It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
My smartphone, though lightweight and small,
Has thousands of ‘apps’; got them all —
Facebook, Twitter, TV …
But it’s too smart for me,
For I’ve never worked out how to call.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special ANXIETY-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick:
Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada’s building a wall.)
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special THANKSGIVING-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick:
We’ve elected a hideous elf,
Who’s pushing us off of the shelf.
It’s suddenly clear
For Thanksgiving next year,
This turkey will pardon himself.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Diane Groothuis, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Wendy Playter, Tim James, Suzanne Heymann, Jeanine Silverio, Dave Johnson, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “CALL” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ANXIETY LIMERICKS)
High anxiety’s what I would call
The bad feeling I’m getting this fall.
’Cause the stakes are so high,
It’s for sure do or die;
We could find ourselves climbing the wall.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CALL” A-RHYME DIVISION)
Cinderella received a nice call
Inviting her out to a Ball,
But found it alarming
On seeing Prince Charming
In pants with no ball-room at all.
Black bears sometimes pay me a call
In spring and in summer and fall.
So I wonder if they
Might be willing to pay
If this winter I build a great wall.
The young hooker who answered his call
Said “Well, Donald, I’m willin’ to ball,
But you claim that your peter
Is more than a metre,
So why can’t I find it at all?”
A muscular lass from St. Paul
Enlisted to answer the call.
She said, “Though this rifle
Is no little trifle,
My guns are the biggest of all!”
When she cries, men fall into her thrall;
It’s a powerful, strange siren call.
So why’s her heart breaking?
It isn’t. She’s faking.
It’s all just a masquerade bawl.
HONORABLE MENTION (“CALL” B-RHYME DIVISION)
Mother Nature, who knocks at my door
Knows the strength of my bladder is poor;
If I don’t rise at all
To go answer her call,
She will soil my pants to the core!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (ANXIETY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James: (Be sure to read Tim’s asterisked comment right below his limerick.)
His anxiety led him astray,
And he bungled his very first lay.*
He pumped hard and too fast,
So he just couldn’t last
While conducting the choir that way.
* Tim James explains: “A lay is a ballad or narrative poem set to music. What did you think I meant?”
I’m so shy and with women I worry,
I can’t speak and my sight becomes blurry.
But I met a coquette.
(She is just like a pet!)
We can bark, howl and mate. (She’s a Furry!)
HONORABLE MENTIONS (THANKSGIVING LIMERICK DIVISION)
This Thanksgiving, we might sit and chat;
Or maybe we’ll go to the mat.
It’s something we dread;
If old Uncle Fred
Shows up with that God-awful hat.
Jeanine Jamero Silverio
On Thanksgiving, I vow to be grateful,
For my husband, our boys and this plateful.
I pray that they thrive,
Love and hope kept alive,
In a world that’s becoming more hateful.
At Thanksgiving, I’m cranberry boss.
I abominate canned berry dross.
Why is mine so damned dandy?
Fresh berries and brandy
Give new meaning to hitting the sauce.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!