Spent Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose last dime was spent…
or
A woman whose last dime was spent…
Here’s mine:
Spent Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a gal below age of consent
Did nothing illicit,
Though mom was complicit:
‘Twas a “sweet sixteen” birthday event.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Age Of Consent, Birthday Limerick, Money & Finance Humor, Money Verse, Parenting Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Sweet Sixteen Party, Writing Prompts
A woman whose last dime was spent
Found the key to her lock box was bent
Oh! What could she do?
Solicit a screw?
In a blur, to the bar off she went.
Mad: yours is sweetly naughty! Tsk, tsk! LOL!
I wanted to fix mine and realized too late that I couldn’t delete. Oops!
I’ll be back……………………….
LOL! Thanks, Veralynne! And no problem re your duplicate post. I deleted your first entry. :)
A woman whose last dime was spent
buying weaponry just had to vent;
she was desperate to play
and took aim with her spray,
then she grabbed up that X-Box and went.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Found himself stranded in Ghent
He tried out some hustles
To get back to Brussels
But Bruges was as far as he went
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
Whipped out his last rubber tent.
He got ready for fun,
Expecting quite a ton.
When he discovered his same attachment present.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
His wife did not know the extent
She shopped on the card
Thinking the payment would be hard
Then found that there was nary a cent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On things that he’d later repent
Was flipping the next one —
His choice was a vexed one,
For misers are never content.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Needed money- and fast- to pay rent.
When he couldn’t find work
He sought senators’ perks
And joined the elite one percent.
The lobbyists helped his campaign.
(He loved caviar and champagne.)
Public servant? No cares
Vowed like Scarlet O’Hara’s,
“I’ll never be hungry again!”
Now he works only 100 days
for one-seventy thousand in pay
Add free healthcare and meals,
And quite plump backroom deals
as we taxpayers seethe in dismay.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Sat and wondered “How am I gonna pay my rent?
He needed some rest
So he decided to protest
Now he’s occupying Wall street, living in a tent.
Occupy
A woman whose last dime was spent,
Thought what her broke state meant.
Rather than go and eat dirt,
She rallied others who hurt.
Now she Occupies City Park in a tent!
a fellow whose last dime was spent
yellow he, chose fast dames for lent
cellibate he’d be
cellibrate be’n free
a fallow hose for shames be bent
LOL! Madeleine That is naughty but nice. :O)
A fellow whose last dime was spent
thought he had better relent
from doing such good
when he couldn’t buy food
This fellow’s name was Clark Kent.
So he took a job with the Planet
Got a raise from Perry who ran it
He wrote lots of stories
and flew off to glories
And had enough dough to see Janet.
(Sorry Lois).
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
Not despairing, went on to invent
A money machine
Like none before seen.
Can you guess to which prison he went?
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On prescriptions for AIDS found his bent.
Now he’ll shortly go far
As the newly-found star
Of the Broadway revival of “RENT.”
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Stole some cash, but was tracked by his scent.
In a camp, he was caught
And then bagged on the spot,
For they charged him with criminal intent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Vowed he’d change his ways and repent,
So told all his floozies
(And some were real doozies)
To “charge it”: he was a true gent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Perfecting a “Gal Magnet” scent,
Found little attraction,
Nor any real action.
He couldn’t disguise his intent.
A woman whose last dime was spent
Chose often and loudly to vent.
Her “pals” took off running,
Their speed truly stunning;
She growled, They’ll not see a red cent
When my lottery ticket comes in:
Thirty years now, it’s high time I win!
No more friends who are greedy
Or who see me as needy.
Until then, my best frien’ is straight gin.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Soon moved from his house to a tent.
His nightly intentions
Brought p’lice interventions:
“FREE {Sex!}” signs placed over his vent
And cunningly pinned to his pants
Drew many an int’rested glance.
But the cops weren’t amused
How his tent was abused:
“2-for-1 Sale!” Girls queued for their chance.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Still mystified where the rest went
Just some while
Friends went wild
Grim lesson of friends not worth a cent
Have been behind on everything for weeks, so didn’t even look at the weekly Limerick off, so I’m making up a little for lost time by dispatching three.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On frivolous items—like rent—
To bolster his pride
And his penury hide,
claimed he’d given up eating for lent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
When the landlord came, couldn’t pay rent.
