Ode To A Grudge-Holding Judge
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a federal judge
Who was famous for holding a grudge.
But his clerk found a way
To get him to say,
“I forgive you.” She bribed him with fudge.
UPDATE: I just found out that June 16th is National Fudge Day. Enjoy!
Creature of Habit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Shall I tell you our specials today?”
Asks the waiter, who knows what I’ll say:
“My regular, please.
Just a burger — no cheese.”
My order’s become a cliché.
(This was inspired by Weekend Wordsmith’s “what’s on the menu” prompt.)
Update: Happy National Waiters and Waitresses Day! (May 21)
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is relatives. (Thanks to Read Write Poem’s aunt prompt, which inspired this broader theme including any family member.) First, my limerick:
Crazy Aunts
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Crazy aunt in your fam’ly? Let’s see:
Does she scoff at conventions with glee?
Fail at acting her age?
Give advice strangely sage?
In my fam’ly, the crazy aunt’s me.
And now my haiku:
He made an offer
That I just could not refuse:
Marital bliss.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about a relative. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have two whole weeks! Why? Because I still haven’t started my tax return.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
| 1. sister AE 2. Xboxwife |
3. paisley 4. Tumblewords |
5. Tiel Aisha Ansari 6. Noah the Great |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your family-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
UPDATE 2: I’ve just learned that July 26 is Aunt and Uncle’s Day.
I’m celebrating the circle today with two haiku:
Running in circles.
Running rings around others.
Squarely opposite?
Communicating
Through circular reasoning.
Squaring the circle.
UPDATE: November 2nd is “Look For Circles Day.”
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is lies and deception. First, my limerick:
“Your excuse simply can’t be believed.
You’re a liar! I feel quite deceived,”
Said the gal, as she wept,
To her lover, who’d slept
With her mother. (I guess she was peeved.)
And now, my haiku:
People who maintain
That they are always honest
Are surely lying.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about lies and deception. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Ode To A Greedy Squirrel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A squirrel who wanted some food
Did something I’d call rather rude:
He squeezed into a cage,
Ate the bird feed — not sage.
Now his tummy’s too fat to extrude.
Note: This limerick is based on a British news story about a greedy squirrel that squeezed through the bars of a “squirrel-proof” bird feeder and “gorged on so many nuts it could not squeeze back out through the bars.” The squirrel remained trapped inside, until an RSPCA Inspector used a crow-bar and grasper to widen the gap between two of the bars.
(You can find more of my pet and animal humor here and you’ll find more animal related poetry here.)
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
First (And Last) Visit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze.
So I wish you had warned
That your house is adorned
With a half-hundred cats (Siamese).
Author’s Note: This limerick is based on personal experience. Many years ago, a composer asked my chamber ensemble to rehearse at her home, so she could record a work of hers that we were getting ready to debut. I’d barely taken my oboe out of its case, when I started having trouble breathing. My attack got very bad, very quickly, and I was forced to leave without rehearsing.
I later learned that our host’s hobby was breeding cats, and that her house was packed with them. Since I’m very allergic to cats, this would have been a good thing to have been warned about.
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and more of my health humor here.
UPDATE: Happy National Cat Day! (October 29th)
I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.
Here’s my limerick:
Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Kindly stop all the clocks. Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each “smart”-thing you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.
And here’s my four-liner:
I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be like them, I vowed, aloud.
UPDATE: My limerick seems appropriate for Simplicity Day, celebrated July 12th in honor of Henry David Thoreau’s birthday.
Did you know that tomorrow, October 16th, is National Boss Day? So, are you excited yet?
I thought I’d “celebrate” National Boss Day with a pair of limericks:
Workplace Diplomacy Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please mind your own business, I said,
To a woman whose presence I dread.
She is pushy and rude,
Rather nosy and crude.
Even worse—she’s the gal my boss wed.
A Brief Beef
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My boss yelled, “I’ve got a big beef:
Your briefings are seldom … well … brief.
I want the essentials.
You give me tangentials.”
“So long,” I replied, with relief.
(You can find my National Bosses Day limerick here and more of my employment humor here.)
Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband and I can agree
On most everything—“a” straight through “z”.
But as husband and wife
We suffer much strife
Over temp settings—heat and AC.
(We argue over our TV’s remote control too, but it refuses to rhyme.)
Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.
Bugged By Mosquitoes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mosquitoes are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad!
Sprays and lotions don’t work;
They keep chomping and lurk,
While ignoring my husband—the cad!
Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.
A Doggone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
“You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite.
It’s adorable, true,
But dogs nip, bark, and chew,
And your Daddy will cower in fright.”
UPDATE: Happy National Puppy Day! (March 23rd)
It’s Not That I Don’t Like Movies, But…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I prefer to catch movies at home,
Not in theaters where tall fellows roam.
There they prowl, on the hunt
For the seat right in front,
To bestow a great view of their dome.
Update: April 23 is National Movie Theater Day.
Belated Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your apology’s rather belated,”
Said the gal to a fellow she hated.
“Your delay makes me fear
That it isn’t sincere—
You still had your hair when we dated!”
*****
UPDATE: October 14 is Be Bald And Free Day.
Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor.
Get me wheat bread or white,
And I’ll toast it quite light.
But this dough ain’t for anything more.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 23rd, is Toast Day. So don’t forget to toast Toast Day.
Open Sesame
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can’t hear them without a huge fight.
When you buy a CD
Then your plight is to free
That damn disc. It might take you all night.
UPDATE: Happy Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day! (August 7)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day Video
UPDATE 2: Oct 1 is CD Player Day.
A Biting Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Ow! My tooth aches,” a man told the nurse,
Whose answer was biting and terse:
“The Doc’s in a tizzy.
His schedule’s too busy.
Take asp’rin. Come back when it’s worse.”
(My Dental Deal, a funny dentist/patient contract, is here.)
UPDATE: Happy National Toothache Day! (celebrated yearly on February 9th) And happy Dentists Day! (celebrated yearly on March 6th)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.