An employee asleep at the switch
Created a dangerous glitch.
The lazy-ass slob
Fell down on the job.
It seems working just isn’t his niche.
Happy National Lazy Day!
Archive for the ‘Odd Holidays’ Category
Lazy Limerick
Wednesday, August 10th, 2016Limerick Ode To The Lion
Wednesday, August 10th, 2016It’s Lion Day. Give a big roar!
Categorical praise is in store
For the king of the jungle.
And kindly don’t bungle
This message: Show hunters the door.
World Snake Day Limerick (July 16)
Saturday, July 16th, 2016Happy World Snake Day! (July 16)
A man was beginning to grasp
The danger of bites from an asp.
A thought bubble snaked
Through his brainwaves half-baked:
“Pet asp? I’m an ass!” — his last gasp!
Happy Pandemonium Day! (Limerick)
Thursday, July 14th, 2016Pandemonium Day is today.
Watch the bedlam and chaos hold sway.
Expect uproar, confusion–
A messy intrusion
Of things that create disarray.
Happy Birthday, Bikini (Limerick)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2016Today’s the bikini’s 70th birthday. So happy World Bikini Day!
I’ve never dared don a bikini;
They’re too skimpily small — teeny-weenie.
Call me shy if you must,
But I simply don’t lust
After beachwear that’s dwarfed by a beanie.
Spilling The Beans About “Eat Beans Day” (Limerick)
Sunday, July 3rd, 2016Happy “Eat Beans Day!”
A man was incensed because beans
Caused an ailment he’d had since his teens;
His digestion was marred
To the point he was barred
From small rooms, though allowed in latrines.
International Panic Day? Why??? (Limerick)
Saturday, June 18th, 2016For some inexplicable reason, we celebrate International Panic Day today. (June 18)
The concept of Panic Day’s weird;
It’s redundant for me to be steered
Toward something organic.
My panic is manic…
And for doing it daily, I’m geared.
Limerick Ode To Bourbon Day
Tuesday, June 14th, 2016Today is a big day for bourbon,
But my taste for it doesn’t need curbin’.
Now tequila and wine
And cognac are fine.
But the flavor of bourbon? Disturbin’!
Happy National Bourbon Day! (June 14)
Sea of Disappointment (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 8th, 2016A fellow was given the slip
By a woman aboard a large ship.
He’d thought her his mate —
His ocean trip fate —
But he never had time to unzip.
Happy World Oceans Day! (June 8)
Happy Brothers Day! (Limerick)
Tuesday, May 24th, 2016Oh brother! It’s Brothers Day. Wow!
I’ve got me a good one. And how!
With a heart off the chart
Arthur (now known as Art)
Is unrivaled. Please Art, take a bow.
Brothers Day (May 24) is actually meant to celebrate the bond between brothers. But since I missed Brother And Sister Day on March 26, and Siblings Day on April 10, this will have to do.
Asparagus Day? Why? (Limerick)
Tuesday, May 24th, 2016Asparagus doesn’t appeal to me,
And it guts what might be a good meal to me.
Brussels sprouts can be yummy.
With brocc’li I’m chummy.
But asparagus spears are “no deal” to me.
May 24 is Asparagus Day.
Happy “Be A Millionaire Day!” (Limerick)
Friday, May 20th, 2016For some with a wealth-building mission,
“Be A Millionaire Day’s” a tradition.
And today is the day;
Yes each 20th of May
They display their great LACK of ambition.
Limerick Ode To Golf
Wednesday, May 18th, 2016Since it’s Golf Day, I thought I’d address
My embarrassing lack of finesse
Playing golf; Any game
That requires an aim
Leaves me minimal chance of success.
Happy “Odometer Day!” (Limerick)
Thursday, May 12th, 2016An odometer’s great when I drive,
As I try to guess when we’ll arrive.
But I also get mileage
From lims — even smileage.
But no limming while driving — no jive!
May 12th is National Odometer Day.
Limerick Ode To The School Nurse
Wednesday, May 11th, 2016Gals remember your trusty school nurse?
You’d tell her, “I’m sick. It’s ‘the curse.’
I have to skip gym
And lie down. All my vim
Has vamoosed and the pain’s getting worse!”
(National School Nurse Day falls on the Wednesday of National Nurse Week, which is May 6 through May 12.)
In Intuition I Trust (Limerick)
Tuesday, May 10th, 2016“Intuition is something I trust,”
Said a gal when told trust is a must.
“I instinctively feel
That you’re surely a heel
Who would tempt me with feelings of lust.”
(Trust Your Intuition Day falls on May 10.)
Limerick Ode And Haiku To Lost Sock Memorial Day
Monday, May 9th, 2016AWOL socks are a grim laundry given;
Former pairs inexplicably riven,
Dresser drawers oddly littered
With orphans, embittered
And wond’rin’ where old mates are livin’.
*****
Yet another sock
Has escaped; it’s on the run.
AWOL! Or eaten.
May 9 is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. And December 4 is National Sock Day.
Over-Excited About “No Pants Day?” Please Keep Your Pants On!
Friday, May 6th, 2016A man who was known for his rants
Was caught on the street with no pants.
He was standing half-nude
With a bellicose tude,
On par with his usual stance.
But he HAD a defense for his act
That accounts for the clothing he lacked;
The fellow’s fine mission
Was spur recognition —
“No Pants Day’s” today! That’s a fact.
Happy “No Pants Day!” (First Friday of May)
Happy Petite And Proud Day! (Limerick)
Wednesday, May 4th, 2016If you’re five-four or under, “petite”
Is what many will call you. Don’t cheat
And pretend to be taller;
Be proud that you’re smaller…
Then savor a thick booster seat.
May 4 is Petite And Proud Day.
And yes, at only five-zero, I’ve been known to use a “booster” provided by a Broadway Theater — the very same one used (according to an usher) by Peter Dinklage.
Limerick Ode To Sundry Bird Days
Wednesday, May 4th, 2016It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
There are three separate bird days, that I know of: Bird Day, National Bird Day and Migratory Bird Day
Bird Day is today, May 4. National Bird Day falls on January 5. And Migratory Bird Day is celebrated on the second Saturday in May.
