Posts Tagged ‘Basement’

A Limerick To Bear In Mind

Friday, December 16th, 2011

This limerick was inspired by these two news stories:

1) Cable guy finds sleeping bear in NJ basement; and
2) Black bear hitched a ride in garbage truck to downtown Vancouver.

A Limerick To Bear In Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m not shocked that wild bears misbehave.
We’ve been stealing their homes as we pave.
So in cellars they hide
And in garbage trucks ride:
That’s called thinking outside of the cave.

A Squirrely Lesson

Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal.

Like most people, I prefer my squirrels outdoors. So I wasn’t exactly pleased when a squirrel decided to invade my turf. One morning last winter, when I was barely awake and shuffling down our basement stairs, something with a bushy tail flashed past me, mere inches from my toes. So I ask you, what’s a feminist to do? Yell hysterically? Scream for help? Well, … yes. I also scrambled up the steps, slammed the door, and told myself the squirrel would find its own way out.

For the next few hours I wondered what my squirrel was up to. I even tried to talk myself into marching downstairs and facing him down. Or creeping downstairs and checking things out. Or opening the cellar door just a crack, peering down the steps, and shutting the door fast before the squirrel became suspicious.

What kind of feminist was I, I asked myself, as I paced a floor above the intruder. Surely Gloria Steinem would stand her ground against a tiny rodent. Thank goodness I wasn’t famous enough to be a Rush Limbaugh target. “Femi-Nazi hypocritical wimp Madeleine Begun Kane is ascared of a wee little squirrel,” he’d surely say if he knew I existed. … (A Squirrely Lesson is continued here.)

UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!

UPDATE: How To Get Rid Of Squirrels