No doubt you’ve heard about John Boehner’s “so be it” nonchalant reaction to the loss of federal jobs. It seems Boehner’s finished feigning compassion.
This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Limerick Ode To John “So Be It” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Boehner’s known for his grief-stricken sobs,
For emoting through loose tear duct knobs.
Yet his eyes remain dry,
He refuses to cry
For Americans losing their jobs.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is under scrutiny these days for conflicts of interest related to the Koch Brothers, the Federalist Society, and the Citizens United case.
But today’s limerick and haiku will focus, instead, on the fact that Thomas hasn’t asked a single appellate hearing question in five years.
For the record, I did quite a bit of litigation work during my lawyering years. And believe me, his failure to speak throughout five years of hearings is peculiar and reflects very poorly on his judicial skills.
That brings me to my Clarence Thomas limerick:
Limerick Ode To Clarence Thomas
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m mindful that Thomas can talk,
But at queries for hearings he’ll balk.
He’s been silent for years–
Five in all. I’m all ears.
If he asks one sharp question, I’ll gawk.
And here’s my Clarence Thomas haiku:
The Sup Court’s Thomas–
Too ill-informed for queries?
Or just too lazy?
UPDATE: It’s been nearly two years since I wrote this limerick and haiku. So in fairness, I must announce that Justice Thomas has finally broken his silence.
Now mind you, he didn’t ask a sharp question … or, indeed, any question: He merely made a mildly amusing four-word (or so) remark about lawyers who went to Yale.
Still … it’s a start.
I’m experimenting with a new (to me) type of light verse: the clerihew. Wikipedia provides several examples and describes the form as follows:
* It is biographical and usually whimsical, showing the subject from an unusual point of view; it pokes fun at mostly famous people
* It has four lines of irregular length (for comic effect); the third and fourth lines are usually longer than the first two
* The rhyme structure is AABB; the subject matter and wording are often humorously contrived in order to achieve a rhyme
*The first line consists solely (or almost solely) of the subject’s name.
I’ve written a pair of clerihews about two former U.S. Presidents, Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush:
Jimmy Carter,
Energy martyr.
Warned we’d be debtors,
Looked lousy in sweaters.
George W. Bush,
A pain in the tush.
Less nasty and brainy
Than running mate Cheney.
It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.
Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.
UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.
I, for one, am enjoying the Bill Kristol / Glenn Beck feud:
Last week, Fox News’ Glenn Beck launched a week-long effort to explain developments in Egypt as only he can. The deranged media personality cooked up truly bizarre conspiracy theories — even by his standards…
Over the weekend, The Weekly Standard’s William Kristol, a Fox News contributor, had seen enough. “[H]ysteria is not a sign of health,” Kristol wrote in a new column. “When Glenn Beck rants about the caliphate taking over the Middle East from Morocco to the Philippines, and lists (invents?) the connections between caliphate-promoters and the American left, he brings to mind no one so much as Robert Welch and the John Birch Society. He’s marginalizing himself, just as his predecessors did back in the early 1960s.”
Now let’s face it — Glenn Beck’s behavior has to be pretty crazy for a neoconservative like Kristol to write that sort of critique. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
It’s Kristol Clear That Beck Is Nuts
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bill Kristol said Beck’s gone too far,
Which means Glenn’s scaled a very high bar.
Cuz when Bill says enough
To a wingnut, that’s rough.
Yes, Glenn’s sanity’s way under par.
Ronald Reagan-worship is even crazier than usual this week. Why? Because it’s the one-hundredth anniversary of Reagan’s birthday. Of course, “Reagan was not the man conservatives claim he was.” Not even close.
Anyway, I was in the middle of reading about all the centennial hoopla, when I suddenly remembered St. Reagan’s Song — a song parody I wrote back in 2003 when CBS caved in to right-wing bullying over a Reagan miniseries. This seems like a good time to re-post my parody lyrics, which you can sing to Just You Wait” from My Fair Lady, by Lerner & Lowe:
St. Reagan’s Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
You’ll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain’t.
A fine bloke who’s kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
Reagan’s great, scream the wingnuts. Stop that flick!
