said Glorx of Arcturus, “Let’s pick
    Some backwater planet, and stick
    An assortment of tubes
    Up the butts of the rubes…
    Then laugh ’til we make ourselves sick!”

  44. Tim James says:

    It wasn’t too prudent to pick
    Up a six-pack and knock it back quick.
    But there’s no need to fear;
    I don’t bet gunk from dreer.
    So I’m sone stober, Ocifer (*hic*).

  45. Allen Wilcox says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    A man by the size of his prick,
    But some men are showers,
    And some men are growers,
    Which made her search a wider and longer and much more
    enjoyable trick.

  46. Allen Wilcox says:

    A guitarist was using a pick,
    And he used it exceedingly quick.
    He had known he would need
    To build up such speed
    So he’d practiced at length on his prick.

  47. Allen Wilcox says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    New ways she could utilize dick,
    But her husband resisted,
    And most firmly insisted,
    “I’m a pony with only one trick.”

  48. Allen Wilcox says:

    A witch who was ed that was wick
    Did tricks that weren’t et that was crick.
    She gave White that was Snow
    Some fruit good that was no.
    Now that was ey Mouse that was Mick.

  49. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was whispered a pick,
    Bet “Red Rum” to win, that’s the trick!
    From Secretariat’s mate,
    His bloodlines were great.
    The problem? This horse wasn’t quick.

  50. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman was trying to pick
    A style that would give her a kick
    She put on fishnet hose
    And a stud in her nose
    Realization hit like a brick

  51. Kirk Miller says:

    On vacation, a fellow did pick
    (At the urging of brother named Dick)
    With dolphins to swim.
    He knew they liked him.
    When they swam, he just knew they would click.

  52. Gun Extremists Target Women

    Say, Ladies… which role do you pick:
    Human shield for some Bundy Ranch hick?
    Or human spitoon
    For some cockeyed buffoon
    When you threaten his surrogate prick?

  53. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 164.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Beau.