Archive for the ‘Republicans Humor’ Category

Run, Sarah, Run

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

Here’s a first: I actually agree with the Tea Party Nation. They think Sarah Palin should replace Michael Steele as RNC head, and so do I. Unfortunately, Sarah Palin’s nixed this idea, claiming that the main job is fund-raising and that others are more adept at raising money.

That’s odd because she sure is good at bilking the public raising money for herself.

And now, my latest limerick:

Run, Sarah, Run
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Tea Party Nation’s new mailin’
Says for RNC head it wants Palin.
Sarah sure sounds ideal
(Even better than Steele)
If the Dems want a shot at prevailin’.

(I have lots more Sarah Palin humor here.)

Premature Concession Syndrome — A Remedial Limerick

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

I’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with President Obama: He suffers from PCS (Premature Concession Syndrome.) The latest example is his proposed federal employee wage freeze. But as Rachel Maddow said last night in her Charlie Brown commentary: “This White House consistently gives up its concessions at the start, before getting anything in return.”

Here’s hoping this open limerick to President Obama helps:

Premature Concession Syndrome — A Remedial Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, it’s Law 101
That in deal making don’t jump the gun:
Never give stuff away
With the hope that one day
You might get something back — this ain’t done.

Your opponent will simply want more.
He will threaten to walk out the door
Unless you accede
To his limitless greed.
Learn this rule or you never will score.

You claim that you earned a JD.
I’ve got one of my own, so you see
Why I don’t understand
How you fail to demand
Quid pro quo from the damn GOP.

An Ode To The Grand Old Sabotage Party

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Are Republicans putting party before country? Are they deliberately sabotaging the economy and undermining our nation? Steve Benen makes a convincing case that that’s exactly what they are doing.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

An Ode To The Grand Old Sabotage Party
By Madeleine Begun Kane

For a GOP rise to the peak,
The economy must remain weak.
With the White House their goal
They gave up their soul,
Ensuring our future stays bleak.

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

As you know, I think Republican supporters are wrong about everything. But I have to assume they have a good faith belief that Republican pols want to make things better for the American people. And I’d like to think some of them would reevaluate their votes if they knew about the GOP’s real priority.

What am talking about? In an interview with National Journal, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted to a totally different goal:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president,” McConnell said, adding, “Our single biggest political goal is to give [the Republican] nominee for president the maximum opportunity to be successful.”

There’s no ambiguity here: Republicans are taking a strong stand for partisan politics over good policy. And that leads me to my latest two-verse limerick:

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who are suff’ring frustration
And see GOP wins as salvation,
Those pols led by Mitch
Dragged us into this ditch
And will not do what’s good for our nation.

No, they won’t get us out of this hole,
Cuz McConnell has one single goal:
Make the Prez a one-termer,
He brags — does not murmur.
So please think when you go to the poll.

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Every so often I sum up a period in alpha-political verse. For instance, I did one about the opening months of the Obama administration. I also did two about the Bush administration, one a not-so-fond farewell to Bush and Cheney and the other a satirical summary of their disastrous first term.

This mid-term election period has been so bizarre, that I couldn’t resist doing another one:

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A is for Alaska, whose incumbent needs good spelling.

B is for Barack. The GOP sure wants his dwelling.

C is for Christine who’s anti-gay and masturbation.

D’s for Delaware debates, where laughter ain’t ovation.

E is for elections. Dems lose bad — so say the seers.

F’s for foreign cash galore supporting GOPers.

G is for Glenn Beck and all the crazy stuff he says.

H is for Sec. Hillary. Too bad that gal ain’t Prez.

I’s for Darrell Issa who is itching to impeach.

J is for John Boehner — smells majority in reach.

K is for Ken Mehlman who is fin’ly out as gay.

L’s for Libertarians who, like Rand, to regs say “Nay!”

M is for Joe Miller — seems he doesn’t like the press.

N’s for Speaker Nancy P. Her House is sure a mess.

O’s For Bill O’Reilly versus Joy and Whoopi. Wow!

P’s for Paladino. Angry bully? Yes, and how!

Q’s for all the questions the extremists won’t address.

R’s for Reid’s tough Angle bout. I’m worried, I confess.

S is for Mike Steele who claims to run the RNC.

T is for the Tenthers and their anti-fed law spree.

U is for our Union which secessionists would flee.

V is for the voters drinking Kool-Aid-flavored tea.

W’s for the many wars we’re fighting — can’t keep track.

X is for the xenophobic anti-“other” pack.

Y is for the youth. We really need them at the polls.

And Z’s for right-wing zealots. We must squash their ugly goals.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

By now you’ve surely heard about Delaware Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell’s astonishing screw-up in her debate against opponent Chris Coons. I’m speaking, of course, of her First Amendment gaffe. In her now infamous exchange (in a law school, yet) Tea-Partier O’Donnell “appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.”

That brings me to my latest Limerick:

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating our Fed Constitution
Can be tough when your grasp’s Lilliputian:
Hence O’Donnell’s conflation
Of church and our nation.
Her savvy could use evolution.

(Here’s my previous limerick about Christine O’Donnell.)

