Republican Priorities
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shall we immunize children? Heck no!
Supply food to the starving? No go!
Cuz Republicans say
That we’re broke ev’ry day,
As they help out the rich on skid row.
Archive for the ‘Republicans Humor’ Category
Republican Priorities
Monday, March 21st, 2011Brace For Another Pounding From Pound-Foolish Policies
Thursday, March 17th, 2011Ezra Klein makes some good points about Republicans and their penny-wise and pound-foolish budget-slashing:
There are three categories of spending in which cuts lead to more, rather than less, spending down the line, says Alice Rivlin, former director of both the Congressional Budget Office and the Office of Management and Budget. Inspection, enforcement and maintenance. The GOP is trying to cut all three.
This is no surprise coming from Republicans who worship at the altar of Ronald Reagan. After all, back in 1989 the GAO had plenty to say about the damage done by Reagan’s short-sighted cutbacks:
Charles Bowsher, head of the General Accounting Office, told Congress yesterday that Reagan-era budget cuts created a climate of lax oversight and mismanagement. He said Reagan’s effort to save some money through budget cuts is likely to cost another $150 billion in the 1990s.
“We have been penny wise and really pound foolish,” Bowsher said.
That leads me to my latest limerick:
Brace For Another Pounding From Pound-Foolish Policies
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Preventative spending is wise —
Lessens risk that disasters arise —
Forestalls flooding and fraud,
Outbreaks, tragedy broad.
Cut such spending? Huge costs in disguise.
Broken Priorities (Limerick)
Monday, March 14th, 2011Steve Benen has some great comments about Republicans and their hypocritical “we’re broke” weaponry:
In December, when Republicans wanted an $858 billion tax-cut package, we weren’t broke. How much of that package did the GOP suggest we pay for? None of it. Not one penny. The costs were simply added to the deficit, and are the driving force behind the rising deficit estimates for this year, which have sent the right into such hysteria.
But now we’re so broke, we’re told, that we have no choice but to make brutal cuts to education, medical research, infrastructure, job training, and national security, all of which is projected to cost the economy hundreds of thousands of jobs.
Broken Priorities (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans claim that we’re broke,
But you know that they’re just blowing smoke.
Help Big Oil and the rich?
Then they pull a big switch,
And our budget’s no longer a yoke.
Newt’s Fishy Excuses
Thursday, March 10th, 2011Have you ever answered a “what’s your worst fault” question from a prospective employer by mentioning a positive trait?
Newt Gingrich is apparently familiar with that technique. What else can explain the excuses he gave for having been unfaithful to two sick wives? It seems his infidelity was “partially driven by how passionately [he] felt about this country” and the fact that he “worked far too hard.”
So, you ready to hire him for the next White House opening? What about dog catcher?
Newt’s Fishy Excuses
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mr. Newt has an oddball excuse
For something that’s close to abuse:
Abandoning wives
Who were ill just derives
From his working too hard? How obtuse!
(More Newt Gingrich humor here.)
Weirdness From George Will
Tuesday, March 8th, 2011I almost always disagree with George Will. So it pains me to say this, but George Will is right. I’m referring, of course, to Will’s column lamenting the Republican 2012 presidential prospects — more specifically, the “vibrations of weirdness emanating from people associated with the party.” He illustrates his column with recent Mike Huckabee and Newt Gingrich shenanigans. And he doesn’t sound all that thrilled with the rest of the Republican pack.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Weirdness from George Will
By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Will wrote a column with bite
On the GOP president fight.
He finds weirdness within
The candidate din.
Had to happen one day — Will is right.
Run, Newt, Run!
Thursday, March 3rd, 2011Oh goody — Newt Gingrich is exploring the possibility of maybe, conceivably running for president. Either that, or it’s yet another of his book publicity stunts:
Run, Newt, Run! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Newt, I don’t care if you run—
Changed my mind — a Newt run would be fun.
Your divorces and scams
And your ethical jams—
I can’t wait to see just how they’re spun.
(More Newt Gingrich humor here.)
