Limerick Plot (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was hatching a plot…
or
A woman was hatching a plot…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Plot
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was hatching a plot
To kidnap a rich fam’ly’s tot.
But the germ-fearing man
Abandoned his plan.
Seems the youngster was rescued by snot.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Children Limerick, Crime, Germaphobe Humor, Kidnapping, Plots, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow was hatching a plot
To end the world’s fast-moving rot
“Let’s cut all our losses
Let go all the bosses
And install a wholly new lot!”
A fellow was hatching a plot
to lose his protruberant pot
‘You should go on a diet,
you really must try it’
said his wife ‘or divorce on the spot’
Mad, Lord nose your limerick is funny! ;^D
A woman was hatching a plot,
But inevitably she was caught;
Guinevere was her name.
She was heard to exclaim,
“It’s your fault, Lancelot ~ thanks a lot!”
A woman was hatching a plot
to marry a man who was hot
when she offered a lay
the gent walked away
a beautiful gal she was not
A woman was hatching a plot
To make sure her ex-husband got aught:
They were just kissin’ cousins,
He’d claimed {“had” by the dozens}.
Lovers caught: “Cuz” was hot! (Maybe not.)
A fellow was hatching a plot,
Pounced on wife with her lover ~ for naught;
They were caught on the cot
In a knot: she said haught-
Ily, “Babe, you were hot ~ so I thought…”
A fellow was hatching a plot,
The details of which were ill thought
Out: so caught with the daught-
Er of his boss, he’d got her
In bed. Now he’s jobless, distraught.
A fellow was hatching a plot
To take over the world, at a trot.
The Pale Rider, ahorse,
Gained through cunning and force
But won not: God’s the best polyglot.
A woman was hatching a plot
To gain much fame, acclaim which she sought:
A hot sot with C. Sheen,
Who turned mean (so she’s seen);
Now she’s facing a legal onslaught.
A fellow was hatching a plot,
Had this explanation when caught:
“This is what I was taught ~
If you’re bought, you STAY bought!
Where’s our ethics…you’re staring: so, what?!”
A woman was hatching a plot;
She connived, schemed, and carefully wrought
Iron-clad machinations
Fueled by bone-deep frustrations
With her x-rays: X rated, she thought.
A fellow was hatching a plot.
He, a punster, albeit cool, hot;
When his date he escorted
To the bar, he retorted,
“Ah, my dear, you’re so lush-cious and so[ugh]t…
After ~ drinking your way through four kegs,
It’s a wonder you’re still on your legs.
But your dress is divine!
(Please don’t whine in your wine.)
You look fine! Shall we dine? Ah, quail eggs!”
A fellow was hatching a plot
And was straight to a magistrate brought.
“But Your Honor, I beg
Leniency: ’tis an egg
I’ve been hatching!” he cried, overwrought.
“You can see it’s not been overeasy,
As eggs make me wheeze and feel queasy ~
Thoughts scrambled, nose runny,
Disposition not sunny
(Side up). It’s her fault, sly and sleazy!
Egged me on, said we’d never be caught
Breeding hens on the farm that I’d bought,
And so cheep by the dozen!
Swore my everlovin’ cousin,
But it’s me now accused of her plot!
Pardon me, sir, I’m feeling distraught.
Tell me straight: do I stand a good shot
At release by next year?”
Tears rolled down, mixed with fear.
And the dark judge intoned, “You are not
Quite the simpleton you are presenting
(It’s this Court’s loss of time I’m resenting),
You’re much worse! What a dolt;
I’m prescribing a volt
Of electrical current, preventing
A recurrence of you ‘fore this Court
In the future: my patience is short.”
“Eggs-tra burden, you say,
Amps should tamp down my play?”
Said the fellow, indignant, mid snort:
“I feared you, though innocent, Judge!
It’s clear you’re refusing to budge
From your lofty, high perch,
Leaving me in the lurch:
I’ve no recourse ‘cept nursing a grudge
IF your sentencing I should survive.
But my cousin, conniver, will thrive,
At you she’ll bat her lashes
In the midst of my ashes!”
He lamented, “YOU’LL both be alive.”
