Unpersuasive Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who tried to persuade…*

or

A fellow who tried to persuade…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Unpersuasive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who tried to persuade
A banker to come to her aid
Got no help with a loan—
Not so much as a bone.
No bucks for her horse bus’ness. Nayed!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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112 Responses to “Unpersuasive Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Michael Grove says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    his wife to employ a French maid,
    was truly a louse,
    wound up in the dog house,
    and in need of plenty of first aid.

    by Michael Grove

  2. A fellow had tried to persuade
    His girlfriend to let him get laid,
    But his kinky sex game
    She found totally lame,
    Now his ecstasy must be hand-made.

  3. brian miller says:

    nayed…haha, i like that..smiles…

    a man who tried to persuade
    a woman he needed to paid
    for services rendered
    no money was tendered
    and his pride was certainly slayed

  4. kaykuala says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    A charming lady who had it made
    That he’s God’s gift
    But hard to believe
    Quick exit he did and to just fade

    Hank

  5. Rich D says:

    a young lass who tried to persuade
    her lit prof to enhance her grade
    waited after to class
    to offer her ass
    but didn’t expect the parade

  6. A fellow who tried to persuade
    Me to sample the cookies he made
    Didn’t realize gluten
    Makes me to start tootin’.
    I’m celiac. Wheat’s a grenade.

  7. Veralynne says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    His date that he had to get laid
    Found he’d run out of luck
    And that casual f**k
    Would, once again (damn!) be delayed.

  8. A fellow who tried to persuade
    Me to guess at how much his wife weighed
    Didn’t mention that she
    Was right there behind me.
    I got smacked. Guessed too high, I’m afraid.

  9. Patrick McKeon says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her husband to quit his tirade
    Found while words wouldn’t work
    On the thick headed jerk
    A pan let her point be conveyed

  10. Bob Kennedy says:

    A husband once tried to persuade
    His much-younger wife a three-way’d
    Be exactly the thing!
    MFF, ba da bing!
    They’re both single now, so… Well played!

  11. A woman who tried to persuade
    Her fiancé to buy her a suede,
    Was surprised, “Listen, Rita!
    “I’m a member of PETA!
    “You’ll be very dismayed, I’m afraid!”

  12. Diane Groothuis says:

    A preacher tried to persuade
    His flock that they should remain staid
    If you keep your legs crossed
    Your soul won’t be lost
    Or your journey to Heaven delayed.

  13. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    A reluctant but very shrewd maid
    Could only divest her
    As an angel investor
    In her start-up. To wit: the guy paid.

  14. Bobby Chandran says:

    GWB’s real stratergery

    George W. Bush tried to persuade
    Claiming he was on a crusade
    You and I well know
    He was after the dough
    From Iraq’s superior grade

  15. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young girl who tried to persuade
    Her boyfriend to buy her some jade
    Said “Don’t be so mean
    You know I love green
    And I’ll uphold ‘ that promise’ I made”

  16. Amydot says:

    A woman who tried to persuade,
    Would argue a spade wern’t a spade,
    That black was white,
    And she’s always right,
    They believed the lies that she made.

    The woman who tried to persuade,
    Often she lied about age,
    Told a man she was 20,
    And incredibly wealthy,
    But she’s 60 in 32 days.

  17. Bobby Chandran says:

    About a persuasive Priest

    A suave pastor would persuade
    Girls who said they had strayed
    Saying their souls he’d cleanse
    Holy water would dispense
    As daily he would get laid

  18. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    His date to dress as a maid,
    Complete with a duster,
    She said “No Way Buster!”,
    And no, he didn’t get laid.

  19. Mark Kane says:

    This one was inspired by a “New Yorker Cartoon”:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    His “Intern” to work for no pay,
    But she threw a loud fit,
    And quickly just quit,
    Shouting what do you think me, a “Slave?”

    New Yorker Cartoon

  20. Jim Delaney says:

    A fellow once tried to persuade
    His wife that his train was delayed,
    But his place on the map
    (From his GPS app)
    Gave the lie to his shabby charade.

  21. Linda Fuller says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her cat to go under the blade
    Got scratched on her nethers
    Although she wore leathers.
    Her pussy continues unspayed.

