According to Fred Thompson, Sarah Palin’s inability to name a single Supreme Court case she disagrees with wasn’t her fault. Why not? Because Katie Couric didn’t give her a list of cases. I half-expected Thompson to demand a do-over test.
A Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re excused, dear Ms. Palin. Rejoice!
Now that Thompson has lent you his voice,
The court case-test you flunked
Has been strongly debunked
As unfair — wasn’t multiple choice.
Even The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page thinks Republicans are crybabies about the bailout bill:
House Republicans share the blame, and not only because they opposed the bill by about two-to-one, 133-65. Their immediate response was to say that many of their Members turned against the bill at the last minute because Ms. Pelosi gave her nasty speech. So they are saying that Republicans chose to oppose something they think is in the national interest merely because of a partisan slight. Thank heaven these guys weren’t at Valley Forge.
An Ode To Crybaby Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republican leaders assert
That the plan that attempts to avert
A depression just failed
Cuz Pelosi’s speech nailed
Bush’s failures — their feelings were hurt.
They are patriots first, they proclaim,
But when action’s a must they hurl blame,
Rushing out to condemn
“Hurtful” words from a Dem.
They treat critical bills like a game.
While Congress is caught up in the Wall Street bail-out proposal, the presidential candidates are preparing for Friday’s foreign policy debate. What will McCain focus on … after boning up on Spain’s location? Working his surge-centric attack on Obama’s judgment into every answer, no matter what the question:
McCain’s Memory Purge
By Madeleine Begun kane
Please beware of McCain’s mem’ry purge.
He was wrong on Iraq, so this scourge
Proves his judgment was poor.
He cheer-led the war
Which did not get its start with the surge.[tags]Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Debates, Foreign Policy Humor, McCain Limerick, Iraq War, Judgment Humor, Surge Poem[/tags]
Dear John McCain:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Why am I, a liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm? Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you’ve turned my life around.
I mean (and I say this with all due respect) I could have sworn that Ms. Palin was as unqualified to be Veep as I am. Maybe even less qualified, since I’m a lawyer and she isn’t.
But it turns out I was wrong. Why? Cuz she’s the Governor of Alaska, a state that’s really, really close to Russia.
And, as I’ve learned from you and your current wife, proximity equals expertise. Which means that Governor Palin’s already an expert on Russia. And anything else she needs to know in the foreign policy department she’ll absorb by osmosis, simply by hanging out near your knees.
Speaking selfishly (and who doesn’t?) here’s the coolest part of this whole osmosis thing: Without any additional schooling or training, I have the expertise to do a gazillion hard things I haven’t studied for even an hour. For instance:
1. Heart surgery. (A cardiac specialist lives two houses away, and we say “hi” at least twice a month.)
2. Gourmet cooking. (My home’s within three blocks of over two dozen great restaurants. From the smell alone, I’ve surely picked up culinary chops.)
3. Olympic swimming. (I live in Bayside. Need I say more?)
4. Podiatry. ( I know someone who knows someone who knows Dick Morris. Okay, maybe not podiatry … but certainly pedicures.)
I could go on forever, because osmosis has opened the doors to countless challenging professions. How many? I can’t count that high cuz I don’t know any mathematicians.
But I do want you to know how happy and grateful I am. In fact, I’m so excited, I’m having trouble deciding which high level profession to try out first.
Or maybe I should just wait for my future boss to come to me.
So thanks, Senator McCain. And please stay well … at least until that foreign policy osmosis thing kicks in for Ms. Palin and the pesky Axis of Evil.
Oh … and one more thing: Please keep me in mind if you ever need heart surgery.
[tags]Senator McCain, Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Running Mate Humor, VP Verse, Veep Vetting, Qualifications Humor, Heart Surgery Humor[/tags]
How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick.
