Archive for the ‘Animal & Pet Humor’ Category
Saturday, May 19th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who tried to persuade…*
or
A fellow who tried to persuade…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Unpersuasive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who tried to persuade
A banker to come to her aid
Got no help with a loan—
Not so much as a bone.
No bucks for her horse bus’ness. Nayed!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bank Humor, Banking Limerick, Business Loan Humor, Horse Humor, Limerick Contest, Loans & Borrowing, Money & Finance Humor, Persuasion Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 112 Comments »
Tuesday, April 17th, 2012
Are you all ready for National Pet Owners Independence Day?
A gal who’d been cleaning was jarred
By some leaves just dragged in from her yard.
Displaying a broom,
She yelled, “Sweep up this room!”
To her dog. (Guess she’s working too hard.)
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Verse, April Holidays, Backyard, Dog Verse, Dogs Humor, Household Chores, Household tools, Pet Owners, Pet Owners Independence Day, Spring Cleaning, Stress Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Chores Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, April 10th, 2012
A horseback-riding reader asked me to write a tax-related limerick. Here’s what I came up with:
Reining In Your Returns (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To the folks who find horseback transcendent,
Please beware, you could be a defendant,
If when doing your tax,
You err to the max
By declaring your horse a “dependent.”
Tags: Animal Verse, Dependents, Financial Poetry, Horse Humor, Horseback Riding, Income Tax Humor, IRS, Money & Finance Humor, Tax Filing Humor, Tax Poetry
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Tax & IRS Satire | 12 Comments »
Wednesday, January 25th, 2012
I strongly support stem cell research. But that doesn’t mean I won’t mock it. After all, science article titles like this are impossible to resist: Stem Cells Build a Better Rat Penis.
Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your rat penis painfully small?
There’s help for you — here’s who to call:
A Doc at Tulane —
His team will explain
How stem cells can make that thing tall.
Tags: Animal Verse, Bawdy Humor, Medical Studies Humor, Medicine, Men's Health, Penis Humor, Rats Humor, Research Limerick, Science Verse, ScienceNow, Stem Cell Research, Tulane
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Bawdy Limericks, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Science Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, December 26th, 2011
This “torment your pet frog” video, which features an iPad screen depicting tasty-looking insects, reminded me of an old humor column of mine:
Bugged By Ads
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you saw what looked like an insect on your television screen, what weapon would you reach for? A wad of tissues, perhaps? Okay, let’s make the bug more menacing than your average house invader — let’s make it a cockroach.
I’m guessing you’d grab a sacrificial magazine, roll it up, and take a swing at the screen. A swing strong enough to demolish the roach (you hope), while leaving your TV set more or less intact.
I’m also guessing you’d avoid guaranteed glass shatterers like hammers, drills, and chain saws. And up till this very moment, I would have sworn that a motorcycle helmet would sit atop the no-no list. Apparently, I was wrong.
A Tampa, Florida woman actually threw a motorcycle helmet at a TV screen roach. Overkill? I’d say so. Especially when you consider that:
1. The helmet trashed her screen; and
2. Her TV screen was cockroach-free.
No, I’m not talking about an LSD-crazed youth doing battle with hallucinated insects. I’m talking about a grown and presumably sober person who (along with other TV viewers) was suckered by Orkin Pest Control’s all too realistic ad featuring an animated roach crawling across the screen.
Like many others who were taken in by Orkin’s ad campaign, this Tampa woman was determined to kill the roach. Unfortunately, the only thing she managed to kill was her television set.
End of story? Of course not. This happened in the USA where people, including our helmet-wielding woman, want to be compensated for their injuries.
Now I’m a recovering lawyer and I used to handle my share of civil … and uncivil … litigation. So you might ask me what I’d do if I were consulted by the owner of a TV set destroyed by a motorcycle helmet aimed at a nonexistent roach.
