I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the House Republicans’ number-free budget. And I’m looking forward to the expanded version they’ve promised for next week — the one that won’t have any letters in it either.
Republican Road To Remedial Math (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The purported Republican budget
Has no numbers, so how can we judge it?
There’s no dollars or sense
In this PR offense.
It appears they decided to fudge it.
Some Republicans think Dick Cheney’s making things worse for their party. Don’t believe me? Here’s an email I managed to swipe from Cheney’s in-box:
Dear Dick Cheney, return to your cave.
The GOP’s health is quite grave,
And you’re making things worse.
Write a book or some verse
Till such time as you learn to behave.
It seems Republican National Committee members are having second, third, and fourth thoughts about having named Michael Steele to be Chairman of the RNC. And it’s not just his humiliating apology to Rush Limbaugh, his mismanagement of the RNC, and a pair of ethics issues:
In just a month on the job, Steele has insisted that government jobs aren’t real jobs. He’s raised the specter of undermining moderate Republican incumbents. He’s given multiple interviews in which he’s shown humiliating confusion about the basics of public policy. His efforts to make the Republicans “off the hook” and “beyond cutting edge” are already the subject of widespread ridicule. The man, by all appearances, doesn’t have the foggiest idea what he’s doing.
So what’s my take on all this? I think Michael Steele is perfect for the job:
Steele-Buyers’ Remorse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Are Republicans starting to feel
That they erred when the named Michael Steele
As the RNC head?
(Maybe Limbaugh instead?)
Funny … Dems think that Steele is ideal.
Who’s in charge of the GOP? Based on all the groveling and Limbaugh-tuckus-licking, it’s surely the guy with “talent on loan from God” … even though God foreclosed over a decade ago.
And that brings me to my latest song parody … with apologies to Walt Disney, the founder of my alma mater:
Ode To GOP Grovelers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Who’s the leader of the clubby, selfish GOP?
Steele or Rush?
(Newt won’t hush.)
They’re all the same to me.
Mickey mouse,
Mickey mouse.
How ever do they hold their heads up high?
High, high, high.
Each presumptive leader shares a callous policy.
Commonweal’s
Naught to Steele’s
And Limbaugh’s GOP.
UPDATE: The DCCC has a good sense of humor. You’re sure to have fun with its Republican Apology Machine.
“The great irony of where we are today is that we had a Bush-Obama big-spending program that was bipartisan in its nature. We got big spending under Bush, now we’ve got big spending under Obama.” (Newt Gingrich as quoted by the New York Times)
Funny, but I could have sworn that Dick Cheney was Bush’s Veep.
Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-TX) spouted these enlightening remarks on C-SPAN today:
I don’t think we can figure out how to outlaw recessions any more than we can outlaw tornadoes or outlaw hurricanes. … Economic growth has never gone in one straight line up. It goes in a zigzag line. It’s a part of freedom. Sometimes freedom can be messy. Sometimes freedom has reversals. But it certainly beats the alternative.
Just three questions for Rep. Hensarling:
1. Are non-democracies recession-proof?
2. Are you trying to make Governor Jindal look insightful?
3. If we fight to end the recession, do the terrorists win?
Oh, and please tell me who exactly is trying to outlaw recessions. Because that phantom person may just be the only living being who out-idiots Rep. Hensarling.
I hate to pile on to the Bobby-Jindal-channeled-Kenneth-the-Page assault. Okay I lied … I just love to pile on.
Jindal’s GOP response last night was a gift to Democrats in terms of both style and content. (I’ll leave it to others like Buzzflash to analyze the substance of Bobby Jindal’s speech.)
Getting back to style, the similarity between Jack McBrayer’s “Kenneth the Page” character on NBC’s “30 Rock” and Jindal’s sing-song, sixth-grader-talking-to-third-graders response to Obama’s speech before Congress last night is downright weird.
And that’s why my latest limerick poses the question that everybody’s surely asking right now: Are “Kenneth the Page” and Bobby Jindal related?
Ode To Bobby “Kenneth the Page” Jindal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Bobby, is Kenneth your twin?
From your voices, I’d swear you were kin.
You’re the GOP’s best?
Then the GOP’s quest
For the White House is done — you can’t win.
Are Republicans insane? Their bombastic rants and stimulus bill obstructionism could easily lead to that conclusion.
But I think there’s a more basic explanation. Republicans are simply being consistent with their long-held GOP credo:
If at first you don’t succeed, make sure your successors don’t either.
It looks like the Senate may end up passing a stimulus bill that’s smaller (spending-wise), larger (tax-cut-wise), and far less likely to work than the bill passed in the House.
I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of Senate Democrats letting Republicans blackmail them with the mere threat of a filibuster. Here’s a thought: Instead of caving in to GOP demands, how about telling them to go filibuster themselves?
Find out if they’re bluffing. Make them work for all those concessions. Let the American public see GOP venality and obstructionism in action!
And that brings me to my latest verse:
Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Republicans, stop all your bluster—
Your obstructionist taunt: “Filibuster!”
Just go through with your threat.
Dems, please make these guys sweat,
And we’ll see what support they can muster.
I am betting they don’t have the numbers,
That they’re bluffing. (Dems let them — the bumblers.)
