Just in time for National Cat Day (Oct 29):
Dear cat, you can’t dupe me with purr-bull,
And you don’t deserve anything herbal.
No treats and no pity,
Felonious kitty!
I’ve proof that you’ve eaten my gerbil.
Archive for the ‘Animal & Pet Humor’ Category
The Felonious Feline (Limerick)
Thursday, October 29th, 2015Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, October 24th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Said a sandal-clad man on the road
To his newly bought country abode,
“Though I don’t mean to quibble,
I just felt a nibble.
Could my toes have encountered a toad?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Stop Badgering Me! (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 6th, 2015You can stop badgering me: I’ve written a National Badger Day limerick.
Though I don’t mean to badger or nag,
Your attention has started to lag
When it comes to my craze
For animal days.
My proof? Where’s your “Badger Day” flag?
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHOW or CIAO at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Sunday, September 27th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either CHOW or CIAO at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman said “Ciao!” to her chow
When she heard it emit a meow.
She was vexed and upset;
Though her vet swore her pet,
Was a canine, that gal had a cow.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Ducking Controversy
Tuesday, September 15th, 2015“Sex with a duck” is bound to come up when the Limerick-Off rhyme word is “duck.” But I certainly didn’t expect a Facebook limerick argument over duck sex and animal rights.
Here was my light-hearted response to the dueling limerick writers:
I think sex with a duck would be foolish,
While sex with foie gras would be ghoulish.
With your species, please stick.
All else would be sick.
I’m strict about that, even mulish.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DUCK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, September 12th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using DUCK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An underpaid man liked to duck
Out of work, buck his boss, run amok.
He’d go hunting for game–
Any bird you could name–
Though his favorite target was buck.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Researchers Belabor The Obvious (Limerick)
Tuesday, September 8th, 2015Some facts are self-evident, including the results of this study of cats.
Researchers Belabor The Obvious (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Does a cat miss its owner and pout?
Just in case you were feeling some doubt,
Felines ain’t like a hound,
A study has found.
It took science to figure this out?
For National Dog Day, A 2-Verse Acrostic Limerick
Wednesday, August 26th, 2015For National Dog Day, a 2-Verse Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Canine friends are my subject today,
And I love to watch dogs on display,
Never letting you down.
I can’t see why you’d frown
Near a puppy that just wants to play.
Ev’ry pooch needs a human to love.
(People swear they’re a gift from above.)
Always loyal and sweet–
Lets you know: “Time to eat!”
So line up to adopt and don’t shove.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VET at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, April 18th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “VET” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
On a trip with his dog to the vet,
A fellow attempted to pet
A fish-lover’s guppy.
“That isn’t a puppy,”
Yelled the vet, who was doggone upset.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Use Your Noodles, Guys! (Limerick)
Thursday, April 2nd, 2015Use Your Noodles, Guys! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow with oodles of cash
Met a slut at a dog-lovers bash.
She’d borrowed a poodle.
Her target? His boodle.
Their canoodling was pricey and rash.
Staten Island Chuck the Groundhog Lives (Limerick)
Monday, February 2nd, 2015There’s been a Groundhog Day rules change at the Staten Island Zoo, in the wake of last year’s groundhog death at the klutzy hands of Mayor Bill de Blasio:
Staten Island Chuck the Groundhog Lives (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Seems the zoos of New York had their fill
Of Mayor-caused Groundhog Day-kill.
Last year’s groundhog is dead,
So “no holding,” they said.
“We are Chucking your touching rights, Bill.”
Verse for the Birds (Limerick and Quatrain)
Monday, January 5th, 2015Happy “National Bird Day!”
A birder who’d frequently swear
His toupée was in fact his real hair,
Was caught by a gust,
And his toupe, not just mussed,
Flew the coop, leaving pate rather bare.
*****
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” —
People tell me that all of the time.
Such axioms give me a pain in the tush.
Were I queen, I would make them a crime.
Limerick Ode to the Horse
Saturday, December 13th, 2014Happy “National Day of the Horse.”
Till I’m hoarse, I of course shall endorse
The “National Day of the Horse.”
On the racecourse or farm
Or police force, what charm!