Don’t you dare disparage Reagan. They’ll be ticked!
They’ll go off and say we’re haters,
Threaten boycotts, claim we’re traitors.
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
Praise Ronald Reagan!
How the right-wing loves to rewrite history.
Praise Ronald Reagan!
For it’s truth be damned. Old Ron ruled perfectly.
Don’t dare tell he sometimes frowned.
They’ll get stressed and go to town.
How they crow, Ronald Reagan.
Hate his foes, Ronald Reagan.
Ron’s
A
Saint!
They claim that he’s blameless.
What a whopper. What crock.
Go to such lengths to hype him.
Might well call him Saint Ron.
They swear that Ron Reagan’s great.
They’ll brook not a doubt.
And want all our nation his praises to shout.
They freak if a liberal dares say,
He’s not saintly or princely. No way!
They want networks to celebrate the glory of Ron.
If they don’t say he’s fabulous, then ads will be gone.
Thanks CBS for your cowardly cave.
Cause all I want is networks to be brave.
Find me a network that’s bold.
Now they run scared and they fold.
Wingnuts tell you Ronald Reagan’s ten feet tall.
And that Reagan is the greatest Prez of all.
We must lift his image higher.
Reagan’s
Most
Admired!
Don’t say nope, Ronald Reagan.
Ask the Pope, Ronald Reagan.
Ron’s
A
Saint!
While listening to Rep. Paul Ryan’s (R – WI) State of the Union rebuttal, I realized that he has a certain charm. And that makes him unusually dangerous. Because though his Roadmap for America would be a disaster for this country, his personality could fool people into thinking it’s just what we need.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode to Paul Ryan
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hope that few voters are buyin’
The proposals from Congressman Ryan.
They’re extreme to their core:
Screw the middle class, poor,
And the sick and would cause lots of dyin’.
Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut has announced that he won’t be running for a 5th term. And that means I won’t have Joe Lieberman to kick around much longer.
That brings me to my latest Joe Lieberman limerick and haiku:
Finally, Joementum In the Right Direction
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Joe, glad to hear that you’re leaving.
This Democrat sure won’t be grieving.
I know you’ve no shame,
So you won’t accept blame
For aiding the right in their thieving.
I’ll never tire
Of the phrase “Joe Lieberman
Is retiring.”
In the wake of the Arizona shootings, there isn’t much news to celebrate in rhyme. But I finally came up with something: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was sentenced to three years in prison for “conspiring to launder corporate money into political donations during the 2002 elections.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a glimmer of good news today:
It’s prison for Thomas DeLay.
His sentence? Three years.
So let’s hear it: Three cheers!
Please no stay! Want DeLay put away.
Delaware’s Christine O’Donnell may have lost her U.S. Senatorial campaign big time, but she isn’t through entertaining us. No … Fox News hasn’t hired her. Not yet, anyway. But she’s currently in the news because the U.S. Justice Department and the FBI are investigating her alleged misuse of campaign funds for rent and other personal expenses.
One former O’Donnell staffer, Kristin Murray, recorded an automated phone call for the Delaware Republican Party just before the primary, accusing O’Donnell of “living on campaign donations — using them for rent and personal expenses, while leaving her workers unpaid and piling up thousands in debt.
Another former aide, David Keegan, said he became concerned about O’Donnell’s 2008 campaign finances as she fell behind on bills and had no apparent source of income besides political contributions. He submitted an affidavit to CREW alleging that she used campaign money to cover meals, gas, a bowling outing, and rent to a landlord, Brent Vasher.
Christine O’Donnell’s response is to call the Fed investigation “thug tactics.” And my response is to write a limerick:
Christine O’Donnell: Not A Witch, But Possibly A Jailbird
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some news that’s delightfully rich:
Seems that gal who denies she’s a witch
Unlawfully spent
Campaign cash on her rent,
Which could land her a Fed prison hitch.
I didn’t think Republicans could surprise me anymore. But I must confess to being stunned by Rep. Michele “Blabbermouth” Bachmann’s appointment by Boehner to the secretive House Intelligence Committee.
