Posts Tagged ‘Technology Humor’

My Telemarketer Hang-up (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

My Telemarketer Hang-up (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My name’s on the “do not call” list,
But our phone rings non-stop, and I’m pissed.
“How’s my energy plan?”
Says a voice — not a man,
But a bot, energetic’ly dissed.

Limerick Ode To The Print Encyclopedia

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

The Encyclopaedia Britannica is the latest victim of the Digital Age:

Encyclopaedia Britannica Inc. announced Tuesday it will stop publishing print editions of its signature product for the first time in its 244-year history. In an acknowledgment of the shifting media landscape and the increasing reliance on digital references, the company said its current encyclopedia – the 32-volume, 129-pound 2010 edition – will be unavailable once the existing stock runs out. (If you’re interested, it’s yours for $1,395 and there are only 4,000 sets left.) The digital version of the encyclopedia, however, will live on.

This news saddened me. And it also reminded me about the obsolete, hand-me-down encyclopedia I grew up with in the Fifties and Sixties:

Limerick Ode To The Encyclopedia
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Brittanicas, World Books and more
Were common in households of yore.
But not in my home—
Just a hand-me-down tome
With entries, I swear, like “World War.”

Inventive Limerick

Saturday, February 11th, 2012

Happy National Inventors’ Day! Why is National Inventors’ Day celebrated on February 11th? Back in 1983, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed February 11th National Inventors’ Day to honor the anniversary of inventor Thomas Alva Edison’s birth.

Here’s a silly invention-related limerick that has absolutely to do with Edison:

Inventive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A device that was meant to clean crud
Made a mess and was rather a dud.
But in spite of this glitch,
The inventor got rich,
Which explains why his name became mud.

Out Of Sync Limerick

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

Out Of Sync Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A writer was trying to sync
Her laptop, which seemed on the blink.
So much data was lost,
That she cursed at the cost:
“I should never have stopped using ink.”

(Author’s Note: I’m happy to report that this limerick isn’t based on personal experience.)

(Linked at Funny Bunny Fridays)

Limerick Ode To Holidayitis

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

This is for everyone with holidayitis who’s playing online and posting on Facebook, while pretending to do real work at the office:

Limerick Ode To Holidayitis
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We’re busy pretending to work:
Reading Facebook’s the best way to shirk
All the tasks we’re assigned,
Cuz it’s more fun to find
Funny posts than to slave for a jerk.

Timing Out On Facebook’s Timeline (Limerick)

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

Each time I finally adjust to a Facebook “improvement,” Facebook mocks me by changing once again.

Have you seen Facebook’s latest profile redesign — the Facebook Timeline? It’s being rolled out this week, and it’s a doozy!

Timing Out On Facebook’s Timeline (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook, stop changing, we pleaded.
Don’t “improve” things with stuff that ain’t needed.
Your Timeline’s annoying
And brainwave-destroying.
Once again, member input’s unheeded.

Sleep-Deprived Limerick

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

Sleep-Deprived Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An inventor was trying to nap,
But snoozing just wasn’t on tap.
His constant fixation
With tech innovation
Required a sleep-prompting app.

(Author’s Note: I’m not an inventor, but I’m a life-long insomniac who could use such an application.)

Limerick Ode to the iPhone’s Siri

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

No Siri for me — I’m serious!

I’m referring to Apple’s wise-cracking, female-voiced digital personal assistant, now available on the iPhone 4S.

Limerick Ode to the iPhone’s Siri
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a newfangled Apple bot, Siri—
A bantering gal, rather eerie.
What a talkative lass!
I’m planning to pass.
Would a male bot be somewhat less cheery?

Fickle Limerick

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Fickle Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A popular gal who was fickle
Found herself in a terrible pickle:
A fellow she spurned
Launched a web site that turned
Her long wooers-list into a trickle.

No Longer Tickered Out (Limerick)

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Regular readers know that Facebook’s News Ticker has been driving me mad! It’s also driven me to write three anti-Facebook limericks.

If you share my problem, or if you simply feel sorry for me, you’ll be pleased to know I’ve uncovered a solution: Google Chrome has an extension that makes Facebook’s annoying Ticker vanish.

I’ve installed it and the extension works great. No more News Ticker. Yippee!