Limerick Ode To Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker
Thursday, March 3rd, 2011I wrote this when the story of the Scott Walker / David Koch prank phone call first broke. But then I somehow forgot to post it. So a belated bravo to Ian Murphy of the Buffalo Beast for playing that entertaining and enlightening stunt on Scott “Union Buster” Walker. And now, at last, my limerick:
Limerick Ode To Wisconsin Governor Walker
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gov. Walker has fallen afoul
Of a prank that made Democrats howl.
He lengthily spoke
To a pseudo Dave Koch,
Spouting schemes that make honest folk scowl.
Political Haiku Quartet
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011Styrofoam is back.
“Green the Capitol” is gone.
Job, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs?
*****
Rotund Rush Limbaugh
says Michelle Obama’s fat—
that’s hard to swallow.
*****
Freedom from taxes
demanded by those who crave
what taxes give them.
*****
The mental midget
mentioned an affinity
with Rush — no surprise.
*****
Showing up to vote—
a yearly exercise in
unrequited hope.
*****
(More political haiku here. And more Rush Limbaugh humor here.)
Limerick Ode To John “So Be It” Boehner
Thursday, February 17th, 2011No doubt you’ve heard about John Boehner’s “so be it” nonchalant reaction to the loss of federal jobs. It seems Boehner’s finished feigning compassion.
This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Limerick Ode To John “So Be It” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Boehner’s known for his grief-stricken sobs,
For emoting through loose tear duct knobs.
Yet his eyes remain dry,
He refuses to cry
For Americans losing their jobs.
Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee (Updated — He’s Resigned)
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.
Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.
UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.
Celebrate Ronald Reagan’s Centennial With St. Reagan’s Song Parody
Sunday, February 6th, 2011Ronald Reagan-worship is even crazier than usual this week. Why? Because it’s the one-hundredth anniversary of Reagan’s birthday. Of course, “Reagan was not the man conservatives claim he was.” Not even close.
Anyway, I was in the middle of reading about all the centennial hoopla, when I suddenly remembered St. Reagan’s Song — a song parody I wrote back in 2003 when CBS caved in to right-wing bullying over a Reagan miniseries. This seems like a good time to re-post my parody lyrics, which you can sing to Just You Wait” from My Fair Lady, by Lerner & Lowe:
St. Reagan’s Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
You’ll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain’t.
A fine bloke who’s kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
Reagan’s great, scream the wingnuts. Stop that flick!
Don’t you dare disparage Reagan. They’ll be ticked!
They’ll go off and say we’re haters,
Threaten boycotts, claim we’re traitors.
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
Praise Ronald Reagan!
How the right-wing loves to rewrite history.
Praise Ronald Reagan!
For it’s truth be damned. Old Ron ruled perfectly.
Don’t dare tell he sometimes frowned.
They’ll get stressed and go to town.
How they crow, Ronald Reagan.
Hate his foes, Ronald Reagan.
Ron’s
A
Saint!
They claim that he’s blameless.
What a whopper. What crock.
Go to such lengths to hype him.
Might well call him Saint Ron.
They swear that Ron Reagan’s great.
They’ll brook not a doubt.
And want all our nation his praises to shout.
They freak if a liberal dares say,
He’s not saintly or princely. No way!
They want networks to celebrate the glory of Ron.
If they don’t say he’s fabulous, then ads will be gone.
Thanks CBS for your cowardly cave.
Cause all I want is networks to be brave.
Find me a network that’s bold.
Now they run scared and they fold.
Wingnuts tell you Ronald Reagan’s ten feet tall.
And that Reagan is the greatest Prez of all.
We must lift his image higher.
Reagan’s
Most
Admired!
Don’t say nope, Ronald Reagan.
Ask the Pope, Ronald Reagan.
Ron’s
A
Saint!
Sharron Angle — You Can’t Make This Up
Monday, January 31st, 2011In case you’ve been wondering what Sharron Angle’s been up to, I’ve got the answer: Senator Harry Reid’s former Republican challenger is giving speeches about makeup.
Yes, it’s hard to believe, but true. On January 21st, Angle spoke at a makeup convention in Las Vegas. Here’s how SeneGence International’s promotional material described Angle’s talk:
Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them! She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily… so can you!
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Sharron Angle — You Can’t Make This Up
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I vowed that I never would mention
Sharon Angle again — gives me tension.
But I just can’t resist
Her last gig which I missed:
A speech at a makeup convention.
