Posts Tagged ‘Writing Competitions’
Sunday, January 29th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man with a very full plate
Ordinarily had to work late,
But his young, lovely wife
Had her own secret life.
Let’s just say her masseur was quite straight.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, J Cosmo Newbery, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Versebender, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
A gal with a very full plate
Went out on her very first date,
But with ten minutes gone
It was time to move on,
So she jilted her dumbfounded mate.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A man with a very full plate
Ignored the allure of his date.
“The main course is divine,
Then there’s cake, cheese and wine;
The entree will just have to wait.”
Bryon Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A nymphet with a personal plate
Would slow down and cause traffic to wait.
As men drove up behind her
They read this reminder:
IALWZGVHEDWNID8
Versebender:
A man with a very full plate
Had no time to look for a mate.
So he ordered online
A companion divine
That all he need do is inflate.
Johanna Richmond:
Bachman’s man has a very full plate,
What with legions of gays to set straight.
But his “pray away” swagger,
Suggests the old wagger
May have tried out the rear pearly gate.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 2 Comments »
Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever two-verse limerick:
A fellow was trying to hide
His nature (mean, callous and snide),
But it’s hard to shrug off
With a wink and a scoff
What he did to his number two bride.
So the newt did what Newt does so well:
Told his critics to all go to hell.
With a blood-thirsty base,
Best grow fangs to save face.
Can you hear Willard Romney’s death knell?
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jason Talbott, Gordon Richmond, Scott Crowder, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, and Elaine Spall. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jason Talbott:
A fellow was trying to hide
Some cash that he earned on the side
As a writer of fiction.
His craft caused conviction–
When he filled out his taxes, he lied.
Gordon Richmond:
A fellow was trying to hide
His “size” from the young, pretty bride,
But soon she’d discover,
Once under the cover,
She’s in for a very short ride.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was trying to hide
The fact that her hair had been dyed.
But the truth would come out
And leave not a doubt
When the gal wore a swim thong poolside.
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
A fellow was trying to hide
From his overly amorous bride.
He said “Wait a bit!
It’s time to admit
I got sea-sick the last time I tried!”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was trying to hide
From six women, each claimed was his bride
When his half dozen wives
Set upon him with knives.
“Rest In Pieces” was scribed when he died.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Elaine Spall, Gordon Richmond, Jason Talbott, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, January 15th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A gal was upset by a bill
For an item she’d sent to Goodwill:
“For resale, we’ve got
To remove every spot,
And your coat had a lot, Ms. de Vil.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Robert Basler, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
A gal was upset by a bill
She received from her ex-husband Will
For services rendered
Which he never tendered
With any compensable skill.
Robert Basler:
A man was upset by a bill
When he sought a professional kill.
He said, “Holy s**t!”
“You charge WHAT for a hit?”
So a pundit is punditing still.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A man quite upset with a Bill,
Said the plays Bill had written were swill!
Whence there came no denial
From the bard, just a smile
And a poke in the eye from his quill.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, January 8th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to GORDON RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will aim for the toilet with care,
But the subject in hand
May ignore the command
And reroute its direction mid-air.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Robert Schechter, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will read all the works of Flaubert.
But soon, it’s “Hey, Mabel!
“This channel on cable
“Shows reruns of ‘Sonny and Cher!’”
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
As the New Year approaches men swear
That they’ll have a real hot love-affair.
But the girls that they meet
In the bar, on the street,
Say “We’re sorry! Your cupboard is bare!”
Robert Schechter:
As the new year approaches, men swear
To rise from their sofa or chair
And move their fat asses.
The impulse soon passes,
Replaced by a staunch laissez faire.
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
As the new year approaches, men swear
To dispose of their old underwear,
As their grubby old briefs
Rouse disparaging shrieks
From the gals they invite to their lair.
Johanna Richmond:
As the new year approaches, men swear:
No more meat or at least none cooked rare;
Why have twelve beers when six
Is an adequate fix?
As for porn, only followed by prayer!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
As the New Year approaches, gals swear
That they MUST buy some NEW clothes to wear.
But each husband still clings
To his old worn-out things:
“You can NOT throw them out. Don’t you dare!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Gordon Richmond, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, January 1st, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
As the new year approaches, men swear…*
or
As the new year approaches, gals swear…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick For The New Year
By Madeleine Begun Kane
As the new year approaches, men swear
That they’ll finally end their affair.
