Happy New Year Edition (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
As the new year approaches, men swear…*
or
As the new year approaches, gals swear…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick For The New Year
By Madeleine Begun Kane
As the new year approaches, men swear
That they’ll finally end their affair.
They’ll diet, work out,
Learn to ski, buy some grout.
What’s their chance of success? Not a pray’r!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Affair Limerick, Health Limericks, Holiday Humor, Limerick Contest, New Year's Humor, New Year's Resolutions Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Competitions, Writing Prompts
As the New Year approaches men swear
That they’ll have a real hot love-affair.
But the girls that they meet
In the bar, on the street,
Say ‘We’re sorry! Your cupboard is bare!’
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will read all the works of Flaubert
But soon, it’s “Hey, Mabel!
“This channel on cable
“Shows reruns of “Sonny and Cher!”
As the New Year approaches men swear
They’ll never take another dare
That involves a horse
For the main course
Just because their Godfather needs a scare
as the new year approached, men swear
last night wont happen again next year
can’ardly remember
not feeling limber
and now what to hibernate like a bear
“As the new year approaches, gals swear…”
Definitely will polish the flatware!
The stuff is a mess,
This is too much stress
Better to buy new & more stemware!
As the New Year approaches, men swear
That they won’t stay too long at the fair.
But they wake in the dawn
With a wince and a yawn
And the hope to be handled with care.
As the new year approaches toddlers swear
That they will learn to behave in day-care
They will stop talking back
And get on the right track
As they pee-pee in the kid’s potty chair.
As the new year approaches, men swear
To do better. It’s only fair,
But we all know too well
Bout that road to hell –
What it’s paved with…so, better beware!
As the new year approaches men swear
that they’ll do more to show that they care
But their spouses know well
that the guy’ll go to hell
for screwing their latest au pair.
Madeleine, your lim is so wonderful and so all-encompassing, I doubt I’ll be able to match it. But here’s one spur-of-the-new-year-moment:
As the new year approaches, men swear
Of their bodies they’ll take better care.
But resolve swiftly slips;
Watching Bowls, munching chips,
Not a one gets off his derriere.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
That they’ll finally take care
of the clothes that pile
on all chairs since a while
but maybe it can be done also next year..
As the new year approaches men swear
To pat more his gal’s derriere
It’s spread some with time
Still responds to fine wine
And offers about all he can bear.
As the new year approaches gals swear
Oh what I’d give for a new derriere
The old one’s still fine
But keeps spreading with time
From dessert all next year I swear to forebear.
As the New Year approaches men swear
To reject the old night and its mares
They yodel for whiskey
They whistle for gin
To toast life without any cares!
As the new year approaches gals swear
That their “skinny” clothes, once more they’ll wear
So they cut out the fats
And turn into old bats
Better plump than to torment their “herr.”
This may be too altered competition purposes but it came to me like this so I’ll post it as a warm-up:)
As the new year approaches, beware:
Your dear husband will most likely swear
To appreciate more
All the ways you keep score.
Don’t be fooled – being nice isn’t fair.
Sorry – forgot the period at the end of the 4th line. My proofreading skills have tanked in the last year!
(Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you.)
As the new year approaches, men swear
To change more than their skank underwear,
But proactive solution
The male constitution
Resists (much to woman’s despair).
As the new year approaches, men swear:
“Getting plastered has been my bugbear.
I’ll stop with the hard stuff,
Chivas Regal to rebuff,
I’ll settle for vin ordinaire.”
As the new year approaches, men swear
And go on like they’re quoting Voltaire,
But said eloquent man
Cannot master the can —
See my toilet rim crowned derriere.
As the new year approaches, men swear.
As a hot babe approaches, men stare.
As game time comes near,
men go get a beer,
and head for the ol’ easy chair.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
To lay off the fat and to bare
Both their midriffs and hearts
And other body parts
But they give up and just cut their hair.
Some changes are too hard to make
Like giving up chocolate or steak
It takes work–it’s not play
Try baby steps every day?
Or, when you blow it, give yourself a break.
There’s always next year, I have said
By then per’aps it’ll “click” in your head
So that results will supersede
The gluttony and the greed
And your steps will feel lighter than lead!
happy 2012,
loved your humor and limericks, keep it up.
Big Smiles.
