Planning To Back Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was planning to back…*
or
A woman was planning to back…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Planning To Back Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was planning to back
A man who was clearly a hack.
When people asked why
He’d support such a guy,
“I get paid to,” he said. “I’m a flack.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Flacks Limerick, Hacks Humor, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow was planning to back
A colleague who’d just got the sack.
But he changed his mind,
As his pal had resigned,
From the job he was desperate to jack.
A woman was planning to back
A horse that they said was a hack
She said ‘ It’s so sweet
Even with four left feet!
It will do very well on the track!’
A fellow was planning to back
Out his driveway, but drove on a tack
His tire went flat,
And the worst part was that,
Of repair, he didn’t know jack…
A fellow was planning to back
His fellow CTU agent Jack
Most knew better though
For on that show
The lackeys die first in an attack
A woman was planning to back
Her man who was clearly a wrack*,
“For better, for worse…
But vows disperse…
Oh, well,” and she went off to pack.
*I didn’t know both ‘wreck’ and ‘wrack’ were correct, found out thanks to your prompt!
A fellow was planning to back
His girl who was clearly a wrack,
“For her I would die,”
He said with a sigh,
“Alas, she was bad in the sack.”
A fellow was planning to back
His hole cards of seven and jack
But flop, turn and river
All failed to deliver
And cost him the rest of his stack.
A programmer was planning to back,
His data up in an old school style rack.
The CPU broke.
Then it let out some smoke.
Now the hard drive’s got some nasty big crack.
He Won’t Be Back
A woman was planning to back
A Cain, who turned out to lack
The ethical reputation
To lead a great nation,
Unless to any ol’ female’s sack!
A fellow was planning to back
out of his marriage because of a lack
of anything like fun
so he brought out a gun
(The last line is crossed out in black).
A fellow was planning to back
Away from supporting Barack,
But when he reviewed
The alternative dude
He found his support back on track.
A fellow was planning to back
Down his drive when the robber’s attack
Caused no change in his plan:
Clobbered robber in van
Then drove off with him tied to the rack.
A fellow was planning to back
A promising pol named Barack
But he dithered too long
Then went Right, so went wrong;
Now wonders: next time, support Shaq?
A woman was planning to back
Up her HARD drive, but paused for a snack.
Now Lynn’s CDs all skip;
She had only one chip!
Maybe five…then the hacker’s attack
Next caused system failure, she whined
To her impatient friend as they dined:
“What, no backup or scan?!
I’m no longer your Fan!”
Lynn sighed, to life OFFline resigned.
A woman was planning to back
Out of plans to deal bigger in smack
Then retire out to Cub-
A (she was no one’s rube).
Late one night she was given the sack:
In Miami, those LIKE her aren’t fired…
Her last thought: I shoulda been wired!
Made to choke down a potion,
Then flung in the ocean –
Her service no longer required.
A fellow was planning to back
A limousine on to the track
So a racehorse would stop
Going clippety-clop,
But the train just went clickety-clack.
A fellow was planning to back
The bail-out of failed Fannie Mac
But then he said, “Why
Should those assholes, not I,
Be the ones who end up in the black?”
A fellow was planning to back
An irrational war in Iraq,
But his partner requested:
“Rethink this when rested,
And further — quit smoking that crack!”
A young fellow was planning to back
Well away from the cougar’s attack,
But she managed a pin
With a bottle of gin
And the weight of her double G rack.
A fellow was planning to back
Any pol not a hack, nor a flack:
To his consternation
And deepest frustration
Was forced to remain in the black.
A woman was planning to back
Well away from the rapist’s attack
When something went Snap!
Her attacker thought, Crap…
Swift jujitsu moves cut him [no slack].
A smooth-talking guy planned to back
His “equipment” into her young rack.
She growled, with sharp pinches,
I want feet, not inches!
Affronted, he drooped in the sack.
A fellow was planning to back
His new dentist for mayor (and flack)
Who considered, declined;
Thanks, but I’m too refined!
You’re too kind. Listen, Jack, you have plaque…
A fellow was planning to back
Drunken threats with a bombing attack:
Bellowed, “Call me Sky Jack!”
Then he stumbled, went slack.
Now he does daily laps in a shack.