They’ll diet, work out,
Learn to ski, buy some grout.
What’s their chance of success? Not a pray’r!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Affair Limerick, Health Limericks, Holiday Humor, Limerick Contest, New Year's Humor, New Year's Resolutions Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Competitions, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Holiday Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 79 Comments »
Sunday, January 1st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a ERROL NIMBLY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A husband who’d stepped on some toes,
Always staying out late with some hos,
Woke to breakfast in bed
And a short note, which read:
Here’s your sausage, I hope it regrows.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Matty, RJ Clarken, Gordon Richmond, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
When competing with ballroom dance pros
Displayed in his jive,
While broadcasting live,
What a slip of the zip might expose.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had created a large group of foes.
So in spite of his drive
His career took a dive
And he ended up stocking at Lowes.
Matty:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had an ego as big as his nose,
Until one day his bride
Shot a hole in his pride
And told him the sex really blows.
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who stepped on some toes
And garnered political woes
Told more lies and then cheered
When opponents got smeared
While the public got led by the nose.
Gordon Richmond:
A woman who’d stepped on some toes
By writing her triple X prose
Was sent off to jail
And denied any bail;
Now she lives with the rest of the hos.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
Said a sultan who’d stepped on some toes,
“In a harem, that’s just how it goes:
With my wives all entangled
A few may get mangled —
It’s best to arrange them in rows.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, David Lefkovits, Gordon Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, December 25th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. But first…
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except for my mouse.
The Lim’rick-Off judging
Cried out to be done
Cuz participants longed
To find out just who won.
I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A young fellow was planning to back
Well away from the cougar’s attack,
But she managed a pin
With a bottle of gin
And the weight of her double G rack.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Stephen Earp, Johanna Richmond, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A fellow was planning to back
The bail-out of failed Fannie Mac.
But then he said, “Why
Should those assholes, not I,
Be the ones who end up in the black?”
Stephen Earp:
A fellow was planning to back
His hole cards of seven and jack.
But flop, turn and river
All failed to deliver
And cost him the rest of his stack.
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was planning to back
An employee she knew she should sack;
His immense asset package
Prevented his sackage —
You might say he slipped through the crack.
Konrad Schwoerke:
A fellow was planning to back
An irrational war in Iraq,
But his partner requested:
“Rethink this when rested,
And further — quit smoking that crack!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Johanna Richmond, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Stephen Earp, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, December 18th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to KATHY EL-ASSAL who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A guy who was terribly high
From putting his thumb in a pie
Had pulled out a plum
Soaked in 50 proof rum
And said, “How besotted am I?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Konrad Schwoerke, Ira Bloom, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Johanna Richmond and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A man who was terribly high
Attempted to tie his own tie.
The thing got so tangled
The poor man was strangled.
The moral: Wear clip-ons, or die.
Konrad Schwoerke:
A man who was terribly high
Felt a penis while stroking her thigh.
“Even fried as a fritter,
I’m not a switch-hitter!
I think I’ll keep passing on bi.”
Ira Bloom:
A man who was terribly high
On the food chain, at last had to die.
He was known, in his day,
To be quite the gourmet,
But the worms found him tasteless and dry.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A gal who was terribly high
On a swing-set let out a loud cry:
“Chicken Little was right!
It’s a real scary sight —
First the rise then the fall of the sky!”
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who is terribly high
Knows her face looks suspiciously sly;
Though she tries to sound grave,
More like straight folks behave,
She’s betrayed by the wink in her eye.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A man who was terribly high
Had been living with pigs in a sty.
When I asked if he knew
That he smelled like a zoo,
He addressed me, “oink-oink” in reply.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, December 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was frequently prone
To sitting all day on the throne,
Said, “It’s great to be king,
But there’s only one thing:
It’s a toilet, and I’m in Bayonne.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall,
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Drew Nicholson, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was frequently prone
To engaging in sex on the phone
Found repeat business hard
Since her number was barred
By the women whose husbands she’d blown.
Kathryn El-Assal:
A gal who was frequently prone
To a French existentialist tone
Hung out with Camus
And Jean-Paul Sartre, too.
To her friends, she was known as Simone.
Edmund Conti:
A guy who was frequently prone
To lying face down when alone
Said, “It may not show class
When exposing my ass,
But it beats out what else could be shown.”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was frequently prone
To be licking and chewing a bone.