But majority rules
When they don’t act like fools.
Dems, we need a good bill. Don’t be fumblers!
(Updated first paragraph for clarity.)
I was glad to see that at least some House and Senate Democrats want to take back the economic stimulus package concessions they gave Republicans in return for what turned out to be a grand total of zero votes. After all, as my latest limerick says, “No Quid? No Quo!”
No Quid? No Quo!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The stimulus bill was jam-packed
With concessions the GOP backed.
Yet the whole GOP
Nixed the bill. Seems to me
That the Dems should those changes redact.
Back in 2004 I summed up George Bush’s first term in my Alpha Politics. So it seems only appropriate to do the same for the Bush-Cheney second term. (Most of the links point to one of my satirical posts on the topic.)
A is for Jack Abramoff who’s big in pay-to-play.
B’s for greedy bankers who have fleeced the USA.
C is for Sen. Craig who isn’t gay, except in bed.
D is for democracy which Dubya hasn’t spread.
E’s for the economy which George and Dick destroyed.
F’s for filibuster. You need merely say the “woid”.
G’s for Giuliani who is 9-1-1 obsessed.
H is for hypocrisy — the right-wing does it best.
I is for impeachment which Bush/Cheney sure deserve.
J’s for Joe The Plumber — right-wing symbol. What a nerve!
K is for Ms. Kennedy, the would-be New York Sen.
L is for Joe Lieberman, the worst of traitor men.
M’s for John McCain who zigged and zagged till he was hoarse.
N is for Ralph Nader who is still without remorse.
O is for O’Reilly — shuts up those who disagree.
P is for Gov. Palin who has “saved” the GOP.
Q is for the air quotes placed by John on mother’s “health.”
R is for recession — say goodbye to all your wealth.
S is for Gov. Spitzer. Prostitution did him in.
T is for the terrorists, now savoring their win.
U is for the USA, on life support right now.
V is for the victor. Prez Obama take a bow.
W’s for the White House left by Bush in disarray.
X is for the X’ing out of Bush regs any day.
Y’s for “Yes, we can,” Barack Obama’s sanguine creed.
And Z’s for right-wing zealots who methinks are off their feed.
According to the GAO, TARP (the gazillion dollar Troubled Asset Relief Program) is seriously lacking in oversight. Why? Because of a single Senator’s anonymous block on the program’s IG (Inspector General) nominee.
Sen. Max Baucus, the fellow who made sure the TARP bill provided for an IG, isn’t too pleased. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
I’m never a person to carp,
But nobody oversees TARP.
One anonymous “hold”
Stopped the process out cold
Of confirming an IG who’s sharp.
Now that the Democratic Senate majority has grown so much, Harry Reid plans to strip Joe Lieberman of his Homeland Security Committee chairmanship, even if Joe continues to caucus with the Democrats. Sounds great to me! (Update: Lieberman’s chairmanship status will be determined by a secret Democratic Senate caucus vote on November 18th.)
Of course, Lieberman thinks Reid’s being mean and unfair. Cuz apparently Dems are supposed to just look the other way after Lieberman disses Obama and campaigns enthusiastically for McCain, Palin and down-ticket Republicans.
Joe’s even intimating that he may caucus with the Republicans. Well I, for one, say good riddance, and I hope Harry Reid (and his fellow Dems) stick to their guns. Lieberman can’t be trusted to back Dems when it comes to filibusters, so who needs him?
And now it’s time for a limerick:
Ode To “Traitor” Joe Lieberman
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Traitor” Joe is distressed — I don’t care.
He deserves to be stripped of his chair.
Cuz when push comes to shove
He shows Lieberman-love.
Mitch can take him … and buyer beware!
Whenever John McCain is asked about Sarah Palin’s qualifications, he falls back on the paternal-sounding (and condescending) “I couldn’t be more proud” of Palin response. But something tells me he doesn’t use the word “proud” in private:
McCain & Palin: The Not Ready For Prime Time Duo
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a ticket that can’t get along
Cuz the chemistry’s totally wrong.
John may claim to be proud
Of Gov. Palin out loud.
But his eyes say, “Give Sarah the gong!”
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Go Away Already, Bushie Spinmeisters!
Monday, March 16th, 2009The Bush-Cheney spinmeisters refuse to go away. Last week it was Ari Fleischer, and this week it’s Dana Perino on CSPAN’s Washington Journal.
Perino actually said Bush should get some credit for last week’s stock market upswing. And she falsely claimed for the gazillionth time that Bush inherited a recession from Bill Clinton.
U.S. economy as of January 20, 2001. U.S. economy as of January 20, 2009. Exactly the same, right?
Sigh… It’s time for a limerick:
Go Away Already, Bushie Spinmeisters!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Blame Barack when the stock market drops.
When it rises say Bush deserves props.
That’s Perino’s approach.
(Bush deserves no reproach.)
Yes, at double talk Dana is tops.
Tags: Ari Fleischer, Bill Clinton, Bush, CSPAN, Dana Perino, Economy, Inauguration, Media, Obama, Recession, Spinmeister, Stock Market, Washington Journal
Posted in Barack Obama, Dana Perino, Economy Humor, Fiscal Policy, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Spin Humor, Stock Market Humor, Washington, White House | 6 Comments »