  22. Linda Fuller says:

    Oodles of good words this round!

  23. Linda Fuller says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    His sweetie to marry him, paid
    An exorbitant sum
    To an out-of-work bum
    To sing her a sweet serenade.

  24. Linda Fuller says:

    A woman once tried to persuade
    Her suitor to drink lemonade
    Spiked with ethylene glycol
    In hopes he would die; stal-
    wart gal wished to be an old maid.

  25. Veralynne says:

    A gal who had tried to persuade
    Her guy to take “a walk” in the glade
    Was ready to pop him,
    Thought nothing would stop him,
    But he stayed staid in the glade for the maid!

  26. Veralynne says:

    A woman once tried to persuade
    Him not to ticket the error she’d made
    But the cop wouldn’t budge
    He said, “Tell it to the judge”
    T’was then she knew her “charms” did fade.

  27. Cara Holman says:

    A woman who tried tried to persuade
    Folks to buy her homemade lemonade
    Could not understand
    The lack of demand–
    She forgotten sugar, I’m afraid!

  28. De Jackson says:

    Lashing Out – a Limerick

    A woman who tried to persuade
    by batting fringed eyes made of jade
    got nowhere with blinking
    so now she’s left thinking
    of lashing her tongue, hope unswayed.

  29. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    With a metaphor aimed to persuade
    That their missiles were “smart” when they strayed,
    The generals said:
    “The fish, though not dead,
    Cannot swim in the desert we’ve made.”

  30. Rachel says:

    Ha! loved your last line and the Celiac limerick above. :)

    Here’s mine:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    her taste buds not to feel betrayed,
    said, “Rocks taste earthy
    and crispy crunchy.
    They’re the best free snack nature made!”

    (As always, visit my blog for the link to the news that inspired this rhyme.)

    :o)

  31. Rich D says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    another to buy Escalade
    Too look like a pimp
    You know you can’t skimp
    Smart cars don’t make the charade

  32. Diane Groothuis says:

    A teacher who tried to persuade
    A student to improve her grade
    said “If no-one objects
    We’ll start off with sex
    I hope you won’t be too dismayed”.

  33. Rich D says:

    A charlatan tried to persuade
    his viewers that he should be paid
    He preached about God,
    which some folks found odd
    when off-air he diddled the maid.

  34. adeife adebiyi says:

    A lady who tried to persuade
    Her boyfriend to pay for her newly done braids
    Got a shocker
    Pinned to her locker
    ‘thanks to the price.. i’m going to hang myself by night fade’

  35. adeife adebiyi says:

    A man who tried to persuade
    His lazy wife to get a maid
    returning home
    to find a pretty lady on the foam
    oh my God .. he exclaimed
    His ex girlfriend has been hired to be paid

  36. Mark Kane says:

    A woman tried hard to persuade
    Her husband right after they played:
    “Can you go for a second?”
    “I don’t think so”, he reckoned,
    Without lots of hand to mouth aid.

  37. Mark Kane says:

    A brother tried hard to persuade
    His frat house to go on a raid,
    For sheer souvenirs,
    Like real Buccaneers,
    Once naughty this now seems so staid.

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lecher tried to persuade
    A lady to come to his aid
    He fondled her titty
    But oh what a pity
    He could not come up to the grade.

  39. A fellow who tried to persuade
    Into a rumpled bed a young maid
    Received a short no
    From a face all aglow
    Fresh sheets might have helped him g’laid

  40. A fellow who tried to persuade
    His gal on a carnival scale to be weighed
    Was slapped hard instead
    About the air and his head
    Ne’re again a suggestion in public he made

  41. A woman who tried to persuade
    Her husband that this guy named Slade
    Was just friend
    Well did not end
    Facing a check memoed SERVICES PAID

  42. John Larkin says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    his friend to not be afraid,
    said, “You’ll be okay,
    for there’ll come a day
    when even you will finally get laid.”

  43. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    me to vote for him sure must have paid
    lots of bucks for his ad,
    but it just made me mad,
    and I chose to ignore his tirade.

