Posts Tagged ‘Writing Competitions’
Sunday, September 18th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gal who was covered in sweat
Vowed, “Girl! That’s your last pirouette!
“Admit it! You grew too
“Rotund for your tutu!
“BELLY dancing is now your best bet!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Mark Megson, Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, RJ Clarken, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was covered in sweat
While performing a horny sextet,
Between visions impure
And a skilled embouchure,
Earned the “Rusty Trombone” sobriquet.
Mark Megson:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Was arrested for humping his pet.
“It was choking” he cried
“So the Heimlich I tried,
An action that I now regret!”
Ira Bloom:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Told his friend, while collecting a bet:
“It may seem a fiasco
To guzzle Tabasco—
I do it to get out of debt.”
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Made his lady loves rather upset.
As he slipped and he slithered
His ardour just withered,
Leaving appetites sorely unmet.
RJ Clarken:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Had the hots for a sexy brunette.
So he said, “It sounds screwy:
You make me feel dewy!”
That line hasn’t worked for him yet.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A guy who was covered with sweat,
Indignant, rushed Pooch to the vet.
“She encountered a rake.
What means should I take?
I’m not ready for puppies just yet!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Mark Megson, Phyllis Sterling Smith, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 8 Comments »
Sunday, September 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Ira Bloom who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow was trying to dine
On a meat which he couldn’t define.
It was beaten with mallets
And sauteed with shallots;
For roadkill, he thought it divine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Linda Scheller, Charles Mashburn a/k/a Marbles In My Pocket, and Neal Pattison. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David McCormick:
A fellow was trying to dine.
Of his sirloin, there still was no sign;
Told the waiter his plight,
“Will I sit here all night?”
“Oh no, sir, we close up at nine.”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was trying to dine
When her date, a bit touched by the wine,
Took dessert down below
Where she heard him cry, “Whoa,
Crème brûlée never tasted so fine!”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was trying to dine
When he whispered, “These breasts are so fine.”
Her face got beet red.
From the table she fled.
But he just meant his Chicken Divine.
Linda Scheller:
A fellow was trying to dine
On his caviar, fois gras and wine.
He looked through the glass,
Saw a match-selling lass
And then muttered, “Oh well. I’ve got mine.”
Charles Mashburn:
A fellow was trying to dine
But mostly he drank lots of wine,
Became quite unstable,
Slipped under the table.
His wife said, “Oh no, he’s not mine.”
Neal Pattison:
A man who was trying to dine.
Saw his fork had a speck on one tine.
Was it pepper or spice?
Was it rats? Was it mice?
He decided to stick with the wine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. It was an especially strong group of poems, and I had a very tough time choosing.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Charles Mashburn, David McCormick, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Scheller, Neal Pattison, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 3 Comments »
Sunday, September 4th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who felt he’d been had
Complained of a misleading ad.
“It never did rise
Or double its size
Even though she was scantily clad!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Amy Barlow Liberatore a/k/a Sharp Little Pencil, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Kerri Anderson, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A woman who thought she’d been had
By her dubious date, “Man from Glad,”
Found his fetish for plastic
Sincere, not bombastic:
His meatballs were sandwich bag clad.
Amy Barlow Liberatore:
A woman who felt she’d been had
Gazed out of the window, quite sad.
Her millionaire dream,
A big Ponzi scheme.
Her slick lover was two times a cad.
David McCormick:
A woman who felt she’d been had
Told the Judge, “Kissed some frog on a pad.
“Well, next thing I seen
“Was this ugly, old queen
“Not the ‘handsome, young prince’ in his ad”.
Kerri Anderson:
A woman who felt she’d been had
Did say to her mother, “I’m sad.
“I’ve cooked and I’ve cleaned,
“I’ve primped, pressed and preened,
“But the only man ’round here is Dad.”
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who felt he’d been had
Re buying a dubious ‘Strad’
Found his authentication
Lacked substantiation.
Oh fiddlesticks! He was sure mad.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Amy Barlow Liberatore, David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Kerri Anderson, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Saturday, August 27th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who tended to brag
Blustered, “Ski slalom Gold? In the bag!”
