Posts Tagged ‘Writing Competitions’

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Limerick of the Week (7)

Sunday, May 1st, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and four Honorable Mentions (three single verse limericks and one multiverse limerick.)

Congratulations to DAVID LEFKOVITS a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this excellent limerick:

A woman who loved a good fight
Would demand, as she argued all night,
Philosophical heft
From those on the left
And empirical proof from the right.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, VerseBender, Paul Andrew Russell, and Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A woman who loved a good fight
Invited to dinner one night
A catholic, a Jew,
Palestinians too.
They kissed and made up out of spite!

VerseBender:

A woman who loved a good fight
Said, “Darlin’, you know it’s all right
The reason I’m itchin’
To get in some bitchin’:
The making up part’s a delight!”

Paul Andrew Russell:

A fellow who loved a good fight
Would go on a rumble all night.
He’d punch and he’d jeer,
Fueled on gallons of beer.
Then strut off to bed at first light.

Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats:

A fellow who loved a good fight
Took on inner demons each night.
They’d roll, tumble, wrestle,
His body the vessel ~
A bone-chilling, hair-raising sight.

He’d chortle and shout out with glee,
“You’ll not get the better of me!
Mephistopheles, please:
You’re just a big tease!
I’ll win soon, and then I’ll be free…”

He leapt, intercepted the horde,
Sharp blade sweeping down as they roared…
Came the dawn, not a peep
As he smiled, deep in sleep ~
Grasp firm on invisible sword.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. There were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best five was quite a challenge.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 13 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (6)

Sunday, April 24th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and three Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this very amusing verse:

A gal with a very long name
Had one quirk when she stoked a man’s flame:
Full names she desired
So lovers required
Phonetical flair when they came.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) VerseBender, Elaine Spall, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

VerseBender:

A guy with a very long name
Made quite a remarkable claim:
I’ve a tattoo concealed
That is only revealed
When ladies consent to inflame.

Elaine Spall:

A guy with a very long name
As a Doc, earned a quick rise to fame.
So sad, the essentials
Of all his credentials
Could not be contained in a frame.

Scott Crowder:

A guy with a very long name,
was playing a dangerous game,
with the West and Mossad,
Ahmed-din-a-zhod,
may soon set the Mid-East aflame.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (5)

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions (four single verse limericks and one multiverse limerick.)

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet,
When asked what she wanted to eat,
Attracted a crowd
While enthusing aloud
How she savored the taste of jerked meat.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) VerseBender, Tilly Bud, Stan Ski, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, and Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

VerseBender:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Was really quite full of deceit
For under her sweater
Was nature made better
(If you like the feel of concrete)

Tilly Bud:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Had a terrible hunger for meat.
She ate first her brother,
Dad, sister and mother,
Then polished off folk in her street.

Stan Ski:

A girl who seemed guileless and sweet
Wrote a note on a boat in the Fleet
‘Dear Captain…’ she penned
‘Our romance must end
First we meet, then you cheat… you’re dead meat…!’

Victoria Ceretto-Slotto:

A girl who seemed guileless and sweet
on an evening of simmering heat
declared “Life is a bore;
“there’s just got to be more.”
Now you’ll find her out working the street.

Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
For her fiancé judge, planned a treat:
Into chambers she barged
Purring, “Guilty, as charged!”
Doffed her raincoat, ensemble complete.

He inquired, “You a perp or a vic?”
Grinned and stretched: “Well, we’d better be quick!”
Silken strides, no words uttered:
Quite impressed, the judge muttered,
“Something tells me those charges won’t stick.”

Then doors opened to Counsel (Opposing):
“Whoops, Judge, I had thought you were dozing!”
The couple froze, glaring;
He leered, “Thanks for sharing
Your pairing: A coup for my closing!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. There were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best six was quite a challenge.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 10 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (4)

Sunday, April 10th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Choosing the winners was a big challenge because we had a record number of really good submissions. So I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions (four for single verse limericks and one for multiverse limericks.)

Congratulations to Elaine Spall who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever, amusing verse:

A woman was fit to be tied.
Could not lose the weight though she tried.
Then she said “Better buy it,
This new “Alarm” diet,
A fridge that said “ACCESS DENIED.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Catherine Palmer and Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats for their delightful limericks:

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A fellow was fit to be tied:
“How the food makers subtly misguide!
While the price has held steady
Per box of spaghetti,
There’s not as much noodle inside.”

Scott Crowder:

A fellow was fit to be tied,
At his failure to be certified.
The doc looked at his brain,
Told the judge he was sane,
And the fellow was fit to be tried.

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

A fellow was fit to be tied
On hearing these words from his bride:
“If you’re planning to hang
With your old drunken gang
I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”

Catherine Palmer:

A man who was fit to be tied
Was mad at his beautiful bride.
She took out a saddle.
Then threatened a paddle
if he didn’t agree to a ride!

Patrice of the ManyCats:

A fellow was fit to be tied
Viewing pics that displayed his backside:
He was naked (big deal)
But bemoaned each huge meal,
For he clearly was less tall than wide.

But determined to locate a mate,
He conversed with a promising date
‘Til she saw his webpage,
Guessed his height, weight, and age
And refused further contact ~ cruel Fate.