  44. Fred says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    himself yellow wasn’t a shade
    drew many laughs on cue
    from all the many hues
    when a lemon did sour his day

  45. Diane Groothuis says:

    A violinist tried to persuade
    Us to listen to his serenade
    But I said to him Hubert
    That is nothing like Schubert
    Then I just blocked my ears and I prayed.

  46. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gossip has tried to persuade
    That her rumors are never relayed
    But everyone knows
    That the storyline flows
    Wherever attention is paid.

  47. Thanks for visiting my blog and the comment. :)

  48. An actress who tried to persuade
    While naked, reclining and splayed,
    Was less than impressed,
    When told to get dressed
    As the director was gay and not swayed.

  49. A fellow who tried to persuade
    A buxom lady to meet in a glade,
    Lost all of his desire
    When she shed her attire
    And showed she was all masquerade.

  50. scott says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade,
    his wife to lie back while he played,
    like a pirate and plunder,
    her treasures down under,
    was stopped by a Navel blockade.

  51. A woman who tried to persuade
    her husband to go on parade
    for community’s right
    dressed in naught but blue tights
    had her feelings grossly betrayed.

  52. Bobby Chandran says:

    On G8 Summit at Camp David

    G8 leaders gather to persuade
    Greeks must be in Euro trade
    Looks like there is no remedy
    To this Greek tragedy
    As Euro’s value begins to fade

  53. Craig says:

    The drill sergeant tried to persuade
    His young private that haste should be made.
    “I don’t mean to shout,
    But I need to point out
    That’s the pin you threw, not the grenade!”

  54. Craig says:

    Inspired by Jane Shelton Hoffman’s limerick over on Facebook:

    A freshman had tried to persuade
    His buds to a night panty raid.
    But his friends said “No way,
    This is UCLA
    They don’t wear ‘em ‘round here, I’m afraid.

  55. kez says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    The population to drink lemonade
    Got into a terrible muddle
    For each time she spoke it produced a bubble
    To pop out in a musical serenade,

  56. Craig says:

    Her husband had tried to persuade
    Her to give up her marital aid.
    Though she feels like a traitor
    She loves her vibrator
    ‘Cause her orgasm’s rarely man-made.

  57. Craig says:

    Her boyfriend had tried to persuade
    Her to not wear the garment she’d made:
    “The looseness of weave
    Makes me truly believe
    That those pants put the ‘crotch’ in crotcheted!”

  58. Diane Groothuis says:

    A card-player tried to persuade
    He was sick of the game being played
    “Show me your Aces”
    But the look on their faces
    Only showed that their tempers were frayed.

  59. Craig says:

    So I found a girl I could persuade
    To try on the bikini I made
    It’s quite easy to spot her
    (It dissolved in the water)
    Now her assets are fully displayed.

  60. Craig says:

    There’s an adage that tries to persuade
    That life’s lemons should yield lemonade.
    Here’s an alternate take:
    With your lemons go make
    Margaritas and try to get laid.

  61. RJ Clarken says:

    A husband who tried to persuade
    his wife to not be quite so staid
    was surprised when he found
    she did not stick around.
    He grumbled, “Good God! I’ve been played.”

  62. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    her son to avoid the arcade,
    said, “A major-league flaw
    is the case with ‘the claw’
    so you’ll lose all the cash that you’ve paid.”

  63. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    some agreement for tariffs and trade
    found his efforts were zilch
    since each side wished to filch
    all the profits the other had made.

  64. RJ Clarken says:

    A singer who tried to persuade
    a critic to give accolade
    to her voice, found a way
    to his heart, ‘though risqué …
    she performed a one-off serenade.

  65. A fellow who tried to persuade
    The girls that his locks hadn’t greyed
    Mixed some bleach with shampoo,
    Then found (when he came to)
    His shoes AND his hair were blue suede.

  66. Tom Hale says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    A middle-aged gal was afraid
    He’d find when once bedded
    His pencil unleaded
    But happy news: he made the grayed

  67. scott says:

    A hooker who tried to persuade,
    a numismatist who’d underpaid,
    for her services got,
    more coins in her slot,
    than a game at the local arcade.