However, despite all the disqualifying details he’s belatedly learning, McCain is unlikely to dump Sarah Palin from the ticket unless he’s forced to. Admitting a mistake in judgment? Not gonna happen. Unless, maybe, it turns out she shot an aging lawyer in the face … and probably not even then.
But hey, at least Palin’s an expert on Russia. Which reminds me — I can’t help wondering if Condi feels foolish about wasting so much time studying up on Russia, when all she really had to do was move to Alaska.
And now it’s time for two limericks:
It appears that McCain failed to vet
A woman he barely had met.
Then he named her for Veep
And now he’s hip deep
In her muck. Yet he feigns no regret.
John’s allies are praisin’ and hailin’
The selection of unprepared Palin.
But will buyers’ remorse
Attack them in force
If McCain ever seems to be ailin’?[tags]Sarah Palin Limerick, John McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election 2008, Lieberman Verse, Tom Ridge Poem. Russian Expert, Alaska Governor, Condi Rice Humor, Vetting Candidates[/tags]
John McCain and his economic advisor Phil Gramm should really get their stories straight:
John McCain’s campaign says in their new ad that the economy is “in shambles.” …
In an interview with the Washington Times, Gramm says the economy is in relatively decent shape — and much more.
“You’ve heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession,” he said.
Moreover, Gramm said: “We have sort of become a nation of whiners. …”
Naturally, Gramm blames our “mental recession” on the media. And that brings me to my latest political verse:
Wham! Bam! No Thank You, Phil Gramm!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We’re “a nation of whiners,” says Gramm.
Our economy’s not in a jam.
It’s a “mental recession,”
This public obsession
With price hikes and jobs on the lam.
So who is at fault? It’s the press.
Yes, says Gramm, they have brought on this mess.
It would seem that reporting
The news isn’t sporting.
Vote McCain for continued “success.” [tags]Phil Gramm, Economy Verse, Media Poem, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Vote McCain, Mental Recession, Nation Of Whiners [/tags]
I hope I’m wrong. But I’m concerned that cowed (and confused) Dems may be backing off valid John McCain criticism out of fear of being called ageist.
As some Republicans see it, Democrats are deliberately talking in code about the presumptive 71-year-old GOP nominee as part of an attempt to highlight his age.
…
Obama aides deny any strategy to highlight age, and Obama, 46, himself told reporters last month that age should not be a factor. Indeed, he used to compliment McCain’s “half-century of service” to the country as a Vietnam War veteran and a member of Congress, but after McCain campaign manager Rick Davis argued that it was a sly way to inject age into the debate, Obama dropped the reference in February.
…
But when Obama foreign policy adviser Susan Rice and Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) each described McCain as “confused” last week, Republicans became convinced that Democrats intend to run a crypto-ageist strategy, using words that create a subtle impression in voters’ minds.
…
But the dynamic of Obama’s running against a candidate who’s a quarter of a century older is nonetheless creating an environment where some Democrats see the need to self-censor, proving that the McCain offensive is already working.
“I was going to say, ‘He lost his grip,’” said Democratic consultant Jonathan Prince, recalling a recent appearance on CNN’s “Situation Room.” “Those are normal words you use when you are involved in campaigns. You say, ‘They are nuts, they are off their rocker, they lost it.’ They have become very adept at grabbing every opportunity they can to turn it into a personal slur.”
The problem with John McCain isn’t his age per se. McCain’s problem is he lacks the wisdom and maturity that ought to come with age.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
So, Is This Ageist Too?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Wah, wah, wah! Don’t critique John McCain.
If you do so you’re ageist — Insane!
I think that just maybe
McCain’s a big baby,
Too puerile to win this campaign.[tags]McCain Criticism, Democrats Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor[/tags]
After losing three back-to-back Congressional races in solid Republican districts, the GOP has a spanking new game plan:
George Who??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush enablers are trying to blame
All their woes on George Bush — that’s their game:
Each Congressional loss
Is the fault of their boss.
Their new creed? “Never liked what’s-his-name.”