Then inclined to decline dates and mope,
He was tempted to give up all hope.
Would all women pass? Yet
Fresh thoughts of his asset
Provided a way he could cope.

He posted, “Pull Over – Wide Load!
Sweet, snuggly, with gorgeous abode.
I’ll rock you each night,
It’ll be outta sight!
I’m a doctor.” (His stethoscope showed.)

He sat back as responses flowed in,
Then he read hers: aah, Angel of Sin.
She was smart, lovely, built.
His libido went Tilt!
Now they bare it all nightly, and grin.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. As I said, there were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best limericks was quite a challenge.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (3)

Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and one Honorable Mention:

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond who wins Limerick of the Week for this entertaining verse:

A man who was painfully shy
On his analyst’s couch, whispered “why?”
“Vell, your Vater ist rich
und your mutter’s a bitch
But my bet’s on that shrimp in your fly.”

For those who are keeping track, Johanna took this prize last week too. :)

Although my first two Limerick of the Week contests awarded three Honorable Mentions, this week’s has just one. Why? I explain in this limerick:

Dear Limerick-Off Versifiers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Yes, some of your lim’ricks were witty,
But imperfect in form — what a pity!
And the ones with no gaffes
Just did not give us laughs.
Yours truly, The Judging Committee.

And now this week’s single Honorable Mention goes to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith for her amusing limerick:

A gal who was terribly shy
In person, let guys pass her by,
But left them agog
with her hot sexy blog
And met guy – after guy – after guy.

Congratulations again to the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 8 Comments »

Limerick Of The Week (2)

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

We have a new Limerick of the Week winner, based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and three Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who submitted two excellent limericks. Johanna wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

A woman was terribly late
For her first in this century date.
She later confessed
She skipped getting dressed
And skyped in her natural state.

And congratulations to the Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Weisberg, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and VerseBender. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Edmund Weisberg:

A fellow was terribly late
Having died in the midst of his date,
Leaving diners aghast
At the lurid repast,
As his date polished off ev’ry plate.

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A fellow was terribly late
Understanding the current debate.
When told that inflation
Would ruin the nation
He asked, “Are we all overweight?”

VerseBender:

A fellow was terribly late
Which didn’t sit well with his date.
“My promise of heaven
Was valid at seven
But promptly expired at eight.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. There were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best four was quite a challenge.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 2 Comments »

Limerick Of The Week (1)

Sunday, March 20th, 2011

In last week’s Limerick-Off post I announced, as an experiment, a Limerick Of The Week contest. Basically, the best limerick submitted here and/or on Facebook using my upset first line, would be crowned Limerick Of The Week.

Well, my experiment worked even better than I’d hoped — so well, that I plan to make this a weekly event. In fact, you submitted so many excellent limericks, that choosing a winner was tough. But I rose to the challenge and I’m really pleased to announce this week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus three Honorable Mentions … just in time for World Poetry Day.

Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. She submitted several fine limericks and hereby wins Limerick Of The Week for this one:

A fellow was very upset.
He’d climbed mountains in highest Tibet,
Taken loans without fear
To pay Sherpas, buy gear.
Now he can’t climb his mountain of debt.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Versebender, and co-writers (not to mention married couple) Catherine Palmer and Ron Mardix. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A fellow was very upset
And filled with remorse and regret
That, instead of The Times,
His limerick rhymes
Appeared in the local Gazette.

Versebender:

A fellow was very upset
About words he had come to regret
Like calling her Dee
When her name was Marie
In the heat of a passionate sweat.

Catherine Palmer and Ron Mardix:

A fellow was very upset
Online he did meet a brunette.
When they kissed at her door
He but fell to the floor.
Her male package he’d never forget.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »

Mad Kane In The News

Saturday, August 30th, 2008

I’m very pleased that my Robert Benchley Society Humor Award has generated a fair amount of publicity.  This article in Gannett’s Journal News is probably the best of the stories.  And it has a fun companion video of me reading one of my humor columns.

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Posted in Bob Newhart, Contests, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Robert Benchley Society, Writing & Publishing Humor | 4 Comments »

Bob Newhart Names “Mad” Kane Winner of 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor

Thursday, July 31st, 2008

Back in June I was thrilled to announce that I was a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Competition finalist. (The humor column that got me onto the finalists list is Guide For The Opera Impaired.) 

Well, I’m now beyond thrilled because Bob Newhart, the finalists judge, picked me as the FIRST PRIZE winner.

Mr. Newhart even sent me a handwritten personal note (reproduced below) explaining why he named me for the top Robert Benchley Society humor award.

Right now I’m verging on euphoria —a dangerous condition for a satirist.  But just to be mentioned in the same sentence as Mr. Benchley and Mr. Newhart is almost beyond comprehension.

Here’s Mr. Newhart’s note. (Needless to say, I plan to frame the original.)

Bob Newhart Letter

UPDATE: I’m very pleased that my award has generated a fair amount of publicity.  This article in Gannett’s Journal News is probably the best of the stories.  And it has a fun companion video of me reading one of my humor columns.

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Posted in Bob Newhart, Contests, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Robert Benchley Society, Writing & Publishing Humor | 11 Comments »

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