Distilling The Truth
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t sulk, but the bulk of the rye
Labeled heirloom’s a hand-crafted lie;
Many crafty booze sellers
Are re-seller fellers–
Small-batch fees for a factory buy.
*****
Yes that special, hand-crafted, small-batch, artisan, heirloom whiskey may really come from MGP, a large factory/distillery in Indiana.
Limerick Ode To The Cocktail
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We celebrate cocktails in May:
May 13th is “World Cocktail Day.” Yay!
But I hope you won’t laugh
When I say on behalf
Of its worshippers: Why just one day?
(On May 13, 1806, The Balance and Columbian Repository, an upstate New York newspaper, published the first known definition of the word “cock-tail,” as “a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water and bitters.”)
A recent article over at DVerse Poets discusses the importance of using vivid verbs in poetry. And though I completely agree, I couldn’t resist writing this limerick:
Fun With Verbs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
One never should write. One should scribe.
One must NOT coincide. Instead, jibe.
Are verbs that have color
Much better than duller?
I’m bewildered — must drink … or imbibe.
Boring adjective-freedom’s my goal,
And dull adverbs can sure take their toll.
I abjure and forswear them
And simply can’t bear them.
In this verse, though, they’re taking control.
Perhaps with Verse 3, I’ll succeed
In banishing words I don’t need.
Not an adverb in sight,
Nor an adjective blight.
Push my luck? No, not me! End of screed.
Do we really need a beer-brewing robot that lets you make beer with your iPhone?
I’m Not Swallowing This App (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Innovations can certainly rock,
But at times they compel me to mock;
I’m feeling a jeer brewing:
IPhones and beer brewing?
How ’bout using an iPhone to talk?
Happy National Beer Lover’s Day! (September 7th)
Limerick Ode To National Beer Lover’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Beer Lover’s Day” is today.
Do I plan to imbibe some? No way.
Its bouquet makes me ail
And turn pale, and I fail
To favor its flavor. So nay!
Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.
Happy anniversary to the corkscrew! On March 27, 1860, New Yorker M.L. Byrn patented a corkscrew design. “It was T-shaped, based on gadgets that had long been used to extract bullets stuck in the muzzles of guns. Corkscrews had been around before Byrn’s invention, but his design became the standard in America for decades.”
Limerick Ode To The Corkscrew
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Make a toast to a corking invention–
An aid in removing our tension.
Does your life feel screwed up?
Need some sips with your sup?
Then give praise for the corkscrew’s ascension.
Bad news for bourbon fans, like my husband Mark:
Maker’s Mark bourbon will lower the alcohol content in its bourbon from 45 percent to 42 percent.
Chief operating officer Rob Samuels said the reduction is the only way to meet higher demand…
The Proof Is In The Drinking (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Maker’s Mark has announced that it’s curbin’
The alcohol content of bourbon.
Now this isn’t a spoof–
I could give you the proof.
I’m just glad they’re not cognac disturbin’.
UPDATE: Maker’s Mark has wisely decided to reverse its decision. It won’t be watering down its bourbon, after all.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was sipping some port…*
or
A woman was sipping some port…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tomorrow, June 19, is National Martini Day. I figured it was best to celebrate with a limerick … before starting on that martini:
Limerick Ode To National Martini Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The martini’s a drink for the tough,
Cuz that cocktail is strong, sometimes rough.
Most favor it gin-filled,
Which leaves me chagrin-filled.
Use tequila instead? Won’t rebuff!
Are you all ready to celebrate National Wine Day?
Limerick Ode To National Wine Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Wine Day on May twenty-five.
Don’t go guzzling your beer in some dive.
Sip a rich cabernet,
Pinot, aligoté,
But mull this: when you drink, do not drive.
(You can find more of my wine and food humor here.)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to show…*
or
A woman was trying to show…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Show-Off Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to show
He was savvy, refined, in the know.
But he blew it one night —
An embarrassing sight:
He mistook Pinot Noir for Bordeaux.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Update: Happy Drink Wine Day! (February 18th)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s who won last week.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was partial to gin…*
or
A gal who was partial to gin…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Ginning Up Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was partial to gin
Played it often and tended to win.
When encouraged to switch
And play poker, he’d bitch:
“Gin is wholesome, but poker’s a sin.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
February 22, 2012 is National Margarita Day! (Perversely enough, it’s also World Thinking Day.)
But I’d rather write a limerick about margaritas:
Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Margarita Day’s here, so Olé!
Send agave tequila my way.
Don’t need worms or a mix
For a spirited fix.
Add some juice, triple sec. Make my day!
Yet Another Valentine’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
St. Valentine’s Day can be risky
Cuz the men folk do tend to get frisky.
And watch out for the pious:
They sure like to try us
Before and yes after their whiskey.
*****
St. Valentine’s Day
may be over in theory–
never in spirit.
May 25th is a big day for wine lovers — National Wine Day. So I thought I’d celebrate with an acrostic limerick:
Acrostic Limerick To Celebrate National Wine Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whatever your regular pick
In selecting a drink with a kick,
Never let any ice
Enter wine — it ain’t nice,
Said a wine snob, who poured it on thick.
This week’s poetry prompt from Big Tent Poetry involves alliteration. Here’s the limerick I wrote using that prompt:
Gargantuan
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gargantuan guy guzzling beer
Was grinning from ear to huge ear.
When asked why the smile,
He said, “Won me a pile,
So you’ll soon see the last of my rear.”
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
