Archive for the ‘Media Satire’ Category

Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

I’m a liberal New York Democrat, and I’ll say one thing for Carl Paladino — the guy has chutzpah. After his bizarre, near-violent attack on the New York Post’s Fred Dicker last week, he had the audacity to describe gubernatorial opponent Andrew Cuomo as “out of control.”

Apparently this is how an in-control candidate behaves:

1. Accuses his opponent (Andrew Cuomo) of cheating on wife.

2. Accuses Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post of bias because it didn’t ask Cuomo about wife-cheating.

3. Menaces and comes dangerously close to physically harming the old, frail-looking Fred Dicker because Dicker had the audacity to ask if he had any evidence that Cuomo cheated on his wife.

4. Promises to produce wife-cheating evidence at the appropriate time.

5. Denies that he promised to produce wife-cheating evidence.

6. After a video of his bullying, abusive, and near-violent attack on Dicker draws a negative response and a loose cannon perception, even among Republicans, tells the Wall Street Journal he wants to focus on the issues.

Limerick Ode To Carl Paladino
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Paladino is always irate,
Spreading venom and anger and hate.
He claims to be able,
But seems quite unstable.
If he wins, we are screwed — no debate.

My Dream For Glenn Beck … And America

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

I have a dream that one day crazed liars like Glenn Beck will no longer pollute our television and radio waves and the Internet.

I have a dream that one day the American people will stop being suckered by deranged media personalities like Glenn Beck.

I have a dream that one day Glenn Beck will headline a rally like his “restore honor” to America rally scheduled on the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream Speech” … and nobody will show up.

My Dream For Glenn Beck … And America (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Oh, I have a dream for Glenn Beck:
That he’ll lose his unending blank check
To spread mad, evil lies
That are greeted as wise,
When they’re really insidious dreck.

“Offbeat” On The Politico Beat

Friday, August 13th, 2010

Politico poses this query in the title of an article about extremist Republican candidates such as Rand Paul, Sharron Angle, and Dan Maes: “Will its offbeat candidates hurt GOP?”

Offbeat? Talk about an understatement!

While the article does include less euphemistic language, like “downright strange” and “deeply unusual,” it does little to address the radical, extremist planks of these Republican nominees.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

“Offbeat” On The Politico Beat
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Politico’s pulled off a feat
In describing the wingnut elite.
Maes and Angle and Paul
Are not radicals all.
These extremists are merely “offbeat.”

Why So “Liberal” With Charlie Rangel Coverage?

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

I don’t meant to minimize the importance of the Congressional ethics charges against Rep. Charlie Rangel. But I can’t help wondering why the media can’t spare just a bit of space to cover the FBI’s criminal investigation into Sen. John Ensign. Hey journalists — I thought you liked covering juicy scandals involving money and sex.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Why So “Liberal” With Charlie Rangel Coverage?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve a question dear journos — a gem.
And kindly don’t haw and don’t hem.
Where’s your cov’rage of Ensign?
You sure love dispensin’
The dirt on Rep. Rangel — the Dem.

Kick-Ass Limerick

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

The language police are at it again. Republicans and Fox News (sorry to be redundant) are simply horrified at President Obama’s “unpresidential” language.

What are they so pretend-upset about? Obama used the word ass in response to Matt Lauer’s oil crisis question about kicking butt.

Apparently this is extremely shocking to the same folks who had no problem with f**ks from Bush, Cheney, and McCain.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Kick-Ass Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republicans’ delicate ears
Are offended by ass, it appears.
F**k is fine from McCain,
Bush, and Cheney — that’s plain.
But ass from Barack begets jeers.

Nevada’s Wingnut Angle

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

Harry Reid sure caught a lucky break Tuesday: Nevada’s looniest would-be Senator won the Republican nomination. Yes, Senator Reid’s opponent will be the wingnutty Sharron Angle, a woman with views so odd, she almost manages to make Rand Paul look semi-normal.

Nevada’s Wingnut Angle (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Harry’s hopes for November looked bleak,
With Republican odds at their peak.
But he’ll easily wrangle
The wacky Ms. Angle.
Thank you, wingnuts, for picking a freak.