But he met a sad fate
When, at the last gate,
He zigged when he needed to zag.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, RJ Clarken, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A woman who tended to brag
Hoped her bra hid her sizable sag,
But the long straps and clips
She hooked up to her hips
Bobbed her boobs with each derriere wag.
RJ Clarken:
A woman who tended to brag
All about her ‘Kate Spade’ shoulder bag
Discovered … a fraud!
Yes, she saw it was flawed:
The name was misspelled on the tag.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who tended to brag
Said she’d been in a bachelor mag
As not only the cover,
But Most Wanted Lover,
Even though she was starting to sag.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this entertaining verse:
A woman who always seemed game
Bedded men who all asked her the same:
“Did you have a good time?”
And each night she would chime,
“Oh yes! I am so glad I came!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Matty, Ira Bloom, and Jesse Levy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond
A woman who always seemed game
Loved a man who put “spicey” to shame;
While his creamed pepper jack
Made a very nice snack,
His Jamaican jerk set her aflame.
Matty:
A fellow who always seemed game
Went out with a strange looking dame.
As the petting got heavy
In back of his Chevy,
He found out that Pete was her name.
Ira Bloom:
A woman who always seemed game,
From Siam, said without any shame:
“I will whip your behind,
If you like Thais that bind,
‘Cause I dress not to kill, but to maim.”
Jesse Levy:
A woman who always seemed game,
Could never remember my name.
I told her, quite peevy,
“My dear, it is Levy.”
Now her name and mine are the same.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Ira Bloom, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Sunday, August 14th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Patrick McGuire who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A man who was lacking in wit
Had lawyers who never would quit.
The jury declared
The man should be spared
’Cause the glove at the scene did not fit.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, J Cosmo Newbery, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mark Megson:
A man who was lacking in wit
Performed an odd comedy skit.
He stood on two logs
And juggled some frogs,
To which the crowd said “Is this it?”
J Cosmo Newbery:
A girl who was lacking in wit
Thought a penis was something that bit.
At the end of the night
She exclaimed with delight,
“It’s toothless, but knows how to spit!”
Scott Crowder:
A man who was lacking in wit,
Was stupid and didn’t know spit.
So he asked Joe the Plumber,
“Back Dumb or back Dumber?”
Joe suggested Michelle over Mitt.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: J Cosmo Newbery, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Patrick McGuire, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, August 7th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When H. Lecter, (her beau), turned up late;
“My regrets,” he said quickly,
“My tummy felt sickly,
“It’s probably someone I ate.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Kay Saladay, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A love-smitten gal was irate
’Cause she went with a real reprobate.
He was lazy and greedy
And boy, was he needy.
But his paintings do hang in the Tate.
Kay Salady:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When her guy showed up late for their date.
The smell of perfume
Drifted into the room.
Then her love quickly turned into hate.
Johanna Richmond:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When her man fled the deli mid-date:
Her pickle juice trickle
Made lover-boy fickle;
He took his knishes too –– great!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith
A love-smitten gal was irate
That her chatter seemed starting to grate.
She talked up a flurry.
He left in a hurry.
She joined “on-and-on anon.” Late.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Kay Saladay, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, July 31st, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who loved a great thrill
Each day took a little blue pill.
Though he rose to the part
‘Twas too much for his heart,
And we can’t get his casket closed still.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ste Earp, Scott Crowder, Robert Basler, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ste Earp:
A fellow who loved a good thrill
Attempted to ice skate uphill
Now with both ankles broken
Insurers have spoken
Confirming they won’t foot the bill.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow who loved a good thrill
Got naked to cook on his grill.
His ribs got well roasted,
His buns nicely toasted,
And his weenie has marks on it still.
Robert Basler:
A fellow who loved a good thrill
Went touring with Buffalo Bill.
He argued quite vocally
With young Annie Oakley.
You can find him up there on Boot Hill.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who loved a good thrill
Put his faith in a little blue pill.
