Tomorrow, June 4th, is our 33rd wedding anniversary. So here’s an anniversary limerick for my wonderful husband, Mark Kane:
Wedding Anniversary Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s the fabulous 4th, so let’s cheer
Cuz the day we got married is here.
And to add to our mirth,
It’s the date of the birth
Of Aesop … though not the same year.
Demanding Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow with time on his hands
Was making incessant demands.
“I’m busy, you’re not,”
Said his wife, getting hot.
“So take care of your own manly glands.”
I’ve never written an Acrostic poem before, let alone an Acrostic Limerick. But writing this was fun, in a mind-puzzle kind of way.
Now if I understand the basic acrostic rules, the first letter of each line must spell out whatever your poem is about. Acrostic Only has a lot more info and a generous assortment of acrostic prompts.
Wedded To Acrostics (Acrostic Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Enlarging our guest list again?
Let me see it,” said bride-to-be Gwen.
“Oh no! What a slew!
Pa, this simply won’t do!
Eloping tomorrow, at ten.”
*****
Author’s Note: I updated this post to change line five’s first word from “Eloping” to “Escaping.” Any thoughts on which one is better? I can’t decide. Thanks!
Update: Thanks to feedback here and on Facebook, I changed it back to “Eloping” and also got rid of the bold first letters. Thanks everyone!
Update 2: I’ve changed the title, so as to not give the game away.
It makes me fidget,
but I book myself to write
accidental verse.
*****
Accidental glance,
de-liberating romance—
just the dance of chance.
*****
Shocking incident:
things accidentally went
exactly as planned.
*****
Ms. Bristol Palin’s
book contract and dancing gig—
accident of birth.
*****
Booked reservation
at restaurant, but canceled—
had reservations.
*****
If you dare mention
certain odd affinities,
brace for fidgeting.
*****
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was rather a scold…
or
A man who was rather a scold…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Scold
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was rather a scold
Berated her spouse o’er his cold:
“You’re sick all the time
Without rhythm or rhyme,
And your illness is getting quite old.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was on a campaign…
Here’s mine:
Healthy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was on a campaign
Which was driving her fam’ly insane.
Yes, her new “smart health” diet
Kept causing a riot:
Each dinner she served featured brain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
This week Big Tent Poetry provides a bunch of word prompts, urging us to use one or more in our poems. I used three of them in my haiku (remote, function, handle) and one in a limerick (remote.)
First, my limerick:
I’m tempted to hide the remote
From my spouse in a closet or coat,
Cuz he flicks ev’ry station
In rapid rotation.
Missing show after show gets my goat.
*****
And now my haiku:
Dysfunctional spouse
Wields remote ADD-style.
Wife can’t handle it.
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“I’m sorry I had an affair” …
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Affair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m sorry I had an affair,”
Said a man to his wife in despair.
“Please forgive me — I’m bad.”
She said, “Never, you cad.”
“I warned you before — I don’t share.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was planning a trip…
Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
A woman was planning a trip,
When her husband said, “Please, get a grip.
Our bank account’s low.
We have one-way cash flow.”
But his wife said, “Enough with your lip!”
“You’ve been wasting our cash at the track
And on poker and possibly crack.
I’m sick of this life
And of being your wife.
So goodbye, it is you who should pack.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was youngish, yet gray…
Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Hairy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was youngish, yet gray,
Considered a dye job one day,
But was coloring wary.
(It struck her as hairy.)
She refused, to her mother’s dismay.
Her mom said, “It’s time for some dye,
Else you’ll look even older than I.
And I can not afford
An old daughter — good lord —
If I want to attract a new guy.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A frazzled new father named Jim…
Here’s mine:
Frazzled Limerick (Frazzled Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A frazzled new father named Jim
Bought his baby toy trains on a whim.
When his wife saw the gift,
She was terribly miffed,
So she yelled, “That’s for you. What’s for him?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Update: May 2 is Baby Day.
Slovenly Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose shirt was all stained
Saw his lovely wife’s look — it was pained.
“You’re so messy with pasta,”
She chided him. “Basta!
You’re just like your dad — it’s ingrained.”
UPDATE: National Pasta Day is October 17 and World Pasta Day is October 25.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who worked for her dad…
Here’s mine:
Family Business
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who worked for her dad
Sure needed that job really bad.
Though she did have a skill,
Most employers don’t thrill
At a waitress who’s mastered her Strad.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Update: Happy National Waiters and Waitresses Day! (May 21)
Update 2: Happy National Violin Day! (December 13)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who had an affair…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Affairs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who had an affair
Got caught by his lovely wife, Claire.
She considered divorce —
Took a far diff’rent course.
Now her spouse does not live anywhere.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A hard-working mother named May…
Here’s mine:
Just In Time For Mother’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A hard-working mother named May
Had three children and twins on the way.
When her spouse heard the news,
He guzzled some booze
And grumbled, “I should have been gay.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Related Post: Mother’s Day Limericks
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A wealthy old woman named Kate…
Here’s mine:
A Dog Of A Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A wealthy old woman named Kate
Left her dog an enormous estate.
Her children all stewed
Till they finally sued.
Who won? Well, each lawyer did great.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
April 6th is my brother Arthur Begun’s birthday. So I thought I’d write him a happy birthday limerick:
Happy birthday, dear brother, you’re old,
Though you’re younger than I, truth be told.
You’re a relative pup.
You refuse to catch up.
But as sibling, you’re better than gold.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:
A wealthy old fellow named Bart…
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Meal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A wealthy old fellow named Bart
Began ev’ry meal with a fart.
When guests came to dine
They’d pretend all was fine
Cuz they hoped to inherit his art.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
As I’ve mentioned before, figure skating is the only sport I enjoy watching on television.
And as much as I was rooting for American skater Evan Lysacek to win the men’s figuring skating gold, I do admire Russia’s Evgeni Plushenko. In fact, I was looking forward to seeing if he could land himself a second gold medal.
But I join many of Plushenko’s fans in being disappointed by his ungracious post-long-program remarks.
After U.S. skater Evan Lysacek took the 2010 men’s figure skating Olympic gold and Plushenko was relegated to silver, Plushenko seemingly put Evan and the other contenders down, saying:
Overall my basic position and attitude is that movement needs to go forward and never stop, never go back. I think people need to do lots of quads.”
As McClatchy’s Gil LeBreton observes:
Because the Russian skater was the only one in the room who does quads, his remarks Thursday night came across as self-serving — sour grapes, unbecoming of a guy who thought he could take three years off from the sport and then dance in and steal the gold medal.
Plushenko, quadruple jump and all, received the silver medal in Thursday night’s men’s figure skating finals. U.S. skater Evan Lysacek, who attempted no quads in his dramatic, near-flawless performance, was rewarded with the gold.
This brings me to my latest limerick:
Thin-Skinned Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Plushenko, your program was fine,
But did not deserve gold, so don’t whine.
Stop implying your quad
Should have earned you the nod.
Evan beat you. His skate was divine.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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