So he tried to get by
With a little white lie,
Saying, “check’s in the mail. It was sent.”
A woman whose last dime was spent
On a fragrance machine with a dent,
Had a gleam in her eye.
“The machine’s broke, not I,”
She said, grinning, “I still have one scent!”
A woman whose last dime was spent
On mark-downs of 50 percent
To her husband she swore
This spending saved more
So he had no cause for dissent
A woman whose last dime was spent
Decided to find a nice gent
So she could easily try
To bleed him quite dry
And then leave him without a red cent.
A woman whose last dime was spent
On gambling swore soon to repent.
But the slots turned out kind,
And her hubby won’t mind,
That now they can pay for their rent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
From indolence vowed to repent;
“To the world I will show
“That my get-up-and-go
“Has not simply got-up-and-went!”
A woman whose last dime was spent
Preparing a meal for her gent,
Eased in the night,
With pasta just right,
By making spaghetti “Al Dente”.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
composed this unhappy lament:
I’m totally broke,
It isn’t a joke,
I’m left with a cent – and that’s bent!
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Described his financial descent
I married my money
But then my dear honey
Found me cheating and wouldn’t relent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On proving he had no intent
Was guilty as sin
But savored his win
Since no one dug up the cement
A woman whose last dime was spent
Because of a profligate bent
Found her Black Friday guile
And missing link style
Helped her nab stuff wherever she went.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a red cape he charged to Clark Kent
Was upset to discover
No place to take cover.
Those phone booths–where was it they went?
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a romantic tryst in a tent
Had arranged for a yurt
To cuddle and flirt
But his girl did not like the strange scent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On dangerous betting on Brent
Abandoned his futures
And now he’s a butcher
Pork bellies do not pay the rent
A woman whose last dime was spent
On the food and the clothes and the rent
Went Dutch on a date
At a credit card rate
Of 30.7%.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Had a plan to recover: He went
Out (he was drunk)
In search of a skunk,
Determined to rob its last scent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Made diamonds from coal to augment
His income. One squeeze
Is enough, if you please,
Provided your name is Clark Kent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Declared, “I refuse to lament.
Food is elitist!
I won’t be defeatist!
I can live in a box! Who needs rent?”
A woman whose last dime was spent
Entertaining an indigent gent,
Said, “I’m such a dumb bunny.
I thought he had money!
But that’s not what ‘indigent’ meant.”
A woman whose last dime was spent
on a minty and greenish unguent
went into a place
with the stuff on her face
and only she was content
The others all ran out of there
she had given the bunch quite a scare
the kid who remained
was yesterday brained
so all he could do then was stare
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On his girlfriend, Ms. Violet P. Kent,
Was brought up on charges
That all of his largess
Would soon be with Violet in tent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Exploring the streets of Tashkent
And then Samarkand
Where he got contraband
A Khayyam treatise on percent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On building a still to ferment
An excellent gin
He now sells by the bin
And fancies himself quite a gent
A woman whose last dime was spent
Didn’t know where her dropped pennies went.
She got down on the floor
And was searching for more.
Like a bloodhound she followed each cent
A woman whose last dime was spent
On measures designed to augment
Her natural bust
She feels it’s a must
If she is to make an indent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Said, “It’s true, but it’s not my intent
To imply that I’m poor.
I’ve got bank notes galore,
Just no dimes, which is all that I meant.”
Out House (limerick)
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Knew he could not pay next month’s rent
He took a sabbatical;
turned into a radical –
Now he’s Occupying a tent
Amy
Also, please come to my blog! Living Love For Kate
A woman whose last dime was spent
On holiday gifts she’d repent
Was ready for Monday
Her cyber-shop fun day.
Her excess left PayPal content.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On toner, proceeded to vent:
“That HP ink-jet
We were eager to get
Now’s the printer of our discontent.”
A woman whose last dime was spent
On designer clothes, accoutrements
‘Cause dressing to the hilt
Hid the way he was built
As a girl, he had no ‘mal(e)content’
A fellow whose last dime was spent
From royalty claimed his descent.
He married an heiress
Seaside on a terrace,
Trading title for income augment.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Hatched a scheme best described as hellbent.