So it came as a blow
When he found out there’s no
Pharmaceutical stand-in for skill.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your clever limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Scott Crowder, Ste Earp, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, July 24th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to PHYLLIS STERLING SMITH a/k/a Granny Smith who wins Limerick of the Week for this very amusing verse:
A fellow I tried to ignore
Was the neighbor who moved in next door.
I found, to my sorrow,
That things he would borrow
Were stashed in his second-hand store.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bruce Niedt, RJ Clarken, Johanna Richmond, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Bruce Niedt:
A fellow I tried to ignore
Has become quite a pestering bore,
With his really tight pants,
And his red cape and dance —
I’m a bull, he’s a toreador!
RJ Clarken:
A woman I tried to ignore
Made a scene in an haute couture store.
She paired a pelt scarf
With faux feathers. (Oh barf!)
Quoth the raven, “Faux pas! Never more!”
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow I tried to ignore
Has followed me all through the store.
He thinks me a slacker
Declining his cracker;
Oh hell – pass the Spam de Wild Boar.
Scott Crowder:
A woman I tried to ignore,
Had spurned my advances before.
Then she offered romance,
And I jumped at the chance.
I’m a typical, sex craving boar.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, RJ Clarken, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Saturday, July 16th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to RJ CLARKEN who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A girl who was lovely and fair
Got a job as a family’s au pair.
She gave birth to a child
of the “Gov”, now reviled.
“He’ll be back” though, so please don’t despair.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Johanna Richmond, and Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
A gal who was lovely and fair
Had strawberry scent in her hair,
And nice melons to boot,
A real passion fruit,
But now she is shaped like a pear.
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was lovely and fair
Drew men who felt licensed to stare.
So she carried a sign
That read “My body’s MINE —
Show respect or risk hospital care!”
Brenda Byant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
A gal who was lovely and fair
Went around with her top-half all bare.
She was grabbed by police
Who said “This stunt must cease!
You really should grow longer hair.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
Sunday, July 10th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Madeleine Sara Maddocks who wins Limerick of the Week for this very amusing verse:
A woman who always felt free
Used to hang upside down from a tree.
In the dead of the night
A young boy took a fright.
Now he’s scared to go out for a pee.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who always felt free
Told the government: “Just leave me be!
Tax and regulate? Bub,
Drown yourself in a tub!”
While the rich bastards chortled with glee.
Victoria Ceretto-Slotto:
A woman who always felt free
Burned her bra when she turned twenty-three.
Now at age sixty-eight
She is rueing her fate,
As her boobies keep knocking each knee.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A woman who always felt free
To sing any ditty off key
Now finds it great fun
To see co-workers run
when she warbles a plain do re mi.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Ira Bloom, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, July 3rd, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. (This limerick challenge apparently got you all fired up because your submissions were unusually strong.) I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ALTONIAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A fellow was playing with fire
When asked to milk cows in the byre.
He gave a great pull.
‘Twas no cow but a bull.
That’s how you end up in the mire.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Altonian. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond: (Two Honorable Mentions for Johanna this week)
A woman was playing with fire
When she sought to rekindle desire;
Though she turned up the heat
Sex was strictly Dutch Treat;
Seems her man didn’t like to perspire.
Johanna Richmond:
Old Midas was playing with fire
By insulting the guy on the lyre;
When that guy is Apollo,
Best shut up and follow
Or donkey ears you shall acquire.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow was playing with fire
In transferring money by wire
In hundreds of G’s
To a bank in Belize,
Where he secretly hoped to retire.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow was playing with fire
And burned down the church in his shire.
When Robin Hood came,
He said, “I’m not to blame!
It must have been your friend, the friar!”
Altonian: (A double win for Altonian too)
A woman was playing with fire
When she thought she was all men’s desire.
She tried vamping one day
With a man who was gay
It was easy for him to deny her.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Altonian, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 26th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRENDA BRYANT a/k/a Rinkly Rimes who wins Limerick of the Week for this very amusing verse:
A gal who could never say no
Said ‘Come on! Don’t be shy, Romeo!’
She was eager to please
Even on a trapeze!