Update: Next Monday evening, I’ll be attending a New York screening of War, Inc., John Cusack’s new movie satirizing the Iraq war. If you’re planning to be there too, please email me, and maybe we can meet. I’ll be going via a ticket I won in RawStory’s war limerick writing contest.[tags]Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Republican Limerick, GOP Verse, Bush Blame, Congressional Races, Distance From Bush, Childers Mississippi[/tags]
The Philly Inq’s Dick Polman really nails it in his must-read post about John McCain’s “artful dance with North Carolina Republican leaders, who have fashioned a low-road, anti-Obama advertisement that is slated to air on statewide TV next Monday.”
Commenting on McCain’s political skills and pseudo-piety, he says:
When it comes time to dish the dirt, he keeps his hands clean as he tut-tuts about the incivility of our politics. He looks good doing it – the Washington press generally loves it when he’s in pious mode on the high road – and, meanwhile, he gets to reap the rewards of the dirt being dished. Why pilot your own Swift Boat when it’s so much more attractive to condemn those who do it for you?
And that’s my cue for my Pious John McCain limerick:
Ode To Pious John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Watch the press fall for pious McCain,
As he calls for a lofty campaign.
They’re so easily spun,
As his dirty work’s done
With an ad he pretends to disdain.[tags]John McCain Humor, Presidential Campaign Ads, Election Limerick, Media Humor[/tags]
Calling audience questioners “jerks,” is far from John McCain’s worse flaw. But now that he’s done it at least twice, I thought I’d write the testy, warmongering Senator a limerick:
Ode To John “You Little Jerk” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Among John McCain’s irksome quirks
Is his habit of calling guys jerks
For presenting a query
Of which John is leery—
Still less galling than George Dubya’s smirks.[tags]Senator John McCain, Presidential Race Humor, Little Jerk, Campaign Satire, Election Humor[/tags]
Here’s how I’d sum up Attorney General nominee Mike Mukasey’s Senate Judiciary Committee testimony about torture, waterboarding, and the U.S. Constitution:
Torture: Bad
Tortured Language: Good[tags]Michael Mukasey, Attorney General Nominee, Torture & Waterboarding Satire[/tags]
I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera.
And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse. (Not that I want to find out, of course.)
Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?[tags]Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors[/tags]
Can you imagine the reaction if a Democratic candidate made a Mitt Romney type consult the lawyers before launching a war remark? Republicans wouldn’t be guilty of a double standard, would they?
First Kill All The Lawyers (Republican Policy)
First Consult All The Lawyers (Mitt Romney Policy)
First Kill All The Democrat Lawyers (Revised Republican Policy)
(You can find more of my legal humor here.) [tags]Mitt Romney, Legal Humor, Republicans & Lawyers, GOP & Attorneys, Debate Humor, GOP Hypocrisy[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the archives for the Republicans Humor category.
Dear “Everyday Working Class” Sarah
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008Sarah Palin, who likes to refer to herself as “Joe Six Pack“, is trying to dupe us into believing she’s “an everyday, working-class American.” Palin even claims that her “Joe Six Pack” status is why “the Washington elite” don’t think she should be running for Veep. (Apparently it has nothing to do with her making Dan Quayle look like a genius and George Bush look coherent.)
Just wondering: How many “everyday, working-class Americans” do you know who own “a single-engine plane, two boats, two personal watercraft and a half-million-dollar, custom-built home on a lake…”?
Sarah deserves another limerick, don’t you think?
Dear “Everyday Working Class” Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your custom-built lake house sounds nice,
And your plane, boats, and tanning device.
But kindly don’t claim
You’re a “working class” dame.
We don’t buy it, so sorry, no dice.
Tags: Campaign Satire, Dan Quayle, Election Humor, Governor Palin, Joe Six Pack, Palin Poem, Presidential Election, Washington Elite, Working Class Humor
Posted in Blame Game, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin | 3 Comments »