Limerick Ode To Paul Ryan
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011While listening to Rep. Paul Ryan’s (R – WI) State of the Union rebuttal, I realized that he has a certain charm. And that makes him unusually dangerous. Because though his Roadmap for America would be a disaster for this country, his personality could fool people into thinking it’s just what we need.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode to Paul Ryan
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hope that few voters are buyin’
The proposals from Congressman Ryan.
They’re extreme to their core:
Screw the middle class, poor,
And the sick and would cause lots of dyin’.
Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
Monday, January 10th, 2011In the wake of the Arizona shootings, there isn’t much news to celebrate in rhyme. But I finally came up with something: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was sentenced to three years in prison for “conspiring to launder corporate money into political donations during the 2002 elections.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a glimmer of good news today:
It’s prison for Thomas DeLay.
His sentence? Three years.
So let’s hear it: Three cheers!
Please no stay! Want DeLay put away.
A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
Sunday, December 19th, 2010If John McCain hadn’t done quite so much damage to our nation, I could almost feel sorry for him. After all, it’s hard not to pity a man who’s turned into a pathetic shell of a human being.
McCain’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal temper tantrum is only the latest example of the sad, ugly person that McCain’s become:
A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John McCain seems embittered and mean,
Acting worse than a badly raised teen.
His convictions? No more!
Just conniptions galore.
He’s lost heart, and he’s left with just spleen.
Intelligence Redesigned
Saturday, December 18th, 2010I didn’t think Republicans could surprise me anymore. But I must confess to being stunned by Rep. Michele “Blabbermouth” Bachmann’s appointment by Boehner to the secretive House Intelligence Committee.
And it seems even Republican insiders share my astonishment:
Bachmann once suggested that Congress should investigate whether Democratic lawmakers were pro- or anti-America, and she’s been a cable TV favorite because she’s known for colorful sound bites.
On her Facebook page, Tea Party icon Bachmann said:
As a mother of five biological children and twenty-three foster children I pledge to do whatever I need to do to keep your family, my family, and the United States safe from harm.
I feel safer already. But I still had to write this limerick:
Intelligence Redesigned
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I don’t normally make much ado
‘Bout committee appointments. Do you?
But Intelligence? Bachmann?
That’s really a shock men.
I fear for its plunging IQ.
Booing Boehner’s Boo-Hooing
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Gail Collins isn’t too impressed with incoming speaker of the House John Boehner’s Crying Game, and neither am I.
And Timothy Egan does a great job seeing through Boehner’s bountiful tears:
It’s when he talks about how he rose from his humble past — the son of a bar owner, one of 12 children who grew up in a small home with a single bathroom — that Boehner starts to weep.
“Making sure these kids have a shot at the American Dream like I did is very important,” he said, choking up, when asked on “60 Minutes” about his crying.
But a look at Boehner’s record during his two decades in Congress shows a man who has voted against nearly every boost for the working stiff. There’s no empathy for those with the longest shots at the American Dream in his voting pattern. Instead, we see a politician who is hard-hearted in his legislative treatment of the people now coping with the kind of economic conditions in which the Boehner family grew up.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Booing Boehner’s Boo-Hooing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rep. Boehner cries crocodile tears.
He’s been feigning compassion for years.
Though his tears say “he cares,”
His vote record blares
That he likes kicking poor folk downstairs.
Rep. Broun’s SOTU Claptrap
Friday, January 21st, 2011Although I have strong feelings about most things political, I don’t care whether Democrats and Republicans adopt Sen. Mark Udall’s (D-CO) proposal to sit together during Obama’s State of the Union address. I suppose it’s a nice civility gesture. But I just don’t think it makes much of a difference one way or another.
That said, I think the frequently uncivil Rep. Paul Broun’s (R-GA) reaction to the mixed seating proposal was absurd:
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Rep. Broun’s SOTU Claptrap
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rep. Broun is a very odd chap:
Says mixed seating at SOTU’s a “trap.”
When “Obama spews out
All his venom” can’t shout.
Nearby Dems might force poor Broun to clap.
Tags: Civility Humor, Congress Humor, Mark Udall, Mixed Seating, Paul Broun, President Obama, SOTU, State Of The Union Address
Posted in 44 Humor, Barack Obama, Congress Humor, GOP Humor, House Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Washington, White House, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »