Archive for the ‘Politics Satire’ Category

Pat-Down Put-Down

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. But I have a great excuse: Mark and I went on the first annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise. You can read all about our fun comedy cruise adventures here.

But now it’s time to get back to the work of political mockery. Fortunately, I’ve returned from my travels just in time to make fun of the TSA’s delightful new privacy-invading screening procedures. And I’m still trying to figure out which I prefer as my ticket to plane boarding: a “nude body scan or genital groping.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Pat-Down Put-Down
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re a teen and can’t get to first base?
You’re a fondler, but fearful of Mace?
Well a pat-down career
Can be yours. (Front and rear.)
Be a TSA Feel-Her-Up Ace.

Election Results Madness Limerick Audio

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

It’s nearly 2 a.m. here in New York City, and most of the national election news is bleak. I’m so upset, I can barely write:

Election Results Madness (Audio Version)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m glued to the screen through the night,
Watching Dem after Dem lose our fight.
Masochistic? I guess:
Can’t stop watching this mess.
Where the hell is this long tunnel’s light?

Pre-Election Jitters (Limerick) Limerick Audio

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

Pre-Election Jitters (audio version)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am feeling freaked out and may weep
Cuz I fear a Republican sweep.
I’m bracing for news
That’s so awful my views
Said in verse will require a bleep.

(If you’d like to hear me recite this limerick, click here for Pre-Election-Jitters.)

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

As you know, I think Republican supporters are wrong about everything. But I have to assume they have a good faith belief that Republican pols want to make things better for the American people. And I’d like to think some of them would reevaluate their votes if they knew about the GOP’s real priority.

What am talking about? In an interview with National Journal, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted to a totally different goal:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president,” McConnell said, adding, “Our single biggest political goal is to give [the Republican] nominee for president the maximum opportunity to be successful.”

There’s no ambiguity here: Republicans are taking a strong stand for partisan politics over good policy. And that leads me to my latest two-verse limerick:

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who are suff’ring frustration
And see GOP wins as salvation,
Those pols led by Mitch
Dragged us into this ditch
And will not do what’s good for our nation.

No, they won’t get us out of this hole,
Cuz McConnell has one single goal:
Make the Prez a one-termer,
He brags — does not murmur.
So please think when you go to the poll.

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Every so often I sum up a period in alpha-political verse. For instance, I did one about the opening months of the Obama administration. I also did two about the Bush administration, one a not-so-fond farewell to Bush and Cheney and the other a satirical summary of their disastrous first term.

This mid-term election period has been so bizarre, that I couldn’t resist doing another one:

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A is for Alaska, whose incumbent needs good spelling.

B is for Barack. The GOP sure wants his dwelling.

C is for Christine who’s anti-gay and masturbation.

D’s for Delaware debates, where laughter ain’t ovation.

E is for elections. Dems lose bad — so say the seers.

F’s for foreign cash galore supporting GOPers.

G is for Glenn Beck and all the crazy stuff he says.

H is for Sec. Hillary. Too bad that gal ain’t Prez.

I’s for Darrell Issa who is itching to impeach.

J is for John Boehner — smells majority in reach.

K is for Ken Mehlman who is fin’ly out as gay.

L’s for Libertarians who, like Rand, to regs say “Nay!”

M is for Joe Miller — seems he doesn’t like the press.

N’s for Speaker Nancy P. Her House is sure a mess.

O’s For Bill O’Reilly versus Joy and Whoopi. Wow!

P’s for Paladino. Angry bully? Yes, and how!

Q’s for all the questions the extremists won’t address.

R’s for Reid’s tough Angle bout. I’m worried, I confess.

S is for Mike Steele who claims to run the RNC.

T is for the Tenthers and their anti-fed law spree.

U is for our Union which secessionists would flee.

V is for the voters drinking Kool-Aid-flavored tea.

W’s for the many wars we’re fighting — can’t keep track.

X is for the xenophobic anti-“other” pack.

Y is for the youth. We really need them at the polls.

And Z’s for right-wing zealots. We must squash their ugly goals.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

By now you’ve surely heard about Delaware Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell’s astonishing screw-up in her debate against opponent Chris Coons. I’m speaking, of course, of her First Amendment gaffe. In her now infamous exchange (in a law school, yet) Tea-Partier O’Donnell “appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.”

That brings me to my latest Limerick:

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating our Fed Constitution
Can be tough when your grasp’s Lilliputian:
Hence O’Donnell’s conflation
Of church and our nation.
Her savvy could use evolution.

(Here’s my previous limerick about Christine O’Donnell.)

When Is A Slap, Not A Slap?

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Talk about your faux controversies! Taegan Goddard posted a debate video of Democrat Rep. Ed Perlmutter and Republican challenger Ryan Frazier along with this comment: “Note to candidates: No matter how annoying your opponent may be, don’t slap them.”

So I click on the video, expecting to see an actual slap. Instead I see two men in a heated debate, both of whom are gesticulating wildly and invading each other’s space, and one of whom (Frazier) is being incredibly annoying.