I kept looking for a linky. My double-limerick sat for hours, and didn’t improve a bit, until I finally figured out there wouldn’t be a linky. Duh.
So here goes:
Now the new year’s arrived, women swear
We will once more stop dyeing our hair
We’ll go on a diet
(At least, we will try it!)
And throw out all the things we can’t wear.
We won’t complain about our in-laws,
We’ll stop acting like they’re outlaws,
We’ll clean up our act,
We’ll develop some tact,
And won’t have discussions about laws.
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel
As the new year approaches, I swear
Off pretending to be Linda Blair:
“No high estrogen level
Will make me go devil!”
(That was me from my bed in the air.)
As the new year approaches, men swear
To behave in ways proper and fair
To eschew all vice
And do what is nice
Keeping to it though; is rare
As the new year approaches, men swear
that they’ll take better care of their hair.
But time takes its toll
and frustrates their goal
as their hair disappears in the air.
As the new year approaches men swear
To be better at showing they care
It could be for their date
Or even their mate
But it won’t be their soul that’s laid bare.
As the new year approaches gals swear
A plan to improve they’ll prepare
They’re told “Start attacking
That something that’s lacking”
Not seeing they’re already there.
INTERESTING….I now know what all I can think of doing in the new year.. as a man.. Happy New Year to you..
Thanks for visiting my blog. Happy new Year to you :)
As the new year approaches gals swear
They will do something fresh with their hair
They will streak, chop, or dye it
That wild style? They’ll try it
To give their old face a new flare
As the New Year approaches, some swear
as their platform they’ll bring back school prayer.
This they’ll do, but which brand
of religion is planned?
I’ve a feeling it’s quite doctrinaire.
As the New Year approaches, I swear
(‘cause I read it in Vanity Fair)
at Wendy’s… foie gras?!
Ye gads. How bourgeois!
It’s an upscale, fast food love affair.
As the New Year approaches, men swear
in their tuxes they’re quite debonair,
suave, charmant and très chic.
They’re top hat, so to speak
so they strut as if walking on air.
As the new year approaaches, men swear
To be certain, refined, debonaire,
But alone on the beach
(Perhaps eating a peach),
Mounts Prufrockian doubt: “Do I dare?”
As the new year approaches, men swear
That they’ll never get old, that their hair
Will be lustrous and full
That they’ll always be cool
But alas they get worse for the wear
As the New Year approaches men swear
To attitude less Devil-may-care
But overtime’s no fun
And they’re too pooped to run
So their choice is for less wear and tear.
As the New Year approaches I swear
And I shout my protests in the air
The first’s just another day
I know I’ll stay this way
So why should I act like I care?
As the new year approaches, I swear
To forego, dear, my lazy-boy chair.
No more evenings, pedantic —
I’ve grown more romantic —
Soon you’ll have your feet in the air.
As the new year approaches, men swear
To find love with a girl sweet and fair.
But for most, this won’t be,
As they’re failing to see
That they’re ugly and fat with no hair.
As the new year approaches, I swear
That my failures and gaffes? I won’t care!
If I stumble today,
I’ll just shrug it away;
I’m releasing it up in the err.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
That although they have nothing to wear
They will curb their excesses
And fit new, petite dresses
Just to hear girlfriends say, “that’s unfair!”
As the New Year approaches, gals swear
That they MUST buy some NEW clothes to wear.
But each husband still clings
To his old worn-out things:
“You can NOT throw them out. Don’t you dare!”
As the New Year approaches gals swear
To be ladies with tightly pinned hair
They pledge, “No more sweets
Or fatty, red meats!
(Once I finish this chocolate éclair.)
As the new year approaches gals swear
To throw out their old underwear
And buy lingerie
So their hubby’s will stay
Interested in what’s happening there
As the New Year approaches gals swear
To throw out their old underwear
And buy lingerie
So their hubbies will stay
Interested in what’s happening there
*whoops!
Bravo! I love it. :O)
As the new year approaches, gals swear
When they face the New Year with a dare
That although they may fail
They’ll propose to their male
Cos it’s leap year, when such things are fair.
As the new year approaches, men swear
To dispose of their old underwear
As their grubby old briefs
Rouse disparaging shrieks
From the gals they invite to their lair.
As the new year approaches, men swear
With words that hang blue in the air
That they’ll never admit
That they’ve been quite a sh*!