Being a cautious and thorough attorney, I’d carefully evaluate the case by asking questions like:
1. Your one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable helmet was badly dented, right?
2. Have you had full body x-rays to check for internal TV screen glass shards?
3. How’s the helmet flinging-induced carpal tunnel syndrome progressing?
4. Why aren’t you seeking treatment for your extremely painful ducking to avoid glass-induced whiplash?
Orkin doesn’t appear to be worried about litigation. In fact, Orkin’s treating the whole matter with a sense of humor. It even ran an Orkin “Got Me” drawing at its (Orkin.com) Web site, asking viewers to describe (by April 30th) how its “fake out” cockroach crawling across the screen ad campaign “got” them. According to the submission information, “ALL ENTRANTS will be placed in a random drawing for a BRAND NEW TELEVISION.”
I was planning to email an entry myself, but I had a bit of a mishap: The roach that adorns Orkin’s submit button looked so real, I threw my shoe at it and broke my computer screen.
Tags: Advertising Humor, Frogs Humor, Insect and Bug Humor, Insects, iPad Aps, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Marketing Humor, Orkin Pest Control, Roaches Humor, Video Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Insect Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marketing Humor | 3 Comments »
Friday, December 16th, 2011
This limerick was inspired by these two news stories:
1) Cable guy finds sleeping bear in NJ basement; and
2) Black bear hitched a ride in garbage truck to downtown Vancouver.
A Limerick To Bear In Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m not shocked that wild bears misbehave.
We’ve been stealing their homes as we pave.
So in cellars they hide
And in garbage trucks ride:
That’s called thinking outside of the cave.
Tags: Animal Verse, Basement, Bears Humor, Garbage Humor, House & Home, Nature Limerick, New Jersey, Wild Animals Poetry
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, November 20th, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was attempting to eat…
or
A gal was attempting to eat…
Here’s mine, which I hope doesn’t describe your Thanksgiving dinner:
Edible Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was attempting to eat
When he spotted a mouse near his seat.
So he smashed down his foot,
And the mouse went kaput,
As his kid cried, “You killed little Pete!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Children Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Mice Humor, Parenting Humor, Pets Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Thanksgiving, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Children Humor, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Relationship Humor | 72 Comments »
Monday, September 19th, 2011
A month or so ago, hubby Mark took a wonderful photo of a deer just a couple of feet from our deck in Putnam Valley, New York. I’ve finally written a companion limerick for that image:
Dear Deer
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear deer, you’re adorable, true.
But there’s one thing about you, I rue:
Your habit of munching
And supping and lunching
On fruit my hub’s hoping to chew.
(Photo by hubby Mark Kane)
Tags: Animal Images, Animal Verse, Deer, Deer Limerick, Mark Kane, New York, Outdoors Humor, Photos, Putnam Valley
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor | 11 Comments »
Thursday, August 18th, 2011
In late March I wrote some verse about our squirrel problem. More specifically, a squirrel that likes snoozing in my upstairs window sill under the AC.
As you can tell from my tanka and limerick, the brazen squirrel refused to be scared off. Sure, it would leave for a while. But just when I thought my squirrel was gone for good, there she was again in my window sill, kept outside only by a thin piece of plexiglass.
Well, guess who had babies:
Methinks it’s time for another squirrely limerick:
Squirrely Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A squirrel gave birth on my sill—
Near my window AC unit’s grill.
Each miniscule pup
(Five in all — two floors up)
Born an inch from my nose — chilling thrill.
Thanks to hubby Mark for snapping that photo.
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Air Conditioning Humor, Animal Verse, House & Home, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Squirrel Poem, Squirrel Reproduction, Vermin
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor | 16 Comments »
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
As I’ve mentioned before, I enjoy the challenge of writing acrostic limericks. But I found the latest acrostic limerick prompt from Acrostic Only to be tougher than usual. Here’s what I came up with:
One Headache of an Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Pleasant dreams are quite hard to secure
On nights when you have to endure
Unspeakable noise:
Next door neighbors with boys,
Deaf’ning dogs, and the parents on tour.
Tags: Acrostic Poems, Animals Poetry, Badly Behaved Children, Child Humor, Dogs Verse, Headaches Humor, Insomnia Verse, Noise Humor, Noisy Neighbors, Pets Verse, Sleep Poetry
Posted in Acrostic Limericks, Animal & Pet Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Children Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 25 Comments »
Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011
I’ll bet you didn’t know about this week’s most important holiday: Take Your Dog To Work Day. It’s celebrated each year on the first Friday after Father’s Day, so this year it falls on June 24th.