With greed as his goad, he
Became devil’s toadie
And the minter of much discontent
A woman whose last dime was spent
At Christmas began to lament:
Carols played in November
For a fete in December
And its oh-so-commercial type bent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Took the money he needed for rent
Made a bet on a stock
That put him in hock
So he’s living right now in a tent.
A woman whose last dime was spent
On surgery she thought would augment
A behind so skinny
She was nicknamed thin Minnie
But alas when she bent it looked liked cement.
A woman whose last dime was spent
With her finances all awry and tangent
Though found it crude
Thought she’d pose in the nude
Betcha not everyone thought it well meant!
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On wine, women, song and the rent
Searched for a honey
To lend him some money
But found only empty lament.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
did not have a clue where it went.
It wasn’t on drink
so he said, “Let me think.
Could it be it was blown on the rent?”
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Still managed to leverage one cent;
Parlayed it to millions,
But lost several billions,
And to court (Chapter 7) was sent.
An old fellow whose last dime was spent
On a steep Himalayan ascent
Since he’s climbed Everest
Now he can get some rest
He retired his worn alpine tent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On airing his vocal dissent
His political PAC
Focused on the attack
He lost but was happy to vent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Tried hard to collect what he’d lent
To others, but found
They were nowhere around.
He was one impecunious gent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On rotgut (down to his last cent)
Said, with his last swallow,
(can you guess what will follow?)
“I fear we are both indigent.”
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Gave up any spending for Lent.
So he sat on his keister
As he waited for Easter
Which he hoped would be grandiloquent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Lit up on his very last Kent.
Bad news–had no wealth.
Good news-keeps his health.
No smoke when you’re broke, all I meant.
A woman whose last dime was spent
On horses of noble descent
She tried to deduct
Losses at Aqueduct
But the IRS wouldn’t relent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On catching the odd malcontent
This strange vigilante
Kept upping the ante
Which Batman had come to resent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Decided to sell his one stent.
His search was in vain.
Do I need to explain
That pun which you’ll come to resent?
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a campaign to be president
Said, “Nine, nine and nine,
I’m doing quite fine”
But nobody knew what he meant.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Begged clearly with simple intent
He asked, “Help me, bud,
Though I down in the mud.”
Lutulent ended up luculent.
A woman whose last dime was spent
On a signature fashionable tent
Repaired to the park
Where she sang in the dark
Made a star by her “occupy” stint.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Was asked to come home to his tent.
When he got to his tepee
He had to do peepee
And so, rather than coming he went.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Decided it was time to repent
A monk he would be
A choice made quickly
When he discovered they do not charge rent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On paying his paramour’s rent,
Could not save his life
When his lunatic wife
Found out where their last paycheck went.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On trying to misrepresent
That a previous wreck
Caused his pain in the neck
Lost his case. Now he’s charged with intent
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On frivolous things like the rent
Had no other apparel
So was dressed in a barrel,
Unwitting, won costume event.
“Spent” Limericks
A fellow whose last dime was spent
made his way to the holy tent.
Never one to be a scoffer,
he reached into the coffer,
nonexistant funds to augment.
A woman whose last dime was spent
pleaded with the government:
Please give me some money;
I deserve it, Honey.
I don’t know where earned money went.
(posted and linked here–> Spent Limericks
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a sly self-promotion event
Learned the art, from Ms Palin,
Of wail-, rail- and bailin’
Cain’s brand name’s now on the ascent.
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On a night with a woman-to-rent,
At the orgasmic crest,
Had a cardiac arrest:
“He came and, then sadly, he went.”
Thanks so much everyone for your kind words and fun limericks!
This Limerick-Off is officially over. Congratulations to this week’s Limerick of the Week Winner and to the Honorable Mention Winners! You can find the list of winners and their winning limericks here: Limerick of the Week 38.
If you didn’t win anything this week, don’t despair! A new Limerick-Off has already begun: Prone Limerick.
I know I’m too late for this Limerick-Off, but here’s one for fun:
A woman whose last dime was spent
On some loans to her guy for his rent,
Finally cried: “I can’t win!
What I’ve squandered’s a sin;
So I’m giving up lending for lent.”
Konrad, that was late, but fun. :)