(It had better not be your main course.)
Limerick Grub (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, November 1st, 2014It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was grabbing some grub…*
or
A fellow would frequently grub…*
or
A scientist studied a grub…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Grub
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cabby was grabbing some grub
At a bar in a neighboring hub,
When he noticed his eggs
Appeared to have legs.
From now on, he’ll steer clear of this pub.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Python Massage? What Kind Of Snake Oil Are They Selling? (Limerick)
Thursday, October 9th, 2014Python Massage? What Kind Of Snake Oil Are They Selling? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A python massage? Thanks, but no!
It’s relaxing, you claim? I say whoa!
If it’s torture I’m after
(Now please hold your laughter)
Then off to the gym I shall go.
If you want a complimentary python massage, all you have to do is visit the Philippines Zoo.
We Don’t Have A Dog’s Chance Of Dancing Like That (Limerick)
Tuesday, September 16th, 2014This “dog dancing the Merengue video” is so good, Mark and I may never try to Latin-dance again.
At Merengue we aren’t too swift.
Latin dancing? We haven’t the gift.
Any skill we once had
Went from middling to bad.
Yes it’s gone to the dogs, and I’m miffed.
Fleeing Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, September 6th, 2014It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was tempted to flee…*
or
A dog owner spotted a flea…*
or
A man who would not hurt a flea…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Fleeing Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was tempted to flee
While enjoying a sexual spree,
Cuz an absence of tact
Interfered with the “act”–
He distinctly heard someone’s “Tee-hee!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Elephant Dung Coffee Beans? I’ll Pass! (Limerick)
Thursday, August 21st, 2014Elephant Dung Coffee Beans? I’ll Pass! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This brew concept’s hard to digest.
It’s a crappy plan — far from the best:
Amp up elephant mash
With coffee beans. Rash?
Grab a stool and retrieve. Have a fest!
*****
Yes, Canadian entrepreneur Blake Dinkin produces Black Ivory Coffee in Thailand’s “Golden Triangle” via elephant dung. Of course his website describes it rather more genteelly as “Naturally refined by elephants and made from 100% Thai Arabica coffee beans.”
*****
I previously wrote about Chinese panda-dung giftware on my other blog.
Limerick Ode To A Giraffe Lover
Monday, August 18th, 2014Some zoo visitors are unspeakably stupid!
Limerick Ode To A Giraffe Lover
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear giraffe-fan, invading the space
Of a youngish giraffe invites chase.
I don’t care that it kicked you,
Right after it licked you.
You’re lucky you still have a face.
For those who don’t know the story, it seems a California woman, who’s overly fond of giraffes, climbed into a giraffe exhibit at a Madison, Wisconsin zoo. At that point, a “2-year-old, 12-foot-tall giraffe named Wally gave [her] a lick, then turned and kicked her in the face.” But though giraffes can kill lions, her injuries aren’t life threatening.
The Intruder (4-Verse Limerick)
Monday, July 28th, 2014The Intruder (4-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s dark and we’re out on our deck.
My sandals are off and then… Heck!
I yell words rather worse
And I scream and I curse
And turn into a blubbering wreck.
For my toes had encountered some ooze
When I slipped my feet into my shoes.
Seems a large, squishy slug
Had crawled (like a bug)
In my sandal. I now need some booze.
I jump and run off to the sink.
About gook, I am raising a stink.
Mark examines my sandal
And freaks at the vandal;
That mollusk still lurks there, the fink!
“It’s gross and gigantic,” he yells.
“And it’s slimy. Like snails without shells.”
Then he acts like a hero
And wins. Mollusk zero!
In my sandal, it no longer dwells.
*****
Are you familiar with slugs? They’re gross-looking, squishy critters (sort of snails without shells.) Super disgusting!
Now imagine you’re sitting on your porch in the dark, watching a video when, unbeknownst to you, a slug crawls into one of your sandals.
Now picture absent-mindedly sliding your foot into that sandal.
Yes, I screamed at the top of my lungs.
And yes, Mark thought I was insane, until I made him look inside my sandal.
But Mark did ultimately redeem himself by disposing of that large, snake-like critter.