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

Jonathan Chait does a great job explaining what a Republican win would mean: If Republicans gain control of the House, they will almost certainly impeach President Obama on some flimsy pretext.

Chait’s lowdown on Darrell Issa, the itching-for-impeachment would-be chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, is a must-read.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican threat is in reach:
Take over the House — then impeach.
What’s the crime? It’s a gem:
Prez Obama’s a Dem!
So please vote. We can’t risk such a breach.

Open Limerick To The Anti-Government Crowd

Monday, October 11th, 2010

It seems the “keep the government away from my Medicare” crowd is even larger and more confused than we thought:

A new study by The Washington Post, the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation and Harvard University shows that most Americans who say they want more limited government also call Social Security and Medicare “very important.” They want Washington to be involved in schools and to help reduce poverty. Nearly half want the government to maintain a role in regulating health care.

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Open Limerick To The Anti-Government Crowd
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You folks who cry out for less gov
Have lots of gov programs you love:
You think Medicare’s great
And you’d surely berate
Any pol who gave SS a shove.

You hate taxes for highways and schools,
But you don’t want your kids taught by fools.
And you’re quick to unload
When your bridges corrode.
Please wake up — don’t be Tea Party tools.

Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Monday, October 11th, 2010

Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christine, so I see that your pitch
Is to claim that you aren’t a witch.
It’s not witches I mind,
But your viewpoints unkind:
Anti-gay! Anti-feminist! Bitch!

Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

I’m a liberal New York Democrat, and I’ll say one thing for Carl Paladino — the guy has chutzpah. After his bizarre, near-violent attack on the New York Post’s Fred Dicker last week, he had the audacity to describe gubernatorial opponent Andrew Cuomo as “out of control.”

Apparently this is how an in-control candidate behaves:

1. Accuses his opponent (Andrew Cuomo) of cheating on wife.

2. Accuses Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post of bias because it didn’t ask Cuomo about wife-cheating.

3. Menaces and comes dangerously close to physically harming the old, frail-looking Fred Dicker because Dicker had the audacity to ask if he had any evidence that Cuomo cheated on his wife.

4. Promises to produce wife-cheating evidence at the appropriate time.

5. Denies that he promised to produce wife-cheating evidence.

6. After a video of his bullying, abusive, and near-violent attack on Dicker draws a negative response and a loose cannon perception, even among Republicans, tells the Wall Street Journal he wants to focus on the issues.

Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Paladino is always irate,
Spreading venom and anger and hate.
He claims to be able,
But seems quite unstable.
If he wins, we are screwed — no debate.

Limerick Ode To Mike Pence

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

For some reason, many Republicans view House Republican Conference Chairman Mike Pence (Indiana) as being smart. And yet just about any policy discussion reveals him to be an ignorant moron.

Limerick Ode To Mike Pence
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican Congressman Pence
Has never made one lick of sense.
Why he’s viewed by his peers
To have brains tween his ears
Is a puzzle to Dems quite immense.

Tax Cut Tomfoolery

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

Steve Benen reminds us of a forgotten detail: Bush’s tax policy was a failure. And that’s a handy thing to remember in the battle over the soon-to-expire tax cuts.

While we’re busily recalling important facts, here’s another: These tax cuts were set to end automatically by the very Republicans who are now complaining about their expiration.

And now, my latest three-verse limerick:

Tax Cut Tomfoolery
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s tax cuts are due to expire.
Their effects were quite bad — even dire.
The deficit climbed,
The economy slimed.
So why are the Dems under fire?

These cuts were a GOP plan
By the millionaire’s tax-cutting clan.
They promised a boost,
But the tax cuts produced
A big mess. Why should Dems be a fan?

Yet Republicans push and cajole —
More cuts for the rich is their goal.
They make stale, hollow claims
To bolster their aims —
No remorse for the good times they stole.

Radical Verse

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Scary people keep winning Republican primaries. For instance:

* Christine O’Donnell in Delaware’s Senate race
* Carl Paladino in New York’s gubernatorial race
* Joe Miller in Alaska’s Senate race
* Rand Paul in Kentucky’s Senate race
* Sharron Angle in Nevada’s Senate race

Yes, I know all about the conventional wisdom — that Democrats should be happy because these extremist Republicans can’t win general elections. But conventional wisdom can sometimes be rather unwise. After all, these candidates weren’t supposed to win the primaries either. Yet here we are.

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Radical Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The primaries made it quite clear
That our nation could lose all that’s dear.
The ballots are toted.
Republicans voted
For radicals. Dems, please don’t cheer.

I’ve been hearing some “general” spin
That these loons can’t November’s vote win.
This assumption’s not sound.
We’re in trouble profound.
We don’t fight? They’ll be in … just like Flynn.

Is Newt Trying To Neutralize Sarah Palin?

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Poor Newt Gingrich! Periodically, he starts feeling neglected. So he begins making noise about running for president, in order to drum up media attention.