Physical contact was inevitable the way both men were moving their arms and hands. And so at one point, Perlmutter’s hand brushed Frazier’s hand, and Frazier actually said: “Ed, don’t hit me man, come on!” Then Perlmutter, who certainly hadn’t hit Frazier, got all milk-toasty, saying: “Sorry. Sorry. You’re right. Sorry. You’re right.”

So now Permutter’s getting a slaphappy rep, and everyone’s arguing about nonsense, instead of the issues. Even Ann Althouse finds the whole thing silly.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

When Is A Slap Not A Slap?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This motion described as a slap
Was barely the teeniest tap:
A mere touch — nothing more,
Cuz each man moved galore.
They should each keep their hands on their lap.

Anti-Gay Bunk From Ken Buck

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Republican Ken Buck debated Sen. Michael Bennet (D) during Sunday’s Meet the Press Colorado Senate debate, and things didn’t go well for him. When host David Gregory asked whether being gay is a choice, Buck said yes, and added: “I think that birth has an influence…like alcoholism and some other things, but I think that basically, you have a choice.”

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Anti-Gay Bunk From Ken Buck
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Buck spewed some anti-gay bunk:
Compared gayness to being a drunk,
Then went on to say gays
Choose their gay life-style ways.
Please don’t vote for that gay-bashing punk.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

Jonathan Chait does a great job explaining what a Republican win would mean: If Republicans gain control of the House, they will almost certainly impeach President Obama on some flimsy pretext.

Chait’s lowdown on Darrell Issa, the itching-for-impeachment would-be chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, is a must-read.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican threat is in reach:
Take over the House — then impeach.
What’s the crime? It’s a gem:
Prez Obama’s a Dem!
So please vote. We can’t risk such a breach.

Open Limerick To The Anti-Government Crowd

Monday, October 11th, 2010

It seems the “keep the government away from my Medicare” crowd is even larger and more confused than we thought:

A new study by The Washington Post, the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation and Harvard University shows that most Americans who say they want more limited government also call Social Security and Medicare “very important.” They want Washington to be involved in schools and to help reduce poverty. Nearly half want the government to maintain a role in regulating health care.

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Open Limerick To The Anti-Government Crowd
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You folks who cry out for less gov
Have lots of gov programs you love:
You think Medicare’s great
And you’d surely berate
Any pol who gave SS a shove.

You hate taxes for highways and schools,
But you don’t want your kids taught by fools.
And you’re quick to unload
When your bridges corrode.
Please wake up — don’t be Tea Party tools.

Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Monday, October 11th, 2010

Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christine, so I see that your pitch
Is to claim that you aren’t a witch.
It’s not witches I mind,
But your viewpoints unkind:
Anti-gay! Anti-feminist! Bitch!

Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

I’m a liberal New York Democrat, and I’ll say one thing for Carl Paladino — the guy has chutzpah. After his bizarre, near-violent attack on the New York Post’s Fred Dicker last week, he had the audacity to describe gubernatorial opponent Andrew Cuomo as “out of control.”

Apparently this is how an in-control candidate behaves:

1. Accuses his opponent (Andrew Cuomo) of cheating on wife.

2. Accuses Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post of bias because it didn’t ask Cuomo about wife-cheating.

3. Menaces and comes dangerously close to physically harming the old, frail-looking Fred Dicker because Dicker had the audacity to ask if he had any evidence that Cuomo cheated on his wife.

4. Promises to produce wife-cheating evidence at the appropriate time.

5. Denies that he promised to produce wife-cheating evidence.

6. After a video of his bullying, abusive, and near-violent attack on Dicker draws a negative response and a loose cannon perception, even among Republicans, tells the Wall Street Journal he wants to focus on the issues.

Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Paladino is always irate,
Spreading venom and anger and hate.
He claims to be able,
But seems quite unstable.
If he wins, we are screwed — no debate.

Obama’s Half-Assed Message

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Dear President Obama:

Please enlighten me. What exactly is your strategy to win back your base and persuade liberals to vote this November?

Does your plan involve pissing off progressives even more? Does it entail compensating for your lack of strength and progressive vision by blaming progressives for our own apathy?

If so, then you’re doing a really good job.

Obama’s Half-Assed Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, you’re right — Dems must vote.
But there’s something I simply must note:
You’re weak and a muck up.
Don’t tell your base “Buck up!”
All you’re doing is getting our goat.

Limerick Ode To Mike Pence

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

For some reason, many Republicans view House Republican Conference Chairman Mike Pence (Indiana) as being smart. And yet just about any policy discussion reveals him to be an ignorant moron.

Limerick Ode To Mike Pence
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican Congressman Pence
Has never made one lick of sense.
Why he’s viewed by his peers
To have brains tween his ears
Is a puzzle to Dems quite immense.

Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

When it comes to sexism posing as a compliment, I try to cut Harry Reid’s generation some slack. But Senator Reid really ought to know better:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had an unusual form of praise for New York’s junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, this morning at the fundraiser Mayor Bloomberg hosted for him at his townhouse – referring to her as “the hottest member” as she sat just a few feet away, according to three sources.