Time to celebrate with a limerick:

No Longer Tickered Out
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My outlook is better today
Cuz I’ve sent Facebook’s Ticker away:
Yes, a cool Chrome extension
Does Ticker prevention.
To Google, big thanks and hooray!

Ticked Off By Facebook’s Ticker (2 Limericks)

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

I’ve been trying to find something good to say about Facebook’s new News Feed, and here it is: It’s very inspirational! Last night it inspired me to write this dizzy limerick. And now I’ve written two more:

If you like things that constantly flicker,
You’re sure to enjoy Facebook’s ticker.
As for me, I must flee:
My sore brain needs Chablis,
So I’m off for some Advil and liquor.

*****

I am not one to bitch and to bicker,
But I hate Facebook’s stupid new ticker.
It makes my brain ache!
How much more can I take?
Enough with the scrolling and flicker!

*****

(Here’s a fun post about limericks, where you can submit your own.)

UPDATE: Good news! I’ve found a solution to Facebook’s terrible News Ticker problem. You can read all about it here, including a celebratory limerick.

Limerick Ode To Facebook’s Dizzying Changes

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

Much to my surprise, I’ve found myself defending Facebook lately. For instance, I think its new subscription feature is a great idea. But an even newer change is driving me nuts — the ever-scrolling News Feed on the upper right corner of the screen. The damn thing is making me so dizzy, I can’t even think straight.

Limerick Ode To Facebook’s Dizzying Changes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook, you’re making me dizzy
Cuz your feed on the right is too busy.
I’ll say this politely:
Your scrolling’s unsightly.
I am now in an A.D.D. tizzy.

(I’ve written two more limericks about Facebook’s annoying new Ticker here.)

UPDATE: Good news! I’ve found a solution to Facebook’s terrible News Ticker problem. You can read all about it here, including a celebratory limerick.

Telecommuting Limerick

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

Telecommuting Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who telecommuted
Had a short trip to work — undisputed.
His bed and PC
Were as close as can be.
Yet his tardiness got the guy booted.

Limerick Ode To Google+

Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

Limerick Ode To Google+
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would-be early adopters are pining.
For Google-Plus entry they’re whining.
Invitees get to brag:
“I got in, while you lag.”
A great come-on of Google’s designing.

(You can find me on GooglePlus here. And you always find my Google+ link on my right sidebar a bit below my photo.)

Dear Facebook: Get Up To Speed

Friday, June 24th, 2011

Dear Facebook: Get Up To Speed
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Facebook seems sluggish of late.
First I click, then I wait and I wait.
It’s getting annoying —
No longer enjoying
My visits. I’m getting irate.

High-Tech Limerick

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who hated high tech…

Here’s mine:

High-Tech Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who hated high tech
Found computers a pain in the neck.
Whether Mac or PC,
How that gal longed to flee
Back five decades — a time machine trek.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Yet Another Tax Humor Piece: Interactive Taxes

Monday, March 31st, 2008

Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?

I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it’s April 14. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund.

That’s the spirit. Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status.

Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.

Please don’t cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you have any children?

Wow! I hope they’re not all in college.

You’re having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can’t help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.

I hate lawyers too. But we’re really veering off track … (Interactive Taxes is continued here.)

False Alarm

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006

My husband Mark and I have a weekend hideaway, a respite from the pace of New York City life. Our country haven is smaller than most; it was once optimistically measured at 400 square feet. In fact, it’s so petite that the very act of staying there more than a day without a single quarrel is persuasive proof of a sound relationship.

On a recent weekend there we were happily hiding out, luxuriating in nature, listening to the birds, and breathing in the fragrant non-New York City air. Suddenly, we were assaulted by a distinctly unpacific sound. No, not sundry talking heads screaming about Iraq. It was even worse than that. … (False Alarm is continued here.)

Ode To The Segway Scooter

Friday, September 15th, 2006

How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”

This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:

The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.

Bloggers’ Rhapsody (Can Be Sung To Gershwin’s “Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off”)

Tuesday, August 8th, 2006

You praise my weblog
And I’ll mention your blog.
You link my weblog
And I’ll link to your blog
Weblog,
Your blog,
Weblog,
Your blog,
Let’s call the whole thing off.

You laud my rampage
On Bush’s last outrage.
You say I’m so sage,
Go check out my web page. …

(Bloggers’ Rhapsody is continued here.)