  68. Granny Smith says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Bill collectors that bills had been paid
    Sailed off on a cruise
    Where they found out her ruse
    So de-shipped her and left her to wade.

  69. You have such consistency and staying power with your verse form of choice – bravo!

  70. Diane Groothuis says:

    A mermaid who tried to persuade
    That nobody need be afraid
    My assets aren’t weeny
    I need no bikini
    But HOW DOES a mermaid get laid?

  71. Linda Fuller says:

    A predator tried to persuade
    the animals on which he preyed
    that he wasn’t so bad
    just hungry and sad
    and sorry for each one he slayed.

    (slew?)

  72. Sally Franz says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    A Gator from the county of Dade
    to hop in his car
    did not get far
    Seems the Gator did not need his aide.

  73. Good one! Thanks for making me smile.

  74. Daniel Ari says:

    Both parties were trying to persuade
    the public about who had paid
    more into the debt–
    they’re arguing yet!
    Could there be another downgrade?

  75. Rich D says:

    A young man who tried to persuade
    his friends that he wasn’t smashayed
    but then came the sign
    which changed to opine
    how Debbie’s piano was played.

  76. Rich D says:

    A young gal done tried to persuade
    her mama she hadn’t been laid
    she said that the doc
    had just used his cock
    cus his stethoscope was playin’ daid!

  77. smiles…it’s too early for me to get my brain started on a limerick…but reading through some of the entries brought me a well needed smile…so thank you..

  78. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scottish man tried to persuade
    He was wearing clothes under his plaid
    But he had no excuse
    For wearing no trews
    When the wind blew and all was displayed.

  79. An octopus tried to persuade
    A set of bagpipes to get laid;
    But she left his face smartin’
    With a “Hands off the tartan!”
    And marched off while ‘Scots Wha Hae’ played.

  80. A lawyer who tried to persuade
    A jury that big Jock MacDaid
    Had been tossing the caber
    When he pole-axed his neighbour,
    Said, “Just one of those flings, I’m afraid.”

  81. Daniel Ari says:

    A husband was trying to persuade
    his wife that he had to get laid
    “More often than twice
    a year would be nice,
    and that’s why I’ve hired a maid.”

  82. Diane Groothuis says:

    A caber tosser tried to persuade
    He was better than big Jock MacDaid
    Although it is risky
    When you’ve had too much whiskey
    It was only the cat that got spayed.

  83. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    Some delights from a luscious young maid
    Found the size of his flivvery
    Impeding delivery
    And driving delighting delayed.

  84. brian miller says:

    already in on this one
    so just dropoing by to say hey
    on the OLN trail.

  85. Nayed! Ha ha ha this seriously made me smile. The world needs more poems like this….such good humour AND well executed

  86. Bodhirose says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her man to put her hair up in braids
    Was sorry she asked
    With the tangles amassed
    And spent the rest of the day in a tirade!

    Hi Madeleine!
    Gayle ~

  87. Linda Fuller says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    Me to purchase the slop he purveyed
    Is now doing time
    In a vat of pink slime
    And feeling extremely dismayed.

  88. A lawyer who tried to persuade
    a juror to hold a buck paid
    was fast on the rim
    of the law’s amunim
    and now is locked up and quite staid.

    Hi Madeleine!

  89. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    A Colombian girl to get laid
    Got this answer: “Dear Agent,
    I’ll do what you say, gent,
    Provided I’m properly paid.”

  90. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    His new girl to disrobe and get laid
    Heard her say, “Up you climb,
    But, my dear, take your time.
    I’m far more than a one minute maid.”

  91. Linda Fuller says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her gelding to trot through a glade
    Was thrown for a loop
    When she landed in poop
    And her horse laughed (well, actually, neighed).

  92. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    OK, let’s try a clean one, just for a change of pace…

    A woman tried hard to persuade
    That as Veep she could well make the grade,
    But we soon learned that Sarah
    Had views way too narra’
    And nary a brain in her haid. (You betcha.)