A fellow was hatching a plot,
Thought he’d crossed every T, I-eyed each dot:
But propelled by need, greed,
Well-laid plans went to seed ~
Soon was caught doing things he ought not.
A woman was hatching a plot
To ensure her opponent got caught.
Vicious story was slanted,
Fake “facts” purchased, planted ~
He fought, and survived her hot rot.
A fellow was hatching a plot
But confused it with what it was not:
He said, “Faugh!” to faux foes,
Thus creating new woes
Which, unwisely, he promptly forgot.
A woman was hatching a plot
That resembled a Gordian knot
Quite complex in design;
A huge, red warning sign:
Danger-fraught, in her knot she’d be caught.
A small boy was hatching a plot
Which depended on not getting caught.
It involved bugs and worms,
Girlish squirms, shrieks (and germs)…
Glee! Taut tot’s class, that day, went untaught.
A fellow was hatching a plot;
A good one? He learned it was not:
Post-cavort, he lamented,
“My equipment’s been dented!”
She’d vented, intent on hot cot.
That is a hysterical limerick, Madeleine.
A woman was hatching a plot
(She was haute and quite hot, so she thought):
As a tax-dodging snot,
Took her shot and was caught.
Scot-free? Not: haute no longer, nor hot.
A fellow was hatching a plot
He’d get rich as a seller of pot
It seemed a sure bet
But he ended in debt
Seems the market had shifted to khat
Granny, this one’s for you:
A woman was hatching a plot
To concoct limericks on the spot;
For The Muse must be pleased
And appeased, never teased,
So that each fleeting line can be caught :)
Thanks for your kind words about my limerick Peter and Patrice! And thanks everyone for your limericks! Please keep them coming and cross-post on my Facebook post of you’re active on Facebook. Thanks again!
A fellow was hatching a plot
To play golf and not dig a divot
He tried and he tried
But, in the end, he just lied
And paid for the damage he’d wrought.
A woman was hatching a plot
For a murder–the idea was hot!
She followed it through
Not knowing what else to do
In jail now for life she’ll just rot.
A fellow was hatching a plot
To expose his boss as a clot.
His published letter
Claimed he could do better,
But he’d need a luxury yacht.
A woman was hatching a plot
“Change my flabby body to hot”
She had liposuction
And big boobs construction,
But ended up with a blood clot.
A woman was hatching a plot
For a common-cold cure, when she thought:
“When the temperature freezes,
And then somebody sneezes,
They’ll think it’s a cure, but it’s snot.”
A woman was hatching a plot,
As she watched a vain fellow gavotte
Our gal, Carly Simon,
Started singin’ and rhymin’,
Her song hit the number one slot
A fellow was hatching a plot
involving his girlfriend named Dot
he’d take her to Reno
and make a bambino
the she’d have to agree: “Tie the knot!”
Patrice, wow! The limerick bug took over. Fun ones I’ve read so far.
a fellow was hatching a plot
to steal something he had not got
so he went on the prowl
but was met with a growl
as a rottweiler hit the jackpot
Thanks, Victoria! Yes, I was on a roll :) I enjoyed your winning entry from last week :)
A fellow was hatching a plot
To explain what he saw in a blot.
He saw the moustache
Of that clever Rorschach
Who said ‘What a load of old rot!’
A fellow was hatching a plot,
Panetta ordered the fatal shot,
that did get Osama,
and Barack Obama,
was leftl stirring some other pot!
Oh, that’s hilarious!
A fellow was hatching a plot
To grow a shit-load of really good pot
He got some good seed
To grow the best weed
But when the police came, it was all for naught.
I am in hysterics. I love it so much! My potluck: Protect
Love yours Mad.
A woman was hatching a plot
to pepper her man with lead shot.
She thought she’d have fun
with a sawn-off shot gun,
then boil his remains in a pot.
A fellow was hatching a plot
to sever the marital knot.
He still had a doubt,
but his wife found out
and ran off with all that he’d got.
A fellow was hatching a plot
to get rid of all that he got
the trash truck came by
then he said with a sigh
“it seems that I sure have a lot”
I love the punchline! Children will love it too.