When he started to nibble
Some leftover kibble
The doghouse was where he was thrown.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was frequently prone
From indulging in much Côtes du Rhône
Raised a glass (in a dream)
At a bistro in Nîmes,
While asleep on the floor in Bayonne.
Drew Nicholson:
A guy who was frequently prone
To refusing to spend time alone
Said “My name’s Herman Cain.
I suspend my campaign,
But I’ll take VP offers by phone.”
John Peter Larkin:
A guy who was frequently prone
Was happy his seed had been sown.
His girl had said no
But she gave him the go
When he found her erogenous zone.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Drew Nicholson, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kathryn El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 5 Comments »
Sunday, December 4th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to IRA BLOOM who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On toner, proceeded to vent:
“That HP ink-jet
We were eager to get
Now’s the printer of our discontent.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Robert Schechter, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Arthur Goikhman a/k/a SurrealGames. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Edmund Conti:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Decided to sell his one stent.
His search was in vain.
Do I need to explain
That pun which you’ll come to resent?
Robert Schechter:
A woman whose last dime was spent
Entertaining an indigent gent,
Said, “I’m such a dumb bunny.
I thought he had money!
But that’s not what ‘indigent’ meant.”
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A woman whose last dime was spent
Found the key to her lock box was bent.
Oh, what could she do?
Solicit a screw?
In a blur, to the bar off she went.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
Not despairing, went on to invent
A money machine
Like none before seen.
Can you guess to which prison he went?
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Had no money for food or for rent.
He committed a crime
So he could do time
And live on the taxpayers’ cent.
Arthur Goikhman a/k/a SurrealGames:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On proving he had no intent
Was guilty as sin
But savored his win,
Since no one dug up the cement.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, SurrealGames, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 27th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A man was attempting to eat
A taco he bought on the street.
He’s someone I follow
On Twitter. Each swallow
Was widely proclaimed in a tweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A man was attempting to eat
At Le Restaurant Jean B. Lafitte,
But his face became pallid
When part of the salad
Got up and walked off on six feet.
Johanna Richmond:
A man was attempting to eat
When his wife hollered out, “Trick or treat!”
It was then he took note
She held open her tote,
So he thoughtfully offered his meat.
David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves:
A gal was attempting to eat
A length of spaghetti – six feet;
She forgot that to coil it
She’d first have to boil it,
Now she’s had to move up from petite.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was trying to eat
Things acquired from a bet. He’d been beat!
They divided a cow.
The lost bet explains how
She got steaks, he got teats and de feet.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 6 Comments »
Sunday, November 20th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A woman who went through a phase
Was weary of men and their ways.
“I’m sick of the brawling
And please! No more mauling.
I’m done shopping sales with these gays.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Johanna Richmond, Pari Cooper, Kathy El-Assal, and Matt Monitto. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily
A woman who went through a phase
Took all her old light bulbs to graze.
She was terribly keen
To make them “go green,”
But had a dim grasp of the phrase.
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes :
A woman who went through a phase
Of enjoying the masculine gaze,
Decided to tease,
Threw off her chemise,
And walked through the town in her stays!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who went through a phase
Of responding as if in a daze
Said, “There’s lots up there twirling
With notes I’ve been squirr’ling.
I suffer from catch-phrase malaise!”
Pari Cooper:
A woman was deep in a phase,
Of lim’ricking all through her days
Ev’ry night and each morn,
(if she didn’t view porn)
She was posting a new MadKane phrase.
Kathy El-Assal:
A woman who went through a phase
Of hogging the spotlight and praise
Took a walk down the aisle
Dressed in haute couture style
For a marriage that lasted mere days.
Matt Monitto:
A woman who went through a phase
Would go hunting for sales. ‘Twas a craze:
There was fire in her eyes
When the prices would rise,
And she’d occupy Macy’s for days.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Johanna Richmond, Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Of The Week, Matt Monitto, Pari Cooper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Monday, November 14th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For solving the odd homicide.
When his friend asked, “What schools
gave you such helpful tools?”
“Element’ry, dear Watson!” he cried.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Johanna Richmond, Robert Basler, and Daisy Mae Simon. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ira Bloom:
A woman was famous worldwide,
But for what, it is hard to decide.
Having sex on the web?
As a partying deb?
I don’t know, but she’s fun to deride.
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For being incredibly wide.
When his doctor said “No!
All this blubber must go,”
He considered his options were fried.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was famous worldwide
Because often he publicly cried.