To their gals through the previous year.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
That their hubby’s old socks they’ll repair
With some make do and mend
They’ll increase their stipend
So they’ve more they can spend on their hair.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
They’ll improve at pretending to care
About sugar and spice,
fetching fashion advice,
Lingerie and luxurious hair.
As the new year approaches, men swear:
No more meat or at least none cooked rare;
Why have twelve beers when six
Is an adequate fix?
As for porn, only followed by prayer!
As the new year approaches, men swear
They won’t flirt with the maid or au pair
And be true to their vows
“For me, only my spouse”
They are full of it, I do declare
As the new year approaches, gals swear
That they wish to be walking on air
On the wings of a dove
Then they’ll know it’s true love
But it helps if he’s a millionaire
As the new year approaches, men swear
They’ll try not to ogle and stare
A flawed resolution
With a single solution –
Blindness, or at least vision impaired
As the new year approaches, gals swear,
they will try out some thong underwear.
Then reality hits them,
right where nature splits them,
and their asses get stuck to the chair.
As the New Year approaches, women swear
that they simply have nothing to wear.
If they’re going to go out
they must posture and pout
till a credit card falls from the air.
And I LOVE Scott’s thong limerick!!!!!
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will aim for the toilet with care,
But the subject in hand
May ignore the command
And reroute its direction mid-air.
As the New Year approaches, men swear
To select resolutions with care.
Should their promises call
Them to carry the ball,
They shall prove that they still have a pair.
As the new year approaches, men swear
at porn mags they’ll no longer stare
but to gaze at their wives
for the rest of their lives…
Hmmm…perhaps just one mag…as a spare!
“Not a pray’r.” Enjoyed your limerick about “change.”
Replied to your reply: YouKnowThatBlog
As the new year approaches, men swear
That they’ll approach their wives with more care
Less drinking and smoking
More caressing (and poking??)
Well… the thought (I guess, ladies?) is there!
As the new year approaches, men swear
that they are going to wash their body and hair.
With soap, they scrub and rub very hard,
rinse off with the hose from the backyard,
to find they are bald and that life is not fair.
This was fun.
Thank you so much for having us play from Theme Thursday.
God bless.
As the new year approaches, men swear
A change for the better as you would dare
A converted soul
No more an a..hole
Who then would reasonably bid to care
You certainly have some good ones here … Bravo to everyone for the limerick challenge.
I love to visit and chuckle ~~ Happy New Year, Madeleine!!!
not a prayer – lol. that’s why I don’t even make resolutions anymore (smiles)
wow, you are doubling your dare
on love affair,
men never really care
when they see a girl who looks lovely and fair.
happy new year.
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will put on more stylish menswear,
But the doubt that arises
For new suits and ties is:
“The best place to shop for men’s where?”
As the new year approaches, I swear
And I curse like a sailor and share
Expressions so foul
They make Dave Mamet scowl
And Dawkins recite the Lord’s Prayer.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
To slim down a fat derriere
Or stomach, or both,
But this annual oath
Will be kept, as the poets say, ne’er.
As the new year approaches, gals swear
to buy some sexy new underwear
so as to turn their guys on
all the way to hill and gone
who’d rather just see them bare!
Never wrote a limerick but after laughing all the way down the page I’m inspired to try:
Every New Years Day I swear “Oh shit”
My youth is slipping away bit by bit
Each hair that turns grey
Distracts from the sway
of the pounds packed on where I sit
Whoops! Didn’t read this BEFORE: (Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
So new to the limerick game, I swear!
Damn! I fell kerpluck into a snare
Not reading the rule
I feel like a fool
Eliminates me, unfair
playful limerick,
thanks.
As the new year approaches, men swear:
Dear, you DON’T have a square derriere.
You have buns firm and spanky
(Not cellulite skanky),
You DO have a nicely shaped pair.
Some great ones here, but I shouldn’t have read them all! Now I got nothin!
Ain’t Skeert
As the new year approaches, I swear
To be temperate, prudent and fair.
Then some GOP ass
Fouls my plan blowing gas
Out his slack teabag-backed derriere
At the new year’s approach, some men swear
To forgo all dire headlines that scare.
He’ll not fear unemployment
(It might spoil his enjoyment)
– At least ’til his cupboard is bare.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This limerick is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 43.
But never fear — a new Limerick-Off has already begun.