And it seems even Republican insiders share my astonishment:
Bachmann once suggested that Congress should investigate whether Democratic lawmakers were pro- or anti-America, and she’s been a cable TV favorite because she’s known for colorful sound bites.
On her Facebook page, Tea Party icon Bachmann said:
As a mother of five biological children and twenty-three foster children I pledge to do whatever I need to do to keep your family, my family, and the United States safe from harm.
I feel safer already. But I still had to write this limerick:
Intelligence Redesigned
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I don’t normally make much ado
‘Bout committee appointments. Do you?
But Intelligence? Bachmann?
That’s really a shock men.
I fear for its plunging IQ.
Gail Collins isn’t too impressed with incoming speaker of the House John Boehner’s Crying Game, and neither am I.
And Timothy Egan does a great job seeing through Boehner’s bountiful tears:
It’s when he talks about how he rose from his humble past — the son of a bar owner, one of 12 children who grew up in a small home with a single bathroom — that Boehner starts to weep.
“Making sure these kids have a shot at the American Dream like I did is very important,” he said, choking up, when asked on “60 Minutes” about his crying.
But a look at Boehner’s record during his two decades in Congress shows a man who has voted against nearly every boost for the working stiff. There’s no empathy for those with the longest shots at the American Dream in his voting pattern. Instead, we see a politician who is hard-hearted in his legislative treatment of the people now coping with the kind of economic conditions in which the Boehner family grew up.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Booing Boehner’s Boo-Hooing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rep. Boehner cries crocodile tears.
He’s been feigning compassion for years.
Though his tears say “he cares,”
His vote record blares
That he likes kicking poor folk downstairs.
Whenever I think Sarah Palin can’t get more stupid, she proves me wrong. This time she actually said:
But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies. We’re bound to by treaty –.
(Her co-host on Glenn Beck’s radio show corrected her.)
She has earned herself yet another limerick:
Palin Unveils Our Newest Ally — North Korea
By Madeleine Begun Kane
North Korea’s an ally, says Palin.
Her brain cells have clearly been bailin’.
Though her knowledge is weak,
She hastens to speak
With her fact-free assurance prevailin’.
(I have lots more Sarah Palin humor here.)
My open limerick to the traveling public was inspired by this article about gynecological pat-downs and this letter from physicist Rep. Rush Holt, which questions the safety of full body scan technology:
An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Airline riders, it’s time to speak out.
The TSA rules we must flout.
Radiation or mauling —
They both are appalling.
To submit gives the terrorists clout.
(You can find my Pat-Down Put-Down limerick here.)
Are Republicans putting party before country? Are they deliberately sabotaging the economy and undermining our nation? Steve Benen makes a convincing case that that’s exactly what they are doing.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
An Ode To The Grand Old Sabotage Party
By Madeleine Begun Kane
For a GOP rise to the peak,
The economy must remain weak.
With the White House their goal
They gave up their soul,
Ensuring our future stays bleak.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the archives for the Politics Satire category.
Political Haiku Quintet (Updated to Add Egypt Haiku)
Saturday, February 12th, 2011Today I’m posting four political haiku which, I fear, are all more cynical than witty. (I’ve added a 5th about Egypt’s revolution which is uplifting, rather than cynical.)
Technically each of these is a senryu, though most people would label them haiku. What the heck’s a senryu, and how does it differ from haiku? I explain it all here and, believe it or not, use a three-verse limerick to illustrate the distinctions.
Politicians strive
to make a good impression
without doing good.
*****
The economy’s
either looking up or down.
Depends on your stance.
*****
Commenters bicker,
thrusting political barbs,
changing no one’s mind.
*****
How did we get here?
“Pragmatic” subjugation
of our Dem ideals.
*****
A revolution
In Egypt transforms, uplifts,
Giving hope to all.
*****
Tags: Blog Commenters, Economy Haiku, Egypt Revolution Haiku, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Senryu, Politicians
Posted in Blogosphere, Economy Humor, Money And Finance Humor, News Haiku & Senryu, Political Commentary, Political Haiku & Senryu, Political Verse, Politics Satire | 5 Comments »