  93. A porcupine tried to persuade
    An old scrubbing brush to get laid;
    Quizzed she, “Got myopia?
    Or just want me to soap ya?”
    Which startled our porc, but he stayed …

    … to try, try again to persuade,
    Until, with a shrug, she OK’d;
    “Though I fear disappointment,”
    She sighed, “So bring ointment,
    In case more than your temper gets frayed.”

  94. MrsSmeej says:

    An athlete who tried to persuade
    His agent to find him a trade,
    Was told he should wait
    Because, as of late,
    The League thought he’d been overpaid.

    and;

    An agent once had to persuade
    A model to find a new trade
    Said he; “Not a chance
    “Because, at a glance,
    “It’s clear that you’ve wrinkled and grayed.”

  95. Diane Groothuis says:

    A husband tried to persuade
    A knife with a very sharp blade
    To do nips and tucks
    And save a few bucks
    So his wife could come out of the shade.

  96. scott says:

    An old man who tried to persuade,
    some sex from a very old maid,
    laid back on his bed,
    and she gave him some bread.
    It seems she needs a hearing aid.

  97. Patti says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her hubby to get her a maid
    Got a new mop instead.
    Then he kissed her and said,
    “Just don’t think you gonna be paid.”

    Now, our guy wasn’t out of his mind.
    A better wife he never would find.
    So when she gave him “the look,”
    He took out his checkbook
    Before she could mop his behind.

  98. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade
    A woman into getting laid
    Had no luck
    With the puck
    As she whacked it between his shoulder blade

  99. A woman who tried to persuade
    The tax man she’d already paid,
    Got more than distressed
    When he bluntly confessed
    His job was to get all that she made.

  100. A fellow who tried to persuade
    His doctor to come to his aid,
    Was quite overwrought
    When the help that he got
    Didn’t work, tho’ he paid and paid.

  101. Sara McNulty says:

    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her husband to drink lemonade
    Had spiked it with arsenic
    to take on a picnic
    But a boy scout came to his aid.
    ——————————

    A man who tried to persuade
    His ex-wife to come to his aid
    Was met with a fist
    Where’s the payments you missed?
    Her punch assured he’d never get laid.
    ————————————
    A woman who tried to persuade
    Her doctor, she’d started to fade
    Was told, I can see you
    Which make your fear untrue
    Said she, but my spouse sees only the maid.
    ———————————–
    A man who tried to persuade
    His girlfriend to think of a name
    For the part he loved best
    On his body (not chest!)
    Was appalled when she said, how `bout Les?

  102. Granny Smith says:

    I would like to try to persuade
    My friends of the limerick brigade
    That I’m tired at times
    Of such over-used rhymes
    As “panty-raid”, “made”, and “get laid”!

  103. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow once tried to persuade
    His professor to raise his low grade,
    But said she, “It’s a sin,
    The few things you turned in
    Are material of which fools are made!”

  104. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who tried to persuade,
    A hottie away from the glade,
    With “Let’s hide from the sun,
    And enjoy naughty fun”,
    Very soon had her “Made in the Shade”.

  105. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scot who has tried to persuade
    That we’ve seen the end of McDaid
    Has omitted to mention
    Thru lack of attention
    They buried his brother in-staid.

  106. Diane Groothuis says:

    A bill collector tried to persuade
    That woman whose bills were not paid
    To consider in future
    Having a suture
    On her purse so that spending’s delayed.

  107. Two ham actors tried to persuade
    How “Gone With the Wind” should be played;
    But the audience jeered
    When he “Frankly, my dear” ‘d
    And she “Tomorrow’s another day” ‘d.

  108. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young cop tried to persuade
    His colleagues to set up a raid
    On a house down the street
    Where the ladies are sweet
    But indulge in a very old trade.

  109. Stephen Earp says:

    A woman who failed to persuade
    Her husband to sit in the shade
    When killed by the weather
    His skin turned to leather
    A jacket and handbag she made.

  110. Linda Fuller says:

    A fellow once tried to persuade
    Mr. Fly not to be so afraid
    Of the mantis who clasped it,
    Who squeezed it and grasped it,
    So Fly prayed, but the mantis still preyed.

  111. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your many delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over.

    And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, The Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 63.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Wedded Limerick.