This usually turns out to be more about peddling books than making it into the Oval Office. But this time Pat Buchanan thinks Newt is serious. Unfortunately for Newt, Buchanan also thinks Newt’s gone off the deep end with his so-called “Ground Zero Mosque” remarks:

This week, disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R), hoping to make the case against the proposed Park51 community center, compared Muslim Americans to Nazis. On MSNBC yesterday, Pat Buchanan — yes Pat Buchanan — said Gingrich went too far.

Now being too wingnutty for Pat Buchanan is no mean feat:

It’s “absurd,” said Buchanan. “There is no valid comparison there.”

Buchanan also called Gingrich a “political opportunist” who’s trying to be “more controversial than Sarah Palin,” who would be his potential primary challenger in the 2012 presidential election.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

The ambitious Republican Newt
Once was Speaker, but then got the boot.
He so longs to be Prez
That he willingly says
Stuff Buchanan thinks mad. What a hoot!

Related Posts: Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak, Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks, and Refudiating Sarah

“Offbeat” On The Politico Beat

Friday, August 13th, 2010

Politico poses this query in the title of an article about extremist Republican candidates such as Rand Paul, Sharron Angle, and Dan Maes: “Will its offbeat candidates hurt GOP?”

Offbeat? Talk about an understatement!

While the article does include less euphemistic language, like “downright strange” and “deeply unusual,” it does little to address the radical, extremist planks of these Republican nominees.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

“Offbeat” On The Politico Beat
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Politico’s pulled off a feat
In describing the wingnut elite.
Maes and Angle and Paul
Are not radicals all.
These extremists are merely “offbeat.”

The GOP’s Honesty Deficit

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

Republicans have a cute little “deficit hawk” scam going: They “block extended aid to the unemployed, while simultaneously pushing for massive tax cuts for the wealthy.”

How do they justify this? According to Republican leaders like Mike Pence and Jon Kyl, the former has to be offset by spending cuts, but the latter, due to some mysterious mix of magic and voodoo, doesn’t.

It’s time for a new limerick:

The GOP’s Honesty Deficit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though the GOP deficit hawks
Are famed for “must pay for it” squawks,
They nix plugging the hole
Caused by tax cuts. How droll!
Yes, that’s how hypocrisy talks.

The Birth Of Lunacy

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

As I wrote Monday, David Vitter has an unexpected primary fight on his hands. Well, apparently he’s now so desperate to hold on to the wingnut vote, that he’s turned into a full-fledged Birther.

At a town hall event Sunday, he made it clear that he backs Birther lawsuits challenging President Obama’s citizenship, saying he supports “conservative legal organizations and others who would bring that to court.”

That brings me to my latest David Vitter limerick:

The Birth Of Lunacy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

David Vitter has told us his view
Of the Birther position, on cue.
He profoundly approves
And says it behooves
Those with standing to sue, baby, sue.

David Vitter’s Traylor Travails

Monday, July 12th, 2010

So far, Senator David Vitter of Louisiana has survived several scandals ranging from soliciting a prostitute from the “D.C. Madam,” to keeping a “women’s issues” aide (Brent Furer) on staff who allegedly held his girlfriend hostage at knifepoint.

But now he’s confronting a brand new challenge — a last minute, unexpected primary fight launched by retired Judge Chet Traylor.

And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

David Vitter’s Traylor Travails
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The scandal-scarred Senator Vitter
Got struck with a last minute hitter:
A primary fight
From the GOP’s right.
Now he’s bitter. I read it on Twitter.

Chet Traylor has pulled off this filing,
And bus’nesses find him beguiling—
Former judge who’s a fan
Of the sodomy ban.
And that’s why Dave Vitter ain’t smiling.

Those Sorry Republicans

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Those Sorry Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just what’s the Republican mission?
To oppose each Obama position.
He gets tough on BP—
Gets an escrow, then see
Their response to the BP contrition:

Reps Joe Barton and Bachman and Price
By default claimed Obama ain’t nice.
He’s been mean to BP.
It a shakedown, you see.
Cuz unthinking objection’s their vice.

But fighting this fund makes no sense.
To do so’s an error immense.
The people approve.
It’s a positive move,
And opposing it makes them look dense.

Even Boehner and co seem to know
That defending BP’s a no-go.
Strikes a terrible tone,
So they rushed to disown
The pro-BP speech made by Joe.

But a hundred-plus others expressed
The same viewpoint in print. Not addressed!
It seems Boehner and co
Are pretending as though
The have solved their BP PR test.

It is clear where Republicans stand.
They are naught but a pro-corp’rate brand.
They put citizens last
And are only aghast
When a Dem gives the people a hand.

Related Posts: Kick-Ass Limerick, Haley’s Barbaric Attitude and Oily Obstruction.

Kick-Ass Limerick

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

The language police are at it again. Republicans and Fox News (sorry to be redundant) are simply horrified at President Obama’s “unpresidential” language.

What are they so pretend-upset about? Obama used the word ass in response to Matt Lauer’s oil crisis question about kicking butt.

Apparently this is extremely shocking to the same folks who had no problem with f**ks from Bush, Cheney, and McCain.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Kick-Ass Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republicans’ delicate ears
Are offended by ass, it appears.
F**k is fine from McCain,
Bush, and Cheney — that’s plain.
But ass from Barack begets jeers.