Haley’s Barbaric Attitude

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

While Govs. Bobby Jindal (R-La.), Charlie Crist (I-Fla.), and Bob Riley (R-Ala.) seem to take the Gulf oil spill crisis very seriously, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour (R) has been downplaying the disaster, talking as if it’s a fictitious crisis created by the media.

For instance, according to Barbour, “tar balls are no big deal.”

The biggest negative impact for us has been the news coverage. …

Our tourist season has been hurt by the misperception of what is going on down here. The Mississippi Gulf Coast is beautiful. As I tell people, the coast is clear. Come on down!

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Haley’s Barbaric Attitude
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Don’t worry, be happy, says Haley,
In spite of the news we get daily.
Just ignore the press squeal.
The spill’s no big deal.

Must be nice to view crises so gaily.

Related Post: Oily Obstruction

Unreal American Stories

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

I was glad to see that Sarah Palin’s Fox News Special did just so-so in the ratings. And I was amused that her just-pretend interviews with LL Cool J (which ended up being pulled) and Toby Keith drew objections from her non-interviewees. After all, if you’re going to do a show called Real American Stories, there should be something … uh … real about it.

And now, yet another Sarah Palin limerick:

Unreal American Stories
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Palin’s show was a snooze on TV.
Even fans did not find it must-see.
Plus pretending to talk
With celebs made them squawk.
And recycling old footage? Ennui!

Political April Fools’ Day

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Political April Fools’ Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

April Fools’ Day is coming. Beware!
Cuz it’s practical joke time. Prepare!
Don’t assume something’s frank,
Though perhaps as a prank,
Fox News will be balanced and fair.

Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

A right-winger has to go pretty far to be criticized by both the left and the right. But Liz Cheney and her Keep America Safe organization have managed to do it with their McCarthy-like attacks on U.S. Justice Department lawyers, smearing and demonizing them as terrorist sympathizers for their previous legal work defending Gitmo detainees.

This brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Has Cheney gone stark raving mad?
I’m speaking of Liz — not her dad.
Now even some peers
Are attacking her smears
As McCarthy-like. Talk about sad!

When her natural allies cry foul,
She’s applying her lies with a trowel.
If she fails to give in
And fess up to her sin,
She’ll end up with a Dick Cheney scowl.

Related Posts: Liz Cheney’s Song and Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats

Monday, January 25th, 2010

In the wake of the Massachusetts election debacle, I keep naively expecting Democrats to wake up and smell the need to stop acting like patsies.

Any minute now (I tell myself) Dems under Obama’s leadership will call a halt to the futile act of making nice with Republicans (and Blue Dogs) and will start pursuing a truly progressive agenda.

But, alas, Democrats seem to have learned exactly the wrong lesson from losing Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat to a Republican.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama and co are you nuts?
Or did someone abscond with your guts?
If you act like you’re weak
All your power will leak,
Hurling Dems out of town on their butts.

     

********

Some related posts from Think Progress, Common Dreams, Susie Madrak, and Steve Benen.

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

If you’d like a break from politics, my other (general humor) blog has a pair of limericks about the Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, NBC controversy and about Simon Cowell’s decision to leave American Idol.

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Up until now, I’ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods’ serial philandering. But Brit Hume’s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity:

Tiger Woods should turn his back on Buddhism and become a Christian to be forgiven for cheating on his wife, Hume told Fox News’ Chris Wallace Sunday.

“The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith,” said Hume. “He is said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of redemption and forgiveness offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger is, Tiger turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

You can watch the charming video over at Crooks and Liars.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tiger Woods’ rep has really been hurt.
Hume’s solution? The guy should convert:
Be a Buddhist no more —
Enter Christian faith’s door.
Get redemption for chasing each skirt.

Related Posts: Fuming About Hume; and Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Updated)

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they’re gospel. Dick makes George W. Bush look like a statesman, for heaven sakes. And yet media outlets love to present the former Veep’s vicious distortions and malicious rants virtually without challenge.

The latest example is Politico’s regurgitation of Cheney’s lengthy tirade against President Obama. A tirade, I might add, made on the eve of Obama’s Afghanistan troop buildup speech at West Point.

Politico deserves a double limerick, don’t you think?

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Politico, kindly explain
Why you act like Dick Cheney is sane.
You repeat all his lies
Like they’re truthful and wise.
Your stenography’s worse than inane.