Dark Eyes
A fellow was hatching a plot
To have a young girl on the spot
Said she, “You’re quite bold
But decades too old
But grandma might be worth a shot”
“rescued by snot” too funny Mad! sounds like the name of a European punk rock band.
A woman was hatching a plot,
it seems she’s been scratching a lot,
since her husband Marty,
went to that stag party.
Now apparently Marty’s been shot.
A woman was hatching a plot
To flaunt her body, quite hot
With sequins and feathers
lace, chains and leathers
But the family dog was all that she caught
(works is plot is pronounced plawt or plaht)
I cannot ever begin to find the talent in me for a limerick, but yours are completely divine!
A fellow was hatching a plot
To capture a wife who was hot.
A gal he could mold
Who would do as she’s told,
And argue with him she would not.
.
A woman was hatching a plot
To shake off an arrogant snot,
His life she had shared
As a trophy he snared…
Oh, such trouble he’d actually caught!
Loved your poem this week, Madeleine…just had to use ‘snot’ myself…:)
Lynette
Imagination Lane
A woman was hatching a plot
To make GOP number one spot
So she waged war on gays,
Reproduction rights days,
And called victims of rape hot to trot.
A woman was hatching a plot
Which backfired more often than not;
If she’d only concede
Her misdeed won’t succeed
When its seed is fleshed out smoking pot.
Sorry, Mad — I must have posted my second one twice (the first time, it didn’t seem to take but guess it did).
Note From Mad Kane: No problem — I deleted one of them.
a lady was hatching a plot
for lovely she was not
and in make up she smiled
while they smirked, non-beguiled
and laughed at her on the spot
now that there’s darn funny!
A woman was hatching a plot
For seducing a boy who was hot:
“I’ll have him, me thinks,
After plying with drinks
At some out-of-the-way little boîte.”
A fellow was hatching a plot
To become the new Sultan of Swat,
So each day that he played,
A nutritional aid
He would mix in and drink up a lot.
A fellow was hatching a plot
To tutor his parrot a lot.
She not only could squawk.
In nine tongues she could talk.
She’s known as a true Polly-glot.
A fellow was hatching a plot
To hide all his assets, the lot.
To hold them secure
He chose, to be sure,
One password – which he then forgot
very funny Granny S- I think I’ll change my password to pollyglot.
A fellow was hatching a plot,
Didn’t ask if he should or should not;
When his wife got the drift,
Retribution was swift;
Now the man and his plan‘s gone to pot.
If His Fate Hadn’t Been SEALed?
A fellow was hatching a plot
When by a sharp waitress was caught:
“Just call me Mosquito,
I’m here incognito –
Don’t give me away [as you ought]…
I hate all you folk in New York;
Complacent and weak, you eat pork!
I’m your enemy,
There’s plenty of me…”
She stabbed him: used torque on that fork.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and fun limericks. Please keep them coming. The limericks, I mean. :)
I don’t pick Limerick of the Week until Sunday, so you have plenty of time to participate!
A fellow was hatching a plot
(Cruel, evil, corrupt, dot, dot, dot);
But for once folks cried out,
Even Newt voiced his doubt;
Paul, your vouchers aint worth diddly-squat.
A fellow was hatching a plot
To pray for the rhymes that he sot.
It started some fights
That lasted for nights.
He thot, “O, what hath God rot?”
Hi, Madeleine! Got your note about your suggested changes for my latest. I’m going to change one of my lines before the deadline. So please submit this one instead of my previous one. Here goes:
A fellow was hatching a plot
To extort, but he didn’t know squat….
“Should I make ’em a deal,
Or lie, cheat and steal?
I guess I’ll just try the whole lot.”
Thank you,
Guy Peter Pietrobono
(Note from Mad Kane: I deleted your previous version. Thanks!)
What a cute limerick!
Good one, Guy :)
A woman was hatching a plot
To use “rhyming” words she ought not;
Gave it thought on her cot,
Smiled, “I’ll give it a shot…
[Though by Mad I’ve been caught quite a lot]!”
Thanks again everyone for your delightful limericks and kind words! This contest is officially over. And the winner is…
I hope to see you at my new Limerick-Off which has just begun.