A woman one night planned to back
Her Jeep INto a promising crack
That had looked plenty wide;
She’s still there, stuck inside
But at least she remains in the black.
A woman was planning to back
The legalization of crack,
But she later agreed
To restrict it to weed
When she actually founded her PAC.
A man was planning to back
A candidate with a very fine rack
He sure liked Sarah
Who had a nice pair a..
Dimples when she was on the attack.
a man who was planning to back
a politician who turned out a hack
took in his own hands
matters of the lands
cast his vote for another, sad sack
A fellow was planning to back
A horse that did well on the track
Alas, we confirmed
It wasn’t Affirmed
Alydar did do well, but no plaque
A woman was planning to back
A fellow who called himself Jack,
But (what a sly fox!)
When she peeped in the box,
He popped out, and gave her a smack!
A fellow was planning to back
An airborne and surface attack
Then add in the navy
And everything’s gravy
Or so thought that muppet Barack
A woman was planning to back
out of writing – she felt like a hack
but she gave it a try
and then said oh my!
somehow I managed it! Ack!
A fellow was planning to back
A girl that was tanning her rack
He took many shots
She showed all her spots
But nixed any roll in the sack
A fellow was planning to back
Whomever would win the attack
Alas no one foresaw
It would end in a draw
And then both sides would give him a whack
A fellow was planning to back
A boxer once known to smack
But off his prime
Not worth a dime
A pitiful sight on the come-back
A fellow was planning to back
A pony on a very wet track
The horse was a mudder
Cleared the gate with a shudder
But finished in back of the pack.
I thought I posted this already, but I didn’t see it; so, here it is again:
A fellow was planning to back
a business that ran in the black.
But, it messed up instead
and fell into the red.
So, he gave the top people the sack.
A girl who was planning to back
A fellow who had quite a knack
For paying for dinner
And picking a winner
But sadly got off the right track
A fellow was planning to back
A roulette ball to finish on black,
When a voice in his head
Whispered, “What if it’s red?” …
Said the inquest, “Anxiety attack.”
A fellow was planning to back
Obama whose plan was a fract
One day he woke up
In jail with a cup
For voting he sure lacked the knack
A woman was planning to back
A hunter who launched an attack,
But no such luck:
She was hit by a duck
That fell from the sky with a ‘quack.’
A woman was planning to back
Her car off the town’s railroad track,
But she answered the ring
Of her cell phone, poor thing,
And was killed as she started to yack.
A fellow was planning to back
up to snuggle against his wife’s rack.
But he stayed instead,
on his side of the bed,
when she planted her knee in his crack.
A woman was planning to back
An employee she knew she should sack.
His immense asset package
Prevented his sackage —
You might say he slipped through the crack.
A woman was planning to back
The Republican and to attack
The Democrat, but
Then she said, “You know what?
Who cares? I’ll just steal from the PAC.”
already tagged you mine but enjoyed reading through a few for OLN…smiles.
A fellow decided to back
Out of faking a panic attack
When he saw that his wife
Resumed washing her knife;
In return, he resumed talking smack.
A fellow was planning to back
Plans for the world’s biggest plaque
Visible from space
To any alien race
That said “It’s not too late to turn back!”
A woman was planning to back
Newt Gingrich — a true maniac–
Because she thought “Newt”
As a first name was cute.
Besides, she was strung out on crack.
A woman was planning to back
whoever could bring the most jack
she dressed as a teaser
to see who would please her
but she met with ennui not attack
Been loving your political ones on FB, Mad. Thanks for playing with us at OLN.
A woman was planning to back
up her booty while staying on track
The train it did slide
she kissed her booty goodbye
As the conductor was really quite slack
A woman was planning to, back
When the army invaded Iraq,
Enjoy her vacation
Exploring that nation,
But instead she stayed home to unpack.
A fellow decided to back
The withdrawal of troops from Iraq
Then wait for the order
As east of the border
He still has Iran to attack.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners! You can find the winners announcement here: Limerick of the Week 41.
But never fear — a new Limerick-Off is already afoot. Just click over here and Dip Your Toes In Limericks.
Greetings: Excellent Blog.
Happy Happy New Year.
Best Wishes for the year of 2012…
Your contribution is always welcome!
Lots of blessings and cheers sending your way.
See you soon.
xoxox
Thanks Poets Rally!