But astute folks took note:
His emotional bloat
Expressed only his oversized pride.
Robert Basler:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For marketing fruit that was dried.
Folks loved that his prunes
Didn’t need any spoons
Yet they still did the same thing inside.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A woman once famous worldwide.
Welcomed all to New York’s harbor side:
“…Your tired, your poor…”
Now meet a closed door.
Corporate greed and corruption preside.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Daisy Mae Simon, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Basler, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
Saturday, November 5th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. (I’m a bit early this time because I’m not sure if I’ll have any Internet access Sunday.) I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who just let it slip –
“I’m the captain on this ocean trip!” –
Caught the ear of a minx,
So that if the boat sinks,
You might say she’ll go down with the ship!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Robert Schechter, and Madeleine Sara Maddocks. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who just let it slip
To her boyfriend that she used to strip.
Heard him shout ,”How’d you dare
Dance and lay it all bare
When for me you won’t even unzip!”
Robert Schechter:
A fellow who just let it slip
That the moyel took too big a snip,
Said, “Now my son Earl
Is my dear daughter, Pearl.
That does it! The man blew his tip.”
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A fellow who just let it slip
That he liked nothing more than to strip
Was arrested one day
With his parts on display
When he failed to remember his zip.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Sunday, October 30th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A woman was telling a tale
Of a date with a flesh-grabbing male:
‘Told him, “You with the paws!
“Don’t go thinking because
“This date’s ‘blind’ it’s okay to use Braille!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Bruce Niedt, Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ira Bloom, Robert Schechter, and Ruth Henson Feder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
A fellow was telling a tale
On his big application to Yale:
He had biked across France,
Taught the lame how to dance,
And drunk rum from the real Holy Grail.
Bruce Niedt:
A fellow was telling a tale
Of a wolf bite he got on the trail.
“I’ll feel much better soon —
Hey, is that the full moon?”
Now he’s growing a snout and a tail.
Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots:
A fellow was telling a tale,
But the plot had the pace of a snail.
His friends all walked out,
And he started to pout
‘Cuz his whale of a tale was a fail.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was telling a tale
Of the crowds at an underwear sale.
She pushed, shoved, and hit
Just for one bra that fit
And emerged much more perky, but pale.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow was telling a tale,
Of a harlot he’d chanced to impale:
“I had this erection;
Alas! No protection!
Next I knew, I was lifting her veil.”
Robert Schechter:
A fellow was telling a tale
Which he tried hard to peddle. No sale,
For the folks in his state
Learned he’d gone on a date
Though he’d claimed he’d been hiking a trail.
Ruth Henson Feder:
A woman was telling a tale
‘Bout a piss-poor excuse for a male
Who was three hours late
On their very first date,
Stiffed the bill, and was thrown into jail.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David McCormick, Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Ruth Henson Feder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Saturday, October 22nd, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who’d taken a shot
At the bar with a tall, rugged Scot
Was just starting to flirt
When she peeked up his skirt
And exclaimed, “Is that all that you’ve got?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Shawn Thorsen, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At an opened up Senator’s slot
Got caught in a scandal
Involving a sandal.
A shoe-in I guess he is not!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At his neighbor’s antique flower pot
Got a nasty surprise
For that move-not-so-wise:
Steamin’ St Bernard poop through his slot.
Shawn Thorsen:
A woman who’d taken a shot
Of some brew from a simmering pot
Grew a prehensile tail
And oozed slime like a snail …
T’was a gastropod monkey, begot!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At writing still searched for a plot.
“I am sure I”ll be fine
When I find that first line!”
Do editors wait? They do not!
Colleen Murphy:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Had practiced his shooting a lot.
But he still had no aim
When he shot at his game,
So he ended with naught in his pot.
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At crashing a chi-chi night spot
Paid a thou for a drink
And much more for ‘wink-wink.’
The next day? Just a sot with no pot.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, RJ Clarken, Shawn Thorsen, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, October 16th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow at work on a case
Dressed his client in white pearls and lace.
But her prints on the gun
Proved she was the one.
“Burn in hell!” shrieked the host Nancy Grace.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Johanna Richmond, and Rachel Hoyt a/k/a Rhyme Me A Smile. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman at work on a case
Of a guy who was gone with no trace
Was intrigued by the clue
That his sexy wife, Sue,
Wore a satisfied smirk on her face.
