Archive for the ‘Animal & Pet Humor’ Category
Friday, May 2nd, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is dogs. First, my limerick:
Dear Puppy
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear puppy, how long will it be
Till you learn where it’s kosher to pee?
They said you were bright,
But there’s no end in sight
To your accidents. Please try a tree.
And now my dogs haiku:
She comes between us,
Foiling our would-be embrace.
Dogged chaperone.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about dogs. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your dog-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
UPDATE 2: Happy National Puppy Day! (March 23rd)
Tags: Dog Verse, March Holidays, National Puppy Day, Pet Poems, Puppy Love, Puppy Poetry, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
Ode To A Greedy Squirrel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A squirrel who wanted some food
Did something I’d call rather rude:
He squeezed into a cage,
Ate the bird feed — not sage.
Now his tummy’s too fat to extrude.
Note: This limerick is based on a British news story about a greedy squirrel that squeezed through the bars of a “squirrel-proof” bird feeder and “gorged on so many nuts it could not squeeze back out through the bars.” The squirrel remained trapped inside, until an RSPCA Inspector used a crow-bar and grasper to widen the gap between two of the bars.
(You can find more of my pet and animal humor here and you’ll find more animal related poetry here.)
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Animal Poetry, Animal Verse, Birds, Greed Humor, January Holidays, Nuisances, Odd Holidays, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Wildlife Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! And now that Thanksgiving’s over, have you finished shopping for holiday gifts yet? And braced yourself for your office Christmas party? And how’s that list of New Year’s resolutions coming?
Aren’t holidays fun?
But getting back to the world of poetry, Totally Optional Prompts has asked for animal poems. So here’s a very short one:
My parents’ poodle—
Their beloved pet,
The grandchild I denied them.
For a much lighter look at the same subject, here’s my humorous essay called A Poodle Tale.
Last, but not least, I’ve just start creating short humor videos starring — you guessed it — moi! So if you get a chance please check out My Family Needs Me on my other blog.
Tags: Holiday Verse, Pet Poems, Poodle Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Celebrations Poetry, Family & Relatives Humor, Holiday Humor, Seasons Humor | 10 Comments »
Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
First (And Last) Visit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze.
So I wish you had warned
That your house is adorned
With a half-hundred cats (Siamese).
Author’s Note: This limerick is based on personal experience. Many years ago, a composer asked my chamber ensemble to rehearse at her home, so she could record a work of hers that we were getting ready to debut. I’d barely taken my oboe out of its case, when I started having trouble breathing. My attack got very bad, very quickly, and I was forced to leave without rehearsing.
I later learned that our host’s hobby was breeding cats, and that her house was packed with them. Since I’m very allergic to cats, this would have been a good thing to have been warned about.
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and more of my health humor here.
UPDATE: Happy National Cat Day! (October 29th)
Tags: Allergy Humor, Allergy Limerick, Cat Humor, Cat Limerick, Cats Humor, Chamber Music Rehearsals, Feline Verse, Health & Medical Humor, National Cat Day, October Holidays, Odd Holidays
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays | 18 Comments »
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that “zebrafish – a common aquarium pet – can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.”
That calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Fishing for Company
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do.
Troubling thoughts seem to come, right on cue.
But my iPod distracts me
With news that attracts me:
“Sometimes fish get insomnia too.”
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and my health humor here.)
Tags: Animals, Fish Humor, Insomnia Humor, iPod, Scientific Research, Sleeplessness, Zebrafish Limerick
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Science Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 4 Comments »
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
These two horse-related poems were loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt:
First, a limerick:
A Horse of A Different Color
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness.
But there’s only one horse
Race I’ll bet on—the course
To the White House—a sign of my geekness?
And now, a haiku about New York City:
Trumpeting cars horns.
Clip-clopping carriage horses.
Central Park Sunday.
(You can find more of my horse humor here.)
Tags: Belmont Stakes, Central Park, Horse Humor, Horse Racing, New York, Political Horse Race, Preakness Stakes, Triple Crown
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Queens Verse & Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | 17 Comments »
Sunday, July 15th, 2007
May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your schnauzer in love with your collie?
Jolly England can help you, by golly:
Canine weddings—dog marriage
I’d never disparage.
But prenups? Now that would be folly.
Fine Feathers, a farm in the Staffordshire Moorlands, is offering pet “weddings” for people who want their dog, cat, or farm animal to marry its mate. I found this gem of an oddball story in the weird news feeds, which are regularly updated on my offbeat news page.
(You can find more of my dog and animal related poems and humor here and my marriage humour here.)
NOTE ABOUT THE UPDATE: I decided I didn’t like the last line of my limerick and have replaced it with a new one. (The old one was “But please don’t let ferns marry holly.”)
Tags: Animal Verse, Animal Weddings, Canine Poems, Collie, Dog Humor, Jolly England, Pet Limericks, Pet Marriage, Schnauzer
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Social Satire | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
Cashing In With “Doggie da Vincis” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dog trainer needed some cash,
So she dreamed up a plan—made a splash:
Teaching dogs how to paint
Abstract art. Great they ain’t,
Though their pictures make mine look like trash.
According to a June 2007 AP news story, Mary Stadelbacher, a dog trainer from Salisbury, Maryland, taught three dogs how to hold a paint brush and paint abstract art. The “doggie da Vincis” are being featured in a Salisbury University art gallery and also have a line of greeting cards.
I must admit to being conflicted about this story. On the one hand, it strikes me as utterly absurd and makes me feel bad for artists who paint actual art. On the other hand, those dogs sure as hell paint a lot better than I can.
(You can find more of my dog and animal related verse and humor here and my money humor here.)