While I’m a big fan of Take Your Parents To Work Day, the thought of an office full of canines gives me pause.
But some people seem to like it, so I’ve written them a limerick:
Happy Take Your Dog To Work Day!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I thought bringing your canine to work
A superb way to look like a jerk.
But I’m wrong off the bat:
Take your dog (not your cat)
To your workplace — a holiday perk.
Tags: Animal Verse, Canine Humor, Career Poem, Dog Verse, June Holidays, Take Your Dog To Work Day, Workplace Poetry
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Workplace & Career Humor | 10 Comments »
Thursday, May 5th, 2011
I just found out that this week (May 1 through May 7) is National Pet Week. So I thought I’d celebrate with a canine limerick:
A Limerick About Nothing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who owned a pet dog
Took him out for a walk in the fog.
Soon the man and his hound
Were back home safe and sound,
Where he wrote up their walk on his blog.
UPDATE: Happy “Walking The Dog Day.” (February 22)
Tags: Animal Verse, Blogging Humor, Dog Humor, May Holidays, National Pet Week, Pet Limerick, Pet Owners, Walking Poetry, Walking The Dog Day
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Blogging Humor, Celebrations Poetry, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Outdoors Humor, Walking Humor | 8 Comments »
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
From time to time, sundry animals (squirrels, raccoons) find our New York City home alluring. While these incidents provide great fodder for poetry and prose, I could live without them. If only…
Our latest animal invasion involves a stubborn squirrel who has taken up residence in an upstairs window AC — the AC that cools my tiny writing-room. Consequently, Mrs. Squirrel (I fear it’s a she) has become a constant companion.
The good news is that our squirrel nuisance has given birth to two poems — a limerick and a tanka. Both poems were also inspired by Big Tent’s prompt to write about being scared of an animal. (I’m more annoyed than scared, but close enough.)
The limerick pretty much wrote itself, but the tanka was a bigger challenge. Why? Because I felt compelled to use the three words (loud, persuasive, riches) dictated by today’s Three Word Wednesday prompt.
First, my limerick:
Dear Squirrel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Squatter-squirrel, please scat — go away.
This is my house — no wildlife! Okay?
And stop building that nest
In my AC, you pest!
It isn’t a squirrel chalet.
And now my tanka:
Loud screams and clamor
unpersuasive to squirrel,
planting nest riches
under my window AC,
her womb, I fear, rich with life.
(Also posted at I Saw Sunday and Write A Letter Wednesday, which asks for letters to a pet. Once again … close enough.)
Author’s Note: You can find more of my animal humor here and my squirrel humor and verse here.
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Air Conditioning Humor, Animal Poetry, Animal Verse, Big Tent Poetry, House & Home, January Holidays, New York City Verse, Nuisances, Odd Holidays, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Tanka, Three Word Wednesday, Wildlife Humor, Window Poems
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Tanka | 31 Comments »
Monday, January 24th, 2011
Big Tent Poetry’s latest prompt asks us to dig up a photo portrait taken by someone else and write from the photographer’s point of view. Here’s the limerick I came up with:
Dogged Photographer
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh why won’t that doggie sit still?
My photo career’s gone downhill.
I should have said “no”
To that dog owner’s dough.
No more pet shots — I’ve been through the mill.
Tags: Animal Verse, Canine Humor, Dog Verse, Pet Limericks, Photography Humor, Poetry Prompt
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 18 Comments »
Monday, January 3rd, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
But before I get to this week’s Limerick-Off, I want to point you to my thank you Limerick Ode To My Limerick-Off Friends.
And now I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A cat-owner made a mistake…
Here’s mine. (It was inspired by a post-Christmas personal anecdote told by my pal Linda Ann Nickerson, who’s both a writer and an animal enthusiast.)
Kitty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cat-owner made a mistake,
While packing up stuff half-awake.
She bundled her cat
In her closet. The rat!
