Texas Republicans, Repair Thyselves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The “reparative therapy” craze
Is fancied by Texans for gays.
Although Dems know it’s foolish,
Republicans, mulish,
Praise treatment for homo-malaise.
Archive for the ‘Political Verse’ Category
Texas Republicans, Repair Thyselves! (Limerick)
Monday, June 9th, 2014Limerick Ode To World Environment Day
Thursday, June 5th, 2014Limerick Ode To World Environment Day (June 5)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
World Environment Day has arrived,
Though “Deniers” insist it’s contrived:
This science contention
That sans intervention,
Global warming will leave us short-lived.
Limerick Ode To John Boehner
Saturday, May 31st, 2014My 2-verse limerick “celebrates” John Boehner, who certainly knows how to be cowardly, evasive, and stupid all at once. Here’s Boehner responding to a question about climate change:
Asked by reporters yesterday if he accepts the scientific consensus that greenhouse gas emissions contribute to global warming, John Boehner demurred on the curious but increasingly familiar grounds that he is not a scientist. “Listen, I’m not qualified to debate the science over climate change,” the House Speaker said. Boehner immediately turned the question to the killing of jobs that would result from any proposal to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, which he asserts with unwavering certainty. (On this question, Boehner is not held back by the fact that he is also not an economist.)
Limerick Ode To John Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John Boehner, it seems, knows the score;
He’ll be kicked by his “team” out the door
Should he ever concede
What folks know (if they read)
That our climate is changing full-bore.
So Boehner will simply rebuff
Any queries re climate change stuff.
“Can’t debate it he claims;
His “not qualified” aims
To dodge facts, cuz his pals prefer guff.
Tea Party Wisdom (Limerick)
Monday, May 19th, 2014Tuesday’s a big primary day:
Six states have elections in what’s being dubbed a mini-Super Tuesday: Arkansas, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Oregon and Pennsylvania. The Senate races with the potential for the biggest surprises are Georgia and Kentucky, where Republicans will be choosing between tea party candidates and ones with stronger backing from the establishment.
So brace yourself for yet another slew of inane observations about how mainstream Republicans are allegedly winning their war against the Tea Party.
Tea Party Wisdom (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sanguine insight from pundits ain’t bright
Re the mainstream Republicans’ fight:
They’re not winning the wars
Against Tea Party boors;
They’re just moving far out to the right.
“Bush’s Brain” Does It Again (2-Verse Limerick)
Wednesday, May 14th, 2014Karl Rove a/k/a “Turd Blossom” a/k/a “Bush’s Brain” is at it again. And this time his target is Hillary Clinton. First he strongly implies that she had “traumatic brain injury,” while greatly exaggerating the length of her hospital stay:
“Thirty days in the hospital?” Rove said, according to the report. “And when she reappears, she’s wearing glasses that are only for people who have traumatic brain injury? We need to know what’s up with that.”
Next he denies using the specific phrase “brain damage,” as if that makes everything copacetic.
Of course this sort of dirty tricks attack is SOP for Karl Rove.
“Bush’s Brain” Does It Again (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rove’s method is slur and then flee.
His hit jobs leave drive-by debris.
He’ll strongly imply
Something’s true, then deny
That he used a set phrase he deems key.
Rove’s now on an anti-Hill spree,
Lodging brain-health aspersions with glee.
He’ll imply Hill’ry’s brain
Has been damaged, then feign
Complete innocence: Smear her? Not ME!
Dear Donees (Limerick)
Monday, May 5th, 2014Many of you already know that big-time Republican donor John Jordan just dissed Republican pols big time. Here’s what he said:
I go out of my way to avoid meeting candidates and politicians.” Why? “All too often, these people are so disappointing that it’s depressing. Most of these people you meet, they’re unemployable.… It’s just easier not to know.
But I’ll bet you’re unaware of John Jordan’s secret limerick writing talent:
Dear Republicans, here’s tons of cash
From my famously sizeable stash.
I believe you’re all fools,
But can count on you tools
To keep screwing the riff-raff and trash.
(Note from Mad Kane for the Humor-Impaired: I’m John Jordan’s extremely unofficial ghostwriter. )
Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia
Monday, April 21st, 2014I can’t help wondering whether Supreme Court Justice Scalia says weird things like this just for attention:
Speaking at the University of Tennessee College of Law on Tuesday, the longest-serving justice currently on the bench was asked by a student about the constitutionality of the income tax, the Knoxville News Sentinel reports.
Scalia responded that the government has the right to implement the tax, “but if it reaches a certain point, perhaps you should revolt.”
Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Suggesting that students revolt
Over taxes ain’t very adult.
It seems doltish Scalia
Has mouth diarrhea.
I surmise that his brain’s short a bolt.
Limerick Ode To Phyllis Schlafly
Wednesday, April 16th, 2014Limerick Ode To Phyllis Schlafly
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Schlafly’s latest is nuts — no surprise!
But the GOP finds her so wise:
It seems gals will be left
Without husbands — bereft…
If we’re paid just as much as the guys.
