Posts Tagged ‘Gordon Richmond’

Limerick of the Week (45)

Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever two-verse limerick:

A fellow was trying to hide
His nature (mean, callous and snide),
But it’s hard to shrug off
With a wink and a scoff
What he did to his number two bride.

So the newt did what Newt does so well:
Told his critics to all go to hell.
With a blood-thirsty base,
Best grow fangs to save face.
Can you hear Willard Romney’s death knell?

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jason Talbott, Gordon Richmond, Scott Crowder, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, and Elaine Spall. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Jason Talbott:

A fellow was trying to hide
Some cash that he earned on the side
As a writer of fiction.
His craft caused conviction–
When he filled out his taxes, he lied.

Gordon Richmond:

A fellow was trying to hide
His “size” from the young, pretty bride,
But soon she’d discover,
Once under the cover,
She’s in for a very short ride.

Scott Crowder:

A woman was trying to hide
The fact that her hair had been dyed.
But the truth would come out
And leave not a doubt
When the gal wore a swim thong poolside.

Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:

A fellow was trying to hide
From his overly amorous bride.
He said “Wait a bit!
It’s time to admit
I got sea-sick the last time I tried!”

Elaine Spall:

A fellow was trying to hide
From six women, each claimed was his bride
When his half dozen wives
Set upon him with knives.
“Rest In Pieces” was scribed when he died.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Limerick of the Week (43)

Sunday, January 8th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to GORDON RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

As the new year approaches, men swear
They will aim for the toilet with care,
But the subject in hand
May ignore the command
And reroute its direction mid-air.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Robert Schechter, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Robert Basler:

As the new year approaches, men swear
They will read all the works of Flaubert.
But soon, it’s “Hey, Mabel!
“This channel on cable
“Shows reruns of ‘Sonny and Cher!’”

Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:

As the New Year approaches men swear
That they’ll have a real hot love-affair.
But the girls that they meet
In the bar, on the street,
Say “We’re sorry! Your cupboard is bare!”

Robert Schechter:

As the new year approaches, men swear
To rise from their sofa or chair
And move their fat asses.
The impulse soon passes,
Replaced by a staunch laissez faire.

Madeleine Sara Maddocks:

As the new year approaches, men swear
To dispose of their old underwear,
As their grubby old briefs
Rouse disparaging shrieks
From the gals they invite to their lair.

Johanna Richmond:

As the new year approaches, men swear:
No more meat or at least none cooked rare;
Why have twelve beers when six
Is an adequate fix?
As for porn, only followed by prayer!

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

As the New Year approaches, gals swear
That they MUST buy some NEW clothes to wear.
But each husband still clings
To his old worn-out things:
“You can NOT throw them out. Don’t you dare!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Limerick of the Week (42)

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a ERROL NIMBLY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A husband who’d stepped on some toes,
Always staying out late with some hos,
Woke to breakfast in bed
And a short note, which read:
Here’s your sausage, I hope it regrows.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Matty, RJ Clarken, Gordon Richmond, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
When competing with ballroom dance pros
Displayed in his jive,
While broadcasting live,
What a slip of the zip might expose.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had created a large group of foes.
So in spite of his drive
His career took a dive
And he ended up stocking at Lowes.

Matty:

A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had an ego as big as his nose,
Until one day his bride
Shot a hole in his pride
And told him the sex really blows.

RJ Clarken:

A fellow who stepped on some toes
And garnered political woes
Told more lies and then cheered
When opponents got smeared
While the public got led by the nose.

Gordon Richmond:

A woman who’d stepped on some toes
By writing her triple X prose
Was sent off to jail
And denied any bail;
Now she lives with the rest of the hos.

Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:

Said a sultan who’d stepped on some toes,
“In a harem, that’s just how it goes:
With my wives all entangled
A few may get mangled —
It’s best to arrange them in rows.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.