David McCormick:
A fellow at work on a case
Yelled, “What hamfister sketched out this face?!
“Suspect’s eyes/ears transposed?!
“Two-tone lips?! Double-nosed?!” …
“Name’s Picasso, he’s new round the place.”
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow at work on a case
Galactic’ly tumbled from grace:
Through judicial robe zipper
Out slipped the big dipper
When “All rise!” reverbed through the place
Rachel Hoyt a/k/a Rhyme Me A Smile: (related news story)
A woman at work on a case
Had Batman show up at her place.
Said he saw in the sky
The bat signal (no lie)
But she just didn’t trust his thin face.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Rachel Hoyt, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
Saturday, October 8th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog, on Facebook, and on GooglePlus) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to J COSMO NEWBERY who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Ate a candle and half a flashlight.
“I’m on a new diet,
I urge you to try it,
Now I’m lighter but not very bright.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Veralynne Bosko Pepper, RJ Clarken, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Mark Megson, and Pari Cooper. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Stepped out, in a cape, for the night.
It was foggy and gray.
WOW! He LOVED it that way!
Let’s see now … whose neck’s the right height?
RJ Clarken:
A gal in the mood for a bite
Gets a call for a dinner invite.
Andrew Zimmern’s her date:
Bizarre food’s on the plate.
Change of mood. She says, “Fasting tonight.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Told a gal who was not very bright,
“Just give me a taste
Of your soft, little waist,
and I promise that’s all for the night.”
Mark Megson:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Found a tasty one during his flight:
The air hostess’s rear
Was deliciously near.
He gave the poor girl quite a fright.
Pari Cooper:
A gal in the mood for a bite
Thought she’d thaw something out for that night.
When she opened the freezer,
The sight didn’t please her.
In fact she lost all appetite.
When the stench from the box hit the air,
She thought she saw something like hair!
A whole body dismembered,
But then she remembered,
She’d bought Dahmer’s old Frigidaire!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Pari Cooper, RJ Clarken, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
Sunday, October 2nd, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to PHYLLIS STERLING SMITH a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was going to bat
For a law client monstrously fat.
When she lay down on hubby,
A man merely tubby,
She mashed him as flat as a slat.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Pari Cooper, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Steph Holdridge, Linda Moss, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A woman was going to bat
For a local disgraced Democrat.
He tweeted his junk!
He’s a punk not a hunk.
His career? Well now, that ended that.
Pari Cooper:
A fellow was going to bat,
Had a dick that was long as “all that”.
He rounded each base,
In a three legged race,
Then tripped on his balls and fell flat.
David McCormick:
A fellow was going to bat
So he donned, for protection, a hat;
Gloves and shirt, lightly padded;
Then furtively added
A cup for his this and his that.
Steph Holdridge:
A fella was going to bat
For a gal who was losing her flat.
He stopped the eviction
With a tale that was fiction,
And moved in with his dog and his cat.
Linda Moss:
A fellow was going to bat.
From nowhere appeared a black cat.
He threw up his hand,
Tossed the bat in the sand.
Superstition will trick you like that!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was going to bat
For a perky, pump-lovin’ pack rat;
Her footwear collection
(A shoo-in erection)
Could heal him in five minutes flat.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Moss, Pari Cooper, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steph Holdridge, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Saturday, September 24th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to RJ CLARKEN who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A guy who was fast on his feet
Courted courtesan gal Marguerite.
He danced her, romanced her
And then he unpantsed her.
Camille? Il est très bittersweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Earlybird, Scott Crowder, Daisy Mae Simon, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy who was fast on his feet
Was viewed as a sexual treat.
But the ladies agreed
His incredible speed
Disappointed them under the sheet.
Earlybird:
A gal who was fast on her feet
Decided to learn how to tweet.
Her fingers are fitter
From learning to Twitter.
But she never gets up from her seat.
Scott Crowder:
A guy who was fast on his feet,
Took the sportscaster gal to his suite,
And made hot, dirty love,
With the soon to be Guv.
Just a wild mama grizzly in heat.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A guy who is fast on his feet
Will appear on TV to compete
Despite onemillionmoms
Raising outrageous qualms.
A huge win for Chaz B. would be sweet!
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was fast on her feet,
When caught in a clinch indiscreet,
Said: “My dear, I am told
That the cure for a cold
Is to heighten one’s bodily heat.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Daisy Mae Simon, David Lefkovits, Earlybird, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