Which was great for the folk down below!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Vivienne Blake. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A man who could never say no
Frenetically dashed to and fro;
With a mistress and wife
He had double the strife
Kissing two butts – a tough row to hoe.
Scott Crowder:
A man who could never say no
To pork chops and raw cookie dough,
Made me whisper “Oh, Lord,”
When he wobbled on board,
“I hope he don’t sit in my row.”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A man who could never say no
To the urges that came from below
Was finally defeated,
When thousands retweeted
His self-composed, solo tableau.
Vivienne Blake:
A gal who could never say no
Married ten at a time, dontcha know.
Polyandry her crime,
She had to do time.
It was worth it, she loved ‘em all so.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, David Lefkovits, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Vivienne Blake, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, June 19th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A gal who was proud of her clout,
When fondled would shudder and shout.
And she learned by and by,
It is spelled with an I.
The O and the U are left out.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bruce Niedt and Ira Bloom. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Bruce Niedt:
A man who was proud of his clout
Brought a bat to the plate, big and stout.
Quite a menacing guy,
When the pitcher let fly—
But whaddya know, he struck out.
Ira Bloom:
A man who was proud of his clout
Nonetheless was consumed by self-doubt
‘Cause his aids quit en masse
Claiming “Newt, you’re an ass.”
All in all, he had little to tout.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Ira Bloom, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, June 12th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Competition was extra strong this week, and I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to VERSEBENDER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who loved fine cuisine
Had a spread in a big magazine.
But the shoot turned out lewd
‘Cause he cooked in the nude.
Some utensils are best left unseen.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Lynette Killam, Lewis Evans, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Lynette Killam:
A woman who loved fine cuisine
Gave up struggling to keep herself lean.
She finally said,
“I’ll be thin when I’m dead…
I’d much rather be chubby than mean!”
Lewis Evans:
A fellow who loved fine cuisine
Was a cereal killing machine.
His obsession with grits
Rendered turbo-charged shits,
Wasting all who passed by his latrine.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who loved fine cuisine
While camping with mujahedeen
Would freshly bake scones
While running from drones
And filling up flasks with benzene.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who loved fine cuisine
When served subpar supper, got mean;
His waitress, fed up,
Snarled, “Go elsewhere to sup;
Sir, our liver don’t merit your spleen!”
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow who loved fine cuisine
When tipping was stingy and mean.
“My custom is still
Two percent of the bill.”
The spit in his soup went unseen.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Johanna Richmond, Lewis Evans, Limerick Of The Week, Lynette Killam, Phyllis Sterling Smith, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 5th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the four Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAISY MAE SIMON who wins Limerick of the Week for this amusingly clever two-verse limerick:
A fellow was in a bad mood
When his girlfriend, he learned, was a prude.
As he tried to seduce her
She said “That’s ABUSE, sir!
Stop letting your penis protrude!”
Second thoughts changed her mind and her mood.
She’d really not meant to be rude.
After all, he was cute.
He had quite a salute.
But too late, he’d been verbally screwed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, VerseBender, Elaine Spall, and Martin T. Hodges. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
A fellow was in a bad mood;
He had swallowed a fly with his food.
As he coughed and he spluttered
Those nearest him muttered
“Those noises are terribly rude!”
VerseBender:
A fellow was in a bad mood
As he lay there distraught in the nude.
Other women had said
He was worthless in bed,
But this was the first time one booed.
Elaine Spall:
A woman was in a bad mood
Cause she couldn’t stop thinking of food.
Then she said “Better try it…
This new sticky diet…”
And painfully had her lips glued.
Martin T. Hodges:
A fellow was in a bad mood
After seeing himself in the nude.
He was down in the mouth
As his eyes travelled south
Where the length of his age could be viewed.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Daisy Mae Simon, Elaine Spall, Limerick Of The Week, Martin T. Hodges, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, May 29th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and four Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to PATRICK MCGUIRE who wins Limerick of the Week for this charming verse:
A fellow went out on a date
And proudly showed off his best trait.
The woman was awed
And loud did applaud,
But now she complains that she’s late.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) VerseBender, Catherine Palmer, Steve Vitoff, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
VerseBender:
A fellow went out on a date,
But found himself deep in debate.