Tags: Abstract Art Satire, Animal Training, Canine Poems, Dog Painters, Dog Trainers, Doggie da Vincis, Dogs Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Art Humor / Verse, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Social Satire, Weird News Snark | 9 Comments »
Monday, June 18th, 2007
A Lamb On The Lam (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A lamb on the lam in the City
Of New York, which most clearly has pity:
The lamb escapee
Said, “You ain’t eating me!”
He was pardoned, and so ends this ditty.
I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. Animal lovers will be glad to know that instead of being returned to the market, it was delivered to an animal sanctuary.
(You can find more of my animal humor and verse here and more of my food humor and poetry here.)
Tags: Animal Limerick, Animal Lovers, Food Limerick, Lamb, New York City Limerick, Pardon Limerick, Police Limerick, Sheep, The Bronx
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Weird News Snark | 2 Comments »
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
I love animals, so I can understand why pet owners sometimes get a bit carried away. But this takes the kibble:
Yoga for What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There is yoga for doggies, I swear—
Caught a canine-filled class on the air;
Watched the owners and pets
Stretch and pose in their sweats—
Cosmic moolah they must have to spare.
UPDATE: Happy “International Yoga Day!” (June 21)
UPDATE 2: I finally have proof that I didn’t make dog yoga (doga) up.
Tags: Canine Humor, Canine Yoga, Dog Humor, Dog Owners, Dog Yoga, Doga, International Day of Yoga, International Yoga Day, June Holidays, Pet Owners, World Yoga Day
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, New Age Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Social Satire | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Wanna ride?” says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course.
I am tired, it’s true,
But my joints do not rue
My refusal. He’s riding a horse.
(True story: A New York City cop on horseback offered me a ride after I complimented him on his beautiful (and gigantic) horse. Though tempted for roughly a nano-second, I took pity on my back and said a cowardly “no thanks.”)
Tags: Animal Verse, Cop Limerick, Horse Humor, Horseback Riding, New York City Cops, Police Force Poem, Policeman Verse, Queens New York Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Queens Verse & Humor | 16 Comments »
Friday, April 13th, 2007
A Doggone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
“You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite.
It’s adorable, true,
But dogs nip, bark, and chew,
And your Daddy will cower in fright.”
UPDATE: Happy National Puppy Day! (March 23rd)
Tags: Animal Satire, Child Humor, Family Fun, March Holidays, National Puppy Day, Odd Holidays, Parental Humor, Pet Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor | 2 Comments »
Monday, March 5th, 2007
Dog Days Of Roofing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our roofers must enter your yard,
But their access is blocked by your guard—
That gargantuan Doberman,
Feared by most sober men—
And boozing pre-roofing is barred.
Tags: Animal Satire, Booze Humor, Canine Humor, Construction Humor, Contractors Humor, Dog Humor, Home Repair Humor, House Repairs, Pets Verse, Roofing Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, House & Home Humor, Real Estate Humor | Comments Off on Dog Days Of Roofing
Friday, February 16th, 2007
Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm:
The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice!
Tags: Home, House, Ice, Marriage, Seasons, Snow, Snow Poetry, Storm, Weather Humor, Winter
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Computer Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, House & Home Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | Comments Off on The Up Side Of Winter
Monday, January 15th, 2007
Marriage Catch
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Said the fellow, “I need some advice.
Tell me how I can catch me some mice,
Cause my wife saw some lurk
By the fridge—went berserk!
Till I catch ’em, my sex life’s on ice.”
(My marriage humor is collected here.)
Tags: Marriage Humor, Mice Humor, Sex Humor, Vermin Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 11 Comments »
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
Appearances Count (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Her appearance took all by surprise,
For her hair had succumbed to some dyes.
Her lush tresses, once red,
Were now turquoise instead.
Say goodbye to that Westminster prize!
(For those who aren’t familiar with the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, it’s a prestigious international dog show and competition, held annually at Madison Square Garden in New York City. It dates all the way back to 1877.)
(My pet and animal humor is here.)
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Canine Humor, Dog Humor, Madison Square Garden, Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Appearances Count
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.
Tags: Beef, Butcher, Criminals, Food Verse, Law Humor, Meat, Theft
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
Ode To Autumn
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The most colorful season of all
Is autumn, which many call fall.
It’s the time when leaves die
In a feast for the eye,
And fat turkeys await their last call.
Tags: Holidays, Leaf Peakers, Northeast Travel, November Holidays, Seasonal Verse, Thanksgiving, Turkey Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Outdoors Humor | 4 Comments »
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal.
Like most people, I prefer my squirrels outdoors. So I wasn’t exactly pleased when a squirrel decided to invade my turf. One morning last winter, when I was barely awake and shuffling down our basement stairs, something with a bushy tail flashed past me, mere inches from my toes. So I ask you, what’s a feminist to do? Yell hysterically? Scream for help? Well, … yes. I also scrambled up the steps, slammed the door, and told myself the squirrel would find its own way out.
For the next few hours I wondered what my squirrel was up to. I even tried to talk myself into marching downstairs and facing him down. Or creeping downstairs and checking things out. Or opening the cellar door just a crack, peering down the steps, and shutting the door fast before the squirrel became suspicious.
What kind of feminist was I, I asked myself, as I paced a floor above the intruder. Surely Gloria Steinem would stand her ground against a tiny rodent. Thank goodness I wasn’t famous enough to be a Rush Limbaugh target. “Femi-Nazi hypocritical wimp Madeleine Begun Kane is ascared of a wee little squirrel,” he’d surely say if he knew I existed. … (A Squirrely Lesson is continued here.)
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Basement, Cellar, Exterminators, Femi-Nazi Humor, Feminism Humor, Home Ownership, Husband Wife Humor, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Rush Limbaugh, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Trapping Animals
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, House & Home Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor | 15 Comments »