This isn’t a joke: Phyllis Schlafly really wrote this in the Christian Post:
Suppose the pay gap between men and women were magically eliminated. If that happened, simple arithmetic suggests that half of women would be unable to find what they regard as a suitable mate.
How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2014How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We women are “whiners,” they bray.
We “lie” that there’s “no equal pay.”
That’s the GOP line,
And it suits me just fine:
On Election Day, gals get their say.
Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)
Monday, April 7th, 2014Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though the wealthy will publicly cheer
As campaign regs get knocked on their rear,
Some privately groan:
“No limits?” they moan.
“Buying pols is becoming too dear!”
Note from Mad Kane: Although I concocted that quote, it may be closer to the truth than you think. Here’s The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol, who argued on ABC’s This Week “that not every wealthy donor will embrace the outcome of the McCutcheon case, because they may now be obliged to give more:”
“All the donors I know hate this decision, of course,” he said. “This used to be a very good excuse to say to a candidate, ooh, I’m maxing out, I just can’t help your campaign.”
Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2014Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Remember “one person, one vote?”
Now “one dollar, one vote’s” what they wrote;
Yes, the U.S. Supremes
Favor money — in reams,
As the rich grab free speech by the throat.
Thanks to the New Yorker’s John Cassidy, for inspiring this limerick with his acerbic comment about McCutcheon v. FEC:
But Wednesday’s decision, once again a five-to-four ruling, represented another significant step away from the antiquated principle of “one person, one vote” toward the more modern, and utilitarian, notion of “one dollar, one vote.”
Supreme Priorities (Limerick)
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014If you thought the Citizens United ruling undermined democracy, brace yourself: The Roberts court has made things even worse with yet another controversial 5-4 decision in McCutcheon v. FEC. Assaulting campaign finance reform once again, the Supreme Court struck down the aggregate limits on how much an individual can contribute to candidates, parties and political action committees.
As Ari Berman astutely observes:
The Court’s conservative majority believes that the First Amendment gives wealthy donors and powerful corporations the carte blanche right to buy an election but that the Fifteenth Amendment does not give Americans the right to vote free of racial discrimination.
Supreme Priorities
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Supremes freed the wealthy to buy
Politicians — an endless supply.
Seems “free speech” means “free spending,”
While “voting rights rending”
Isn’t something they care to decry.
Trafficking In Hypocrisy (Limerick)
Saturday, February 22nd, 2014New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s been catching some flack lately over his traffic-safety initiative. It seems he doesn’t practice what he preaches.
Trafficking In Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bill de Blasio warns New York folk
To drive carefully. Safety’s no joke.
Yet the rules take a hike
In Bill’s auto. Did Mike
Ever guzzle a giant-sized Coke?
Note from Mad Kane: For those who don’t follow New York City politics, former Mayor Mike Bloomberg (whom de Blasio criticizes at every opportunity) is famous/infamous for banning super-sized sodas.
Scott Walker Walks Into His Own Trap (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 11th, 2014UPDATE: The blogger who interviewed Governor Walker and whose Walker quote is the premise of this entire post and limerick, has corrected his story to indicate that the quote was a transcription error and that the Governor did not claim to have voted for Reagan when it was illegal to do so.
Rather than simply “disappearing” this post, I’ll leave it up with this correction notice. My apologies to anyone who was misled by my reliance on the earlier version of that interviewer’s story.
*****
Republicans have a long history of bolstering their credentials by citing some Ronald Reagan connection. So it tends to be no big deal when a Republican pol waxes eloquent about having voted for Reagan.
And then there’s Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R), who recently said:
I remember, I was a teenager, had just become a teenager and voted for Ronald Reagan — limited government, you know, smaller government, lower taxes, strong national defense. You knew what you were getting. You knew how a Reagan administration, a Reagan presidency was going to be better for you.
Alas, since Walker was born on November 2, 1967, he “wasn’t old enough to vote in either 1980 or 1984 when Reagan ran for president.” So if Scott Walker was being truthful, then he’s just owned up to committing voter fraud.
Scott Walker Walks Into His Own Trap (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Walker tried to increase his appeal
With a “voted for Ron Reagan” spiel.
Do the math; Scott’s denoting
His under-age voting.
Fin’ly, ONE case of vote fraud that’s real.
Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)
Monday, April 21st, 2014I just love Jeff Greenfield’s take on the “Baby Clinton Madness.” I’m referring, of course, to all the nonsensical opinionating about its effect (or non-effect) on Hillary Clinton’s presumed presidential candidacy.
Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
OMG! Chelsea Clinton’s with child!
Watch political gas-bags go wild,
As they mindlessly mine
Its effects and opine.
Yes, those pundits are rightly reviled.
Tags: Chelsea Clinton, Election Humor, Election Punditry, Hillary Clinton, Jeff Greenfield, Media Humor, Oval, Political Candidates, Political Commentator, Presidential Election, Pundits, Sunday Gasbags, White House
Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Feminism Humor, Gender Politics, Hillary Clinton, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Punditry Humor, White House | Comments Off on Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)