You want to get kissed
Instead of dismissed?
Leave politics at the front gate.
Catherine Palmer:
A woman went out on a date
With a fellow who made her irate.
He showed up at her door
Like a john for his whore
And proceeded to ask for her rate.
Steve Vitoff:
A woman went out on a date.
But her date she began to berate.
She’d freak when he’d speak
And critique his physique.
Rest assured, they did not conjugate.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman went out on a date.
That started and ended at eight:
“His chiseled physique
Would render me weak,
So I’m leaving before it’s too late.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Catherine Palmer, David Lefkovits, Limerick Of The Week, Patrick McGuire, Steve Vitoff, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Sunday, May 22nd, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this witty and timely verse:
A fellow was hatching a plot
(Cruel, evil, corrupt, dot, dot, dot);
But for once folks cried out,
Even Newt voiced his doubt;
Paul, your vouchers aint worth diddly-squat.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, Earlybird, David Lefkovits a/k/a Mr. Goose, and Matty. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was hatching a plot
To tutor his parrot a lot.
She not only could squawk.
In nine tongues she could talk.
She’s known as a true Polly-glot.
Victoria Ceretto-Slotto:
A fellow was hatching a plot
Involving his girlfriend named Dot.
He’d take her to Reno
and make a bambino.
Then she’d have to agree: “Tie the knot!”
Earlybird:
A woman was hatching a plot
To pepper her man with lead shot.
She thought she’d have fun
With a sawn-off shot gun,
Then boil his remains in a pot.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was hatching a plot
For seducing a boy who was hot:
“I’ll have him, me thinks,
After plying with drinks
At some out-of-the-way little boîte.”
Matty:
A woman was hatching a plot
To marry a man who was hot.
When she offered a lay,
The gent walked away.
A beautiful gal she was not.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Earlybird, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 11 Comments »
Sunday, May 15th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and two Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Earlybird who wins Limerick of the Week for this amusing verse:
A gal thought it time to take stock
When once, on omitting to knock,
She turned on the lights,
Found her man dressed in tights
And struggling to do up a frock.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Guy Peter Pietrobono and Victoria Ceretto-Slotto. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Guy Peter Pietrobono:
A gal thought it time to take stock
Of her odd biological clock:
“With 12 kids today,
Plus 3 on the way,
These birth-control pills are a crock!”
Victoria Ceretto-Slotto:
A gal thought it time to take stock ––
Her love life was truly a crock:
She trusted her honey
Who fled with her money,
Betrayal that left her in shock.
She hired a lawyer to sue
And see that the creep got his due.
When she saw him in court,
He admitted his tort.
She said “Tough, it’s all over. We’re through.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Earlybird, Guy Peter Pietrobono, Limerick Of The Week, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Sunday, May 8th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Robert Basler who wins Limerick of the Week for this charming, not to mention artistic, verse:
A gal had to cancel her plan
To purchase some art by Rodin.
It turned out some stinkers
Made counterfeit Thinkers
Which they sold from the back of a van.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine, a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats, Ron Mardix, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy had to cancel his plan
To make love on his girlfriend’s divan.
Her parents walked in
Shouting, “This is a sin!
Get your hands off our daughter, young man!”
Johanna Richmond:
A gal had to cancel her plan
To demolish the gingerbread man
When his raisin eyes pleaded
And pink lips proceeded
To yell, “Put me back in the pan!”
Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine, a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats:
A man had to cancel his plan
To relax on the beach, get a tan;
He was called in to work
(Yeah, the boss was a jerk)
So he’s still pasty white, in his van.
Ron Mardix:
A gal had to cancel her plan
To marry her boyfriend named Stan.
She has certain needs.
He “barely” succeeds.
Instead, off she ran with Sue-Ann.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A pol had to cancel his plan
For the banner beneath which he ran,
Which read that “Obama
Cannot find Osama,”
When now it appears: Yes, he can.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. There were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best six was big challenge.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Patrice Stewart, Robert Basler, Ron Mardix, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 13 Comments »