Richard Cheney has harmed our great nation.
Yet you act like each Cheney quotation
Is golden and true,
Worth transcribing on cue.
You’re not journos — you just take dictation.

UPDATE: Unbelievable! Apparently the Pulitzer Board is fond of Cheney’s steno pool. It just elected Jim VandeHei, executive editor and co-founder of Politico, to the Pulitzer Board. Can a Pulitzer Prize for Drudge be far behind?

Related Posts: Ode To Fresh Faces; and Bush & Cheney’s Blunderland Song Parody

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I can’t decide what’s funnier:

a: Carrie Prejean’s finding Larry “King Of Softballs” King too tough and “inappropriate” an interviewer during her appearance to promote her book (and dodge discussing her lawsuit and sex tape); or

b: Carrie Prejean’s inability to properly storm off a set.

Note To Beauty Pageant Coaches: Must add storming-off-tv-set etiquette to your coaching regimen.

Here’s the video and here’s my limerick:

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a wingnut named Carrie
Who got angry at talk show host Larry.
So she yanked off her mike,
Then just sat there on strike.
But when storming off sets, must not tarry.

“Short On Facts” Fox

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. Fox News Live Desk’s Trace Gallagher seems especially fond of it, making repeated (and inaccurate) comparisons to Tolstoy’s War and Peace. (Well, we always knew that Fox is fond of fiction.)

“Short On Facts” Fox (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When on substance your grasp just ain’t strong,
Simply bitch that the health bill’s too long.
War and Peace is much shorter,”
Rants Trace (Fox “reporter”),
And even on that Fox is wrong.

Heinous Heenes?

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Last week I managed to avoid the Balloon Boy media frenzy. Reality show participants with an endangered child on an AWOL helium balloon? Yeah … right. Then again, I don’t spend my time watching kids being rescued from wells either.

In any event, I’m not surprised that Wife Swap participants (and reality TV series pitchers) Richard and Mayumi Heene may be arrested for “concocting a publicity stunt by pretending that their young son [Falcon] had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the skies above Fort Collins, Colo.”

The Heenes’ lawyer David Lane expects the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office to file charges this week, and Denver man Robert Thomas says Richard Heene gave him advance word of a media stunt.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Heinous Heenes?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Two publicity mongers named Heene
Are accused of a hoax quite obscene:
Claimed their wayward balloon
Held their child. Opportune
For a shot at “reality” green.

Update: I’ve heard the Heenes’ name pronounced three different ways, two of which screw up my rhyme scheme. Since I’m not sure which pronunciation is correct, I guess I’ll leave my limerick up as written.

Ode To Party-First Republicans

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

Remember when you could tell the difference between right-wing loons and your average Republican politician? Unfortunately, that distinction is rapidly vanishing. And Republican reaction to 1) Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize win; and 2) Chicago’s failure to land the Olympics are but two recent examples.

Ode To Party-First Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the Prez wins a prize, wingnuts sneer.
When we lose the Olympics, they cheer.
“Country first,” they once said.
Seems that sentiment’s dead.
If Barack killed bin Laden, they’d jeer.

Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Newt Gingrich, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do! Please tell me how someone who has repeatedly railed against bilingualism can launch a bilingual website. The Americano, a news site for Hispanic-Americans, is a transparent effort to lure memory-impaired Latinos over to the GOP.

A two-verse limerick in honor of the hypocritical Newt Gingrich:

Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a long-standing view from the right:
Education bilingual’s a blight.
That’s how Newt has opined.
Dearest Newt, changed your mind?
Quite the pander — your bilingual site.

Guess you’re hoping Latinos forget
Your stance that bilingual’s all wet,
That they’ll vote GOP.
But Latinos shall see
Through your bilingual lies on the Net.

Related Posts: Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks; and Ode To Fresh Faces

Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws Off Yom Kippur

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

I may be a non-practicing Jew, but I’m deeply offended by Glenn Beck’s attempt to co-opt and politicize Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws Off Yom Kippur
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Beck, you are bad to the bone,
So it’s time that you start to atone.
And stop trying to steal
Jewish holy days. Heel!
Kindly leave all my people alone.

UPDATE: Don Davis says: Forget Yom Kippur, Glenn Beck Declares A National Circumcision Day.

Related Post: Bill O’Reilly’s Faux War On Christmas — Song Parody