Cat in closet can cause quite a quake.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Tags: Animal Poetry, Cat Humor, Pet Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Chores Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 18 Comments »
Sunday, April 25th, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A wealthy old woman named Kate…
Here’s mine:
A Dog Of A Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A wealthy old woman named Kate
Left her dog an enormous estate.
Her children all stewed
Till they finally sued.
Who won? Well, each lawyer did great.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Tags: Children Humor, Dog Verse, Estate Limerick, Inheritance Humor, Lawyers, Litigation Humor, Money Poems, Parental Humor, Pet Owners, Poetry & Prompts, Wealth, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Poetry & Prompts | 26 Comments »
Sunday, March 28th, 2010
Are you a wine aficionado? A fan of pinot noir? Apparently baboons like pinot too, which is providing quite a challenge for South African vineyard owners and winemakers.
Largely undeterred by electric fences, hundreds of wild baboons in South Africa’s prized wine country are finding the vineyards of ripe, succulent grapes to be an “absolute bonanza,” said Justin O’Riain of the University of Cape Town.
Winemakers have resorted to using noisemakers and rubber snakes to try to drive the baboons off during harvest season.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Though South African wine can be fine,
There’s a threat to each grape growing vine.
Cuz baboons enjoy feeding
On grapes. Their fave eating
Is prized pinot noir — that’s the whine.
Tags: baboons, Pinot Noir, South Africa, Vineyards, Wine Grapes, Wine Humor, Winemakers
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on South African Pinot’s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons.
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with one of these two alternative first lines:
There once was a kitty named Brad…
or
There once was a fellow named Brad…
Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard five-line limerick is fine, of course.)
Catty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a kitty named Brad
Whose attraction to catnip was rad.
He would sniff it and eat it
And quickly deplete it.
Was kitty addicted? A tad.
When his owner had failed to buy more,
The kitty sneaked into a store
And ate all the herb,
But got caught at the curb
Sound asleep and beginning to snore.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Related Posts: First (And Last) Visit and Ode To Genetically Altered Cats
Tags: Addiction Poem, Cat Humor, Catnip Limerick, Cats Humor, Pet Store Humor, Pets Verse, Poetry Prompt, Writing Prompts
Posted in Addiction Humor, Animal & Pet Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 13 Comments »
Friday, October 24th, 2008
Today I’ve decided to have some homonym fun and I hope you will too. I’ve written two haiku about meat and a limerick using the word meet. First, my limerick:
Whenever I meet someone new,
I use memory tricks till I’m blue.
But it’s always the same —
I forget ev’ry name
Right away — hope they blank mine out too.
And now my two meat haiku (senryu):
Jews who keep kosher
Have anti-pig-meat bias:
“Don’t reform!” say pigs.
I can’t understand
Those who oppose beef-eating,
Except, perhaps, cows.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse using the homonyms meet and meat, or some other pair of homonyms if you prefer. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.
Update: I added a second haiku, after commenter Stan Ski correctly pointed out that my cow haiku was about meat, but didn’t include the word meat.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE 2: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your homonym verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Beef Eaters, Cow Poem, Food Verse, Homonym Poems, Jewish Humor, Keeping Kosher, Meat Humor, Meeting Humor, Memory Limerick, Memory Tricks, Pig Haiku, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Jewish Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Memory Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Religion Verse | 4 Comments »
Friday, June 13th, 2008
Today’s limerick, haiku, and senryu theme is furniture and furnishings. First, my limerick:
Quick Story
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Quick story,” my husband declares.
“It’s short — I’m not kidding,” he swears.
But I know that he’s wrong.
He’ll be witty, but long.
How I wish I could find us some chairs.
And now two haiku (senryu):
Dad climbs into bed.
His poodle growls in protest.
Their turf war begins.
Sixty-year-old chair,
still covered in plastic,
protected from life.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about furniture and furnishings. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: My poems were inspired by these three prompts: “being told a story,” “pets,” and “father / find.”)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your furniture and furnishings verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
UPDATE 2: World Storytelling Day falls on the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere.
Tags: Furnishings Humor, Furniture Verse, Husband Humor, March Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poodle Haiku, Short Story, Storytelling Day, Vernal Equinox, World Storytelling Day, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, House & Home Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 14 Comments »