The comment prompted Gillibrand to turn red, according to the sources, and created a bit of stir among the small crowd there.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kirsten Gillibrand’s hot says Sen. Reid —
The Sen’s “hottest member,” indeed.
Now I know Harry’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But that “compliment’s” sexist. Take heed.

Here’s more on subtle sexism, including my Gender At Work essay. (Gender at Work, under the name My Most Attractive Adversary, is the lead Gender Gap chapter essay in a pair of college textbooks by Gary Goshgarian: The Contemporary Reader and Readings For Today.)

Tax Cut Tomfoolery

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

Steve Benen reminds us of a forgotten detail: Bush’s tax policy was a failure. And that’s a handy thing to remember in the battle over the soon-to-expire tax cuts.

While we’re busily recalling important facts, here’s another: These tax cuts were set to end automatically by the very Republicans who are now complaining about their expiration.

And now, my latest three-verse limerick:

Tax Cut Tomfoolery
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s tax cuts are due to expire.
Their effects were quite bad — even dire.
The deficit climbed,
The economy slimed.
So why are the Dems under fire?

These cuts were a GOP plan
By the millionaire’s tax-cutting clan.
They promised a boost,
But the tax cuts produced
A big mess. Why should Dems be a fan?

Yet Republicans push and cajole —
More cuts for the rich is their goal.
They make stale, hollow claims
To bolster their aims —
No remorse for the good times they stole.

Radical Verse

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Scary people keep winning Republican primaries. For instance:

* Christine O’Donnell in Delaware’s Senate race
* Carl Paladino in New York’s gubernatorial race
* Joe Miller in Alaska’s Senate race
* Rand Paul in Kentucky’s Senate race
* Sharron Angle in Nevada’s Senate race

Yes, I know all about the conventional wisdom — that Democrats should be happy because these extremist Republicans can’t win general elections. But conventional wisdom can sometimes be rather unwise. After all, these candidates weren’t supposed to win the primaries either. Yet here we are.

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Radical Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The primaries made it quite clear
That our nation could lose all that’s dear.
The ballots are toted.
Republicans voted
For radicals. Dems, please don’t cheer.

I’ve been hearing some “general” spin
That these loons can’t November’s vote win.
This assumption’s not sound.
We’re in trouble profound.
We don’t fight? They’ll be in … just like Flynn.

Apathy, Schmapathy — Dems Still Have To Vote!

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Hey Dems, if you’re feeling disappointed, disgusted, and apathetic, you’re not alone. I feel your pain, and so do lots of other Democrats.

The enthusiasm gap between Democrats and Republicans is huge and growing every day. And this could have dire results: Republicans, the very people who got us into this mess, might very well take over both the House and the Senate.

You think you’re miserable now? Just imagine how depressed you’ll feel in November, if Democrats are no-shows at the voting booths, handing both Congressional houses over to the GOP.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Apathy, Schmapathy — Dems Still Have To Vote!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The voters are feeling enraged.
Disappointment’s made Dems disengaged.
But a GOP win
Would be tragic — a sin.
So a voting war has to be waged.

My Dream For Glenn Beck … And America

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

I have a dream that one day crazed liars like Glenn Beck will no longer pollute our television and radio waves and the Internet.

I have a dream that one day the American people will stop being suckered by deranged media personalities like Glenn Beck.

I have a dream that one day Glenn Beck will headline a rally like his “restore honor” to America rally scheduled on the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream Speech” … and nobody will show up.

My Dream For Glenn Beck … And America (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Oh, I have a dream for Glenn Beck:
That he’ll lose his unending blank check
To spread mad, evil lies
That are greeted as wise,
When they’re really insidious dreck.

Is Newt Trying To Neutralize Sarah Palin?

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Poor Newt Gingrich! Periodically, he starts feeling neglected. So he begins making noise about running for president, in order to drum up media attention.

This usually turns out to be more about peddling books than making it into the Oval Office. But this time Pat Buchanan thinks Newt is serious. Unfortunately for Newt, Buchanan also thinks Newt’s gone off the deep end with his so-called “Ground Zero Mosque” remarks:

This week, disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R), hoping to make the case against the proposed Park51 community center, compared Muslim Americans to Nazis. On MSNBC yesterday, Pat Buchanan — yes Pat Buchanan — said Gingrich went too far.

Now being too wingnutty for Pat Buchanan is no mean feat:

It’s “absurd,” said Buchanan. “There is no valid comparison there.”

Buchanan also called Gingrich a “political opportunist” who’s trying to be “more controversial than Sarah Palin,” who would be his potential primary challenger in the 2012 presidential election.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

The ambitious Republican Newt
Once was Speaker, but then got the boot.
He so longs to be Prez
That he willingly says
Stuff Buchanan thinks mad. What a hoot!

Related Posts: Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak, Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks, and Refudiating Sarah